I can't do anything and I'm tired of trying to make it and failing. I'm not going to school and don't have a job. I can't do those things because my anxiety's too bad. I don't want to be supported by my mom my entire life.
I'm so fucking useless and seeing everyone else be good and have fun makes me feel like shit. I wanna draw, and try to' and can't do it for shit. I can't do any of the things I want, I can't write, program, video edit or make music and I see all these people around me that can and it make me feel horrible.
And on top of the success other people have that I can't, they have happiness I never will. Assuming I get over my anxiety and find sucess or something I'm good at, I can never enjoy things the way people do. Everyone has sex and does drugs and drink, and I'm not interested in those things. I wanna be interested in them 'cause all the people I've looked up to are into it seems like they've had so much with doing them. I don't want to be who I am. I want to be "bad" but I'm too scared and idealistic. I don't think I can reach the amount of happiness others can even if I do eventually get better. My potential is shit, and even reaching it I won't be happy.
I think most of all I want relationships. I want friends and a girlfriend. I haven't been able to talk to people for so long and I keep getting worse. Seeing other interact and have fun makes me feel and 'cause I can't have that, and then I feel worse 'cause I'm getting upset at people's happiness. I think I'm a bad person for thinking like this.
I don't see the point of trying to make it through life and get happiness if the amount of happiness I can reach is so little. Especially if I have to go through all this pain for so long and the little amount of happiness isn't guaranteed.
I'm trying to make it, but I just can't find a reason to. I just want one thing to be proud of or make me happy. I suck at all the things I want to do. I don't have any friends, and I can't get and work a job so I can buy money to buy things I like.
This comment was deleted 5 years ago.
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@Peteozzy. Wow what a hell of advice. Did not get the same experience but yeah you are right. :)
I began music very late in life without any real goal expect doing progress, and nox i am having real fun.
@Treeb. i have just stop to always looking for the expected ways in life.
Your text let me feel that you atere someone realling sensitive and despite what you think it is a quality.
Whishing the best for you
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That's tough, man. A valuable lesson, but a really shitty way to learn it. You did well to come through that able to take something from it to make your life better. I think you've done a great job of expressing yourself and given some excellent advice.
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I'm not sure how to cheer you up, but based on my own experience I can clearly say that everything I know today, I learnt because of hard work, lots of patience and shitload of failures on the way through. Majority of things you listed, and at least programming, requires crapload of determination, patience, time, hard-work and on the last place - actual skill. Experience greatly helps, but nobody was born with that experience - everybody had to gain it in one way or another.
Let me know in case you'd want to re-evaluate programming and you'd appreciate some tips how to get started in coding the thing you want to.
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Found this (interresting ) and getting back to your "call" (https://www.steamgifts.com/go/comment/m1Tig1C)
the 3 first quotes are for my opinion so true
http://quotlr.com/author/charles-bukowski
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:/ Maybe you could get some professional help in order to cope better with others and yourself. Hope things get better in your life soon
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Just gonna jump on this comment to share my idea to you TreeB.
I've never tried it, because :
1) I don't live in the US
2) It's pretty expensive...
But If you ever heard guy called "Tony Robbins", he's pretty famous in this field of Personal development and everything related to self-confidence and motivational patterns.
He does every year a seminar called "UNLEASH THE POWER WITHIN". It's pretty expensive : 5000$
But I've seen a documentary about him on Netflix called "I'm not your Guru", he seems very professional at what he does. Check out his books and his videos on Youtube, it's pretty self-explanatory.
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While it's nice of you to try to help, it's not nice to promote well-known self-help frauds to vulnerable people.
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How do you know he's a fraud ? Do you have some kind of proof or something ? Or you just read it on the internet based on some anonymous comments ? The guy have been a personal coach for some famous celebrities too...
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I agree with all of the advice above. People present the image they want others to see. Facebook is terrible for that. As I told an international visitor when we took him out fishing, we don't post photographs to illustrate the days when we catch nothing but seaweed, lose our tackle, get sunburnt and have sand blown into our faces.
Don't feel compelled to fit in - try a variety of things and figure out what you enjoy. I think Archi's right - don't be afraid to fail. Think about the worst possible result from trying something you're unsure about - for most things, it will just be that you don't enjoy it. If you're already having a shitty time, that's not much of a risk, and every other possible outcome (i.e. if the absolute worst does not happen) is better than that!
If you can't find pleasure in anything, I'd recommend talking to your family doctor (we call them a General Practitioner (GP) in Australia) and they can run some tests and/or refer you to specialists. There is the possibility of a biochemical factor, such as abnormal hormone or neurotransmitter levels contributing to your problems. Hormone levels can be measured and treated if something is amiss. Levels of neurotransmitters such as dopamine and serotonin, which are directly responsible for the sensation of pleasure, can be depleted due to things such as chronic pain. They can also interrupt your sleep, which intensifies the problem, and each aspect reinforces the other.
Regardless of whether there is a biochemical factor or not, looking at things differently can also help. The general term used is Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), which covers a broad range of techniques. There are simple questionnaire type assessments that the doctor can run to see if you are currently fitting the criteria for depression and/or anxiety. If you are, they can refer you to a clinical psychologist, who can help tease out the basis for any destructive thought patterns that you have, and help you see things differently. Here in Australia, if you are referred to a clinical psychologist by a GP, you are eligible for a Medicare rebate on their fees. Whilst it's no substitute for individual counselling, there are also books that may help, such as this one written by my father, who is a clinical psychologist: http://a.co/55o8QLF He's not in it for the money - he wants to help people, so if you are interested but short of cash, let me know and I'll get you one for free. I have hard copies at home, but I can ask him about the electronic version.
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Looks like we are similar... At least a little bit.
I also stopped being happy or getting any happinnes since 2003 basically when my life became complete shit. I also don't have human Friends... Seems like everyone have already forgotten about me.
I would like to socialize with people but seeing that most of them socialize with each other ONLY with alcohol, ciggarettes or drugs makes me depressed a I will never touch those things. Eventhough I would also like to be that "bad person" like those poeople so I could perhaps enjoy my life.
I've been suffering from living on this planet since 2003 and I feel like it's worthless to live anymore just to suffer... Oh well.
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Hang in there buddy. As Archi said, tomorrow is a new day and you could layout a plan for the future. Follow the plan and gain experience and get determined to bring your life back on track. It'll be tough but such is life. Good things happen to those who work hard. Start with a small easy plan for now - as simple as walking a mile each day for the next next week. At the end of the week you'll have some sense of accomplishment - something that'll cheer you up. Gradually increase the complexity of the plan. Good luck!
And, thanks for the game :)
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I'd like to say something encouraging, but really, I'm in a pretty similar situation, right down to not seeing much point in struggling since I can't see a realistic future scenario where I'm happy. So all I can say is that you're not alone.
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