Train of terrible jokes and depression [LVL 2] Ended

Hi. Been a while since I made a train so I made one filled with terrible jokes and depressing thoughts. Why? Because they go well together. Kind of like movies and popcorn. Really crappy movies, and popcorn that desperately wants you to end its futile existence.

Unrelated rant:

It's 2017, why are quicktime events still a thing? Does anyone actually enjoy mashing random buttons in the middle of what is supposed to be a cutscene? For the love of god developers this does not qualify as gameplay, it just makes me have to replay the cutscene because I wasn't ready to have to press some random series of keys. Gah.

EDIT:
Looks like most of you are against QTEs. That's great to know. As for the rest of you -

View attached image.