We must remember that cats also have a character that can change, and quickly in our understanding. Due to their nature, it is difficult for them to move, repair, change the owner. As a rule, they adapt over time, but not always
In any case, I cannot advise, since I am not in your place. I hope that the decision you have made will be correct and will not cause further regrets.
I'm sorry for my English, I use an auto-translator
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Thank you, actually she did change from since she came (to being very indepedent, playful etc) towards a crawl on the lap type, but when you are on the pc most of the day it's not possible (beside your germphobia but you can change clothes but still the whole day is a bit much) because it doesn't sit comfortable as you just really have to bend over.
They can't fix a person but they can help a person, i read many stories that a pet can help someone with lonelineless, depression etc, but for some reason that didn't work out so for me personally.
Only time will tell if there are going to be regrets, i can't change it back and ask the cat back, the decision has been made.
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Thank you, i do, and it be easier if i had a home with a garden so it can go it's own way, or had a girlfriend who can help with the care or the affection but both are so unpredictable.
But i will always feel like this was a failure, and perhaps if i would go for another cat that it would be betraying her memories, because yes with all my intentions i think this is the best for both of us, but it also feels a little betrayal (because we do both love eachother, it's your heart versus your mind you know). But it can also goes that i would meet a partner that already has pets.
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I was waiting for news about Bowy... maybe not that ones or maybe yes, I don't know... but if both of you are going to be better or you think she is going to have a better living, go for it. I hope you find some mental rest. My only advice is this: if you ever think about getting another cat in the future go for an adult one, with a formed character so you know what you are going to get. There are cats more attention demanding than others and the only way to know that is when they are not kittens anymore.
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Thank you, i don't plan on getting other cats in the future, although i always wanted to take my moms cats in if something were to happen to her (which i hope offcourse won't be for a long time) since my sister can't have them (or Bowy) but when i moved out she let them go outside after 1 1/2 year, and now they are used to that, and if i my living situation hasn't changed by then, that might create otheri issues. No worrying about it until now i should focus on the present.
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Sorry to hear that... I hope she will be happy wherever she will be right now, but I actually hope even more for you to be happy. I only can imagine how hard it is for you to live with something that hard and at the same time trying to deal with cat, in some way failing (for now) and giving her away... I really hope that wherever you live and whatever is your actual situation, you will get better. Maybe with help of someone close, maybe you will meet someone along the way who will help you, or maybe in some other way, but I really, really hope you will deal with all of that. Either if it is something specific like giving away Bowy, or more generally - your germphobia, I root for you.
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Thank you, loneliness is excruciating hard, that i could only find solitude in alcohol sometimes (after being a year sober) but in Bowy's honor i gonna stop that, feeling like she atleast giving me that (and the love offcourse).
I don't have anyone close, and the few around me (like my mom, sister, 1 remaining friend, even shrink) all started to abandon me too, it's okay with my mom again but she has the same loneliness and i take over her pains too with that).
So i really felt totally alone too, i am going into this buddy system, but i still have my doubts, i don't know what to do, i can't even play games as i don't even have a proper tv/console set up in the living rooom, my home isn't even a home yet after 6 months, i don't even have curtains because i depend on other people, which also doesn't make you feel home.
But mostly i want and miss a relationship (and a kid) but that isn't always so easy and at a certain age you just don't know when someone is already taken or not, making it hard to try, on a dating site for every woman there are 10 men.
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Personally I'm not into pets, but I understand those people who really care about pets regard them as their family. If it was nothing, you wouldn't even share the update here.
Seems like sometimes death isn't the only one to put an end on the relationship with animals. Let go, if at least one side of you feel uncomfortable and think you two cannot stay together, then there's no reason to keep it going on. Departing might not be the best answer, but at the moment it seems to be better than doing nothing at all.
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I added a picture to OP, she is adorable, very good looking, and the person that responded even said she wasn't even looking for a cat, but she got the ad through facebook from a friend and she especially made an account to ask to take Bowy in.
Offcourse my heart breaks, even makes me sick to the stomach, and this is the hardest decision i even made in my life, that hard.
And often i let my heart take over my mind, but my mind now had to make that decision that it was better for the both of us.
Yes, if i only i could have predicted the future that certain things would change in 2-4 months (then i could and would have pulled through for the both of us), but it could be 2 years, or never and that's the part that wouldn't be fair for either of us, but also scary for me, because i want certain changes in my life but i am so afraid they won't happen, because my life hasn't been particularly going over roses for a few decades.
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It's very sad. But animals are not medicines for depression. Sometimes, on the contrary, the fact that you need to continue to take care of someone, despite fatigue and despair, plunges into even deeper sadness. May the little feline miracle be happy.
I embrace you from the bottom of my heart!
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I wasn't seeking them as a medicine for depression actually (i don't think i am depressed, just very lonely), and pets are absolutely no cure but it can bring some relieve to people. our relationship was very different the first 4 weeks, it had her corner and i had "my" corner and it was fine and not stressful at all on both sides, i only questioned if providing just a living room was enough space.
Then a visit came/she got stressed and then fleas and her eating habits changed to very poorly, also much less interactive and that was sad to see, she never been depressed as that would involve growling, and her ears are always up (which is good) she still seeks my lap perhaps there is a medical reason, i don't know.
