So these two roaches, Tom and Oscar, are hanging out next to a dumpster enjoying a snack. “Hey Tom” said Oscar to his friend, “You know that restaurant down the block? I went there yesterday to pick up some scraps, and I couldn’t believe how clean it was, I could practically see my reflection through the shiny waxed floor.” “Oscar” hollered Tom spitting the food out of his mouth, “please not while I am eating!!”

There you go, two bad jokes D:

View attached image.

View attached image.

A drunk stumbles in the front door of a bar. He slurs, "gimme a shot of vodka."
The bartender says, "looks like you've had enough already. Go home."
The drunk stumbles back out through the front door.
Five minutes later, the drunk re-enters the bar through the patio door. "Gimme a shot of vodka," he shouts.
"I'm not going to serve you. Now leave!"
The man foolishly makes his way back out the patio door.
Five minutes later, the drunk comes crashing through the kitchen door. The bartender looks at him furiously. "If you don't get out of my bar, I'm calling the cops!"
The drunk stops, squints his eyes and gets a real close look at the bartender. He finally says, "Damn, how many bars do you work at."

Two sausages were in a frying pan. One said, "Man, it sure is hot in here." The other one said, "HOLY SHIT, A TALKING SAUSAGE!"

"Abandon all hope ye who enter" a quote from Dante's inferno referring to the gate to hell. Also found in retail stores during the holidays.

QUESTION: Is Google a he or a she?

ANSWER: A she, no doubt, because it won‘t let you finish your sentence without suggesting other ideas.