I also have a terribly low self esteem. I always feel like a burden just walking into the same room as someone who doesn't like me. I'm really overweight and I always have been. I'm really bad at keeping others in my life and I easily get embarrassed out in public knowing people have to walk by and see my face. I'm never good in a relationship, I always get really insecure and paranoid while in one not to mention obnoxiously jealous because I feel like them being with anyone else is always going to be better than being with me. I feel as though my low self esteem and social anxiety work together to break me down and make me so weak to people. If anyone has tips for this, that would be helpful too.
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My difficulties were not as severe as yours, but the only "effective" way I've found to acclimate to people is to spend time with them. I would suggest finding one or two people whom you can spend time with, and then ease yourself into social situations with your friend(s). The more time you spend just being around people, the less it will bother you. (You don't even have to interact with them, just be nearby.)
One of the characteristics of human beings is their ability to adapt to any environment in which they live.
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I have extreme anxiety issues... It never totally goes away, but can be milder at times. Panic attacks in the past, and general anxiety disorders - likely from lyme, mycoplasma or the autism and the seizure disorder stuff that was on my EEGs. Over the past few years, or a lot of years... or something like that, I've found different approaches help with different things. If I have been able to identify a trigger, I have used the trigger over and over and tried to sort of feel through what my body was telling me - kind of like getting to know my emotions as they were happening, and then letting it pass as though it were a normal thing. Unfortunately there is no trigger for the background anxiety... so I can't really target that too well.
This has helped with some things, like being able to eat at restaurants now as an example. I used to have a real difficulty with the packed and crowded environments. I avoided them, since I did not like people, and I felt like I was being watched. I also have problems with sensory overload due to the autistic stuff, so loud noise, bright lights, and lots of people set me off sometimes. I have gotten a lot better with things, but I have to know when to just throw in the towel and leave. I have a sort of quiet area I can go to at home where there is no light or any sounds if I need that, and I can just spend time and relax if I need to.
Unfortunately, I don't think I can cope without medications. I tried for a few years in between when I moved to a new area, and those few years were pure hell. Took me forever to find a doctor to prescribe my medication again, since it's controlled in the USA, and doctors are afraid for whatever reason - since they are addictive to people that want to use them recreationally, or whatever. It's still safer than people unmonitored and using illegal ways, so I don't understand that mindset. At least if they are used in conjunction with a doctor, there is some monitoring going on... Anyway, I used to drink, but I have issues with alcohol and it got me in trouble many times, so I had to quit years and years ago. Anonymous programs helped me personally in a few ways, and the social area was a huge one, since I was around people for about a year before I decided to stop going. Find some things you can do that are relaxing when you have time for yourself, since stress can mount up and cause everything to be even worse than it would normally be with a cooler head. Definitely give yourself a break as well. I am my worst critic, and I am good at beating myself up endlessly sometimes.
I am rambling, but I know that certain meds helped me with my issues, as well as practicing situations many times and gradually getting more into them and pushing the boundaries. I had to get used to the discomfort and accept it as much as I could, because it would never really go away, unfortunately. I take herbals as well which have helped me a good bit. Kava is one that really helped relax me. There is a tea I tried in stores called Yogi Kava Stress Relief. I moved to the actual root itself in bulk to make my own after the tea worked so well. There are a few others, but I won't go into them, since they are not in your typical store like the kava tea is, though they are all legal in the US, aside from a pain reliever I'm taking for several physical conditions that is scheduled in about 4 or 5 states. Some people use it for anxiety as well though, and others find it makes their symptoms worse. Most herbals did not really work for me too well - but in my searches I was able to find a few for my anxiety while I was off my regular prescribed medications (I take two that double as anti-seizure as well, which is nice).
Trying to come off one, but I have to taper extremely slowly, since they can have a huge rebound effect if not done gradually... I have a lot of issues with people though because of my autism. It's tough to be around them for long as it drains me, and I don't really enjoy most company ever since I got sober... I'd rather be doing something else, so I get apprehensive and I don't really understand social interaction very well. It feels ... synthetic or something? I don't feel genuine most of the time unless it's somebody in my close circle that I am more used to being around, and can be my true self around. I have never really understood people. Maybe something up there will help you out though. I think I thought of all I can for right now, though I forgot a lot of stuff for sure. Good luck with things, and I hope you can figure some good strategies to beat some of this! You can do it! You have the power over this stuff... Fight and don't let it win out... I guess that is a bit hypocritical for me to say in a sense, since I have to rely on medications right now, but maybe there is a biological element in play. It's hard to say for sure. I'm making a lot more progress with medications than I was when I was off of them though, so for now I am sticking with them, as well as my herbals that I have found.
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You sound like a sweet and intelligent person, and at least at that level you shouldn't have low self esteem. Don't concentrate on what you're bad with, think about what you're good at, so that when you feel bad you can go back to that and tell yourself with conviction that you're not totally worthless.
Can you find the inner strength to lose weight? That sounds like a major cause of low self esteem for you.