Actually i was used to cats since my mom has 2 (although not the cares just the joys but they were boys and now more grown up) so i didn't step into this all completely blind.
Thank you, i appreciate that, and yeah i hope she will be.
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Yes it's painful, but I think you did the right thing for both.
And you're 100% right. You have to work on yourself. Put your priorities right. I've recently been doing a small "purge" of things in my life that take energy or time so I can focus on keeping my job and work with the therapist, which is incredibly hard and energy consuming. Putting some time and brain on priorities will "clean" your life, even if changing them will take effort.
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Thank you. it's excruciating hard, sick to the stomach you know, probably gonna take some days. My mom even asked me to pick up some food (my diet is poor since moving) but i am like i probably not going to think much about food the next few days.
May i inquire about this purge and, what your job is, and why you seeking professional help? You may answer in an old giveaway.
Since we are maybe in similar situations although i don't have a job (physically and mentally draining, also because my heart issue i can't do very physical labour for 40 hours but those are usually the only jobs you can still get) and they aren't rewarding it above wellfare, you can even go backwards on money (both being very tight).
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I know how you feel. Had to rehome one of my cats earlier this year after pulling through for over a year, hoping it'd change.
I still miss him, but I know he's got a great home all to himself now.
I wish you strength going forward, it will be very weird not having her around.
And good luck working on your other issues. Give it time, it will probably change so slowly you won't even notice it yourself.
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Can i ask what you mean exactly with pulling through? You had a cat for a year but couldn't manage after a year because of your own personal issues thinking a cat would help you with those issues, like i hoped for mine (germphobia, loneliness)?
Sorry to hear about your cat, and yeah it's atleast nice to know that they are going to a loving home, i preferred here in the neighbourhood so i could still take a small peek you know, but it's a 45 minute car drive.
I been cleaning the first 3 hours after Bowy went away, i am just sitting down for 30 minutes and now missing the cat pole next to you, the sounds, the grieving starting. I normally got 2x 1 temazepam a day, now i saved them both for now (although it's always hit or miss with them). It will definitely be weird yeah.
Thank you and i wish you good luck too.
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Different situation: There was a conflict between my cats so after over a year cat 1 and 3 started attacking cat 2.
If I was around he was fine, if one of the other cats looked at him he started howling.
Tried everything I could to resolvev the conflict but unfortunately rehoming was the last solution.
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There is cat therapy but probably is expensive, some are just more aggresive and not friendly to other cats depends on the species/nature, even age.
Bowy and my nieces cat Felix stayed at my mom first and one of her cats also didn't like the company.
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Not all is lost. It's good to hear that Bowy will have a good home, and also that the stress for you will go down. In the end, I think it was a good discussion. It's sad yes but it still revealed some working points so you can improve yourself and your life. Something you wouldn't have known without Bowy. Also, the loss you're feeling now is because you got to love something wholeheartedly, so maybe, someday, when you are up for it and worked through some things, you can open you hearth again and let something or somebody in. That's a lot of growth. So see this as an experience, a victory! Even if you feel sad now. In the end everything came together and now you can reflect and grow further. Which will help you in future connections.
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And in rememberance of Bowy, since i moved in here, i went back to alcohol sometimes, and with my heart/liver i shouldn't be, in her honor i will stop, so not only did she give me love, i think it's a nice thought that she also has given me that indirectly.
Oh, i am always open for a female companionship, i think actually that would help me the most in life (and eventually a kid) but at a certain age it's hard, because dating sites cost money or for ever female there are 10 males, when you don't go out much, and you aren't brad pitt they wont hit on you but you have to try with women, but at a certain age you will meet many that are already taken. And i am going into this buddy system but not really know what to do yet with them and that might not even probably start until next month.
Well the only female friend i had left didn't come here while she promised in the holidays, she promised to come online way more, but hasn't ever since i moved, and when i just ask her way, it's that i am blaming for all sorts of stuff.
And my mother hasn't even come to visit (she has a scootmobile but my sister could have drived and both come).
I don't have curtains after 6 months, i don't have at tv cabinet with a second tv, then i could move my couch and choosen some Bowy/me times but i don't know when it's financially possible. And many storage boxes unpacked, it's also far from even feeling like a home.
I was hoping the move would be a start, and i would meet someone perhaps here, and it would more then a hey, i even got this nice neighbour (with 2 cats) but very to herself, i am very afraid of the thought that i would be here forever alone, and that's frightening instead of keep on hoping it will all get better.
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Ow, that's not so good, I hope you'll turn it around again. You need to take care of yourself and especially your heart and liver, you only have one.
It's always difficult to move and it takes time to adjust and get to know people. A good way is to get out there is to participate in events, volunteer in local organizations. It will give you an opportunity to get to know new people. And it wil also take your mind of of things going on at that time. I know that won't be easy with your germ phobia but maybe you'll find something that works for you? People will welcome you with open arms if you are willing to help out and they can count on you. Even with small tasks. And who knows who you'll get to know that way? If you lock yourself away, waiting around for people to come, you want have that chance. If I can ever give you some advice it's this: Things won't come to you when you sit around and wait for them. You need to get out there to let things happen to you. It's not easy to get out of your comfort zone but the rewards are so much better. Of course all is up to you. Maybe now is not the time yet, but I hope that time will come soon.
