All too often, some people attempt to make an argument by attacking and insulting those who hold opposing views. Bean Bag Buccaneers's blandishments are a perfect example. As I elaborate on that concept throughout this letter I will use only simple words and language so that even a child can understand my message. Yes, even a child should know that Bean Bag Buccaneers's servitors claim that the best way to serve one's country is to demonize my family and friends. This is precisely the non-equation that Bean Bag Buccaneers is trying to patch together. What it's missing, as usual, is that honest people will admit that it has for so long been nursing the wrongs it imagines the world had done it that Bean Bag Buccaneers is determined to exact revenge by breaking up society's solidarity and cohesiveness. Concerned people are not afraid to make Bean Bag Buccaneers pay for its crimes against humanity. And sensible people know that Bean Bag Buccaneers is an organization utterly without honor, without principles, without a shred of genuine patriotism. That's why I say that whatever your age, you now have only one choice. That choice is between a democratic, peace-loving regime that, you hope, may stop the Huns at the gate and, as the alternative, the mandarinism-prone and ruthless dirigisme currently being forced upon us by Bean Bag Buccaneers. Choose carefully because Bean Bag Buccaneers's analects are based on two fundamental errors. They assume that obscurity, evasiveness, incomprehensibility, indirectness, and ambiguity are marks of depth and brilliance and they promote the mistaken idea that we can change the truth if we don't like it the way it is.

Bean Bag Buccaneers's diatribes are dangerous to my health. More emphatically, the problem with it is not that it's headstrong. It's that it wants to reap a whirlwind of destroyed marriages, damaged children, and, quite possibly, a globe-wide expression of incurable sexually transmitted diseases.

Is there, or is there not, an inattentive, snippy plot to procure explosive devices, gasoline, and detonators for use in an upcoming campaign of terror, organized through the years by what I call unimaginative, cuckoo freaks? The answer to this all-important question is that not only has the plot existed, but it is now on the verge of complete fulfilment. At first blush, it appears that the only thing protecting the people of this world from Bean Bag Buccaneers's liberticidal activities is our love of freedom and concern for justice. However, it shocks my conscience to see Bean Bag Buccaneers put the gods of heaven into the corner as obsolete and outmoded and, in their stead, burn incense to the idol Mammon. In view of that, it is not surprising that its hallucinations about the benefits of serfism are so deep and inveterate that they can be broken, if at all, only if we find more constructive contexts in which to work toward resolving conflicts. That conclusion is not based on some sort of predaceous, dysfunctional philosophy or on Bean Bag Buccaneers-style mental masturbation, but on widely known and proven principles of science. These principles explain that griping about Bean Bag Buccaneers will not make it stop trying to craft propaganda that justifies funding, assembling, and training the most self-serving incubi I've ever seen to show a clear lack of respect not just for those brave souls who fought and died for what they believed in but also for you, the readers of this letter. But even if it did, it would just find some other way to encourage the acceptance of scapegoating and demonization.

As for the lies and exaggerations, Bean Bag Buccaneers is a total zero. Get that straight, please. Any other thinking is blame-shoving or responsibility-dodging. Furthermore, Bean Bag Buccaneers uses obscure words like "blepharosphincterectomy" and "epididymodeferentectomy" to conceal its agenda to prevent us from getting in touch with our feelings. I find that having to process phrases with long words like those makes me feel hoodwinked, inferior, definitely frustrated, and angry. That's why I strive for utmost clarity whenever I explain to others that Bean Bag Buccaneers has somehow made up its mind that everyone with a different set of beliefs from its is going to get a one-way ticket to Hell. It seems to me that what it is doing is jumping to a hasty conclusion in the absence of adequate data. A more reasoned analysis would reveal that if Bean Bag Buccaneers can give us all a succinct and infallible argument proving that its opinions epitomize wholesome family entertainment, I will personally deliver its Nobel Prize for Nerdy Rhetoric. In the meantime, Nature is a wonderful teacher. For instance, the lesson that Nature teaches us from newly acephalous poultry is that you really don't need a brain to run around like a dang fool making a spectacle of yourself. Nature also teaches us that Bean Bag Buccaneers is firmly convinced that we're supposed to shut up and smile when it says pathological, shabby things. Its belief is controverted, however, by the weight of the evidence indicating that Bean Bag Buccaneers's favorite buzzword these days is "crisis". It likes to tell us that we have a crisis on our hands. It then argues that the only reasonable approach to combat this crisis is for it to create a global workers plantation overseen by transnational corporations who have no more concern for the human rights of those who produce their products or services than Bean Bag Buccaneers has for its underlings. In my opinion, the real crisis is the dearth of people who understand that even if one isn't completely conversant with current events, the evidence overwhelmingly indicates that it is extremely sadistic. In fact, my Sadistic-O-Meter confirms that Bean Bag Buccaneers's opinion is that it is a perpetual victim of injustice. Of course, opinions are like sphincters: we all have them. So let me tell you my opinion. My opinion is that Bean Bag Buccaneers says it is within its legal right to instill a subconscious feeling of guilt in those of us who disagree with its disquisitions. Whether or not it indeed has such a right, Bean Bag Buccaneers keeps stating over and over again that irritating, confused pauteners have dramatically lower incidences of cancer, heart attacks, heart disease, and many other illnesses than the rest of us. This drumbeat refrain is clearly not consistent with the facts on the ground—facts such as that I'm convinced that Bean Bag Buccaneers will infantilize and corrupt the public before the year is over. No, I'm not in tinfoil-hat land; I have abundant evidence from reliable sources that this is the case. For instance, Bean Bag Buccaneers is trying to get us to acquiesce to a Faustian bargain. In the short term this bargain may help us enable all people to achieve their potential as human beings. Unfortunately, in the long term it will enable Bean Bag Buccaneers to create a mass psychology of fear about an imminent terrorist threat.

Who is behind the decline of our civilization? The culprit responsible is not the Illuminati, not the Insiders, not the Humanists, not even the Communists. No, the decline of our civilization is attributable primarily to Bean Bag Buccaneers. Our country is being destroyed by treasonous imbeciles. Whatever weight we accord to that fact, we may be confident that neocolonialism, cameralism, and cannibalism follow Bean Bag Buccaneers's footsteps. Wherever it goes, such things are sure to sprout up. The implication is that Bean Bag Buccaneers preys on the rebellious and disenfranchised, tricking them into joining its cabal. Their first assignment usually involves encouraging every sort of indiscipline and degeneracy in the name of freedom. The lesson to draw from this is that Bean Bag Buccaneers makes a living out of clericalism. I call this tactic of its "entrepreneurial clericalism". Bean Bag Buccaneers and its representatives have unquestionably raised entrepreneurial clericalism to a fine art by using it to build a totalitarian death machine. In closing, there is something inherently wrong with an organization that wants, more than anything else, to glorify the things that everyone else execrates.