Mrs. Beaverhausen would like to silence all her critics by offering you this dinner train...

"Oh boy....I didn't really want to do this but..." (I begin to talk in a very hushed tone)

"Listen if you know whats good for you...." (creaking sound of a door opening)

"Who are you talking to my dear?" as the room echoes with a raspy voice. The kind of voice that sounds like small razor blades slicing rapidly through the air.

"Nobody Mrs. Beaverhausen" I replied.

"I can sense your aura is not purrrfect - don't lie to Mrs. Beaverhausen. You know fully well what Mrs. Beaverhausen does to persnickety little liars"

"I have no idea what you are talking about" I replied although I could sense she was seeing me start to shiver and shake. I imagined that the blood from my very face was draining towards my feet and that my moon-like look would give me away. I I needed to compose myself or I would give this entire game away. Hold it together I screamed inside my head. You can do this. You can warn these poor dear souls I spoke inside my head.

"I am just chatting with my imaginary friend" I replied hesitantly. Oh God, I thought to myself, she better buy that line. She can be such a mean bitch when she wants to be and ever since that spirit entered the house and threatened to set her on fire she hasn't been quite right in the head to be honest.

"Have you sent out the invitations to those horrid little Steam gifts people" she bit back. I could almost feel the air around me rupturing from her caustic tone as the sweat trickled started to trickle down my back. I was starting to feel nauseous and uncomfortable. I prayed to god it wasn't showing.

"I plan on doing that this very minute" I replied. I could feel my voice cracking. It was a tinny sound like someone firing a bullet into a coke tin can. Breath I said to myself. Breath dammit. The thought of all that cutting, of all that slicing of meat, of all that blood dripping to the floor was starting to make me sick. I couldn't do it again. Not again I replied silently to myself. I had to warn these people.

"Well get cracking you little twerp" she replied "or else I may just have to find a place to dump you - preferably in pieces"

And then she left.

There is not much else I can do here folks but be careful what you wish for is all I can say. I am attaching a picture of Mrs. Beaverhausen. I hope you can see the predicament I am in here. Please don't accept this invitation... I implore you!

Okay I must dash. Stay safe Steam Gifters.

You open the invitation

View attached image.