Moderator open to recall

It sounds like you should seek out a mental health professional. Does your fiance know you get all emotional over a website?

I am more of a silent part of the community, but I have been reading the forums for quite a while if not writing into them that much. In my opinion you are doing a good job even though you may be a little bit too harsh sometimes. But as long as you do not do any injustice then I do not see any problem with that.

Anyway, in the end everything is up to you anyway. All I can say is that your work here is definitely not worthless, quite the opposite, and if you like doing it, keep it up!

Whatever you do or don't, just make sure that you're not putting the community nor the responsibilities behind it before your own wants and needs. With or without you everything changes and people come and go. There are some things we just have no control over no matter how hard we try. You take what you can of the good with you and just run with it. Whether you stay on and fight to see if you come out the other side happy again, or you step down and try to just enjoy things from the community side, or any other way you might go about it. Being on the inside can sour the experience for you. It may not work this way for everyone but it is naturally expected. After working for GaiaOnline for 3 years and handling upwards of 800 user reports weekly, I know what it can do to you to be the bad guy. All you might need in the end is another break. Sometimes all we need is a breath of fresh air and everything is right as rain. Only you can decide what will work for you in the end however, and no matter what you choose you've got the support of the community and the memories that you've created. And hopefully you've made friends here beyond the confines of the site so that you won't feel as empty handed should you choose to walk away. It's about the people in the end anyway, so hold close to those you keep dear and enjoy life wherever it should take you.

There always needs to be a bad cop. You done good, Jade, ya done good.

Do what ya gotta do.

I don't know quite how to respond, but I'll say that you have all my respect for all that you've done and are still doing. Don't let a few/horde of subpar users get you down and I wish you the best no matter your decision.

I'm not gonna tell you what to do or what you should do. That is for you to decide.

But I am going to give you an example of my life and how I stay happy. Many people have different hobbies that they love doing. Then they get bored of it and stop, take a supposed "break". After a while they remember that they used to love doing that hobby and try to get back to it, and they enjoy it once more. They repeat this process, and it keeps them happy.

I'm a little different. When I was in Jr. High School I used to love reading books. So much that I used to devour 2 books a day(easily). Then I got to High School. More things to do, more people, more things to learn and understand. Now I used to read 1-2 books a week. Now I'm in college. Way more things to do, same things to understand at a higher complexity, relationships, friends, family, deaths, trouble. I haven't read a book in a 2 years. The same kid that got the award for most points collected based on giving quizzes on read books. That same kid hasn't read a book in 2 years. I'm not saying you should stop something you love. I'm saying that circumstances and your environment change a persons needs and wants. I'm saying that sometimes what you love dearly stops loving you back. When I think of those memories of when I used to get lost in someone else's story or world. I want that back, and I've tried. But I can't have it, and I can't get it. I'm not that same kid. I've changed, people around me have changed.

That's the big word here "change". The rest is up to you.

This thread reminded me of WoW Vanilla community vs everything after Burning Crusade, all full of whiney little shits after Burning Crusade and drastically changed community after it. I felt like you jade as well. Even if you're asking for our opinion, you mentioned that you can ignore it, yeah... there is something about it, in a way of it's up to you, jade, to decide whether you're doing anything good anymore or if it is worth it, I can tell you that this website needs more of you, to put them whiney members at their place and straight them out, but it all comes down to you again. In my opinion jade, we need more of you, a lot more. This is my honest answer.
Even thought I've not been a member for a long time to truly know how SG was before, but I bet my ass I can understand you because I went through all of this with WoW, no matter how silly or irrelevant this might seem, believe me, it was the same. You're right about your feelings for website & community, it's a love-hate relationship.

Never mind any disagreements - in all honesty, I'd probably be even more strict as a mod (thus why I'm not one and would never want to be) because I really feel like this site's taken a turn for the worse, not due to management, but due to users. Constant pissing and moaning about a site built on good intentions and filled by people who like to give free gifts to strangers, CV, CV, CV, "I broke the rules but I should walk free just because I think X mod is jerk," generally rude and uncalled for behavior... shall I really go on? This is coming from someone who, quite a while ago now, used to sit around the forum trying to help others just as a fellow user, not even a mod, because the site's and users' original intentions and behavior actually warmed my heart for a while during a time when I really felt like everyone in the world was just a fucking douchebag due to some things I don't want to get into here.

My opinion is that you should be the reason you stay or leave. If the site's getting to the point where it's burdensome to you when you have far more important things in your life to deal with, maybe at least consider a break. Maybe drop yourself from support for a while just so you won't be tempted to get caught up in the bullshit, and rejoin it when you're ready. You know me a bit off of here, so I think you know I really do understand what you're saying. This site helped me for a while too, going as far as to help with severe depression and anxiety. Right now I'd say it's reversing my condition as well, which is why I stepped away. I lurk here and there, and hang around in groups where the people are guaranteed to be goodhearted, to help keep that original feeling I had when I joined. It's not to say everyone here is bad - far from it, and I actually really like a lot of you, old and new, but it's hard to wade through the crap and the obnoxious, immature users.