One other thing I can think of is practicing a martial art. That tends to boost your self confidence. I don't know where you are in the US, but if you're anywhere near any of the schools of the Beikoku Shidokan Karatedo Association, I'd highly recommend it. It's a karate school that's built on being nice. Seriously. If you look at the images on the home page they're titled 'Friendship', 'Cooperation', 'Learning'. It's not competitive and focuses on teaching form, so is hopefully as not intimidating as could be.
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That sounds really screwed up. I don't really know what to say, but it does make me feel that martial arts or even a self defence class will be a very good first step.
Edit: sent you a friend request on Steam.
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Can't help much beyond saying ive been there- im kinda still am. Theres too little information to be of much use im afraid but know that this is a paticularly more sensitive time. Life seems to draw for us this path with milestone goals to reach where once reaching means 'sucess, victory' but life ain't a game. Before graduating its normal for things to feel figured out but when it finally reaches we realize 'hey, theres a whole lot of life ahead and i kinda don't kow where i will head from here'.
So coupling this normal moment with your previous ansiety and a breakup? You're doing pretty ok actually. Heck i had so many problens during this moment in my life i ended up having a nervous breakdown- also i was away from the friends i trully cared and could count with. What i mean is, it will pass.
My advice would be:
-First: worry less about this stuff. Don't hold onto insecurities previous or current, nor the breakup- and thats the only key i know of for things to not drag on and on. Unfortunally the more you think about it the more you get back to it. Our brains are powerfull in a sense but still pretty primitive in others- its like our ram is limited. The most you think of something or the more relevant you make it be thinking in your day not only will linger longer on the background, they sink deeper during sleep in bizarre ways (even if you don't recall dreaming about them specifically), wich makes the next day start with them already on background ready to fire again. Its like the brain supposing 'this gotta be important, lets worry about this some more'... our muscle suck at that.
Distract, think of other things. These things happen, they pass, it surely is much smaller then you think or feel it is. Some time from now, months or years, you will be puzzled how much you let it affect you. Things only seem like they do from where you stand right now. Remenber that and ignore this pattern of thinking, its mostly your mood and worms in your head. Move on.
-Second: be open to new oportunities. Not being sure where to lead next isn't bad- it will only be if you let it freeze you into stagnancy, doubt. Its actually a step up from people (like me at one point) who think 'they have it all figured out'. The few that hit the nail (wich involves more then skill and deserve- theres also luck) make it seens thats the way to go- but in my life ive seen way more people too sure of what they wanted falling flat on their face, me included.
Its much better to cool. You just conquered a new step. Keep an eye open for oportunities, reach to different kinds of jobs or directions. Don't worry of not fitting well at first, that will be only a lead to shift direction. Chances are you will end up doing something you may not even had guessed and feeling/doing better at it.
In short:
Think of other things. Play some games. Worry less. And dammit- don't beat youself so much, stop asking sorry for everything. Im just being harsh because i was like that for some time and did my life improved once ive stopped. You don't have to ask sorry for any of what you did. Off-topic in off-topic forum? 'bad gas for bad topic'? Fgs, you're giving away gifts.
Joining the pieces you main issue may be esteem. If you start anything thinking its bad, will be bad and that you're sorry for that you're signing it up to end up short or badly. DON'T. Its hard to get started but its easier to change this mindset once you start.
'This is what i will do'. 'I will try my best'. It may be good, may be bad. Won't matter if it goes bad, doesn't mean you suck or anything. Start from there- just face things as they are,not assuming they're bad or won't be good. This generally improve things a lot.
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Wow, thank you so much. I'll keep this in mind. Thank you for taking the time to write all of this, it means so much. This is all really good helpful advice. Thank you so very much.
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o/
Been there. Its good to put things out, to reach out. It also helped me when in doing so i found good people with good advice or points of view.
Im glad if i could help in any way. I have also to thank you, not only for the GA but the topic- for me at least its far more interesting then the majority of the same-kind-of-things topics on here. Its always better for me when i engage in actual conversations, good reasons, something of more substance behind them. Way better and warmer then the average cold friendliness and uglyness of the internet (its bizarre how its frequently one extreme or the other in the internet lol).
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Vincer has pretty good advice. :D Try not to think about bad stuff too much cause it makes it stick longer than it should. And yes, a low self-esteem can make things pretty bad, especially when you always compare yourself to people who you think are better. (If you talk to them they'll actually tell you they're not as great as you're making them out to be.) If it will help raise your self-esteem, ask your friends what they like about you, what they think you're good at. (If they didn't like you, you wouldn't be friends, so you know you'll find something there.)
Also, your worries? They're normal. It's okay. Lots of people don't know what they want to do out of school. But you look like you already have an idea of what you want, which is great! (Go you!) Narrow it down (Alternate link), find out what you need to get into that career/job and then pursue that job. If you're not sure you'll like the job but you think you might, take a course about it and find out if you enjoy doing it.
Failed at hiding the stuff below. Read on if you're also looking for non-career goal advice.
For non-job goals, ask yourself questions like:
- Is there any place I want to visit or live in?
