Why did the magician put candy in his robes?
He wanted to have a few extra twix up his sleeve.

a bear and a rabbit takes a walk through the forrest, after awhile they stop for a toilet-break.
After the bear is done takeing a dump.
The Bear asks the rabbit "do you have trouble with shit sticking to your furr?"
The rabbit says "no", so the bear wipes his ass with the rabbit.

:3

thank you!

ty!

Thanks.

gj

Thanks

Thanks

During the Super Bowl, there was another football game of note between the big animals and the little animals. The big animals were crushing little animals and at half-time, the coach made a passionate speech to rally the little animals. At the start of the second half the big animals had the ball. The first play, the elephant got stopped for no gain. The second play, the rhino was stopped for no gain. On third down, the hippo was thrown for a 5 yard loss. The defense huddled around the coach and he asked excitedly, "Who stopped the elephant?" "I did," said the centipede. "Who stopped the rhino?" "Uh, that was me too," said the centipede. "And how about the hippo? Who hit him for a 5 yard loss?" "Well, that was me as well," said the centipede. "So where were you during the first half?" demanded the coach. "Well," said the centipede, "I was having my ankles taped."

Great!

An old man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender notices the guy's head is the size of a cue ball.
"I got to ask, sir," says the bartender. "What happened?"
The old guy sighs and tells him, "My ship was torpedoed by the Germans in WWII. A mermaid rescued me and promised to grant me three wishes. For my first wish, I asked to return to the States. My second wish was to have all the money I would ever need. Finally, my third wish was to have sex with the mermaid."

"That doesn't sound too bad," says the bartender. "Then what happened?"

"Well," sighs the man, "mermaids can't have sex, so I asked her if I could just have a little head... ."

Why did the midget walk in to the bar? ....No idea, I'd have thought they'd be short enough to go under it. >.> Thankee for the giveaways Jeka. =)

My Job.. :D

Thanks! Well, there was this time I got hired to play a song on the piano for the trickster god's birthday. Unfortunately, I was quickly fired when everybody realized that I couldn't hit the... low key. B-) (insert obligatory "YEAH!" here)

I realize, I lifted this pun from a video off of Youtube, but I'm a bit too tired to think of something original atm.

Thanks =)

There was a lady, who had a dog that she loved, and he followed her everywhere. One morning she woke up, went to the bathroom, came out, and realized that her dog wasn't at her feet. She found him in his bed ''sleeping''. She called his name, but he didn't get up. So she took him to the vet and told the vet that her dog wouldn't wake up. So he looked at her dog and said, ''Your dog is dead''. She asked the doctor to perform another test to be sure.
The doctor went into another room, and came back with a cage. In it there was a cat. He let the cat out, and she walked arund the dog, sniffed, and went back in her cage. The doc put the cat back in the other room. He came out and said again, ''Your dog is dead''.
She was like ''Ok, how much do I owe you?''
The doctor said ''$300''
She said, ''What!?!? How could it cost that much??''
He said ''$15 for me to say he was dead. Then $285 for the cat scan''

thank you!

A horse comes into a bar. The barkeeper asks: "Why the long face?"

Thanks! :)

I will win. It is a joke.

Thanks!

Thanks

tänud

Thanks!!!