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I was 2 times 1 year sober, actually that moving made me start again, if your shrinks are being difficult about your meds.
And i asked here for remedies but it all came to yoga (or taking a walk and yeah i probably should do but we have a lot of rainy days and i am lazy), if alcohol was the only thing giving you some rest, it's easy to take although as you get older it just bites back harder.
But it's just doctors being doctors because even when i was 1 year sober, my liver values weren't right either and i said so it wasn't the alcohol, and they can easily see in your blood if you test it what you took, but i am luckily not to form a quick addiction, i can quit, it's just when i do drink i have no limit (but i can also drink 8 cups of tea/coffee before 13:00 or a bottle of lemonade on 1 day and then some.
But as i said i want to remain quitting in memory of Bowy, so that she also gave me that as something positive.
That's what my mother said and i was thinking, but then i am like what do i want to do? And yes what is not in the way of my germphobia? I thought about the food bank, but my neighbour below who volunteered at an animal shelter said it will always be a commitment and offcourse you can't say oh this week, i don't feel like it, i will skip.
But that could be just the key finding a friend, or even a girlfriend you never know, i know staying inside sure doesn't bring anyone to your life.
But offcourse you prefer a steady job, but with the whole corona and other stuff i got another major gap, but my odds are mostly on physical labor, but with my heart it has to work extra then for normal people so more draining and perhaps not even possible, but companies don't look at that, also those are also usually the low end paid jobs and sometimes even worse off then being on wellfare because you lose benefits (working isn't always motivated here).
i know i can easily sit behind a pc for 40 hours, but that usually requires proper papers/experience.
Well i think the first two weeks i'll probably get some rest (i also been sleeping terrible for a month, with going from my new med back to the old one, the alcohol) i wake up 2-4 times a night and thus not get rested.
But my insomnia always came and go in my life, i got periods i woke up at 7:00 just fine but other moments when i woke up at 10-11:00. I also sleep late usually, because the best stuff i find on tv are in the late hours, sometimes you hang till 3.
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I'm sorry to hear this, but as the others said, it might be for the best. It's sad to depart with loved ones, but if it's too much of a drain on you, she'll feel it and won't necessarily be happy either. I'm glad you found her a nice family.
Take your time and work on the things you want to change at your own speed. No use rushing things and risking them coming back at triple speed.
I wish the best to both of you.
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I felt she went a bit too easy with the new owners, like she wanted out but that could also have been her nice loving trusting attitude, i hope it's that, i thought they went for a coffee first, and have some more talk also about Bowy while i could say my goodbye, but they were like no we want to go right now, so i was like okay, that goes quick, i tried poking my finger through the gate of the carriage, but she didn't really tried touching it back, but i had her on my lap off and on for 2 hours before still and gave her a good cuddle.
Thankfully in these cases i get updated for atleast a few weeks, i also don't want a buyer to feel pressured getting me with getting Bowy. And perhaps eventually it might get painful, but as long as i am going to hear it's playing and eating well/better, it's enjoying herself then it might also make it easier knowing it was the right decision.
Thank you.
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I don't think you should read too much into it. I don't know a lot about cats, but I have heard they don't really show attachment. As for you, it will get easier.
And don't worry, from what you have told so far, she should be fine at her new home.
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I know they are very independent, and i read they can also still remember their previous owner(s) but i don't know if they really grow attachments or not, for sure offcourse i got attached to it, i had her for 2 months, but it feels longer.
I know with my moms cat she put her agressive one in an asylum several times when i was born, but he kept escaping, and eventually sought a new home himself at a house across, he always recognized my mom still though.
Yesterday the first day with her gone, i missed her presence i had a few brief moments of oh Bowy needs.. Oh wait she is gone, but since i "confined" her to my living room, i spend over half a day in bed, i think to avoid the memories (or more the feeling of abandoning her, or me failing even though yes offcourse it does seem she got a much better home there).
Also the weather has changed from summer to fall, i need to man up and really not keeping going back to that bed and sink in a depression, someone said i should frame bowy's last picture of me holding her, and focus on the good times rather then the grief, but as any grief offcourse it will get easier with time (which is harder alone then together).
In a way it's even weird how i cried more over Bowy so far then my dad when he passed away (and we had our arguements, indifferences, but by far he was a great father, and i miss him too) i ask myself why?
At that point i thought i couldn't even cry anymore but perhaps emotions change again, i don't know,
Thank you.
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Maybe you are projecting some other emotions too on the fact that you had to let your cat go. I am bad at understanding emotions it seems recently, so I should not be the one trying to guide you through it. Regardless, I really feel that it's good that your are talking about it, and maybe you should try talking about it with someone IRL too.
And give it some time. Keep yourself busy. Pick up a new hobby or something.
And I am really sorry to hear about your father. I can't even imagine how it might have been.
All the best man, take care! Stay strong!
