Have you ever felt surprised for still being alive?

I am an almost total pacifist (I have been violent one time in my life (2)). I have ADHD (focused on speech and social understanding, not irrational emotions and assaulting people). I am 17. I live in Norway, in Norway selfdefense is illegal if it harms the attcker. I live in a small town (10k-15k).

1. When I was 12 I went out about 1900 on a saturday and I encountered in the forest trail a man with what looked like a pistol and drinking alcohol. He looked at me waving his gun and cursing. I just backed away and started running home when I was out of sight. I expect that in USA this is not rare, but in Norway with its weapon ban and living in a small town I was terrified.

2. When I was 11 I was at the local swimming pool with a mental disorder group when one of its members (I will call him Anon) suddenly started choking me while holding me under water and kicking my crotch. I only remember suddenly out of instinct hitting the chest of Anon and Anon letting me loose. The swimming pool was busy but noone helped me or reacted. When I told the leader of the group he yelled at me for wildly accusing his son. Anons brother was in my class and he was my best friend? (I had 2 conversation partners and 3 friends). I left that group obviously. After that happened Anon walks up to me every time he sees me with a happy smile and asks me how his best friend is doing while often holding a knife or a sharp object. I am terrified of him.

3. Other than the above I have constantly been mentally attacked by about 90-95% of the students older than me up to I was in 9th grade. From 7th grade and up my classmates was atleast willing to talk to me.

4. Things that keeps/kept me going: my grandma is alive and soon retired, my dad is able to talk to me for about two hours a week, I have always had 1 conversation partner, the teachers is willing to hear me talk for 5-10 minutes every day.

5. I contantly tear up wounds to feel pain and be sure I am alive.

Are you the new Konrad? Just a more trolling type? Do you want attention, too? Because from the poll I can see that you are clearly trolling and not being serious.

Yeah, Clorox is so overrated.

I'm ten years old than my father when he died, dodged 3 suicide bombings (I'll be honest, each one was around 100 - 250 meters away, but I got a very nice bearing ball as a souvenir from one of them. It landed on my jacket - didn't even cause any damage.), one gunshot wound (graze), two concussions, and extreme clumsiness.

I finally reached my mid-thirties and learned to slow down and take things a bit easier. The biggest danger right now is my kids may give me a heart attack doing the same shit I did.

Sure! When you live in Russia, every new day is like a fcuking miracle.

surprised? maybe, more like I was disappointed with my life etc. but then I was diagnosed with depressional disorders. Sometimes I still feel much elder than my friends, and sometimes I guess that my psychic age greater than should be, because of tons of experiences that I have lived, and books I've read. Right now, is this bad? no! right now I am happy to be myself, however sometimes memories are like fist in my stomach.

After a class of biology or two you start to see how hard is to be alive, all that random factors and shit

Yes.

Haven't felt this way. I certainly haven't had enough experiences, and hope to do some more stuff, even if much of it would be rather mundane like playing/reading/watching TV. This post did make me realise that I have already lived more than half the years I can expect to live. Not sure what I think of that. I just hope I will continue to have a reasonably easy life.

I once died for a minute. It's not a pleasant thing to happen. Because when i woke up, i found myself all puked on my jacket, half-naked and someone makes a heart massage while we're on a public bus.

So yeah, i surprised, but also felt awful.