Hello,
Try not to stress about what other people think of you, even your family. I won't lecture you further, just hope that you enjoy the rest of your inebriated day. =)
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Thank you for your reply. It means something for me. I know that my family loves my, it's just that my parents always compare me to someone else (there's always someone's son/daughter who is always better than you that your parents know of). That makes me so angry and incomplete.
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I'll try to think about your words. I guess I needed to make a confession to anyone to get off my chest. Thank you so much for your reply, I wish you all best from the bottom of my heart. Again, thank you.
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I have a successful twin sister who was always better than me in class, went to better schools, found a better job so I know parents can't help themselves but that doesn't mean you're a huge disappointment to them. Sometimes parents confuse encouraging their kid to do better because they know he/she can, with pushing them.
I get your anger, it's a normal response to the situation but don't feel incomplete. You need to learn to value yourself separately from the value people put on you, especially family. It took me a long time, believe me, but you can get through it.
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Hey you're not wasting anyone's time man. Forums like this is meant to for members sharing stuff with each other. Mostly it's jokes or puzzles, but here you wanted to share a bit about yourself. And that's fine:) You haven't written much to go on, but it sounds like you might have anxiety? And if that's the case, coming from someone who also has it- don't let what people think of you influence you. They're rarely ever actually thinking what you think they are. And besides that, people's opinions change like the weather^^ I know mine do. And as such there's no point mulling over the current weather; it passes.
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Normally I wouldn't do anything like that, but I had a few drinks and had conversations with some comrades that made me more daring to write about it. I just don't where to start. That gaming habit of mine that makes my life more bearable and actually motivates me to anything. I don't know if i've made the right choices in my life, I'm 24, I'm doing my 2nd year in engineering, but now I'm not sure what I want to expect, I'm just frightened and I feel so hhelpless. All my friends and classmates are making families and actually doing something while I'm just wastin everyone's time. I hope it makes any sense. Again I'm sorry, I just don't know how to step over my fears and insecuritites.
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All my friends and classmates are making families and actually doing something
I loled at that. There's not a "to do list" in life nor order to do it. You'll be an engineer dude, you'll be qualified to get a really good job and an awesome future. focus on that. Plus, it's better to be with a love partner that you really want than be with someone you don't want to. Some lucky people find them earlier than most, but that's okay. You'll find it sooner or later.
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All my relatives have been telling me that there IS a "to do list", something you leave after you die. Most of my cousins actually started taking their lives seriously only after marriage/making babies. Now most of them are working 2 shifts and making their own parents taking care of their grandchildren while living separately. I don't want to end up like them.
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That's why I told you that you should focus on your engineer title and getting a stable job/future. Do that and you'll be good.
I did a mistake on the "there's no to do list", but what I really meant to say is "there is no order to do it". I'm in a moment where I forget words on spanish (native language) and english.
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You are just 24, your life is far from being over or wasted. Heck, some will start their family with 40 or later. It matters more that you find the right partner than to find some partner and get kids with them early.
Don't compare with others, just do your stuff. All that matters is if it feels right to you, not to anyone else.
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It just feels like I should have known by now, by this age of 24. By this age young people are taking care of their parents, making family, while I'm not qualified for anything. I don't really know what I want nor what I can do.
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Welcome to the world, personnaly I'm starting to study how to survive in the woods for when Trump push his big red button :)
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You're still young. Sure, some people are taking care of parents or starting families at that age, and some are just starting to figure out what they want to do with their lives.
Most of my friends didn't marry until they were in their 30s. The one couple that did get married in their 20s is already divorced. There's no benefit to rushing into things.
Likewise, I thought I knew what I wanted to do as a career, and then that all changed. And now I'm doing what I never expected to be, and not getting paid for it, but I'm much happier overall.
So try to worry less, get drunk less, smile more, and focus on what you want and what you think will make you happy. And sometimes you find out that what you thought was wrong, and that's okay too. The important part is not to stress out or worry about it.
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Another quick example: one of my friends was super successful throughout her late 20s, on an accelerated management career track, being groomed for upper management. By all accounts, she had everything figured out. Then in her early 30s she had a baby, and decided to quit her job to be a stay-at-home mom. She found it far more rewarding than her career.