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I talked many times with my neighbour below (the rest of the people are very secluded) even the whole process before that, because she has a cat, but also got OCD and her daughter germphobia (like me) and also had to give away 2 of her dogs, so she really knew how i felt and how difficult it was.
I can't talk much to my mom about my problems because she got the same overwhelming feeling of loneliness when i moved out and after her stroke she also became somewhat immobile.
I wouldn't know what other hobby i could ever have then playing games (and yes sometimes it wasn't fullfilling and you are thinking what the hell am i doing with my life?) but offcourse certain hobbies will cost money, and if you don't have much.
I am going into this buddy system, but even then i wouldn't know what to do with that buddy, my apartment isn't near probably decorated like a tv cabinet with tv and console attached so we could play a game there f.e, no curtains.
Thank you, it's been 3 years now, he had difficulty breathing, roads were blocked everywhere so the ambulance struggled with the route, not that it would have helped him i think, i had an aunt that collapsed and fell on the bathroom sink and died that way, both had heart conditions (the same i inherited and it's a thing that could go all ways, it's unpredictable).
Thank you man, appreciated.
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Your neighbor seems like the perfect person to talk to. Though, I am hoping that you must be feeling at least a bit better now that some time has passed.
Sorry about your mom. I hope she gets better soon.
Well, you don't need to talk about this with your mom, just talk to her about anything, anything random. It should be good for both of you.
lol... I too don't really have any hobbies, at least not rn. Hopefully things will change for the better for me too.
I don't really know what a buddy system is. So, can't really comment on it.
That thing sounds bad. Make sure to take good care of yourself. In case the docs suggest some kind of exercise for it, please do them regularly.
Wish you all the luck!
Np :)
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Yeah, but it was usually over the balcony or when she was sitting on her terrace, but we are going into fall/winter so i am going to speak a lot less to her for the time being.
I have seen the first pictures of Bowy in her new place, she is eating, she is snooping around, seeing it has it good, and some time yeah makes it a bit better, not that i am forgetting her, but atleast i am not in tears anymore the whole time.
Also she did left me a surprise in the form of fleas, but my rug under this heavy bed was always an issue even at my parents place, always full of sand, dirt (while i am not going anywhere much) and even fleas, i just decided to put it in the dumpster, i been very busy with vacuuming,using a mob etc, a whole mountain of wash (just to be on the safe side) you don't know really where you should start and end.
My mom most likely will not (fully) recover anymore, only 50% of people that suffered a stroke do, she ordered this foot massage thing that would increase her blood flow (i even pointed her towards a mat that she can just put on the couch and all she has to do is lay on it) but i don't think she ever tried it.
I was never a good talker, depends on the issues, like i had this friend who i talked with easily till 2:00 or send 20 mails over back and forth, if i would try a dating site now? Or even an actual date, i think i would find it a lot harder, i am also more over this idle chit chat (maybe age).
And just like my sister she has a whole different world, like i am playing games, she just watches tv most of the day (usually those crap mtv reality shows) and neither is interested in the others interest, and my mom also don't like anything political, so yeah.
A buddy system usually go through organizations, and they will find someone (a volunteer, why i don't find it equal) that will do things with you and you can pick what, i can say we can cook, game, go to a movie, or for my mom find someone that comes over to have a cup of coffee and have a talk with her, i am still a bit sceptic (and not really know yet what we could do).
Well i am not overweight like my dad was, i never smoked, and my blood pressure (even with all the stress) always been good, my heart has been pretty much the same (even with my drinking) since it started about 20 years? ago.
There is also a thing about too much exercize (that's when you those sporters die on the field) they got the same thing but just don't know it, and there is no way of ever knowing unless you know it runs in the family.
But my heart has to work more then the average person, so that's why i am also tired more quickly (and struggle with going for a physical 40 hour job) 40 hours behind a pc would not be an issue, but i don't usually qualifty.
But in Bowy's honor and to give something extra in her memory beside the love, i decided to quit alcohol permanently, i gave her a good home and she gave me a goal.
Thanks again.
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Hey, sorry about the late reply. Sick and busy days.
Seems both you and Bowy are doing better. That's great.
Never had an flee infection so can't say much about it. Maybe seek some help if it gets worse?
About the talking/dating thing, it's ok to not be a talker. And yeah, try going on dates if you feel like it. If not, maybe wait a little longer. There's no right or wrong here imo.
Oh, I see. The buddy system sounds kinda nice, at least in a idealistic world. Regardless, it is something I might wanna try some day, or even volunteer maybe if I have the time and the mental strength one day. Do the volunteer know before hand what is it they are signing up for? Anyway, how was your experience with it (or are you yet to try it, in that case please share your experience after)?
It's great that you are in great shape. And leaving alcohol could never harm. So yeah, seems you are doing great on that front too. What's the professional advice on this? Just follow that please.
btw, how are you doing now? It has been almost 10 days now, right? Wish you all the best!
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No problem, been busy myself too, chasing fleas, cleaning, etc, since wednesday i been busy 4-5 hours every day around the house, the last 3 nights i been sleeping for over 10 hours, i think i needed that rest. Hope you feel better again.