Whatever you do, don't point the finger at yourself here. As someone else with similar conditions who also used the site as therapy for a time, I think I understand, and I think I can say that the most important thing right now is worrying about what it's doing to you as a person. You came across to me as a really caring, good person, and I still remember you and another user tracking me down despite my own efforts to disappear when something bad had happened to me, and it blew me away that someone gave a shit about a person they hadn't even met face to face.

My only suggestion is backing away temporarily; you don't have to make a permanent, final decision, which (to me) feels much more difficult to do. I can't tell exactly what you're feeling since I'm not you, but if the site's having similar effects on you as it did me... well, that's what I would (and have) done. Ultimately, you should do whatever makes you feel best and whatever is going to help you, the person, not you, the mod.

Nobody here knows what's best for you better than yourself; and even if i were to know, i'd still be up to you to make the final call.

That being said, i've known you for a very long time, and even though we don't usually chat (i'm not exactly a very talkative person, or at least, i don't really know how to engage people), i think i have enough "information" to realize when you were pissed off at something/one. The question here lies in: How does this affect the users? And i'm guessing that, as long as the ban is not temporal, and you feel comfortable enough to stay, you'll always have a place here. The other question, and probably the most important one, is: How does this affect you?

Sadly i cannot answer that, i wouldn't know how much of a shitstorm support really is, and i couldn't think of myself having a gripe with a mod/support, but i have realized, that many of the "complaints" i've read about your "behaviour" (which was apparently nothing more than just a few words crossed) have mostly come from users which were inherently breaking the rules of the site; the only difference (again, according to the very few posts i actually sit and read) is that you actually have a line marked about it, something i don't see often, but not many people understand.

I'd love to give you a straight answer, but i can't, that's something you'll have to decide when you read all of this feedback.

Either way, wish you the best, try not to leave the future wife to the side while on this, eventually she's the one that will fill this void, hopefully.

You don't always need to do what you think is right, but what you feel is right, and when depression is overwhelming, immers yourself in a light hearted hobby or something. And if even this doesn't help, if it looks like nothing interests you anymore I would really suggest to go thru a therapy. I really don't know you on the personnaly level, just jade the mod in SG, but I've been in simillar situations, and I somewhat know how you feel (won't be pretending that I absolutely know how you feel, but I can relate on some level), so I really wish you the best and that you would oversome evryting that comes your way.

I haven't read through all the replies yet, so forgive me if I'm repeating, but...

First of all, thank you for all the time you've already put into the site. Any concerns you may have about your actions hurting the site are unfounded, in my opinion. As I've said in a few other discussions, I think this site could use more "hardline" moderating and you do it well. I share a lot of your feelings about the community both good and bad - the sheer generosity of a lot of wonderful members that keeps the site going, contrasted against the constant bitching and blatant attempts to abuse the CV system that can be pretty disgusting, often leaves me feeling very conflicted. I can only imagine that as a support member you're faced with dealing with a lot more of the unsavory side of the site in undiluted form on a regular basis, and that has to wear on anyone.

I'd encourage you not to place too much importance on this site. If you need to step away, someone else will jump in. And if not? Hell, internet communities come and go all the time. Something else will always crop up. Normally I'd just say "jesus man, take a break and go deal with what you need to," but you mentioned that at times focusing on your duties here has really helped you and that's something I can certainly relate to. You should do whatever's best for you and those around you. You're an asset to the site, so if sticking around is doing you some good, don't feel like you're doing it to the detriment of the community as a whole. On the other hand, this site is nowhere close to important enough to sacrifice your own well-being for, so you shouldn't feel guilty about stepping away if that balance has shifted.

"I hate this site. I feel like a lot of the people that held the true spirit of it together have left it and there's nothing but a few of them left, in the midst of CV complaint threads and begging and general pointless spam."
Yeah. It seems a lot of the active members of SG are less active. The forums kinda lost their magic. I feel like there is never any interesting threads anymore. No one even makes super crazy 10 paragraph puzzles anymore. Puzzles in general are rare now.(Never did any puzzles but it was still cool to see them.)

Anyways, back on your topic.
If the site is starting to make you troubled. I'd say take a step back from the site for a little bit. Whether that be a week or 3 months, it might be good just to take a break. The site will always be here for you to come back to. <3 (Well unless CG deletes the site randomly. lol)

This is all too relatable.Depression,finding a website where I became a vital part of community,getting uplifted by it irl,then see it's downfall...In my case leaving it made me feel better.What's the point of keeping yourself attached to something that only makes you feel bad? as if you haven't got enough shit to deal with it as it is.

