I love this community!

I have prayed for peace and a better partner for you.
You clearly love them more, but as long as they are in your life you may not find someone better who understands and will reciprocate your love.
Take your time to forgive, heal, bless them and see them free. You can still love them from a distance.

You are loved, but you're currently stuck in a pattern that isolates you, and limits the possibilities you may have.

Looks like many others here are happy to lend an ear, let out some stress gaming, and also send you some love. But you need to find people that can support you more in person.

Do you live in the US, is there access to local abuse groups? Even if your parents dont hit you, emotional abuse, is still abuse. It is helpful to speak out about your feelings in a safe place, as it can really help digest the situation, and come up with new ideas you may not have thought of on your own.

Start by loving yourself, and make some clear boundaries in your relationships. Your girlfriend is cheating on you? If true, you need to break off the relationship out of respect for yourself. If you're wrong, well for whatever reason you have lost trust in the relationship, so there's not much reason to keep dragging it out.

When it comes to your parents, you may be totally correct, but likely partially wrong, and they do have some love for you, it's just they love themselves first. Which is somewhat normal, but most wouldnt be honest about it. You dont expect someone to take care of you, who you dont love, as that takes trust. But i could be wrong.

Sending you loving vibes, and praying for you to meet some new people that can help you break out of your "comfortably" uncomfortable pattern you are stuck in.

Sorry to hear about your struggles, stay strong my friend.

I keep having suicidal thoughts since 2022.

Don't.
Sry, english not my native language, but i hope you understand me.
I had a similar situation - 34 y.o., I was diagnosed with OCD, I have no friends, the girl didn’t reciprocate, my mother doesn’t understand me, I don’t communicate with my brother, I always don’t have enough money... and sometimes such despondency flies that at least hang yourself.
But I found the strength to live, clung to the little things - I still haven’t seen so much, haven’t felt so much, I still have no watch so many cool anime and films, I still have not listen so much cool music, I have not yet play so many cool games, I dream of saving money one day and going to Japan, falling in love again and much more. There is still a lot of good in the world and I don't want to give it up. So I tell myself.
So find yourself such little things, cling to them and everything will be fine with you. We are few, but we are similar, we have our own way and this world cannot break us!
And you forget this corrupt girl. I will now say rude words, but a bitch who dared to betray your love simply does not deserve you. Because it's not love. Lovers don't betray. You will meet the best girl yet, just wait.
And hey, at least you had a girlfriend and I don't, we're on different levels! So grab the snot, everything will be fine!

https://youtu.be/dav0Ho4GEkA

I lost the ability to communicate properly. So I barely had any friends. I just don't know what to say in a conversation, and sometimes I stuttering.

By the way, I don't have any problems with my appearance, I'm pretty handsome i think)) But for some reason I still haven't had a girlfriend... Maybe because that...
Although sometimes my self-esteem falls and depends on my mood, I never doubted my appearance.

Don't give up, my friend.
If you leave this world, who's going to remain to keep the memory of your grandmother and your great aunt alive?
They wouldn't want you to let go. They would want you to hang on and find someone you can share your life with.
There is more love for you out there. A better, more deserving one.
Don't ever doubt it.

What are you doing about your anxiety and depression? You should start there.

I'm really sorry for everything, no one should have to go through all that. And ditch your bf/gf, they'll never stop cheating, they're just THAT person. You deserve better.
Go find it. And don't lose hope.

Sorry to hear about your story and stuff, just like everybody said above, stay strong man
Pray for the best to come to you :)

I guess you are in a dire need of a professional help. Try to address to a psychologist or any other mean which helps people in such situations. If this is really so serious you need someone who could give you not only a virtual hug. If you can't find one at your location - find a way to go out there (not only because of searching for help but also to change a place and get rid of burdens). Wish you all best luck.

I'm wishing you the best workerofsecret. It seems like we both share some similarities. I hope you can continue to enjoy life and not feel to down about things.

I am here for the lovely message. I am honestly touched by the message, but I'm also sad that you've had to go through such uncomfortable and traumatic experiences. It really can't be easy to bear.

I can perfectly resonate with one aspect, but it's something I personally stood up and walked away from.

I am here to tell you that things may get a little better over time. You do have to make the effort to stay away from toxic people in your life and surround yourself with kind people, that are there to help you and you are there to help them. It can't work if only one side puts all the effort.
Being part of a community like this makes you value more life and people. There are some good people around here that are more than happy to have you as friends. If you're ever in need to talk to someone, my Steam account is available.

I wanna end it with something. YOU ARE STRONG. I don't know if anybody told you this, but I'll say it. Tough things like this builds a strong and wise character. Sometimes life gives you these challenges because it knows you are strong enough to overcome it.
I hope 2023 and the years after treat you how you deserve to be treated!