I am kinda waiting on an update from the new owner, but she probably is going to keep saying Bowy is doing great (which is great offcourse) but can't escape the feeling of missing her and still sometimes while people said i made a wise/brave decision, you sometimes wonder if only you were stronger, but i think especially with the fleas now and having bowy that would have driven me over the edge, having been the last straw i could take.
Just the feeling of having your house back (with nothing except you) atleast gives me such more mental rest too and it will get better when everything is cleared.
Be glad, because with flies etc you can see them, you know where they are till the last one, these are invisible intruders (especially with a black bathroom it's black on black).
Luckily it's never been massive (and i had experience with my moms 2 cats in the summer with short trousers), but here and there i had one on my sock, when you smash them on the ground 2 times, smother them with toilet paper they still survive, i mobbed the floor with ammonia a dozen times now.
They can live up to 2 weeks, but the eggs 6 months, and if you shake them (or another cat/dog comes) they come alive, i think with my cleaning after Bowy left they came, (knock on wood) i think the worse is over.
Yeah, i would love to go on a date (aside from the costs you can't afford a fancy restaurant when you don't got much money) but the question is how would you get a date, that's the question. ;)
Yes, they know what they are signing up for, and i also read another site where they also had these ads, like 1 person (50yr) in a wheelchair is seeking to go to the cinema once every 3 months on his costs or this (39yr) old girl who had a psychosis and street phobia, that wants to go out for walks or play a board game, right now i hope to find and need to get some rest for i think atleast 2 weeks, then i can think about and work on those other things in my life, stuff needs to change eventually, but what you say i also need that mental strength first, and i am not there yet.
Well those points are good, but to say i am in great shape, i wish, i tire easily (but i had so much on my plate, maybe that's natural) but also the heart thing where i tire more easily then the average person, but also each morning i wake up it feels like i haven't slept at all, even when my matress is fairly new. I wish i could afford this auping bed, but alas. :p Not great but atleast it's getting better.
Since Bowy left? Yes, 10 days or so, the first day after i cried pretty much the whole day, which eventually subsided unless the topic comes up (or i look at a picture) then there are still some tears coming up now and then, i just wish i wasn't so "faulty" and could have kept her even though i know very well she has it way better there, but you can't just not miss her, you loved her.
I don't think it's much different then a human relationship, where you end it, while still loving your ex but see it much happier being with someone else. I find it so bizarre that i cried more over Bowy then when my dad passed away (i thought i became cold or that it was just age).
Thanks again, appreciate the chats and questions.
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Hope you had a good rest.
she probably is going to keep saying Bowy is doing great
Great!
And don't think to much about it. The best you can. It seems to be a good decision, and better for both of you. The pain should go away eventually, or lessen a lot at least. Either way, it doesn't justify going back now, imo.
Oh man, fleas sound awful. Thank god I didn't have to go through all that. Or well, maybe we have had them in the past and I just don't know, because my mum took care of it. So, I guess thanks to her!!
question is how would you get a date
Lol... Wish I had the answer to that. I am on the opposite side of things rn, I don't really think I wanna go on a date or anything like that anytime soon. Regardless, I am no expert by any means.
hm... well, the buddy system exploration isn't going anywhere, so take your time with it maybe!?
Well, at least you seem to be doing ok health wise considering your situation, so that is great. As long as you are in no danger, it'd say that you are doing great.
which eventually subsided unless the topic comes up
Sorry. I/we bring it up repeatedly.
Also, maybe you should no longer indulge in this thread then, and not make more posts about it. Just try this for a few days?
I'll also try giving you space now. I insist.
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Some days i have rest, some days i don't (i mean i can get 10 hours of sleep and still wake up exhausted thinking oh it must be 6:00 when it's already been 9:00, if i ever win more then a million i defintely gonna try that auping bed. But nothing coffee/tea can't fix. ;)
But yeah mentally i am getting more and more rest, the remants of fleas are still there, i am still sweeping the floors 1-2x times a day and cost me 1-2 hours, now i am hoping to having to doing it less and less.
At the vet they said they won't go on humans, heck i even had Bowy on my lap, gave her pets, but i never noticed, while with my moms cats, i noticed, in the summer with short trousers, it felt like your legs get constantly attacked and then your mind is going to play tricks on you.
Even here, when i walk with naked legs or feet i sometimes get that feeling, but technically they should be gone (mostly).
My mom is a clothing hoarder and she had massives on bed, where the cat were sleeping on when she was away, technically you should wash all that but she never did, somehow eventually they were all gone though, it's a matter of toughing it out and let time do it's work.
Don't be sorry, i should learn to transform the sad thoughts into happy thoughts that atleast she has given me 2 months of joy and love, and i am even gonna frame a picture of her.
I haven't made any more posts since this one? Since it serves no purpose, the decision has been made and i have to deal with it, and beside coming into some big money and offering her like 2000 for Bowy back (and afford a house) i basically wouldn't even have any leg to stand on getting Bowy back, a buyer can return and refund, never a seller.
The new owner keeps me informed weekly, as was agreed upon, but after that month, i think and fear she is going to cut the ties, and that i am not looking forward to, because it would sort of be saying a new goodbye, atleast now you still feel like having some contact.
