Take a seat and tell me more about the problems with your mother. How's your relationship with your father? Any traumatic experiences in your childhood of abandonment or misplaced trust?
Are you going to be my new shrink? 'Cause i've one but basically i don't tell her anything and i don't take my pills. Don't ask me why i am still going there.
My mother is mad and we all know that. Her mother, my dead grandpa, my dad, her mother-in-law... But she thinks to be normal and she doesn't need help. So i have to live with her and her craziness. She is obsessed with some things that make me and dad mad, all things that only complicate our life and that lead to quarrels. For example every morning she clean the bathroom at 7:00 AM. Now you cannot use it anymore while at least it's 6:00 PM or later. Before she "just" cleaned it "right a moment before". No one cares if already 12 hours passed away, she just cleaned this f**king bathroom.
With my dad is all easier, but we don't have a great relationship after all. I mean we don't have a bond.
Sometimes i ask myself if i'm really their son or if i'm just adopted.
There's more to say... Bad choices they made when i was young. For example our house. It's literally an old crap, and instead to go to a better place my mom decided to come here. My dad? Eh... He couldn't do anything, you know, she is mad and sick.
I think this place affected me a lot in a negative way. So basically i'm a fail son. I'm not anyhing good and i know it.
Plus i don't know... My grandma says that when i was more than a baby a doctor said to my parents i should had to go into some place for my correct growth, but my mom decided it didn't worth to bring me there, because what others could had think about them and me.
I don't know more than that about this story, i don't think i've any deficit, just i'm lazy failed guy.
And with my dad maybe i got some daddy issues - not literally... I didn't love any older guy to replace my dad.
If my english isn't correct it's because it's really late.
Edit:
As i told to another guy here in another comment:
"One day i'll kill my mom, maybe. And you cannot know if i'm serious or if i'm joking.
Well, maybe i'm joking but she is really good at making me mad, so acute psychotic episodes aren't to exclude."
Even though you think that the internet makes you immune to the consequences of your words--it is possible for them to catch up with you. Making a threat against your mom can get you into huge trouble. "Maybe I was joking." will not protect you very well, as long as people perceive that there is some level of seriousness in your message.
You may be right--your mom could be half crazy, which affects your life and others.
Fortunately for you, she has provided some level of support to raise you, and you owe her some honor. If necessary, when you become an adult, you have the right to choose to cut your relationship with your mother. Perhaps, a call once or twice a year would be a minimum amount of honor for her sacrifice raising you. Until then, you may need to cope with her disruptions to everyone around her (the bathroom example.)
Most importantly, you should focus on yourself--the reality of this life is that YOU are the only one you can change. You do not control your mom, your dad, or your grandma. Conversely, your parents, your teachers, your shrink do not control you. You make choices and should accept the consequences of your decisions, even when random lightning disrupts your intentions and ruins your hopes. You do not need to feel guilty for lightning strikes or others' interference.
Why are you still going to the shrink?! Take some responsibility. If your parents are making you go, then fine--say that--and leave the consequences with them if you think it is a waste of your time. Nevertheless, you DO know why you are going to the shrink.
Do not look for excuses. If your parents made a poor choice against the doctor's recommendation for "correcting your growth", that is their decision. You may have to live with the consequences--nevertheless, you are not in a position to judge what they should have done. Life is unclear.
You say that you do not have a deficit--ok, good. Move forward if you feel mostly complete. What is this talk about "a failed son?" Your life is not over yet. Who decided that you are fail? Your mom? Her opinion is just that. Your own opinion?
When you call yourself "lazy", do you want a medal? You determine what you are trying to accomplish today and tomorrow.
If you are finished with life and ready to die--fine--I very much understand. Nevertheless, you are the one who made the decision to be lazy and failed. You can decide to pursue a different track, even if success is not achieved in that direction. You are responsible for your inner voice that makes your decisions.
Go bury your crap in the flower bed if you must. Or, you could confront your mom's craziness with "I wiped everything down with a sanitizer right after I used the bathroom" OR "I cleaned the bathroom Monday, Wednesday, and Friday--so why do you not clean the bathroom only on the other days--take your obsession with cleanliness to your own therapist. I am keeping my bathroom clean without you."
When was the last time that you cleaned the bathroom yourself, instead of your mom doing it? Guess what? It is your job to clean up your share of the house. Give her a log of how much you contributed to cleaning around the house during the week. I guarantee that it will help you to make her back down on her obsession.
5/7 days: Covered my own bed with blankets.
Monday: Loaded the dishwasher after dinner.
Tuesday: Wiped down the counters and stovetop.