Some of her relatives were disappointed that she gave up her prestigious career track, but she made the choice based on what she wanted, on what would make her happy, rather than on what her relatives wanted, and she's better off as a result.
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Dude, I'm 31 and I just barely finished my degree. I've been married 8 years and still don't have any kids, for multiple reasons, both in and out of my control.
It's good to have a plan, but life is life, and if life doesn't go according to your plan, you adjust the plan. Where do you want to be/what do you want to be doing in a year? In five years? Well, what steps are you taking to make that happen? And if, in a year, you don't want the same things anymore, OK, good, you learned something about yourself.
My dad got his undergrad in zoology, with the plan to go into optometry (eyeglasses). When he graduated, he decided that wasn't for him and got a different degree from a completely different school so he could go into construction management. I started out in comp sci, but ended up with a degree in the humanities.
Everyone figures it out as they go.
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Everyone figures it out as they go. - Yep, just another example:
I'm 39, I have a phd in plant biotechnology and I quit my scientific carreer to be a full time father for my (now) 2 year old daughter. When she grows up I have no idea what I am going to do with my life but I'm sure I'll figure something out :)
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We had a lecture from a Turkishh guy with PhD in virusologie, if i'm no mistaken. He spent like 5-6 doing his PhD. He said make sure you make up your mind before persuing PhD)))). It was a fun lecture though. I really wish you all the best.
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I think that's awesome! You have a very difficult, very important, and often under-appreciated job.
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Thank you! Let me just tell you it is the best job I've ever had in my life :)
Her mother also changed careers to work closer to home and spend more time with us. We earn less money but we are very happy with our choices.
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That's awesome! You guys seem to have a good work / life balance going.
I hear about some people working 9-7 or 9-8 every day, not including commute time, that barely even get to see their family, and it sounds depressing.
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First off, I don't want it to sound like a cheap positive attitude message, but it's what worked for me.
Hey man, if you don't like the way you are, how you are doing currently or feel that you can do better than you think you can, just start doing it. Stop numbing yourself with stuff and face it, you're the only one that can change your life and future, no matter how late you think it is to do it.
Shit quality video, but this song also helped me a few times to mentalize on what I want. Lose Yourself
Do it when you get up tomorrow.
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It's easy to say so. I'm kind of a person that needs a pat on the back after each sucessfull exercise. I know what you're trying to say, I know it's all up to me. But this fear of unknows.... it frightens me.
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Yeah, I know the feeling. New things or new people, I keep my distance until i feel confident. Because of that, I lose the oportunity to make a friend when I was a kid. On the day before he went back to his home, we finally talked and instantly knew we could have been best friends. Got sad when he left.
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Losing opportunity is another problem. My roommate also talks about himself and how he persues his opportunities etc. I talked to him before creating this discussion on SG.
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I'm sure your parents want the best for you but, from what you say, it seems they are putting some pressure on you (too much?).
Dealing with other people's expectations can be quite hard, especially from loved ones. Try to relax, enjoy your life, and just do the best you can to advance your goals.
Cheers!
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I'm the only child in the family and my parents are in their late 50s. My mom used to say that I'm her son and Cinderella, for I play both roles for her (as son and a hypithetical daughter, taking care of them) I've always feared not to live up to their expectations, I've enjoyed my life separately living and studtying abroad, but don't have enough courage to step over my fears.
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Most children fear being a disappointment for their parents and yet, most parents will love their children no matter what... Iām sure yours do too.
And it seems they also have some fears to overcome, especially with respect to your future :)
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It's a complicated situation in my family. My dad and mom really hate each other (there is nothing I can do). They both came from a good background and my failure would mean their failure as parents.
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Best way to proove they have done right is by BEing yourself , sometimes there his no way to achieve what they want but most important is to achieve what YOU want (you'll know one day). Nobody successes by living someone else dream. (Take that from someone which his mother think he failed (so far)).
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I try living being myself, but it's a bit destructive way of living. I become too consumed by some ideas or thoughts and start failing in other things. Thank you for you advice, I'll think about more when I wake up next morning. I wish you all best from the bottom of my heart, really.
