Please choose what you are struggling with now which noticing and recognizing small celebrations can help provide support...
cbones | A past quiet Saturday night | [GoNNER - Press Jump To Die Edition](https://www.steamgifts.com/giveaway/jXAkR/gonner-press-jump-to-die-edition) | Level 3+
cbones | A current quiet Saturday night | [Super Rude Bear Resurrection](https://www.steamgifts.com/giveaway/ABxlr/super-rude-bear-resurrection) | Level 3+
cbones | A future quiet Saturday night | [Metrico+](https://www.steamgifts.com/giveaway/W9lNf/metrico) | Level 3+
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My word, this is my first time seeing this thread. I had wondered how you had been, and had considered sending a friend request to express goodwill but also did not do since I know sometimes that is the opposite of what is needed, time to heal and be apart from the world (especially the online "world" of SG).Though I also know how much you love this place and that you truly want to spread cheer. You have my deepest sympathies for your loss.
Sonnet 116
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come;
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.-Wm.Shakespeare
I am not a praying man but you will be in my thoughts as I marvel at your continued devotion to our shared steam groups and SG in general.
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Thank you so much for your kind words. This weekend was an especially healing event. We had the memorial service for my Mom and about 250 people attended and about 100 people came to the house afterwards to eat with us. So many hugs, flowers, cards, kisses, etc... my sister made a DVD of memories with pictures and music in a slideshow. It was so touching.
Then Sunday we had all the family go to a plot of land my sister maintains that is a beautiful garden by a pond. We buried her ashes right with my Fathers ashes (which we buried 4 years ago). It was a very great bonding and healing time with my brother and 3 sisters.
Thanks again for your support and the quote from Shakespeare.
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Thank you Jeff for sharing your very personal and emotional story. It's very nice and heartwarming to hear that people came to remember your mom and that you as a family are supporting each other.
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That sounds lovely, as much as such an event can be. I'm glad to know you found some solace:)
Drink deep of life.
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I have to admit that I lost sight of the old thread a while ago. I'm sorry for your loss, Jeff. But it's gread to read that your family sticks together and that the memorial service helped you.
Though it's still a few months away, I wish you all the best for the surgery and that it really has a reducing effect on the symptoms.
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Hi Jeff!
I'm sorry to read that you've lost your mother. I know there is never a "good" time to lose a loved one, but I would think I'd at least be solaced by the fact that she is no longer suffering, and it's great that you all had the opportunity to make sure she knew how much you loved her. The gathering of family and friends sounds a lot like what we did after my grandpa passed away last year, including the slide show. We shared a lot of funny and touching stories and for the most part everyone was smiling and remembering the good times; it was not so much mourning, more of a celebration of him and his life, and I think he would have appreciated that.
I was fortunate enough to learn about your story in the mega amazing Cats of SG puzzle(s) (meow!) and I know how important it was to you to keep it private. It is very brave of you to expose yourself in this way. Your positivity and enthusiasm here is contagious, and knowing all of the struggles you've been faced with and seeing you continue to put on a brave face and a smile (and which seems entirely genuine) really has been inspirational for me.
My own struggles have not been due to a physical ailment, but more mental and behavioral... I tend to drift hard toward negativity, pessimism, depression, self-hating/blaming myself for everything, self-destructive behavior, getting caught up ruminating about things that have happened in the past, regrets, guilt, shame, etc. Most of the time I have to try VERY HARD just to maintain the appearance of a "normal" functioning person and to not just throw in the towel.
I've found that acting happy tends to lead to actually feeling happy. It's like a muscle and it needs exercise. If I'm sad and negative all the time, my sadness and negativity will just grow stronger while my happiness and optimism atrophies. So I try as hard as I can, as often as I can, to be a cheerful, positive person, and little by little it feels more natural to do so. :)
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Thank you for taking time to make such a beautiful and well thought out post. The explanation about negative and self destructive behavior hit a common cord with myself. Even tho my posts seem so hopeful and positive... it's an attempt to combat those same struggles as you explained.