- Is there anything I want to try/learn/do/experience? (Examples below)
- As someone who lives in a tropical country, I want to experience the four seasons Spring, Summer, Fall and Winter.
- I want to learn how to figure skate.
And then identify when you want those goals to be accomplished, and what do you need to do to accomplish them?
Also, to help make your dreams come true, study a bit of Personal Finance, because unfortunately money is an important thing. (Video on automating your savings and expenses.)
I know I just gave a lot of info, but remember to take things one step at a time or else you'll get overwhelmed. I hope this helped. :)
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Oh my gosh, thank you so much. Wow, when I wrote this post, I kinda prepared for a bunch of people to just kinda yell at me for posting my personal stuff here, telling me to suck it up, or calling me some sort of attention seeker in a negative fashion. Even though this isn't as many people commenting as I had anticipated, I got a lot more help and advice than I expected. I'm so thankful that some people in this world care so much to give someone like me the time of day and a bit more. I'm so excited to put all this advice to good use and use it to push me further into life. Thank you so very much. I also really appreciate the non-career goal advice. It gives me a bit more options and now I feel as though I have more wonderful paths I can choose and focus on. I really like to keep an open mind so this is all very helpful to me. This all really means a lot :)
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I totally understand why you felt that people would do that, but I feel that if there were people being mean in the comments, there would've been a few who would answer positively with actual advice (those are the people worth listening to, don't listen to the mean ones).
You're very welcome. Though I have to admit I'm only able to give you this advice because I follow several influencers (Ramit Sethi, Nir Eyal, etc.) who are slowly changing the way I think and approach things.
Like Vincer said, you need to also look into your esteem. I suggest finding a therapist, or at least following an influencer who can help you change the way you think. :)
I wish you the best! (Also, I forgot to say: Congrats on graduating!)
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I can honestly relate with everything. If you want to ever chat at all any time, I can sincerely say I'm free any time.
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To be completely honest as well, I'm usually free whenever I'm not at school (which is only a week away from ending for me anyway so that isn't too big of a deal). I would honestly love the company. I accept all steam invites because you never know what you'll get out of it, ya know?
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You've already been given some good advice, so I'll try to avoid repeating it. Instead, I'll offer some more general advice that also applies.
From time to time, Life gives you a kick in the stomach. It hurts, but it isn't the end of the story. Just like a physical kick in the stomach, there are things you can do to make the pain last as long as possible, so avoid them if you want to "get over it" and heal.
- Delaying the healing process. Before a burn can begin to heal, you have to cool it. Change your scenery to heal.
- Wallowing in the agony. Pain is just a signal that something is wrong. Focusing on pain simply intensifies the sensation.
- Dwelling in the past. Like picking at a scab, it just keeps the pain going and prolongs the healing process.
Keeping those things in mind, you can see why "old people" always give the same advice when you fall down. "Get back up, dust yourself off, and move on with your life." This is the same advice you would give to a child who scrapes a knee, but we adults tend to forget that it should apply to us, as well. Friends can be quite helpful with all of that. A true friend is there to help you regain your equilibrium. Scars will remain, and we can't undo the past, but it is not our scars that define us. It is our sense of self which defines us.
I hope I've said something useful, here. )
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Oh my goodness, thank you so very much. I took note of those bullet points (physically too for good measure). I really like the comparisons in the examples, I feel more as though I can physically place these worries aside. Obviously, in reality I can not physically move them, but this could help me recognize whenever these worries appear so I don't spend too much time dwelling over the past. It is so nice to see all the kindness and advice in this community. I don't feel as lost and alone as I did before making this post which felt like a complete shot in the dark at first. I really appreciate all the advice and kind words everyone here has had to offer. This will be very helpful to look back on and I feel so much better after reaching out for help than I had expected. Thank you very much.
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You're quite welcome. Sure, there are some turkeys out there, but there are good people, too. Focus on the good people and don't let the turkeys get you down. )
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Bump. May I suggest that you volunteer for a day at a nursing home. You would be surprised at the people who would be delighted to help you out in deciding what to do with your life. You can make such a difference. Try it, you may like it.
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I can't really help you with much as I can't relate with your situation (although I can imagine what you must be going through). However, I do have anxiety issues when it comes to human interaction, so I can suggest a career (or at least a job). If you happen to speak/write/read at least two languages perfectly (English being one helps), you may find that a work-at-home remote Content Specialist (moderator) is up your alley. It's a bit of a crappy job, but it allows for minimized interaction with real life people. I haven't personally spoken to anyone in months at my job, just chats and emails.
If you ever have trouble getting work because of your inability to interact with people comfortably, this is a solution. Not the solution, but a solution. I wouldn't suggest it to be a permanent career, but it can get you out of a hole if you need work, have the skills/abilities to do the job, and are manage to land a position. I know it helped me when I desperately needed work and just couldn't manage to deal with getting a "real" job. :P
Anyways, I wish you great things. Hang in there, life is a bumpy, wild ride, but like a rollercoaster, you can learn to appreciate it. Or something. I'm not good at inspiring speeches.
