ummm, funniest quote by dec 29th gets a free copy of a game. . . In liken to thier quote.

You even dont need to read this just look to name - Chuck Norris

"Derp" -Mr. Derp

The tired killer comes into a bar in Arizona, puts a rifle on a table and orders to itself binge. The farmer sitting opposite, politely asks:

• Forgive, and it is possible for me to look in your optical sight at the house?

• Look, it is not a pity, - the killer answers.

• And how many you take for work? — The farmer in a minute asks. — there my wife has a good time with ours the neighbor!

• One thousand dollars for one shot.

• To crying two! But you should отстрелить to it a member, and to it — a head.

• Well, - the killer speaks and starts to aim.

• Well you hesitate?! — The farmer through pair minutes shouts.

• Yes wait! I try to save to you half.

Only our people to have a rest from the computer, sit down to watch TV!!!!!

"I visited my doctor last week, and he told me I had to stop masturbating. I asked him why, surely it’s not dangerous. He said it was distracting him." - Notch

Lol...
"Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, I have a gun...Get in the van!"

"women's rights"

So a dyslexic man walks into a bra.

99% of these are not funny or witty. :/

To err is human. To really f*ck things up takes a computer.
Unknown (but I'm leading towards a MS employee) ;)

If a Spaniard, a Greek, an Italian and an Irishman all walk into a bar and order drinks, who pays?
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The German.

"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand."´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´
or this one
´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´
"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt."
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"Where did you go last night? I tried to ride some dude's great dane to the water tower and back." -Jimmy, from Raising Hope

Bless your face, INTRO OF DARKNESS THEN REDNESS THEN WHITENESS

"I came, I saw, you died, I won." - the label on my wrench in TF2.

"Y'all might be flame retardant, but ya sure ain't bulletproof." - TF2 Engineer dominating a Pyro.

"With milk? Squirted out of a cow?" - part of Nutri-Matic Drinks Synthesizer's response when asked to make tea. (Not Eddie!)

"It's MINE, you understand? MINE MINE, ALL MINE! MINE MINE MINE! MWAHAHAHA!" - Daffy Duck upon finding Arabian treasure.

"Hey girl, you wanna go halvesies on an abortion?"

"What's your favorite thing about koalas?"

"Uhh..."
"their meat?"

"...And again, the internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck.
It's a series of tubes."

-Senator Stevens

Seeing that some people bundled quotes together, here are a few.

A friend once asked me:

"Can you write something in Spanish?"

So I wrote:

"Something in Spanish"

An old joke from the previous presidency:
"With George Bush and Dick Chaney in the White House, you know someone's getting f###ed"

"I'm Batman" - Terry McGinnis, Batman Beyond, Season 2 Episode 18

"Earth - Mostly Harmless" ~ Ford Prefect, The Hitchhikers Guide to The Galaxy

this.
"
I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uh, some . . . people out there in our nation don't have maps and, uh, I believe that our, uh, education like such as in South Africa and, uh, the Iraq, everywhere like such as, and, I believe that they should, our education over HERE in the U.S. should help the U.S., uh, or, uh, should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries, so we will be able to build up our future, for our children"

vidoe

"Winning" -Charlie Sheen

"I can eat a knob at night"

-Karl Pilkington

"Told my grandpa that my bro and I are known as 'Tasteless and Day[9].'" He responds: "'Worthless and Gay9?'"

-day[9]