I take an anti psychotic medicine that keeps intense negative emotions subdued as well as intense positive emotions... it's a survival drug cuz without it I would probably be consumed with depression and negativity.
I thus have cried minimally if at all for my Moms death... the drugs I take make me rather passive, subdued, and calm all the time. Yet my disease makes me anxious, nervous, scared, and unstable... what a mess!
Thanks for explaining about your Grandpa...
I miss the Space Kitties too... hope they are doing well
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Say hi to Irv, Katie, Jack, Mack, Cathy, Doug, the professor... My apologies to all the other cats I've forgotten. :D
I can only imagine the mixed emotions you must be feeling about your upcoming surgery! Any time somebody is poking around at your brain that's got to be extraordinarily frightening. And for 10 hours with no drugs! On the other hand, the thought that this may give you some relief, give you back some freedom, some part of your old self, that must be very exciting! If I were in your shoes I imagine I'd be hoping for the best and preparing for the worst, not wanting to allow myself to get too hopeful, just to avoid the letdown in case things don't go perfectly. But I will certainly be hoping for the best for you! You've been fighting this disease for 10 years now, you are probably stronger than you even realize. 10 hours in surgery is not exactly going to be a Disney vacation, but I know you can do it. You've got this! :)
When I was younger I used to think about suicide pretty much every day... I'm talking about basically from around age 10 up until my 30's... As I've aged and as I've gone though therapy and the process of confronting my own bad habits, my own past, my own demons, I've been able to get to the point where I would only think about suicide every few days... and then every few weeks... and now just a few times a year... It is impossible to express with words how much of a relief that is, you know? It's funny that despite all the stress I found myself under for my whole life, the almost debilitating depression and anxiety... I had avoided confronting myself about it, avoiding dealing with things... which only made them worse, of course... it all seems like it was relatively easy to break free from in hindsight! And while I regret the years of my life spent "in the dark" I'm extraordinarily thankful to have an opportunity to "see the light", to experience that actual happiness is in fact possible. It's not something where I'll ever be done, I'll never be "better" so to speak, and I'm still not a super happy person in general or anything, but the dark days are few and far between. It is something I need to constantly be mindful of and constantly work on to make my life and the lives of my loved ones better. And I think it's worth doing and worth making a real effort.
It is no fun being miserable, whether physically, mentally, or both -- and if we have an opportunity to lessen the pain of that misery we need to grab it with both hands and not let go! Not by taking the easy way out, not by taking a shortcut, not something temporary, but by really working on it and making actual changes that will be sustainable. Even if it is scary, even if it is difficult, even if it pushes us out of our comfort zone, even if we have to place all of our faith in someone else's hands, even if it doesn't always work! It is worth it to try, and to try again, and to never give up trying, because we owe it to ourselves and those we care about and those who care about us. There will be good days and bad days, successes and failures, but the important thing is to keep pushing forward. Even if it doesn't always feel like it's worth it, and even if we don't always believe it ourselves, we are worth fighting for and life is worth living.
I wish I could go back in time and tell myself this when I was 12, 18, 25... but I probably wouldn't have believed myself. When I was at the worst points I was completely hopeless and literally could not even imagine any scenario in which I was not going to be miserable. The ironic part, of course, is that by accepting misery as my everyday state, I only ensured that it would remain so...
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Learning to enjoy the little things in life was probably the hardest thing to learn. Best wishes for you and all your loved ones.
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Update on status of surgery:
Aug 15- Note: Closing this thread as real life is taking over... thank you all for your awesome support!
This event is where you might find me on SG...
August 14th appointment with each brain doctor and surgeon, MRI of brain, etc... a stressful day
-- the day was stressful but went well... met my surgeon who is a great guy!
Enough about me:
August 14th
My wife's mother (my mother in law) went thru surgery today to remove cancerous tumors... She just found out she had cancer 2 weeks ago... so this year has been rough as many of you remember I just lost my mother because of thyroid cancer... now my wife's mother has cancer...Today we received the news that the cancer had spread more than realized... we will know more details as lab tests come back from biopsies taken...