Also, feel free to add me if you want someone to talk to. I'm not exactly an extremely supportive or nice person, and I'm not exactly talkative, but I always listen. If you need someone to just send random thoughts or rants through chat, I'll listen. Or read, in this case.
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You've been so kind to me the few times we've spoken. Thank you very much for sharing this idea and I will look into it. I would take you up on the offer of speaking to you but I have a horrible time trying to start a conversation. I really will usually only speak when spoken to but whenever others do speak to me, I'm usually very excited to respond. It feels kind of odd, I love socializing and interacting almost as much as I fear it. I need more of it in my life to be honest but the friends I spoke of, I only have two of them and they are both leaving the city for college in a few months and I can already feel my social anxiety pulling me down. I feel like having more of it in my life would fix so many issues and problems but I'm so afraid and having trouble trying to start. That's why I want to get into a job or college or anything as soon as I can so I don't lose my ability to interact with others but I also have no idea where to start and that's why I wanted to get help from the community.
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Respect for your willingness to take initiative and do the right thing. That already takes a lots of effort especially if you don't feel comfortable with various situations due to anxiety, etc.
I really will usually only speak when spoken to
This is my exact situation. I almost never message anyone, unless strictly necessary (I want to ask them a question about one thing or another, etc). I wonder how that'll work if I add you. Probably neither of us will ever message the other, but hey, why not. :P
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Hopefully one day things could line up so we could chat at some point :) you're a really kind person and it would be kinda rad to get to know you a bit better.
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Sure! Message me anytime. Sometimes I'm in non-Steam games (been playing Guild Wars 2 lately) so I may not respond right away, but receiving messages absolutely does not annoy me. So don't shy away from chatting with me at any time. ^^
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Can you take any local community college courses in electronics, or enter some sort of trade school? I'm unsure of typical deadlines, but it's a potential path.
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I'm not qualified to give relationship advice, but on the career front, does your school have career counselors? I'd really recommend talking to a professional adviser, either from your school or local library or related government body. Good luck to you!
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You're welcome. I'm also having similar issues as well, and facing depression for like 4 years now.. The sad truth is if you don't help yourself no one will..
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Hey well, if you ever want someone to talk to or just vent to, my steam is open to anyone wanting to have a nice chat or anything like that.
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Thanks. For now I'm talking about it here https://www.steamgifts.com/discussion/yaI6Q/jobs#KbpJAqu
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+1 on this. I always say exactly that. Besides, you really have to want to be helped if someone else is trying, for they cannot try or do anything if you just give up. The point of this is that someone else might indeed help you, but not entirely, that is up to you. They can, however, nudge you in the right direction or give you strength to carry on when you are down and low.
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I oscillate between lazy mode and letting my problems grow, being forced or forcing myself to do what I have to do until I eventually get tired physically/psychologically and can't take it any more so I jump into lazy mode, and doing something I need to do for my own volition but that's very rare and I end up going to another mode very quickly...
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That's good to hear, mate! At least the lazy mode doesn't last long and you can actually work on problems.
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No lol that's what I meant, I can't get out of lazy mode :(
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Oooooooooooh! I know the feeling sometimes. I keep pushing myself to do more, achieve more, all the time. Maybe I am too hard on myself and maybe that is your case too :D
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Sorry I meant "No lol that's not what I meant, I can't get out of lazy mode :(" . I only do stuff when I feel it can't be delayed anymore, I don't have a motivation for most of things, and on top of that I have a problem with time perception, waking up early, time going too fast, etc etc..
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Hmmm... For me, time moves too fast when I get up late. I feel that the whole day past yet I've done nothing, like no progress at all. In anything. When I wake up early, I am actually much more productive and more energized, regardless of hours spent on sleeping, and especially in the first few hours after waking up.
As for motivation - are there any hobies in your life? Do you ever do something constructive? The reason why I am asking this is - I am a type of person who is motivated by my own progress and achievements. Recently, I've seen the same can apply to Steam games. After beating a game, I have become more motivated. Sticking to a game till you beat it. It helps...
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Read you reply yesterday, saw you deleted it today, just as I was about to reply to it xD
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ouch, It contained some detailed information about me so I thought since you showed no interest in replying I'll delete it, but I saved it in a text file just for this case
"I'm actually working on getting up early every-time. I tend to not like going to sleep early because I'm bored, there's stuff I need or want to do (I'm very bad with time planning), etc etc... And once you sleep late one time, you get back to sleeping late the next day as well so ... That, if I didn't lose the will to get up early. Lol I'm such a mess...
Motivation and hobbies... Well... I had stuff happening to me (and around me) 4 years ago that made me disillusioned with my hobbies, people, and the world in general (sensitive political stuff really, the type that can backfire on me for telling them to most people). I don't play games that often because of the same reason I don't study or do my obligations: I spend too much time in front of the computer doing other stuff.
