I like bears. One my nicknames as a child was Trey Bear or Bear and because of that I kinda forced Bears to be my spirit animal. I forced the qualities of a protective mother bear upon myself and replaced my identity as that because I didn't really have an identity. I constantly changed myself trying to be who people wanted me to be instead of who I actually was and I still, to point, do that. I don't even know who I am, and i can't figure it out. I don't know if it's because I'm scared to admit who I am, or scared of others finding out, or if I just don't care because it won't matter if kill myself or , if like everything else., if I fucked up my self identity so much in the past that's it's unfixable now. I doesn't matter because I'll never show anyone who I am, but I keep crying and wishing for it almost every night. I know some of it, but I just can't figure out the rest. But I just keep hiding and denying the many people I think I am so I can be a person I hate a little less.
<3 I don't know you at all, but I know what you're going through, I have been there. As a supposedly mature adult, I am still there sometimes.
We are always growing, changing, shifting. And that is ok, that is proper. We each show different faces to different people. The difficulty is in accepting that.
George Bernard Shaw said"Life isn't about finding yourself; Life is about creating yourself."
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Well i was going through some steam groups and managed to find yours.
Life isn't always how we want it to be, but hey, don't give up. You're a warrior, don't lose faith.
♥
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