Ooohh, that worried me a lot...
Changing your ways to become something more, then a "dumbass student" is great. We all do mistakes, we ain't perfect. Change is in our hands and I am happy, that it seems, you found yours. Maybe (if not done yet) confront your parents with what you've written here. Maybe they are just "dumbasses" like you've been and they need something to wake up and give you the parents you need. With your love, it is just two ways I guess: break up or talk about the sexual needs, you both have. Sometimes it is not a lack of love, but a need which needs to be solved (don't know, of this is the right word...). It is always best to be openminded.
But honestly, when I think about it: Who am I, to give you any advice. I have no idea, of what you've been through and I don't know you at all. Actually, what I am trying to do, is to give you some kind of nice words, to keep you going.
Please consider calling a help-number in your country, where you can talk it through and might get rid of your suicidal thoughts (had those myself, when I was younger). There is so much to live for, like becoming a parent yourself and do everything better.
Just don't give up! It seems, that you have a lot to give and losing that, would be a waste of all the good you could do. I still belive, even though it is hard, that we all could change the world to a better place. But for that, we'll need as many "good" people as possible.
I am not sure, if what I've written makes any sense to you, but I do wish you all the strengh you need to go through that dark times you are experiencing and I hope your Grandmother will be there as long as you need her for keeping on with life and all it's challenges.

believe me when i tell you this. things will get better. dont loose hope and fight on. surround yourself with people who care and work on yourself. everyone has their safe place where they belong. you just need to find the right place.

No easy what you experience. I am sorry.
But I want to let you hear some friendly advice coming from someone who had their share of tough experiences.
No person is worth becoming that hurt and miserable to stop living.
If it took you - for the most part - the actions of a few key actors to have so much sadness and trauma, then it only takes one to very few other people to make you truly happy.
It's not easy but it's worth pursuing.
I honestly wish you the best, and whenever you want, no matter the time, hit me up here or Steam to talk or vent etc.. I will always listen and talk without any judgement.

Hope a hug from a fellow 3rd world country with shitty mental hearth services and shitty justice can reach u ⊂(・﹏・⊂)⊂(・﹏・⊂)⊂(・﹏・⊂)
U r right to feel pain, to feel despair, to be depressed and even the suicidal thoughts, it's okay to be angry, it's okay to hate the world when it's unfair, it's okay to not want to get up from bed even to go to a grocery shop, and it's a huge effort to get to the next day but i hope it reaches u than even in the moment u feel the most alone there are a lot of people rooting for u, cause it's really hard to write and expose all your feelings to strangers and you did it cause u r awesome and you know that albeit it's hard, u can do it from little steps, be proud to having survived all this time against all odds of the world, and if u already made it to today, why not some little more steps to get to the next day <3

We are here for you buddy... As a man we don't have much sources to help with our depression and other stuffs. But here every one of us is like a brother to you.. we are here for you and you matter to us. God bless you.

Just 2 advices from someone who didn't got it as bad as you but still got some shit dumped on him from the one I loved and from my "family".

1 - just dump the one that cheats - if someone cheats ONCE they will cheat again and again and again - people like that belong on the street. I know what I speak about - I too was cheated on in my life - I broke any relations and contact with that woman and last I heard she has 3 kids with 3 different "daddies" but was not able to get any child support from them because she was F 6 different dudes at the same time and didn't know who is a father of her 1st child and then she decided that spreading legs on the street is the best way to live.

2 - just disavow your family if you can or at least the people in it that are not worth any love.

My father is a great guy. Even after his stroke and going "half-blind" he tried to keep the family together and do everything the best he could - but he needs me to help him in shopping and I do it gladly because I know how much he did for me and for the whole family during his whole life. But someone calling herself "mother" is just a heartless dumb B that never cared about me or anyone in the family and when my father got a stroke I had to get him to hospital and help him because going to hairdresser was more important to her and when he was in hospital I had to cook him a hot meal because he missed the dinner hours before they found a bed for him and she was too occupied with packing bags because she decided that she needs to rest and have a vacation and was gone for 2 weeks. They both are retired but my father pays all the bills and buys all the food while she said that he should be happy and grateful if she cooks anything for dinner and I exists only because in her words I should take care of her and not my father after stroke because she was the one that gave birth to me and I should be grateful she didn't kill me when I was a kid because she could easily do that.

I disavowed her in word and writing - sadly in my country only parents can disavow their children but children got no legal steps they can take to disavow parents - but at least if I die someone would know I don't consider her a part of my family and don't want her to be on my funeral. I also blocked her phone number and any contact on FB and told the rest of the family what kind of person she is - the ones that meet her after my father stroke saw her for what she is and also did broke contact and the rest thinked I am crazy because "parents are still parents no matter how terrible they are". So my actions did fragment my family but also made me realise it never was a really true normal family - it was just a toxic family and I only wanted to be loved - and I only got that from my father and my sister. You just need to cut off the toxic people in your life and your life will be much much much better - I promise. It will only hurt a little for the first week because of what you were accustomed to but then you will feel the sweet taste of freedom and so much less stress and problems on your mind and heart.

I wish you all the best.

Get rid of toxic people (especially ones that cheat on you), stay strong and positive and have a lot of hugs from me.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X_-q9xeOgG4