Wednesday & Saturday: Took the trash outside from ALL the trashcans around the house
Thursday: Emptied the dishwasher
Friday: Swept and/or vacuumed these specific rooms (more than your own bedroom)
Saturday: Gathered the white laundry from your little brother and did a load of wash.
Show her this list. You CAN honestly write one up, right?
Nothing new, i already know those kind of words you're using in your speech.
My mom doesn't want to be helped, that's all. She ruined us in a lot of ways. If you think i blame others for my life/situation, yeah. We aren't only consequence of ourselves.
Your words may be look so strong but i am fucked up, and if you believe in the great american dream you're welcome, but it's not my business. There are people able to do something and raise their life, job, family, bla bla from nothing, there are who just do suicide.
You're lookin only at one of the face of the medal, but there is another one in the back. I've nothing to do in this world. Lemme people judge me as they want, i don't care. I said the truth, as there are bad things that happens outside the screen in front of you.
Shit happens, and always will happen. We are humans, and we are the worst race in the whole Earth.
Welcome to my cynicism, my realism, my misanthropy, my hate and my whatever else.
OK--I hear you. If your anger gives you some grounding, I get it--use it productively. No one should expect you to smile and be glad when you are fed shit.
Yeah--your mom may never change; we have no control over her. You know the saying: "Get busy living or get busy dying?" They say it smugly as if the first option is the obvious choice. I know the feeling of wanting the second choice. Morally, though I am pissed off at God myself, I do not believe that extinguishing my own life is very defensible to the Judge in the end.
Shit does happen. Many people ARE terrible. Still, there are quite a few who are not--try to seek out a few of them. If they turn on you, move on. For now, it sounds like you are stuck with your parents for a few more years--welcome to teenage angst. Not the first time that has reared its ugly head.
Still, you obviously see a problem much bigger than your parents. What is the point of even trying when everyone and everything is against you, right?
Some day, when you meet your Maker in the next life, if everything that happened to you was 98% circumstantial, and if you only had control over 2% of your life, the real Judge of your life will ask: "I understand--so what did you do with your 2% influence."
I still ask: "How much are you cleaning up around the house?" My relationship with my mom suddenly got much better when I was 17 and stopped resisting her for every damn chore. I just bucked up and got it done. I know--this is just a side note to bigger problems.
BTW, thank you for all of your generosity here on SG. You have spent quite a bit of time on the giving end, I see. Not everyone does.
My overall thesis is this though: If you can answer positively about your 2%, rather than putting yourself down as "a lazy failure," then you have much to be proud of, whether you die next month or next century. You want to be able to answer: "I was not the cause of other people getting more miserable too, because of my influence. I am a positive influence among others." That is the real medal of life.
I am in the CA SF bay area if you want to sit down and chat more about it over some Vietnamese Pho. Otherwise, spit it out here. I've got all day and all week.
Well i could say more about me but yeah, i already said enough here in front of everyone [Even if i think only a few people read all that.], so i'm not interested to saying more personal shit about me on Steamfits for now.
I'm far away from California lol, but if you wanna i could add you on Steam.
About the main question, i don't help so much in the house, i could but my mom wants to control everything, also on my own room.
It's not about cleaning, it's about her control, her brain fucked up. We didn't talk for last four days, and you know why? Because i yelled@ at her about the reason of why should she take the towel from the right place for it near the sink, to put it on a clotheshorse. I mean i took it to bring it near the sink, i washed my hands, i made my dinner, i ate the dinner, i went back to the sink to wash again my hands and? Nor after 30 mins it was again on the clotheshorse. Why the hell? Why? No reasons, i yelled@ at her so she did it to me, and after she stopped to talk with me for four days.
Congrats mom.
@ I didn't yell to her immediately, i tryed to talk quiet and explain to her my reasons and shit, but everything gone wild. Everything goes bad with her. You cannot even try to talk and try to reach some compromises.
I used @ instead of asterisk since it's used for code formatting. :c
P.S.: Maybe my english isn't so good afterall, i hope you understand anyway lol.
gracias
Comment has been collapsed.
Take a seat and tell me more about the problems with your mother. How's your relationship with your father? Any traumatic experiences in your childhood of abandonment or misplaced trust?
thanks
Comment has been collapsed.
Are you going to be my new shrink? 'Cause i've one but basically i don't tell her anything and i don't take my pills. Don't ask me why i am still going there.
My mother is mad and we all know that. Her mother, my dead grandpa, my dad, her mother-in-law... But she thinks to be normal and she doesn't need help. So i have to live with her and her craziness. She is obsessed with some things that make me and dad mad, all things that only complicate our life and that lead to quarrels. For example every morning she clean the bathroom at 7:00 AM. Now you cannot use it anymore while at least it's 6:00 PM or later. Before she "just" cleaned it "right a moment before". No one cares if already 12 hours passed away, she just cleaned this f**king bathroom.
