Nice, been trying to pick this up for a while

You plop out the other side covered in a thick, translucent-green gloop. You grab at the ground and get you finger stuck in a hole. The floor seems to be a huge metal grate, and as you look through another hole you see only darkness. The substance rolls off you and slides pastes the grates into the abyss below. Your skin starts to tingle, yet feels refreshed, as if you had just bathed in mint. As you get your bearings (and the last of the slime out of your ear) you notice that there are two buttons on either side of the room.

With your finger stuck in the grate, you can't press either button so you instead decide to to push the button on your remote. dig into your pocket and cut yourself on your knife, but eventually do manage to grab the remote. This time the remote creates a periwinkle oval emitting tons of light. unfortunately, it is to far from you.

You grab the knife out of your pocket and take a deep breath. You hope you'll find a better solution before you mutilate your hand.
Now that you mention it, you could probably hit the other buttons with your feet.

Button1
Button2
Portal

Eric didn't want to tell his wife he was gay...

As you exit the portal, you are greeted by a man sporting a mustache that would drive 70's porn star jealous. He explains you that the use of portal has been prohibited in this planet since a terrorist group used one to access government buildings, as you try to explain yourself he suddently tries to grab your remote control. The two of you start fighting for the remote, he armlocks you, you can feel his breath on your neck. Then you decide to use the remote control right where you're lying. As soon as the portal appear right beneath you, the 2 of you are transported to another planet.....

I Suddenly woke up to realize I am a bear.

'YES', i think.

Finally.. a new beginning.

As you step through the portal you find yourself not in a different location, but in a different time. Where once there were cities and green trees, there were only ruins. No vegitation had tried to reclaim the land, nor any animals, this world is dying. In the distance you can hear a storm approaching, a storm unlike any that you've ever heard before. You quickly hit the button on the portal device and step through it.

You step through the portal to see lush tropical forest. It's beautiful, you've never seen anything like this before. In fact, you can't even remotely recognize some of the plants, and the air smells... different. You notice some movement in the corner of your eye. You turn around and see giant dinosaur. You don't know which kind of dinosaur it is, you never paid attention in biology class, Now you wish you did. You that the dinosaur looks a little bit like your uncle Fred. He also looks curious. And hungry.

You slowly back away, desperately trying to figure out how to save yourself. Suddenly you remember about the remote and cling to the faint hope that it will do the portal thing again! You reach fro your pocket. Dinosaur notices your movement and roars menacingly.

The remote DOES the portal thing again! The only problem is that it puts portal halfway between you and dino. Without better plan you yell "FUCK YOU, UNCLE FRED!!" and rush for the portal. You make it to the portal a split second before the dinosaur does.