August 29th: Surgery on my brain to implant electrical diodes (one on each side of brain)
Sept 11: Surgery to implant mechanical controller in chest and wiring
?: Appointment to turn on electrical brain implants
?: Appointment to tweak the settings of mechanical controller
The "Small Celebrations" thread has grown into a beautiful common ground for our SG community to celebrate family, friendship, and that of sharing small joys in daily life that really end up being rather LARGE in importance.
However, there are things we all face which make celebrating and holding onto the positive joys in life rather difficult... such as the loss of a dear loved one in death, or chronic physical health issues. We must make an extra special effort during such times to "stop and take time to smell the roses." Especially at these times we need others to provide support and encouragement and that we likewise can give support and encouragement.
In Small Celebrations Thread V 1.0 the SG community came together for four months to provide love, care and support to me because of my Mother's struggle with cancer and her death on April 24, 2017. Thank you, everyone, for all the kind, warm words given to me during that time of need, the GA contributions, and the sharing of small celebrations within your own life also.
I felt that it was time to unveil V 2.0 of this thread and introduce another piece to the puzzle of how much I value small celebrations and why. Like the lyme awareness thread-- this thread can also become an awareness thread for a chronic condition I'm daily struggling with presently.
At age 40 I started having tremors in my right hand that steadily increased for a few months that also appeared in my right foot. After 10 months of doctor after doctor with several thinking it was just anxiety and all in my head-- it became clear that I was IN FACT struggling with something VERY real. I was diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease on April 1st, 2008... and it was far from being an April's fools joke from my doctor.
I was a sign language interpreter and Gold's Gym spin instructor (indoor bike). I lost control of my right arm, pain and rigidity took over the right side of my body and in just 2 years I was taken out of both jobs unable to function in either and qualified for permanent disability. Parkinson's affects people differently. For me it is painful, intense tremors (right side and now full body), loss of balance, difficulty walking, and very tight and rigid muscles. Another issue is with bradykinesia which is a quick appearance of slowness, inability to move or function in daily activities... I also have uncontrollable trembling and sweating during that time. Thus I stay at home and in bed suffering about 75-80% of my day time.
Because of the serious increase in symptoms, I am going through a series of tests to receive a brain surgery called DBS- Deep Brain Stimulation. This is a device implanted in the brain that sends electrical charges to a specific area 24/7 to reduce symptoms. A wire is also implanted under the skin, down the neck and into a pacemaker-like controller within the chest.
The surgery will be in 4 months from now and you have to be awake during it and off of all drugs. That makes it rather a daunting ordeal especially since it requires me to have been off all Parkinson's medications for over 24 hrs so they can see when they poke the right place and my symptoms subside. I don't see how this will be possible as my body without any medicine help is in a constant spasmodic writhing and painful rigid trembling. Of course, I will be very nervous during this first part of the procedure that will take a non-stop 10 hours.
I have now almost 10 years of experience with Parkinson's (In a few months I'll be 50.) I have 3 children, all boys ages 5, 8 and 10. Of course it is difficult to even do simple things but small celebrations are playing with them, and words of affection showered on them daily.
If any of you have similar neurological conditions and would like to share your story or ask questions-- I'm available here as is everyone else on SG within this thread. I've been through A LOT including many side effects of medications-- voices, hallucinations, paranoia, obsessive-compulsive disorder, grandiose thinking, etc... and I'm willing to be an open support to any as I've received SO MUCH caring support myself.
Some examples of small celebrations:
-My son made the A-honor roll.
-I hugged my wife today and told her I love her.
-My baby took his first step!
-I passed my driver's test!
-I played ball with my children today!
We all daily have small celebrations that we can celebrate if we stop and take time to notice them. These "small" things are actually rather big on retrospection.
I appreciate so much support from everyone in this thread. We all share in common the sufferings of disease, sickness, pain and death of our dear loved ones and thus can find comfort and strength from each other to endure this... We must cherish the moments daily with those we love because those "small" things end up being the BIGGEST thing of all.
FORMAT:
**Note: Info on hospice care from SG user genkicoll here
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