I'm a n00b here, so I can't really give an in depth analysis on your presence here. I, however, was a mod on a different site, and I felt what you are probably currently feeling. I have workaholic tendencies, and ended up taking way too much responsibility on myself. What initially made me love the site, started aggravating me. I started having zero tolerance for people who I thought were breaking the site guidelines, and becoming more aggressive with the "trolls." I tried taking a break, but after returning, it wasn't long until I was in the same place again. It drained my energy and robbed me of sleep and free time. I had to quit. Maybe I wasn't cut out for being a mod, or maybe the admin needed to split up the site into smaller sections that specific mods could patrol. Any way you look at it, I was burned out.

My advice is to walk away from it. Find something else that you can enjoy. There is no sense in dealing with aggravation if it doesn't give you joy. It will be tough, but I think you might immerse yourself too deep in the "job" like I did, and it will just drag you down in the end.

Just my $0.02 CV.

I think you're a good guy and you shouldn't feel stressed out over doing something that should be rewarding. If it's become that much of a burden then maybe it's time for a lengthy vacation or just drop out all together. It's not worth your physical or mental health to have to put up with some of the shit that goes on around here if you already have your own personal issues to deal with. I admire your willingness to carry on but would hate to hear later that this site drove you to do harm to yourself.

You are obviously well-liked as shown by the responses here. If you do choose to drop your mod status I hope that you will still stick around. People will definitely miss you if you leave.

I'm also hoping that this workload that you've taken on is not because the other moderators aren't doing their jobs. Maybe this site needs new/more moderators?

And congrats on your engagement. It sounds like you have an understanding fiance that maybe likes to game - or at least puts up with your gaming hobby. She sounds like a keeper! I hope that you two spend many happy years together.

:)

An opinion freely given:

I think you're a good moderator, but that the shit is just catching up on you over time. That's a problem with the average human brain - we tend to remember the negative far better than the positive.

I've been a moderator in a pretty large community for a specific game. All was fun and games until the game designers made a few decisions that had the community in an uproar. As in, rabid mobs lashing out in every way possible. And the moderators shifting from friendly neighborhood cop to riot control.
That was probably the most unpleasant thing I've had to do in my life so far, and I didn't even get paid for it. And after that, I needed to re-learn how to be a bit more lenient if the situation allows it. Getting back to gentle, but firm instead of going hardline all the time. So yeah, I had to re-find my touch there. Because, as it turns out: A) no-one likes a hardass unless there's a shitstorm going on. and B) keeping a tight leash all the time will wear you out quick.
I did stay on as a moderator until other things (like a paying job) started taking up too much of my time, but I wasn't able to return as a regular member after stepping down because my viewpoint had warped too much. That's another problem with being a moderator: it sounds fun at first, but you are signing up primarily to deal with crap - in that position it's easy to lose track of what's going well.

I've also been floating in and out of a tabletop gaming group in the area, that also was a group that evolved quicly over time. Especially over summer, as it tended to attract people who were in school, so plenty would move off to different cities every year to be replaced with new faces.
Basically, the only real way to re-enter is to ask yourself: Do I feel ok with what the group is at this time ?. And doing that without comparing to what it was before.

As for full-on depression - I can only say that I have only a vague idea of what you're going through. But this "Is this doing more harm than good to me?" I think is the question you should be focusing on for yourself. Keep your own best interests in mind for once, not those of people you'll probably never even meet in person like me. You don't owe me anything; I owe you for trying to keep the community in check.
To me, it honestly reads like you're stressing yourself out over this site too much - and that will definitely do you more harm than good.

If I were in the same position as you, I would step down as a moderator, catch my breath and see what happens.

Honestly not sure what to say except that i really don't think you're hurting the community in any way and i can't imagine how someone who obviously cares so much about it could do so. Best of luck!

I can understand your frustration I have been/am admin and mod before in other places and I definitely get where you're coming from with the support ticket thing. People don't read; people do w/e they want; people do stupid things, say stupid things... user after user breaking rule after rule. Some users just doing it multiple times no matter what punishment you dole out. It gets frustrating because you're just trying to make the place better for everyone yet you're antagonized by a lot of people for doing your job ("why'd you ban this person?" "that was unfair" "you did this for this other case, why aren't you doing the same here?"). Some people also treat you like you have no feelings. Like as if because you're a mod you're supposed to keep a professional face at all times. Being completely rude to you but if you DARE to say anything slightly provocative it's QQ to the public time. cg is able to be more lenient to users because he's not out there dealing with the masses constantly. Once you're exposed to the masses you get a bit hardened.