Here's what I daily do, in addition to watching Youtube videos and 5-6 animes a week, and a lot more mangas, and my mail (how do I estimate my time for this? I really should be logging everything...) : checking Steamgifts every 4 hours (and a most of that time I'm just checking the discussions, not mostly commenting but reading the topics and latest comments....), checking briefly Facebook for commentary on my local news (max a 1/2 hour per day, I'm not a Facebook person really. Same with Steamgifts I read and I don't comment), checking my RSS feeds in Inoreader for technology news/tips every 4 hours (110 articles every 5 days let's say, and I skim most of them or let them accumulate without reading them. Used to have lots more of feeds (serious and general knowledge ones) but I trimmed them down. And it was a struggle for me letting go of such feeds...). Checking my Reddit's homepage, /r/all, /r/all/top (I scroll down to 3 pages for good content, and I have my /r/all filtered), and /r/outOfTheloop for general and world news and anything interesting really.(and also Reddit giveaways. Lol I waste a lot of time on those too)
Then I have weekly reminders for stuff that I don't need to daily do but still takes up some time (Reddit subs and Youtube channels that are too annoying to check daily but offer some interesting content from time to time, Updating Windows, updating my installed softwares, seeing film and YouTube trends, deleting privacy traces and doing regular backups -that's a lie, more like procastinating on that lol, and other stuff...)
Does al of this seem too much for you? But here's the kicker : I'm always doing all of this daily to keep myself sufficiently informed/entertained (or so I like to think), but doing all of this takes up most of my time each day (like, at least 6 hours per day at minimum). I really, REALLY want to find a way to do all of this and at the same time wake up from work at 6 am and go home tired at 6 pm. Not to mention real life interactions.... Or video games.....And what's more, there's till so much stuff that I want to do with my computer that I'm saving up and bookmarking for later, just because I can't find time to sort through all the stuff I find... Not to mention when something big happens that you can't delay....
Like I'm slowly coming up to terms with the reality that unless I sacrifice something with my daily browsing habits, I won't manage to balance all of these things and reach the "pinnacle of knowledge" at one domain of activities and informations without sacrificing another (If only I was mentally strong enough to cut all entertainment videos. Or being able to speed them up and still comprehend what they're saying. Or stuff...Perhaps I need to drop all those giveaways I enter, I dunno it's complicated...). I think one of the reasons our world is fucked, despite having a lot of brillant people, is that there is not enough time for people to stay at the top of some domain without having to devote less time to other domains, making brillant people rely on other people from other domains to fill this gap, with all the intentional and unintentional misinformation that accompanies this "reliance" on other people (especially apparent with brillant scientific and tech people taking the opinions of other people in more controversial domains like the religious and human-science domains that humanity didn't reach an agreement on, without having time to sift thorough all of those domains, and then adopting these opinions as their own). But I really wish this wasn't the case, for me and for others...
What also comes from all of this is that I need to force myself to transition from the theoretical stuff and "absorbing knowledge" (and sitting on my ass everyday in front of a laptop), to the practical stuff and "creating knowledge" for others (I still need to earn my living, someday....). But that's easier said than done for me..."
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Oh, glad you saved it! Sorry for not replying, I didn't have the time to do so, and, seeing it needed a more elaborate reply, I've postponed it till now when I can give proper attention to it.
While I used to work, I did the same thing as you "I'm actually working on getting up early every-time. I tend to not like going to sleep early because I'm bored, there's stuff I need or want to do (I'm very bad with time planning), etc etc... And once you sleep late one time, you get back to sleeping late the next day as well so ... That, if I didn't lose the will to get up early. Lol I'm such a mess...
I'd get up at 8, regardless of when I go to sleep, which was never early, just because I should go to work at noon and get home at 9+pm. So not much of a life there... Which was killing me. No, not the waking up, rather the idea of spending 80% of our lives at work, doing shit we don't really enjoy.
I spend too much time in front of the computer doing other stuff.
I know that feeling very well. Rather perfectly. Sadly...
I'd come back from work and scroll, scroll, scroll, scroll, scroll... Then it's bedtime. It would sadden me that I've spent so much time on such stupid things. (if you are learning something useful, sure, then it's fine by me, but if the case is to simply entertain yourself, basically, it is just to waste some time, no?)
So I gave up on most of the crap.
Judging by what you listed, you are doing the same as I did xD And trust me when I say this - dropping a lot of those things and doing something constructive will help you with depression or laziness, because it WILL motivate you. You can still do something others would call procrastinating like - read a book that's been sitting on your shelf, finish a game you always wanted.
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Sorry for delaying my answer. I've been trying to stop anime and manga, but I returned tp watching them when I felt I don't have anything to do (even though I'm sure there's stuff I need to be doing that I'm not). I can't remove anything else from my daily routine :( how do you do it?
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That's fine :)
I actually stopped using Fb entirely. I only use it from time to time to enter a GA or something like that. No scrolling, no posts read, no comments and thus no checking for replies. It helps a lot.
Shows I only watch while I eat... Like - an episode per meal. Not much else you can do while shoveling something :D
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I've managed to put all videos and entertainement stuff on hold until I'm eating or feeling too tired to do anything else :D Now I'm less hard pressed on time :p All RSS feeds on pause, I don't fear to lose anything, it will remain there until I update them. Now to find a cure or a remedy for my addictions to news....
