”I unlocked the door, so you can no -” he begins, but cuts himself off, shocked. ”What happened here?!”

You smile in what you hope is a calming matter. ”As you can see, I was preparing stew when I tripped,” you say.

”Stumbling backwards, I fell onto the table, hitting the wall, which knocked a torch onto the curtain, causing it to almost catch on fire.”

”As I shoved the remaining torches in the stove to destroy them without a trace and prevent further fire hazards, I knocked over the stew, causing it to get everywhere, including on myself.”

”That looks like blood on you though,” says Corambis.

”Nope, it’s stew. See?” you say and then you draw a finger across your arm and lick off the “stew.”*

It’s disgusting.

You throw up a little in your mouth, and then you throw up a little on the ground.

Corambis looks at you.

”I am not a particularly talented chef,” you say.

”Well …” Corambis begins, and then pauses. He seems to reach a decision. ”Be careful next time, okay?”

”You got it, bro,” you say. You smile. Corambis looks at you and leaves.

Congratulations! You have gained 10 conversation points, you maximum hit points have gone up by 5.

And you have completed a side “Kill Polonius For No Reason and Escape Without Any Guilt Or Suspicion” quest, thus comitting a perfect crime.

Unfortunately, Corambis only has a 1 in 2 chance of dropping loot upon quest completion, BUT since you were throughout while reading this story and got to this point you’ve got lucky enough for a drop, hooray!

One more plus is that you have successfully killed a man, but it wasn’t the man you were supposed to kill. Remember?

Claudius?

The king who killed your dad?

Whatever, congrats on the successful quest! The End! Or try to reach another, maybe hilarious in some manner, ending?

View attached image.