With my dad is all easier, but we don't have a great relationship after all. I mean we don't have a bond.
Sometimes i ask myself if i'm really their son or if i'm just adopted.
There's more to say... Bad choices they made when i was young. For example our house. It's literally an old crap, and instead to go to a better place my mom decided to come here. My dad? Eh... He couldn't do anything, you know, she is mad and sick.
I think this place affected me a lot in a negative way. So basically i'm a fail son. I'm not anyhing good and i know it.
Plus i don't know... My grandma says that when i was more than a baby a doctor said to my parents i should had to go into some place for my correct growth, but my mom decided it didn't worth to bring me there, because what others could had think about them and me.
I don't know more than that about this story, i don't think i've any deficit, just i'm lazy failed guy.
And with my dad maybe i got some daddy issues - not literally... I didn't love any older guy to replace my dad.
If my english isn't correct it's because it's really late.
Edit:
As i told to another guy here in another comment:
Comment has been collapsed.
Even though you think that the internet makes you immune to the consequences of your words--it is possible for them to catch up with you. Making a threat against your mom can get you into huge trouble. "Maybe I was joking." will not protect you very well, as long as people perceive that there is some level of seriousness in your message.
You may be right--your mom could be half crazy, which affects your life and others.
Fortunately for you, she has provided some level of support to raise you, and you owe her some honor. If necessary, when you become an adult, you have the right to choose to cut your relationship with your mother. Perhaps, a call once or twice a year would be a minimum amount of honor for her sacrifice raising you. Until then, you may need to cope with her disruptions to everyone around her (the bathroom example.)
Most importantly, you should focus on yourself--the reality of this life is that YOU are the only one you can change. You do not control your mom, your dad, or your grandma. Conversely, your parents, your teachers, your shrink do not control you. You make choices and should accept the consequences of your decisions, even when random lightning disrupts your intentions and ruins your hopes. You do not need to feel guilty for lightning strikes or others' interference.
Why are you still going to the shrink?! Take some responsibility. If your parents are making you go, then fine--say that--and leave the consequences with them if you think it is a waste of your time. Nevertheless, you DO know why you are going to the shrink.
Do not look for excuses. If your parents made a poor choice against the doctor's recommendation for "correcting your growth", that is their decision. You may have to live with the consequences--nevertheless, you are not in a position to judge what they should have done. Life is unclear.
You say that you do not have a deficit--ok, good. Move forward if you feel mostly complete. What is this talk about "a failed son?" Your life is not over yet. Who decided that you are fail? Your mom? Her opinion is just that. Your own opinion?
When you call yourself "lazy", do you want a medal? You determine what you are trying to accomplish today and tomorrow.
If you are finished with life and ready to die--fine--I very much understand. Nevertheless, you are the one who made the decision to be lazy and failed. You can decide to pursue a different track, even if success is not achieved in that direction. You are responsible for your inner voice that makes your decisions.
Go bury your crap in the flower bed if you must. Or, you could confront your mom's craziness with "I wiped everything down with a sanitizer right after I used the bathroom" OR "I cleaned the bathroom Monday, Wednesday, and Friday--so why do you not clean the bathroom only on the other days--take your obsession with cleanliness to your own therapist. I am keeping my bathroom clean without you."
When was the last time that you cleaned the bathroom yourself, instead of your mom doing it? Guess what? It is your job to clean up your share of the house. Give her a log of how much you contributed to cleaning around the house during the week. I guarantee that it will help you to make her back down on her obsession.
5/7 days: Covered my own bed with blankets.
Monday: Loaded the dishwasher after dinner.
Tuesday: Wiped down the counters and stovetop.
Wednesday & Saturday: Took the trash outside from ALL the trashcans around the house
Thursday: Emptied the dishwasher
Friday: Swept and/or vacuumed these specific rooms (more than your own bedroom)
Saturday: Gathered the white laundry from your little brother and did a load of wash.
Show her this list. You CAN honestly write one up, right?
Comment has been collapsed.
Nothing new, i already know those kind of words you're using in your speech.
My mom doesn't want to be helped, that's all. She ruined us in a lot of ways. If you think i blame others for my life/situation, yeah. We aren't only consequence of ourselves.
Your words may be look so strong but i am fucked up, and if you believe in the great american dream you're welcome, but it's not my business. There are people able to do something and raise their life, job, family, bla bla from nothing, there are who just do suicide.