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I was not sure if I should reply or not. Alas!
i should learn to transform the sad thoughts into happy thoughts
It's not easy, so don't beat yourself up about this
the decision has been made and i have to deal with it
true. Stop thinking about it. Or thinking about not thinking about it, and so on.
Just understand and come to terms with the situation and that it's best for both of you.
it would sort of be saying a new goodbye, atleast now you still feel like having some contact
No, it's not a new goodbye, rather just the same old goodbye that has been stretched far too long. Having any contact will only make it worse imo.
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Thank you, well you are always free to stop.
For the last 2 weeks atleast it left me with fleas and bloody hell what annoying f word they are.
And before mini flies, after 2 months i need to be 100% bug free for a change and get my own home back again, and then i can also just get some rest back again, every day i been cleaning (different areas with the flies) all floors on my knees and my left hurts now.
It's double, in one you can say see you made the right choice, you can see it has a whole house, that it has it happy there, i wouldn't mind even anymore 1 mail even once a year.
My moms old cat he sought himself a new house across the street so she could always still see him, call him when she biking near, initially i sought an adress here closeby (we got 6-8 new flats) thinking well maybe i could sneak around the corner and look at the balcony sometimes, but alas.
The feelings definitely have lessened over time offcourse as that takes, i don't have tears in my eyes the whole day, unless i bring up a picture or someone speaks about it,
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Thank you, well you are always free to stop.
The thing is I am feeling like I am doing more harm.
And, sometimes it's just a little difficult dealing with some the feelings that emerge in me while talking about all this to you. But that's on me, not you. Also, I might be projecting sometimes, which is obviously bad for both of us.
i wouldn't mind even anymore 1 mail even once a year.
Well, if it's just once a year, I doubt the new owner would mind you taking the initiative to catch up once a year. Just my opinion.
someone speaks about it
That's what I am talking about! And maybe not talking about it will help.
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You mean you have your own (mental) problems that come in conflict talking with me about these things? Do think about yourself too please, if this entangles with your emotions.
Yeah for now that month still stands, i should get an update today (i hope), then i am going to ask if i could get a yearly update, i am always for trying, the worse she can say is no right?
But that's ignoring a problem and i guess that's my issue that i am doing that too much in life, avoiding stuff in my life (and i can give many examples) and they aren't making the problems go away.
And what's so bad about having had Bowy for 2 months? She wasn't a bad cat, by far, she was so loving, gentle and kind, and handsome but you saw it not eating anymore, barely playing , it's not like a relationship were you both seperated in a bad way, it's more like i still love her, but i see her better off with someone else.
That person in the middle who helped me find a home for Bowy even asked me how i was doing, i said like mourning and she said most people feel like that, and with mourning it's just time that only can make such things lessen, it's only been 2 1/2 weeks, i am sure in 3-6 months it will be different.
She even send me a card and a very tiny japanese lucky cat, that was such a nice gesture.
I am seriously also thinking about making and hanging a frame of her of her last picture with me holding her thight on my lap, what i said i think personally i should learn to try and look at the good time i had with Bowy rather then the sadness part, that it would also help me further in life, i dunno. I really need some rest phsyical and mentally for a few weeks, dust has settled and now it's brushing myself off, picking up the pieces, and focus on my own issues first.
I suddenly already had a buddy offered, but it's kind of abrupt (next week) but i don't know if it's gonna be a good match, but i have to give that a chance.
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You mean you have your own (mental) problems that come in conflict talking with me about these things? Do think about yourself too please, if this entangles with your emotions.
I am not sure. I don't understand my current situation completely, and I don't wanna get into it rn. Sorry.
going to ask if i could get a yearly update
Instead of them asking them to update you, you could simply ask them if it's ok to check up on Bowy with them once a year. Since now it's you who'll be doing the checking up on Bowy rather than them informing you. It might make it easier for them too, and they might agree to this more easily.
like mourning and she said most people feel like that
i am sure in 3-6 months it will be different
She even send me a card and a very tiny japanese lucky cat, that was such a nice gesture.
I think that might be true. Give it time.
She should like a really nice person. Really nice!
i should learn to try and look at the good time i had with Bowy rather then the sadness part, that it would also help me further in life
Maybe your are right. Go ahead with this I guess.
focus on my own issues first
That's super important. And don't let this this situation become an excuse for you to ignore or slack at other important things in life.
I suddenly already had a buddy offered, but it's kind of abrupt (next week) but i don't know if it's gonna be a good match, but i have to give that a chance.
Give it shot imo.
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I don't understand my situation either, to be honest my whole life even, but mweh i am not gonna dwell on it or regret things (i learned the carpe diem approach difficult as it sometimes is), but i understand you, and i understand you don't want to talk about it.
They weren't supposed to ask me to keep me updated, they should update me without asking, and especially i thought on animal day yesterday, on that other hand i feel if keep pushing too much i might scare them away and they say we are done, i mean it wouldn't been the first time i been described as coming over intense (and driven people away).
I don't believe in (talking) therapies and i tried so many medicine (i think i am immune but can't afford a gen test), the only 2 things i believe that remain are EMDR and hypnosis, i rather have the last but it's waiting to see if it's all covered by the insurance (with my luck probably not).
