Metro 2033 - who wants this shit?

:P

"Are We Zombies Yet?"

I dont see vulgarism yet. just false attempts with bad humour to try to win Metro 2033.

lol

tried to post a large thumbs up ascii to agree with this.. but lets say it failed horribly

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you ALMOST got me on that one

Prison Escape
A man escapes from a prison where he's been locked up for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside, he finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the homeowner's wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife: "Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He's probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain.....do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!"
His wife responds:
"He wasn't kissing my neck - he was whispering in my ear. He told me that he's gay, he thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him It was in the bathroom. Be strong. I love you, too."

Sick Dad
Son takes his father to the doctor. Doctor gives them the bad news that the father is dying of cancer. Father tells the son that he has had a good long life and wants to stop at the bar on the way home to celebrate it.
While at the bar, the father sees several of his friends. He tells them that he is dying of AIDS. When the friends leave the son asks, 'Dad, you are dying of cancer. Why did you tell them that you are dying of AIDS?'
The father replies, 'I don't want them screwing your mother after I'm gone!'

Who's This Guy?
after a long night of making love, the young guy rolled over, pulled out a cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter
Unable to find it, he asked the girl if she had one at hand.
"There might be some matches in the top drawer," she replied.
He opened the drawer of the bedside table and found a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man.
Naturally, the guy began to worry.
"Is this your husband?" he inquired nervously.
"No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him.
"Your boyfriend then?" he asked.
"No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear.
"Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy.
Calmly, the girl replied, "That's me before the operation."

At The End Of The Cave
Three men walk into a cave, and hear a voice from the back.
"I'm coming to get you! And I'm going to eat you!"
The first man runs away.
They hear the voice again.
"I'm getting closer! And I'm going to eat you!"
The second man runs away.
The voice comes once more.
"I've nearly got you! And I'm going to eat you!"
The last man bravely walks on.
And at the very back of the cave, he finds a small boy picking his nose.

Spit Ball
Teacher: Whoever answers this question can go home now one hour early
Student: Accidentally shoots a spit ball at his teacher
Teacher: who shot that spit ball
Student: I did by mistake. See you tomorrow.

The Next Cubicle
A man went into the public toilets to relieve himself. The first cubicle was in use, so he went into the next one. As he took down his trousers, he heard a voice from the other cubicle.
"Hey, hows it going?"
Not wanting to be rude, he replied, "Not too bad thanks."
A few seconds later, he heard the voice again.
"What are you up to?"
Somewhat relunctantly, he replied, "Having a quick sh*t, what about you?"
He heard the voice again.
"Hold on, I'm going to have to call you back. There's some wise a.ss in the cubicle next to me answering everything I say!!

Where Is God?
The preacher, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, 'Do you know where God is, son?' The boy's mouth dropped open , but he made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open.
So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone, 'Where is God?'
Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, 'Where is God?'
The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, 'What happened?' The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied,'We are in BIG trouble this time,'
'GOD is missing, and they think we did it!

Any of those make you laugh?

I once farted in an elevator, which was wrong on so many levels.....

Why can't your nose be 12 inches long? Because then it'd be a foot!!!

Its like a Christmas miracle.

got an attempted Gangsta joke for ya....
Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?
Fo' drizzle.

Actually the joke is original xD

haha yea. that would suck. its like when someone wins stuff on SG and doesnt play it :o

heres another lame joke in my attempt to make you laugh TT_TT

Why do hippos wear red toenail polish? To hide in cherry trees.
Have you ever seen a hippo in a cherry tree? "No" Must be working!

and why not add another one...
Hopefully you like knock knock jokes... because
'Whoever invented knock knock jokes should get a no bell prize' ... TT_TT