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Hi pal. We live in a fallen world. The escape from reality is a constant, because the reality is very hard. There is only one way to walk in this life and it is accompanied, by God. I am not religious, and religion, in my opinion, comes not from God but from men, it has the appearance of a lamb, but it is a wolf ... its purpose is only divide brothers and sisters. That way I try to be always walking with God, me and him, without complications....that simple. Make the experience, which I'm sure you will not regret. Peace. (sorry for my jungle's english....it is not my native language)
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You know, in my country Kazakhstan, that majority is muslims. But it's not like in UAE or Saudi Arabia, the majority pretends to be muslims because it it's not really in our customs and traditions. I've stopped following any religious customs and started believing in humanity in general. I have faith, but not a religion.
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How old are you?
What your parents expectations are?
What are your goals?
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I'm 24 right now. My parents always said that I'm a snowflake, meant for something more. You ever ad thhi feeling that you reached your true potential in high and after thngs are onlt get worse. My goals, I don't really know, I just want to mean something to myself.
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32 here, felt into major depression for 4 years, because reasons like these, I found nobody has a clue about life, or what they want to do with it, life is changing all the time, stop comparing yourself with other people, there are thousands of factors around, your life is not their and vice versa, still had no clue about many things, but I started to do other things now, still have a pressure where I can't fit into jobs with hundred of people around on big buildings, but is something I'm working on.
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Drinking should be something you do when you celebrate something or when you just want to have some drunken fun with your friends. I would highly suggest against drinking if you're depressed or in a bad situation because it will only make things worse, even if you think it makes you feel better. Lets be honest here, getting drunk over something negative doesn't make people feel better, it makes them feel awful but it makes them care slightly less about it because they're under influence. The only way to make yourself feel better is to work harder (which is easier when you're not drunk) and do something productive or positive.
You shouldn't bother yourself too much with the opinions of others, not even your family. Nor should you dislike yourself because you currently aren't where you want to be in life, or don't even know where you want to be. In order to accomplish something you need time, patience, hard work and go through many failures. That's just how life is.
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I appreciate your reply. Drinking alcohol makes me less nervous, even among my friends, I become more talkative and actually start talking how I really feel. I read all replies people had given me and I'll try to make up my mind when I wake up next morning. I would like to thank you and everyone else who replied and talked to me.
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Don't worry, I suffer from social anxiety so I know what it's like to be shy. Hopefully SG cheers you up a bit
I'm really sorry that I'm wasting your time, I just need to say it to anyone......
Don't worry about it. I'd rather see chill and friendly threads like this then ones with fights and internet drama.
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I don't really know if it social anxiety. I just get really tired talking to people. It's just that I need someone outside of me circle of interest to talk to me. My cousine says that you are more concerned about what others tell you, than what you loved say.
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Hi Olzhas. I see youĀ“re carrying a burden. You need to leave this behind somehow. Take the time to analyze things and If you think you need professional help somehow, look for It. We want you to be happy m8, thatĀ“s the most important thing in life.
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I've felt this way for a long time too (except I didn't drink). What helped me was improv classes. Yup, it might sound crazy but it's true. Improv is very specific art and it resambles life in many ways. Go and try it maybe ā you'll learn that you're actually a cool guy (or lady) and you have so much potential in you, that you're wasting by not beliving it at all :)
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I agree. I have a cousin who suffers from depression, but he started doing improv with his friends and it helped him out a bit. It's a nice art form.
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Well, of course improv isn't a cure to depression but surely it's a nice thing to start from because you develop as a human being without any real effort, and with a lot of energy and good humor instead :) Although in my case it helped me completely with all the bad thoughts I've had about my life and myself in general
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You know, my grandma always feared that would become an actor. She thought that actors are too selfish and entitled. It's a nice advice I'll might try improv classes. Thank you.
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Watch some interviews with improvisers, for example TJ & Dave ā two of the best improvisers in the world. They're so down to earth, it's unbelievable. One of my friends was in Chicago taking improv classes at iO with his group, they've noticed TJ & Dave walking through some corridor and out of nowhere they've asked if they could give some classes to a few Polish guys. TJ & Dave have said 'find a classroom, we have a show tonight, we're gonna come to you after it ends for an hour ā prepare your questions'. And they really did ā for free.