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That is great news! See, I knew the same recipe can be applied to you :)
Ah, well, I dunno, I never cared AT ALL about news, political ones, I mean.
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Haha :p Thanks for the huge help anyway :p I'll be looking for how to automate this stuff, if it could be...
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Ah, don't mention it, mate! Glad I could help in any way possible. At least our experiences are somewhat similar so I have the knowledge of what worked for me :D
Just keep the shows to when you are eating or maybe one episode before sleep and such, but don't fall into the trap of wanting to watch the next one just because the previous one had such an intrigueing ending xD Supernatural, Constantine, Lucifer, Twin Peaks, I am lookin at you!
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A software gig if you can get one? Software developers don't have to interact much with anyone but their co-workers and managers.
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ooh, that actually sounds really interesting. I think I could have fun with that too. Thank you for the suggestion.
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Something else I'd like to mention is this: Life is an adventure, so don't feel like you have to force it into a box.
OK, Khalaq, but what the heck does that mean?
You've been in school for years, mostly because other people told you to do so, and your goal was to get through it and out the other end. Great. But once you have done that, you are left wondering where to go next. The obvious answer is "wherever you want," but it's easy to feel "lost" when you have no sense of which direction you should be headed. One of the things you learn with experience is that road maps are a tool, not a goal. Before I throw some more platitudes at you, let me set the context with an analogy.
Imagine that you want to see the United States. You decide you are going to do this by car, so you get a road map. You also start planning your trip, making note of various places you wish to visit and how to find them. Then, having secured what you think you need for the trip, you're off!
As you drive around, however, you encounter many things you did not expect. You meet interesting people, see interesting sights, and discover much that you had no idea existed and therefore never included in your plan. In fact, as you travel, you learn of other places and things that seem more important or more interesting than your original goals. Finally, you realize that the plan you started with is no longer suitable. What to do?
You start over with a fresh plan, of course.
Every so often in life, it becomes time to redraw your road map to success and happiness. It could be because of a setback, or it could be because your goals have changed, but it needs to be done so that you may continue heading toward the things you want. Just look at my career path to see that in action.
- As a child, I wanted to be a zoologist, so I spent a lot of time studying animals.
- Abandoned zoology, and took my parents' suggestion of Computer Science upon entering university.
- Hated CIS, and abandoned my parents' expectations (which was quite difficult). Entered Psychology, instead.
- Upon becoming an upper-classman, abandoned Psychology for Education.
- In my senior year, I shelved Education to get my degree in Creative Writing, instead, thereby delaying another year.
- Pursued my Master's degree in (Professional) Writing, then hit both an educational and financial snag at graduation.
- Set aside completion of my Master's degree to accept a scholarship overseas while working as a freelance Editor.
- Wrapped up my schooling and traveling in foreign countries to return to the U.S.
- Became a Bicycle Mechanic to make ends meet, and finished up my Bachelor's and Master's degrees (yes, both).
- Decided to become a Fireman, so returned to university.
- Dropped Fireman and became an E.M.T., instead.
- Worked as an E.M.T., then relocated to Arizona to be near my sister and her family.
- Couldn't get a job as an E.M.T. in Phoenix, so took a job as School Nurse in a private school.
- The private school was in desperate need of a teacher, so I took the position of History Teacher (returning to Education).
- Taught Elementary school for six or seven years, pursuing my Teaching Credential, but recently had to give it up.
- I am now working as a private contractor (delivery driver), while I look for a better job.
There is no way I could have predicted where my journey through life was going to take me. I simply pointed myself in a direction and started walking. That, it turns out, is all anyone can do. Success is not determined by whether or not you reach your original end-point. Success is determined by what you do along the way. If you don't know which direction you should be going, it is time to pause, figure out a goal, determine what you need to reach it, point yourself toward it, and start moving. And don't worry. You'll get to where you need to be as long as you keep moving.
I hope that was useful to you. )
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Oh wow, you know what, you are right. I mean of course you know that but, I totally get it now. I just have to start. I guess starting anywhere is better than not starting at all. Thank you so very much for sharing your story and taking the time to give me wonderful advice like this. It really does mean a lot. I wish I had more words to show how grateful I am but I've never been too good with words. Just... thank you. ๐
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Taking the first step is always the most difficult. It's quite scary stepping out into the unknown. I just keep reminding myself that I have done that very thing countless times before, and I can do it, again. P
As for "thanks," the best thanks you can give me is to have a good life. )
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Then I will do my very best and I promise, I will never forget all of the help I got here and on the road leading to where ever I end up. I am forever grateful for each bit of kindness that helps get me along the way.
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Sounds like the perfect resume for a writer. :) Have you abandoned your interest in creative writing? Such varied experiences are great to draw on for writing.
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Such varied experiences are great to draw on for writing.
True, and that's only just my job list from university onward. My life experience is actually much broader than that.
To be honest, I've been looking to get back into writing, but I've been busy trying to survive for the past ten years.. Until I can find steady employment, that is unlikely to change.