I do feel slipping back more into that whole germphobia or skipping things (then again i had 2 months of daily cleaning, sometimes 2x a day with my knees on all floors, my knees are raw and even resulted in pain in my left leg, and a lot of washing) so i am mentally and physically worn out and need some rest i hope to get the next 2 weeks and the dust has settled a bit with the bugs.
But like doing groceries i used to do that whenever i wanted, now it's like oh i wait when i really have to, but then again offcourse we also went from nice summer weather to going into fall, just the gloomy dark outside (and often rain) isn't very inviting. I got some blue light therapy thing, i never felt it helped though, but it didn't hurt me either, maybe i'll give it another go.
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they should update me without asking
Unless you guys made such a deal before giving Bowy to them, I don't think they are obligated to do so. At least that's how I see it.
Have no comments about those therapies.
Oh, that sounds tough. Hope the weekend was enough to rest up.
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They are obligated as we both signed contracts stating to give me an update each week for a month, next week will be the last, and then a year later i get one more, i asked if i could get one each year and i know they are not obligated there, and received no answer yet but i really hope they will, because then i still will always have a line with Bowy, else it feels like saying goodbye again (but this time a definitive one). :(
But she responded again, Bowy in a pile of stuffed animals of the son, she has it good, gaining weight, she had a good animal day.
Not really, i wasn't planning on using my bike (also because of my hurt leg) for over a good week, i ordered some stuff online that said to come monday/tuesday (tuesday a mechanic has to come at around 8 so i thought lets all deliver it then, but then they already send me stuff saturday (so had to wake up early, and friday was 6:00) and who knows if i get stuff tommorow or wednesday too, so all days execpt sunday i have to wake up early.
Then also friday my mom called at passed 22:00 her tv not working, expecting me to come over, while i was already in bed watching tv, and she doesn't just ask for help, with her it is an obligation, as tv is also her only hobby, she had to use this new mediabox, and it worked, then i got stomach issues so i had to go again to the grocery store.
And now it seems she called me yesterday at 23:00 that it's not working again, sigh, she isn't awake till around 12:00 if i would have to come half my day is ruined again, it's waiting, etc, i just want/wanted some rest today, i hope i don't have to go really but i can't let her without tv because she would take that out on me.
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I am sorry about the super late reply. I just suddenly moved to a new city and then moved back and forth a few times and life has been really hectic for the past month or so.
If they agreed upon it, they should. That's it.
Honesty, I have lost context about most of the things we were talking about.
I just hope you are doing better now, and are keeping up with your health. All the best in life, mate!
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Don't feel like you abandon her. There are people who just dump their cats helpless on the streets but you do cared for Bowy till the end, even when you were struggling with your mental stuffs, until you found a proper home for her. Cry whatever you need, time will ease the pain but not completely. I was devastated when muy previous cat passed away (we had to put him sleep...) and I said no more cats... but here I am, a cat lady again... over a year after that I adopted a ginger stray cat when we were confine due to COVID but I'm still sad about my other cat. And yes, you should definitely frame a picture of Bowy and you together, it will make you smile someday.
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Indeed even 2 minutes biking away from me there are a bunch of stray cats (what my neighbour told me) and i absolutely did my hardest all out of love for her, or i could also have been selfish and keep her but when i can't be happy with how it went, sometimes even made me snappy, it would offcourse also have reflected on her.
Yesterday the new owner told me Bowy was exploring the house, and eating again (dunno how much) and even showed some pictures (2 sleeping though what she did much here too) it seems it got it good.
And me? I do have some mental rest too in return, for the first time since i can remember i woke up at 7:00 and not hide to sleep further, but got up and could just wake up peacefully with a cup of tea/coffee, without going with my socks through the grid, look at the state of the litterbox, no big nails in me, noone trying to get on my lap.
A loss is a loss, both you will grieve about, but i think there is a slight difference when you know your cat is still alive (and you always got these brief periods like oh maybe i shouldn't have you know) but when you cat is gone, there is nothing you can do about it anymore, sorry for your loss though, may your new cat be with you for a very long time.
Yeah a framed picture is actually cheap too, 3,50 i thought atleast 20+ or something, it's a no brainer, to honor Bowy with it, and yeah i think that smile will definitely come someday.
Thank you for the kind words, appreciated.
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I agree with what others said, it may seem/feel hard and sad but it's probably for the best, for all parties involved. See, work on it at your own pace, trust Bowy will be loved and you will most certainly find each other again somehow, in this life or the next.
Don't know much about cats but I've seen show both lack of interest or apathy and also devotion and company, so dont feel too bad for Bowy but take comfort they seem a nice loving home. Everything will be alright. I has to.
Let it be tears if you must, but with a smile.
Take care friend
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If only i found a home closeby, like my moms old cat found a home (itself) across her house, so she still always saw him.
But with Bowy, it's a 45 minute car drive (and i don't have a license) so i don't think we will see eachother in this life again.
But yes it seemed like the perfect place and people for her.
I think i will eventually frame a picture of Bowy to look at with the short good time we had.
Thank you, appreciated.
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While I took my eyes off for a bit....
Each person has a life, ups and downs.
It is a surprise when "Bowy" leaves your place and goes to his new home.
