What do you say to comfort a grammar Nazi?
"There, Their, They're..."

I totally didn't steal this from a quick Google search. Nope.

your mom

No need to thank me

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Well, I'd display some nerd humor, but all the good jokes argon.

If only I could get to the derivative of you,
To navigate your slopes, just like I used to do.
Your sine curve so smooth, so well elevated -
Just waiting for me to come and make it integrated.
Remember how during our second differentiation,
I'd derivate and agitate until I'd reach acceleration.
My little pet parabola, whom I so much adore -
Why can't we have a functional relationship once more?

My extreme nerd joke would be:

"I would tell you a joke about UDP, but you might not get it."

I scanned this many many years ago. Makes me smile every time I see it. :D

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great idea, im making a ticket so support will blacklist all of them for me

Police officer pulls over Heisenberg and asks him:
'Do you have any idea how fast you were going?'
To which he replies:
'No, but I know exactly where I am.'

Thank you for the chance :D

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pocNl2YhZdM

The bartender says, "We dont serve faster than light particles here"
A neutrino walks into the bar.

thanks for skyrim.. sorry no science joke here..

May the force equals mass times acceleration. 2nd Newton's Law.

Keyboard not found. press F1 to continue

hey, nice try..
you want to whitelist us so you can actually carry out your evil masterplan!

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Several scientists were all posed the following question: "What is pi ?"
The engineer said: "It is approximately 3 and 1/7"
The physicist said: "It is 3.14159"
The mathematician thought a bit, and replied "It is equal to pi".

(A nutritionist: "Pie is a healthy and delicious dessert!" )

Gotta love this one <3

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What the hell, man? You broke the matrix!

Two atoms are walking down the street, when one of them suddenly stops and says, "I think I just lost an electron."

The second atom asks, "Are you sure?"

The first atom checks himself, then says, "Yes, I'm positive."

Two scientist walk into a bar. the first one says, " i'll have some H2O" . The second one "i'll have some H2O too"

the second one dies

thanks

Schrödinger's cat walks into a bar. And doesn't

thanks :)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8WZr6fvtEgk

Three engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket.

"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks an accountant. "Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer. They all board the train. The accountants take their respective seats but all three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them.

Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.

The accountants saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all). When they get to the station they buy a single ticket for the return trip.

To their astonishment, the engineers don't buy a ticket at all. "How are you going to travel without a ticket?" asked one perplexed accountant.

"Watch and you'll see," answered an engineer. When they board the train the three accountants cram into a restroom and the three engineers cram into another one nearby. The train departs.

Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the accountants are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket, please."

I'll admit, I copy pasted this but I've known it for a long time - I'm just too lazy to type it out :3