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Yeah I wasn't implying it cured his depression, just helped out. Sometimes it's good to have positive distractions instead of negative ones.
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Yeah I wasn't implying it cured his depression
I didn't mean to make my comment sound like that as well :) I know what you've meant just wanted to metnion improv shouldn't be treated as a cure for depression if anyone who'd like to give it a try reads it :)
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Is this where I admit I rearly speak to people too, and they always react negatively with "Whoa, you stink!" or "Wasn't me!" and leave the room... :/
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- You're young (24 if I read correctly). Your life isn't meant to be all "figured out" by now. I dislike that modern culture drives young people to feel that way. You have plenty of time ahead of you. Enjoy it, try new things, and experiment with life's many directions.
- Find what makes you happy and strive for it. If others can't be happy for you being happy, then disregard them. Your happiness is number one. Once you're happy with yourself, you're going to meet a LOT of people who are willing to be happy with you and for you.
- Speaking from (past) experience, drinking never solves a damned thing. It only exaggerates and exacerbates. Please reconsider using that as an escape from what's happening with you (aka seek healthier alternatives).
- You're not wasting anyone's time. While this may not be the best place to express yourself about this sort of thing, it's far from the worst. There's plenty of others who probably feel the same as you.
Sorry for coming off as preachy - been where you've been, and just sharing what has worked for me. Best of luck, and please don't let things get you down too much.
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Thank you so much for your advice. I'll definitely reread this discussion again next morning. I cried a little bit to get it off my chest, but I really appreciate your advice, really. I wish you all best from the bottom of my heart.
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Perfectly understandable, brother. Rest well, and I hope you're feeling better when you wake tomorrow.
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Thank you all people for your replies, it means something to me. Creating this discussion on SG actually made me feel much better, I'll reread all your repliest once again when I sober up. I'm really glad that such a nice community help random people who create such random thread. I would like to thank all of you for this small thread of positive energy. I wish you all best from the bottom of my heart. Good night.
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Dont worry for being shy. I was shy some years ago until i decided that i wont give a f*** about what other people think for me and boom my confidence got way higher. Also those days i started working out and that raised my confidence even higher eventhough i wasnt expecting such a result. In the end its your life and there is no reason to care about what other people think about you neither there is a reason to hesitate to communicate with other people worrying about what they will think about you.
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Everyone is different and unique in their own way. cheer up mate!
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I know all about the parents thing, trying to forget it by drinking, and it sounds easy but it's not the solution.
Although i am kinda forced to quit (not that it was too much but even small amounts gave me health issues and decided it was not worth it anymore, also if you drink too much it can just backfire at you the next morning giving twice the bad thoughts).
Another thing is really learn to not get angry, cry etc about things that you have no control over, in the end it won't change your problems so why do it really? Sometime we don't get the life we wanted to have, nor you parents might even approve but fighting against how things happened ain't changing things, so you might as well go with the flow, and just focus on positivity and hope you will get a lucky break someday, be thankful what you do have.
Have a whitelist for some positive energy and your ratio.
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don't think too much about it really, depression is not good for health trust me.
also nobody can make you unhappy, only yourself can make them since it's all depends on how u think and deal with it.
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I know that feeling, I've been there last year, but I cut out the people who I think are bad influence to me, I only minimized drinking. Stopped smoking, and trying to get my life back on track. Life has been really really hard on me the past years, but it's up to us to make a change, lets do this. Cheers!
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Hey everyone! I just want to thank everyone in this discussion for leaving your answer/advice here. It has been a while since that time, I can't say that things got any better, but I still want to thank this small part of SG Community. One of my relatives said that people tend to believe and value different opinions/advice coming from the strangers rather than from their friends and close ones. I guess it's true...
I hope this text makes sense.... My english got rusty...
I've added everyone (until this comment) to my whitelist and I will create Whitelisted Giveaways with games from Humble Hunie Sekai Bundle. I hope you guys don't mind that. Thanks again, I hope you all are doing well. Enjoy your weekends.
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Glad that you feel better. That's always the first step
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Is there any club for anti-social peps like OP or me? I could like to join.
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I hope you're feeling alright atm, I can understand somewhat how you feel :'(
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You are young with 24.
