Looking for a certain type of game.

hearts of iron 3

Civilization V if you haven't tried it yet.. it's definitely worth a shot.

Total war series (shogun 2 is my favorite), Mount&Blade has some great diplomacy and ruler mods, Warlock - Master of the Arcane ( It looks a lot like Civ 5 but I don't know if it has the specifications you're looking for).

Divinity: Dragon Commander. You are an emperor and can feel it. You make decisions and wage war. Also, you can worry about your wife, but you don't really have to.

in EUIV there's no wife and family, except for the diplomatic option for marriages.

What about space games like master of orion 3, the Total War serie ( i recommend the warhammer mod ), age of empires, dominions 4 ( the diplomacy is in multiplayer ), distant worlds... dwarf fortress doesn't have diplomacy yet but its an excellent game to play a king.

You may want to check out games by Ageod as well, especially Pride Of Nations for diplomacy.

Matrix just relased World In Flames.

Paradox has also victoria 2 where diplomacy matters.

What about Masters of the World ?

Shogun 2 maybe

tropico?

AGEOD has fine games: http://www.ageod.co.uk/store/

American Civil War 2 is new and looks great:
http://www.ageod.co.uk/store/500/Civil.War.II

Something from the Supreme Ruler series of games?

It's older but what your looking for sounds exactly like Anno 1602 to me.

Edit: forgot about Anno 1701 being newer and good as well.

All the stuff you're mentioning you only have 2 hours or less in. Give them more of a try, especially Civ 5. Use some mods on workshop.

if you go non steam. I have had alot of fun with warcraft 3 they also have alot of user created custom maps and gameplay styles.

Master of Orion 2 or Master of Magic
...both pretty old, but damn good.

Eador: Genesis. You're an immortal in the astral plane trying to Highlander the crap out of other immortals.

You start out fresh on each land shard (since you're being summoned to or possessing a ruler on the that shard), although as you progress the campaign you unlock new units and being able to pay to start out with tech upgrades prebuilt when you start a shard.

There's also some role playing on both the shard and astral plane level, and multiple endings (although role playing/democracy isn't as involved as the games you mention)

There's also the remake Masters of the Broken World (which mainly updates the graphics and shortens the campaign to improve the pacing), I mainly just mentioned the original because many prefer it and there's a pretty extensive mod New Horizons that adds a ton of units (although the translated version is behind, and it apparently doesn't play nicely with campaign mode).

Did you try any game from the Total War series? Those might suit you.

An old game that fit on the description it's Lords of the Realms 2 ...good old times...

Lords of the Realm - Royal Edition on GOG.com

How about The guild 2?