At the end of the day though I found that those positions I held were a huge part of my online identity. I'm severely depressed as well; similar to you just went through a time (and kind of still am) where I had lots of suicidal thoughts. My online identity and online friends play a big role in keeping me going though. Based on that experience I would say you should keep going with this. Maybe lighten up on the mod work load.

I haven't had any interaction with you as a mod so I can't say anything on your work but there is no way to be a perfect mod. Someone is ALWAYS going to be angry about your decisions because a mod has to punish some people. It just comes with the job.

As someone that has suffered extreme depression my entire life with the constant thought of death and suicide on my mind the majority of that time and even an attempt at suicide, the best advice I can give for your current downward spiral is to just step back and go to whatever brings you the most joy. For me, it is my fiance, who I can say with no doubt that I love and without her I would have probably succeed in another attempt sooner or later. While you may or may not recognize me in chat as a long time member of the site or even as a actually positive participating member, I certainly know you, am in your group and admittedly would feel the loss to the site without your presence. At the end of the day, your own well being should always come first so in that regard, maybe another vacation, (with a temp ban in place to prevent you from coming back early), have your SO change it your steam password. Go out of town for awhile, change of scenery helps, even if you dont feel like doing it.

Many members have left the site never to return and to many, it seems that its just filled with nothing but beggers, rule breakers, cv farmers, scammers and idiots, but thats why we need people like you who understand the fundamental idea of the site, to stay and continue to encourage others to follow in your steps. We've pm'ed before, and Im open to you pm'ing me, even just to shoot the shit. Its hard for people that dont suffer from server depression to understand the cycle that happens, it always helps to be able to talk to someone.

Good luck with whatever you decide.
~PPG

If you aren't feeling it, you should take a break from this. You are a great Support member. Some people don't like you, sure. But they are flaming idiots or just plain rule breakers.

But if this site is making life hard for you, you shouldn't push at it just because you feel you must. That doesn't make things better, just makes you feel worse. Take a holiday, go do some stuff you enjoy, perhaps try out some new stuff as well. If we are lucky, you will return to us with some great story about how you kicked some arse while skydiving.

Well, you kind of answered your own question here. You were happy when you were away and you're not happy now that you've returned to it.

You love the site, but the mod duties such as dealing with tickets and fighting with users is dragging that love into hate. So, go back to what made you love the site. Get back into groups, chat in positive chats and ignore the people that piss you off. The downside of being a mod is that you are always dealing with the negative stuff. Good posts and people who follow the rules don't require mod attention!

Take a break, stay a chat mod, maybe advise from the sidelines or help choose new mods. Never do a job that makes you unhappy unless you need to put food on the table and a roof over your head, and we know that's not the case here :)

While I think you can come off a bit rude and standoffish at times, you're a mod, your job isn't making friends.

That being said, if you find the site negatively affecting your personal life or vice versa, it may be time to step down or step back, if not permanently, at least temporarily.

Do whatever makes you happy and comfortable! I know you love SG so much, but if being a moderator member isn't helping you in real life, you should just drop it, or take a break. Don't let a website control your life. You, only you, must control your own life!

BTW, that last line is a little... I don't know... With a fiance you really can't control your own life, if you know what I mean ;)

Go? Nah. Step down from the moderator position... probably. Especially if you're feeling this low.
(btw, I am terrible about getting back to people on things, and I did read your comment on my Halloween giveaway, and then never replied and I suck for that (and for not replying to most everyone's awesome replies on that one) -- wanted to basically say "I hear ya" on those sorts of holidays sometimes being horrible for a person's spirit -- even narrowly avoided that this year myself.)

I have noticed a change in your "presence" here. One particular suspension made me want to chat you up and say "hey dude, I think you're being a bit hypocritical and overly-harsh", but you aren't on my friends list, and you weren't in SG chat at the time, so the suspended party went undefended on my part. And before, even when they were curse-filled rants, I usually enjoyed your suspensions and never once thought they were undeserved. It's only recently that they've occasionally rubbed me the wrong way -- but I wouldn't encourage you to step down for that reason alone. That plus the feeling of depression here is why I think you should take a break from the moderating. Support's job is not a fun one -- as privileged as it is, it's also a whole lot of cleaning up horribly smelly shit. And it sounds like that's not something worth wading through right now.

Lastly, I am jealous of you. I'm not in a financially great state either (at least, last I heard, you weren't), but (again, last I heard) it sounds like your gal loves you, and you've always had a kind and generous soul for everyone here that wasn't a retard, and you've also often had a great sense of timing with your humor.

So, if you step away from the mod duties, don't feel bad about it. People (the ones that matter) will understand. And if you don't, please make sure that you're not just continuing to hurt yourself by sticking around. If you do a full departure from the community again, we'll miss ya, and welcome you back if you return, but I can't promise that we won't change again and make you feel a bit lost again when/if you come back.