You're lookin only at one of the face of the medal, but there is another one in the back. I've nothing to do in this world. Lemme people judge me as they want, i don't care. I said the truth, as there are bad things that happens outside the screen in front of you.
Shit happens, and always will happen. We are humans, and we are the worst race in the whole Earth.
Welcome to my cynicism, my realism, my misanthropy, my hate and my whatever else.
Comment has been collapsed.
OK--I hear you. If your anger gives you some grounding, I get it--use it productively. No one should expect you to smile and be glad when you are fed shit.
Yeah--your mom may never change; we have no control over her. You know the saying: "Get busy living or get busy dying?" They say it smugly as if the first option is the obvious choice. I know the feeling of wanting the second choice. Morally, though I am pissed off at God myself, I do not believe that extinguishing my own life is very defensible to the Judge in the end.
Shit does happen. Many people ARE terrible. Still, there are quite a few who are not--try to seek out a few of them. If they turn on you, move on. For now, it sounds like you are stuck with your parents for a few more years--welcome to teenage angst. Not the first time that has reared its ugly head.
Still, you obviously see a problem much bigger than your parents. What is the point of even trying when everyone and everything is against you, right?
Some day, when you meet your Maker in the next life, if everything that happened to you was 98% circumstantial, and if you only had control over 2% of your life, the real Judge of your life will ask: "I understand--so what did you do with your 2% influence."
I still ask: "How much are you cleaning up around the house?" My relationship with my mom suddenly got much better when I was 17 and stopped resisting her for every damn chore. I just bucked up and got it done. I know--this is just a side note to bigger problems.
BTW, thank you for all of your generosity here on SG. You have spent quite a bit of time on the giving end, I see. Not everyone does.
My overall thesis is this though: If you can answer positively about your 2%, rather than putting yourself down as "a lazy failure," then you have much to be proud of, whether you die next month or next century. You want to be able to answer: "I was not the cause of other people getting more miserable too, because of my influence. I am a positive influence among others." That is the real medal of life.
I am in the CA SF bay area if you want to sit down and chat more about it over some Vietnamese Pho. Otherwise, spit it out here. I've got all day and all week.
Comment has been collapsed.
Well i could say more about me but yeah, i already said enough here in front of everyone [Even if i think only a few people read all that.], so i'm not interested to saying more personal shit about me on Steamfits for now.
I'm far away from California lol, but if you wanna i could add you on Steam.
About the main question, i don't help so much in the house, i could but my mom wants to control everything, also on my own room.
It's not about cleaning, it's about her control, her brain fucked up. We didn't talk for last four days, and you know why? Because i yelled@ at her about the reason of why should she take the towel from the right place for it near the sink, to put it on a clotheshorse. I mean i took it to bring it near the sink, i washed my hands, i made my dinner, i ate the dinner, i went back to the sink to wash again my hands and? Nor after 30 mins it was again on the clotheshorse. Why the hell? Why? No reasons, i yelled@ at her so she did it to me, and after she stopped to talk with me for four days.
Congrats mom.
@ I didn't yell to her immediately, i tryed to talk quiet and explain to her my reasons and shit, but everything gone wild. Everything goes bad with her. You cannot even try to talk and try to reach some compromises.
I used @ instead of asterisk since it's used for code formatting. :c
P.S.: Maybe my english isn't so good afterall, i hope you understand anyway lol.
Comment has been collapsed.
Thanks !
Comment has been collapsed.
Thanks a lot ^^
Comment has been collapsed.
Appreciate the opportunity!
Comment has been collapsed.
Thanks Nekrux.
Comment has been collapsed.
Thanks
Comment has been collapsed.
ty =)
Comment has been collapsed.
Telegram the app or the old communication medium?
Thank you
Comment has been collapsed.
App.
Comment has been collapsed.
Then switch over to the other one. ;)
Comment has been collapsed.
I already use Whatsapp without any problem, so yeah. :o
Comment has been collapsed.
I meant this. :P
Comment has been collapsed.
Oh, it would be a bit difficult and slow. :(
Comment has been collapsed.
Hvala puno!
Comment has been collapsed.
Thanks for the chance!
Comment has been collapsed.
Great, thank you for this.
Comment has been collapsed.
Thanks Nekrux.
Comment has been collapsed.
Thanks!
Comment has been collapsed.
Thanks
Comment has been collapsed.
Thanks!
Comment has been collapsed.
Thank you!~ :D
Comment has been collapsed.
Thanks.
Comment has been collapsed.
I hope you've been having a great weekend.
Comment has been collapsed.
Thanks
Comment has been collapsed.
Thanks for the giveaway!
Comment has been collapsed.