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If you have a PC, and you have even just a bit of free time (which, given that you're posting here, I assume you have), you should be able to do some writing. The important thing is to sit down regularly and concentrate on this only, not giving into temptations to do other things. Even if you dedicate just 15 minutes a day to writing, every day, you should be able to finish a novel.
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The important thing is to sit down regularly and concentrate on this only
How well I know this. P
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Yeah, I know. Easy for me to say. If I dedicated 15 minutes a day to the game I want to create, it would have been finished long ago, instead of still being in the concept stage.
I still think it's good advice, and that 'busy trying to survive' is more an excuse and frame of mind than anything else. Believe me, I feel the same. I have a steady job and earn decent money, but between work and family I just don't have the frame of mind to sit down and work on personal projects. I just feel too harried and want to spend my little free time (compared to when I was single) relaxing. If I took just a little time off my web browsing or occasional media consumption, I know I could achieve a lot. Now if only I could convince myself to actually do that.
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Well, if you like electronics and computers at all, and you're willing to put in the work, then you're set.
Seriously, there are roughly eighty bazillion jobs (that's the technical term) out there for programmers and technicians. The US can't fill them fast enough. We hire H1V folks from other countries by the truckload because we can't find enough qualified candidates in the US. The jobs aren't going away, and in fact the numbers are increasing.
The good news here is that there is such a broad array of stuff available...if you want to be in a more social setting (like me), then awesome, you can work on big teams and interact with customers and the whole nine yards. But, if you're more introverted and don't want to deal with a lot of people (like you've suggested), then hey, no problem, there are a bunch of jobs like that too where you mostly follow specs and only give design input where you find it important, and just deal with your immediate team. There's seriously something for anyone in the US who is willing to get to a fairly high technical skill level when it comes to programming. Language demand is pretty predictable: C# and java are the most valuable, salary-wise. Then, it goes to C++ for science and engineering needs. After that, you have your Python/Ruby/PHP stuff (because it's easy to pick up, so more people can do it, and those languages aren't as security-hardened, so they tend to be used by smaller companies and startups [and college/high school kids]). If you're a designer, well that can be all over the map, depending upon skill and experience level.
DevOps (if you don't know what I'm talking about, look it up...all of the big companies write about this...Microsoft, Google, Amazon, etc.) is the latest large movement in the IT industry, so if you're not much of a programmer but want to be in operations, then learn cloud/server/testing stuff, and there are a lot of opportunities there, too.
Also, demographically-speaking, there is a big demand for women in technology, especially in companies where they're trying very hard to pay attention to the diversity of their work force. It's an extra plus for you if/when you try to get hired at a large/medium company.
Hope that helps!
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Oh my gosh, this advice is actually very useful to me. I'll start looking into some of this info. Really that whole introverted description you gave is the PERFECT thing for me. It is exactly what I would love and feel most comfortable with. I feel pretty motivated now to try and work my way into this some how if I can. Thank you for the words of encouragement.
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Make sure you stay busy, i finished high school last year and if you dont stay busy it can be really hard. Maybe learn to play an instrument :) Music can really help with your feelings and moving on!
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I used to play piano but I realized it never really could stick with me. It was more of something that, I really only wanted to learn how to do it just so I could say that I could. I couldn't ever put my heart into my performances and ended up feeling guilty that I was taking up so much of everyone's time including my own to try and show off or make myself look cooler instead of actually learning it as something I love to do. I feel like the only thing I could really get into musically would be singing. I've loved it my entire life and have a really bad habit of singing actually haha. If I don't sing for at least an hour a day, I get really antsy and agitated. I like to think that I'm a fairly patient person but if I go a day without singing, I become so snappy and horrible to be around. I don't know why that is a thing that exists with me but it just is.
EDIT: huh... you wanting to just give me a quick nice and helpful suggestion and I just flooded you with a bunch of personal information about myself that you probably really couldn't care less for, haha. I apologize, force of habit.
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First of all dont worry about the large anwser :) i like to know more about people (im going to study psychology next year) and am also interested in why people play or stop playing instruments. But if you learned it to ''show off'' then it was a good choise to stop. Anyway, singing is an awesome way to express yourself and everyone can learn it. I know its easy to say this but dont get discouraged when someone tells you you are not doing it right. Instead ask what you arent doing right so you can improve. Im not sure how the music learning stuff works in the USA but we have music schools here where you can go and choose an instrument to learn and get weekly lessons. Those are pricy though. But maybe there is something similar there. It can be hard to take a first step, but if you love it and want to learn it you can! Aside from that you can always try YouTube lessons although they arent fantastic since your voice is unique and only trained people can get the best out of it. Last but not least, if you sing an hour a day you are already improving. Practice makes perfect! Hang in there :)
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Thank you so much for all the helpful advice. Also, good luck to you on the psychology. I would check that sort of stuff out too but I know I'd end up to deep in my own mind and spend too much time trying to calculate out the actions of others. On multiple different occasions over the past few years, a lot of people have recommended me to look into psychology but I know I already over analyze everything now as it is, taking the class would probably just end up fueling my fire haha.