I feel that "Bowie" is in a better place than when he first came to your home, and if you are trying to provide a better environment for him, then maybe that was the right thing to do.
The experiences and memories will be a for life.
Now we will wait leisurely for reports that the kittens like the place they are moving to. 🐾🏡
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I was first to get a sister of Bowy, i already named her Snowie, who got grabbed by a predator bird, another sibling caught by a lawnmower machine, i dunno why they weren't locked up in the first place and if that happened after that and Bowy was safe or not. But perhaps me having taken her in has saved her life and i was just a small passageway for it to meet it's new owner, it's a thing i will never know.
I feel and find it very hard that if someone takes over a pet they shouldn't be stuck with it's owner (for life) it was agreed atleast in the first month she will keep me updated, but i don't know for how long, and at some point i am afraid or i think you should let it go.
Below are 2 pictures of her in her new home.
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I can't tell if you did right or wrong, and nobody can. But I'm sure you did your best, and that's what matters.
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Nobody can, I probably won't even be able to tell myself ever, if i knew my life would drastically change within a year where Bowy was possible, i might have persisted but since my future is so unpredictable (and whose isn't?) it wouldn't have been fair to both of us, and instead of 1 living room and 1 owner who sits behind a desk all day and can't have it on his lap practically versus a whole house, a garden in the spring, 3 people to get attention from, it's a no brainer (doesn't mean it doesn't hurt).
I fought hard to try to keep her and give it a try and fought hard to find it a good home, i found one and that what matters too, thanks.
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Added one more that came later.
https://imgur.com/a/kxav9Pl If that doesn't look like a content cat.
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She looks so nice. It's heartbreaking, but sometimes we can't win in the way we want.
I myself am bombarded quite often from friends about this or that cat to adopt... Even when they know I can't. All I see is a lot of pics of cats I'd adopt. I'll have to wait to move (next year?) and I'll get two cats, preferably sisters.
I hope next time you try something like this you'll be luckier and have much better results.
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It was/is very heartbreaking, 4 weeks of making and constant switching in the decision making every hour of the day, and finding her a home.
It was even said it could take weeks/months before she could be found a place, but since she is so cute and handsome i had 3 interests in 1 day and another day later she was gone, why it also went way faster for me then i would thought, and less time to give a proper goodbye.
I am not going to think about other cats or pets, i will always feel like a betrayal to Bowy, i mean why "dump" her and get another one, and yes some are less dependant what might fit me better, if i ever get a girlfriend who can share some of the caring of, or if i had a house and they could go outside, then perhaps, but everything in this world (finances, housing, etc are so grim these days) and yes i hope mentally i will eventually be in a way better place (i am hoping to try hypnosis f.e).
My mother has two cats, they were indoor cats for 1 1/2 years, i planned taking them in if something were to happen to my mother, but she made them outdoor cats, it would be very hard to make them indoor cats again in this small place i can provide (i found it even too small for Bowy which also weighed in my decision).
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With so much pain in my heart and been going for 3 weeks (why i haven't posted much then again also not many great bundles lately, even i am skipping choices now), i talked to a real cat lady knowing everything about cats, she said the cat market is bad, why i did not get a single reaction to ads, she even said maybe Bowy isn't the right cat and you should get another one, but that doesn't sound right either at this moment or fair to Bowy nor as others said even smaller pets. I even learned a "rich" country like us got stray cats, even my town.
Tthen she pointed me to a site and said it could still take weeks, months and suddenly tommorow someone will come for Bowy, that can provide a house, a garden, a boy that can play with her, get the attention it deserves. The new owner wasn't even looking for a cat, but she fell so in love with Bowy she even made a special account just to inquire about her.
For those that rooted to keep her, i really tried, but my heart is going to break, my mind says this is better for her and me, and it's also the overwhelming loneliness with some other stuff taking over, since that move and i feel it the same happening with my mom and feeling that, trying to help even like give her telephone numbers for buddies, but she think it's not good enough.
I probably gonna feel an emptyness in the house anyway even though i get rest. But sometimes even in love you have to let someone go, set them free.
I have to work on myself, but there is no crystal ball (i really wish there was) that can say things change will happen in 2 months then i could have pulled through for Bowy maybe, but it could all be 2 years or never.
[EDIT] Bowy easily went into the moving box, the two next owners were very friendly, caring, and she will keep me updated for atleast the next few weeks, in the car she slept, and in the new house she is cautious but sniffling around, it seems she is in a better place, and for that thankful.
Goodbye my love
Maybe for forever
Goodbye my love
The tide waits for me
Who knows when
We shall meet again, if ever
But time keeps flowing
Like a river (on and on)
To the sea, to the sea
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yiPtOVP-kec&ab_channel=earMUSIC
https://www.steamgifts.com/giveaway/1onAe/stackinghttps://www.steamgifts.com/giveaway/Ivis9/strider-sutoraida-fei-longhttps://imgur.com/a47X9wV
https://imgur.com/F1RXnpa
[EDIT] In her new home:
https://imgur.com/a/JZNZJgi
https://imgur.com/a/qLEI4Oo
https://imgur.com/a/kxav9Pl
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