Happy early fifth cake day, cheshirecatgirl!
I am sorry to hear about your husband. I hope he gets well soon. Cancer is exhausting for both the patient and their relatives. It's good that you're trying to make the best out of this situation.
Stay srong!
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keep strong, keep the faith. will be praying for ya'.
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I am currently down with the flu or a serious cold, but we did go to the hospital yesterday.
Cancer has definitely progressed, a lot of lymph nodes in the belly are affected now.
There are also 2 new spots in the bones and the liver might be affected too, there is a suspicious spot there.
Ultra sound will have to tell for sure if the liver spot is tumor as well.
If cancer has metastasized to the liver than his life expectancy will be reduced enormously.
He has been given the choice to go back on regular treatment (he voided all regular treatment due to side effects and the stress it gave him)
But like said elsewhere, and only pointed at it briefly, the cancer isn't the main problem for me.
Him being different from other people and his behavior towards me is far more of an issue to me.
He lives in his own mind, his own logic and as long as you don't touch that, leave him be or let him make the decisions he wants, buy the things he needs (regardless of the fact if it is affordable) then all is okay.
Trying to change things, or say no is just not an option.
It has been suggested he might have an ASS disorder.
To me that would make sense and would explain his behavior, sadly his psychiatrist dismissed this as an option as my husband is capable of showing empathy.
Sadly that is dismissing a potential diagnosis on a outdated conception/view on autism.
Nowadays specialists in the field seem to think that not empathy is the problem of a person with autism but the high sensitivity and not knowing what to do with those feelings. What I found very remarkable is that they also said (web article I found somewhere, not actual persons I spoke) that people with ASS are not capable of imagining themselves in somebody else's situation. They deal with every situation from their own perspective, with themselves in the middle. In regards to my husband, I can totally relate to that one for sure!
I am not an expert, I don't know if my husband has an ASS disorder, but I am very disappointed that the possibility has been dismissed.
For the love of my life, I have absolutely no idea what really happened 5 years ago when my life changed in one gigantic roller coaster ride, a ride my husband took me on.
Something happened: exhaustion, stress and on top of that medication to help him sleep and relax.
But that all made it worse. He was taken out of his comfort zone, out of being in control, people were telling him what to do, what he needed etc. He can't cope with that, he needs to be in control, he needs to tell people what he needs and that's what needs to be done!
But....the health care system doesn't work like that.
Him not being able to work WITH the system made him feel they were all AGAINST him.
Those years.....I feel used and abused on an emotional and psychological level.
I could go on on and on and on......
And that's just a very tiny nut shell version.
This wasn't a bumpy ride, it was more a free fall.
And I am scared for what he will do with his complementary treatment (currently on Hulda Clark treatment, she is a known quack, but he beliefs in it) and what the costs will be.
Maybe it is partly the flu talking now, I am normally not that open.
It is as it is and I SO wish I could change it, or some of it, or leave it behind me, but that's just not an option.
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When you say ASS Disorder, do you mean ASD? Autism Spectrum Disorder? If so, he needs a different doctor. Everyone in my family, including myself, are on the spectrum, and most of us are highly empathic - it just depends on where you are on the spectrum!
What you're describing kind of sounds like Narcissistic Personality Disorder, especially this part:
"At the same time, people with narcissistic personality disorder have trouble handling anything they perceive as criticism, and they can:
Become impatient or angry when they don't receive special treatment
Have significant interpersonal problems and easily feel slighted
React with rage or contempt and try to belittle the other person to make themselves appear superior
Have difficulty regulating emotions and behavior
Experience major problems dealing with stress and adapting to change
Feel depressed and moody because they fall short of perfection
Have secret feelings of insecurity, shame, vulnerability and humiliation"
PM me on Steam anytime, CC - I'm happy to support you in any way I can!
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Yes, sorry, I accidentally used the Dutch abbreviation, but I did mean ASD.
2 Years ago he was admitted to a specialized center (specialized in psycho-somatic disorders) and in his discharge letter was the recommendation to follow up on a possible ASD disorder. So it isn't just me thinking this from time to time.
When I collapsed myself and started working with a psychologist she gave me the link to a web site with good info on personality disorders.
I have traits from a few personalities disorders too and they became more clear when the stress broke me and unbalanced me.
But I checked the site to see if I recognized my husband in any of the descriptions.
Not that that proofs much, because I am not an expert; just a worried and broken spouse.
And yes, I agree, he has Narcissistic traits but maybe he has even more traits from the Histrionic disorder.
He no longer tells me what is going on and what the professional opinion about him is atm.
And what he tells is colored to the truth he wants to live/hear.
He stopped sharing because I stopped telling how I was fairing, cause everything I say is inevitably used against me at a later state.
It probably tells a lot when showing vulnerability is no longer greeted with support and trust, but is used against you.
Thank you for offering to help me, it means a lot to me! xD
I might indeed take you up on your offer and seek you out on Steam, once I got this flu out of my system.
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Giveaways added to the list and still more coming, so keep checking
New Batch added, mainly Humble Bundle keys/games, enjoy!
Haven't cleared out all my keys yet, so might add more but atm I am feeling like coming down with something: stoopid viruses!
Yep, it's that time of year again: Factory Day!
Ohh wait....it's a cake!?
Well that thing will shortly appear behind my name.
And to celebrate it, I bring trash!
Erhh gibs, I mean.
Yeah well, it's all bundle leftovers, but there are some nice games there.
I will keep adding more games, so keep checking!
I might dig up some nicer games.
TL:DR here are the giveaways: https://www.steamgifts.com/giveaway/CefJF/air-threat
For those who have a genuine interest in me: it's been another rough year!
My husband fell ill 5 years ago and reacted extremely adverse to the medication they gave him.
We've both gone through hell and back a few times. (Far more than a few)
Within his illness his behavior was....I have no words for it.....I lived in a constant crisis situation, he broke me physically, mentally and emotionally.
2 years ago he finally got admitted for treatment and that was also the time we discovered he has metastasized cancer.
On New Years Eve we landed in the ER, because my husband was in terrible pain and couldn't urinate anymore.
They placed a catheter, which will be permanent
Yesterday he went for another CT scan, it is clear that the cancer has grown.
Coming Tuesday we will hear how much.
I am basically trying to survive.
Technically I am also trying to get back on my feet, but not sure if that is even possible given the situation.
I am working with a psychologist and trying to make the best out of a horrible situation.
So yeah, I am hardly social anymore, I tend to withdraw when things get rough.
I try to play games sometimes, but it is hard to concentrate.
I am more selective with entering giveaways, but still: I am sorry I can't get around to playing my wins in any decent time frame.
It is not that I don't appreciate them.
I recently finished SOMA, it wasn't a steamgifts win, but it was a gift from someone here.
I enjoyed it! xD
The night we landed up in the ER I bought myself Cat Quest as a little pick me up, it is a very enjoyable game!
But......MEW game is HARD! Don't know if I will get this game to a 100%.
The good news?
Despite all the hardship and the rough years, I am still alive!
I am learning a lot about myself, since I hit rock bottom.
I have still a lot the learn, but I did find out that I am much stronger than I thought.
More good news?
CAKE!!!!!!
Who doesn't like cake!?
Have some:
https://www.steamgifts.com/giveaway/CefJF/air-threat
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