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You're welcome and thanks! And indeed you have to figure out yourself, but thats what you will learn with psychology and once you figure yourself out( i hope) its easier to cope with things. If you think its interesting go ahead and study it :) Or watch some videos about it on youtube. Good luck!
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That singing stuff sounds like it's really worth pursuing. Start recording yourself and seeing if you can improve and "find your voice". Look at YouTube lessons (as vleker said) and see if they help. The nice thing is that if you sing well you could find an audience online without having to personally interact with them. (But you'll have to be able to accept that some people will write bad things about your singing.)
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O.O I don't know what this comment is even supposed to mean but I feel as though I've probably already lost this towel
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Sorry, it is a Douglas Adams quote. http://hitchhikers.wikia.com/wiki/Towel
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Old thread which I missed before, but since it's been resurrected, I might as well say something.
You have a leg up on many other people in that you have a field you're interested in and would like to pursue, and not only that, but one where you should be able to get a decent, stable salary.
As has already been suggested, continue to pursue that. Study more, and do personal projects in that area, to gain some experience. You can later try to find a place to intern, perhaps.
By the way, the text on your Steam profile is very sad. Might have played with you, but I'm hardly playing anything these days.
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Huh, yeah I really didn't expect this thread to be resurrected especially since it's just some random person asking for help but so many people decided to be so very kind. Every little comment and suggestion for the most part have been really helpful in some sort of way for me. I've been studying a bit and doing a lot of research on the things I've said I'd look into and I'm trying to narrow down which direction I'm going to step in, I want to be confident in the decision I make and I think I've been shown a lot of good options here.
Also, haha... yeah, the text on my profile. I originally got a steam account to try and play free games with my ex. He let me try out Portal and Undertale a bit on his account just before we finally broke up after about 2 and a half years. I kinda left the icons on my desktop to remind me of him until I decided that I wanted to replace those memories. I went out, got a gift card, and bought those two games as soon as I could just so that, whenever I looked at them, I could think of them as mine... not just reminders of him. I still had money left on my account so I started looking around my friend group for others who had Steam and I got a bunch of games to play with them. Eventually we all parted ways so I just kinda try to make the most out of my account by socializing and trying out new games because I'll try anything once. For some reason though, that description makes me happy. It kinda reminds me of all this progress I've made since I made my account. Also in a way, me keeping the account is like, another way of me saying that the past has happened and I proudly accept that it's a part of me, and I can keep moving forward. I could have just let my account die off with all my old memories but I kept it, and I want it to grow along side me to remind me of my roots. Every game in my account feels like just another entry in a diary, and I love it <3.
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All i can tell is to breathe and grieve, let yourself be upset, let yourself get it out. Don't wallow, don't let it start to settle on you. Fill in time with hobbies and learning things that take focus and concentration. Don't ignore it, don't let it fester and build up, that is a one way trip to a bad time kay?
In terms of jobs, did you speak to your work adviser? Majority of schools have either one dedicated to work experience/apprenticeship and figuring out how to slot in interests with future work. Go to some Uni open days, with friends, preferably at least one with a similar interest so they can ask the questions for you
If not, to help your anxiety, keep a ready list of question on hand to ask at stalls, do some research on the different schools and what they offer, for example a sports focused uni is not going to be beneficial to your robotics/electrics interests. Like what courses do they provide? What happens in the course? What is support like at the school (with your anxiety start out by building up a support network)
But yeah, I'd say work experience definitely, robotics and electronics and are more experience based, engineering...what kind of engineering? Because there are different sub areas and all of them are fairly different and some may not work for you
((btw if i'd be happy to play games w you, I don't get many cause most of my friends are either not on steam or are doing apprenticeships))
my best friend has really terrible anxiety, so I hope this can help a little!
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I apologize for not responding sooner, for some reason I just couldn't quite come up with the words to say.
Thank you very much for your help and suggestions. It's very kind of you to go out of your way to give advice like this. I'll give what you said some thought too, hopefully I could even get up the nerve to follow it. I wish you and your friend luck in all you do :)
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Can't say that it will always be fun, but i can say that doing something that your are passionate about and enjoy will make working life a million times better. Wishing you all the best in study/work!
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Congrats on graduating! (a month ago :)
I am not here to give any kind of advice, but I am here to give you a:
Key bump train
(at least one key is somewhat decent :)
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Thank you very much for the little train and for the tiny peek into your life. I'm really sorry about what you've been going through but it's really good to know you are still making it through it. I wish you the best of luck with all of it.
Thank you by the way though for your time and kindness. It really does mean a lot.
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Thanks for the encouraging words. (Cancer is a bitch) Next time on humble bundle :) https://www.cancerresearchuk.org/
Drivers license seems like a great step forward! Making friends can be tricky I suppose, keeping them too. Being able to provide a ride once in while can be a great trick to have up your sleeve though if you want to make/keep friends :)
About exercise: I have made my own walking desk out of a cheap treadmill and some some other parts ( partially made out of Styrofoam XD ). Looks dumb but works really really wel! I can work on my laptop and walk/run at the same time. Perhaps you could look into that?
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