Help me! It's going to eat me alive, suck my blood, destroy my house and rape me. I am surely doomed to perish. What if it can fly? I am afraid suicide is the only option. May God bless my soul.

11 years ago*

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Fap to it

11 years ago
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and murder it with your gooey white material!

11 years ago
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Ewwwwww no

11 years ago
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Don't worry. Only the mosquitos will such your blood.

11 years ago
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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! I hate spiders. I'm really afraid of them, but not because of arachnophobia but due to the fact that I don't want them to occupy the same room as me! And problem is, I don't want to kill them, which is easy but somehow pick them up and release outside. God good that I don't live in Australia, I would have died there by now :D

11 years ago
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Spider pig, spider pig. Does whatever a spider pig does.

11 years ago
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Why are there muddy hoof prints all over the ceiling?

11 years ago
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Don't be silly. He's now Harry Plopper.

11 years ago
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omg a spider

11 years ago
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That guy's hilarious.

11 years ago
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LOL

11 years ago
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post on the internet about the spider

11 years ago
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Jump out the window before it steals your soul!

11 years ago
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bump for solved

trolololo

11 years ago
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Doesn't sound like a spider I've seen before.

11 years ago
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I am not sure, that he want to rape you... just kill and eat, so stop screaming.

11 years ago
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Getting raped by a spider doesn't sound so bad. :3

11 years ago
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ty

11 years ago
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Thanks for Dota 2!

11 years ago
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i saw a spider about the size of my palm in the car, scared the shit out of meh, dam australia.....

11 years ago
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Jumping 360 degree foot stomp should do the trick.

11 years ago
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There's a zombie on your lawn!

11 years ago
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Run for your Life!

11 years ago
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We don't want Zombies on our lawn!

11 years ago
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Run for your life.

11 years ago
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You should of banned Elise.

11 years ago
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This here, my friends, is art at it's finest. Incredible piece of writing, presenting the struggle of life and the inevitability of death through a brilliant analogy of a human afraid of a spider spider.

The phrases "Help me!" is thee perfect metaphor for fear. It underlines the helplessness of humanity in the face of death, and the level of desperation at which nothing else matters except our own survival.

OP cries for help, hoping that someone else can help him from his own death, but he soon realizes the futility of his situation, tastefully complementing his opening phrase with "I am afraid suicide is the only option". This here is the sudden realization that nothing he'll ever do will save him from his end ( see "I am surely doomed to perish." ). There's even the "destroy my house" part, which shows his great bond to the mortal realm, and the ego expressing fear of losing possession over something physical that has no real value after death. His only possible option of taking control over the situation is suicide. Taking his own life symbolizes victory over death for him, but the end result is the same.

It's a beautiful example of "I'm in control of my destiny" mentality, and empowers the OP with a choice and a sense of control in how his life will end: painless and quick, by his own hands instead of being eaten alive and have his blood sucked out of (which would probably be painful). His sudden call for the supernatural is the epiphany that nothing will save him from death (the spider) so he prays for a miracle. ( NO heaven for YOU!!! , though, because of suicide ) His suicide is the wrong choice, for the right reasons, made hastily in the face of doom with hopes of an afterlife. And "What if it can fly?"... that's just hallucinations...

11 years ago
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This is just beautiful...

11 years ago
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Is this some kind of Dota2 puzzle? Would love to find the hidden Dota2 giveaway, err..

11 years ago
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thanks for skyrim!

11 years ago
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Kids, don't do drugs...

11 years ago
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CODE BLUE CODE BLUE
Requesting airstrike at location "Derfel06 residence" Send in the Marines, Send the Rangers, Send the Power Ranger!!!! FUCKIN SEND EVERYONE!!!

11 years ago
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Spiderman is having you for dinner tonight.

11 years ago
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11 years ago
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Closed 11 years ago by Derfel06.