I am 41 and i learned in my life a few things that are maybe helpfull for you.
If it fits for you, use it for your life. If it feels wrong don't take it :o)
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You can make any error by yourself but sometimes it is better to learn from the failures of others. That save, sometimes much, lifetime :o)
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A lot of people (try to) say you how you should live because the society... the church/religion... the family... the neighours (BLA BLA BLA)
Don't let others dictate you how you have to live your life.
YOU must be happy. If YOU are not change the things that stop YOU be happy.
Not from interest if it is mainstream which things make you happy (a male/a female/hobbys/marriage/family/build or buy a house/poem/paintings/comics/conventions/pen & paper RPGs/music/expeditions/meeting strangers or whatever....). It only counts that it fit for YOU.
The life is much too short to wasting time to be a other (unhappy) human then you are want to be. -
You can't change people (yes you will wish it very often but it is impossible) BUT you can change your behavior/reactions to them and that brings the POSSIBILITY that they change themself.
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Your life will go other ways that the one's you want and plan at the beginning. Maybe it go complete other ways but must not be bad.
If you thinked on exactly that situation before you think maybe HORROR and then you are in it and it feels "right". Childs are a very good example. They are sometimes assholes -yes i say this very clear/hard-, to change pampers are shi* :-D, they make a lot of work, cost much money but they are on the other site the greatest thing that can happen to you and give so much back that you see nearly only the good things/the bad things count nearly zero.
I give you a other example from my own life.
I got, with 19 years, a uncureable, chronic illness that make me weak/ill/mostly bound at my home/my medics destroy my body and normaly i will die earlier then healthy people, and many more bad things. It changed my complete life and destroyed "the plans for my life".
With the first look -at the beginning i had this one- you will see only the bad things... don't get a good job, don't have "much" money, can't pay always for your girlfriend/wife/childs/family, can't build a house -all the dreams a very young and mostly unexperienced male, maybe, have (i had them all.. i was oldschool thinking that the man have to feed and provide his family)-.
Later i see the good things on the illness too. It give always people that hit/struck harder from life then you.
I see how short the life can be and try to enjoy all that i can and not think much on the things i can't. It give soooooooo much that one lifetime never is enough for all so it's ok for me to have only a part "of the cake", i don't must be greedy and can share "the cake" with others :o) (with other words i can grant others that they can make, mostly, more then i with there lifes and can be happy at the same time that i can make "a part" -sometimes it is hard to see how much people waste much of there lifetime for things that made them not happy... but it's ok because in the end it made them to the people they are... and hopefully want to be-). I think i can be more happy over "little things" then people that are healthy and never experienced all the things they have without thinking on them or don't think they are special.
As example i am happy when i can go to the bathroom without pain and bloodloose. You first miss it, and give it much more value, if you are loose it. That's fits by nearly all things (a partner, a job, a animal.. whatever). So i have the advantage that it is more present to me to show a girlfriend my feelings, how much i consider to be lucky to have her on my side, how much i consider to be lucky to have my family (parents, niece, nephews and so on) [ and yes family can be sometimes very stressfull and bad... but i try then to look on the fact if they love me or not... that softens the bad feelings :o) ], it is more worthfull for me to sit on a mountain and look "only" around, lay down and look at the clouds how they move, if a partner or friend is around share simple (cold) food, talking and all in all time. I try to be happy over the lifetime a girlfriend/friends/family share with me because that is the thing that will live after you are gone (Memories, experiences and feelings/emotions).
I found very fast out which people are real friends and which "friends" only need "party people", want not see or hear any illness facts, want not think on tomorrow (and much more things).
I accepted my illness and the things that are impossible. As example my girlfriends have mostly the better job -which says at the same time that i make mostly the cleaning and cooking at home...-) and they earn more money then i. Because i am (to) proud it is a problem for me when she pays mostly (at the time i was younger it was a much bigger problem then right now). Not the way i choosed, as a young male, if i had the possibility. But at the end it forced me to think over my emotions, my behavior, my reactions and my thinking. As example i seen that it is not a "weakness" when i am at home as the male and let her earn the money. I experienced/seen, as i was younger, only, very weak/soft, males at home (that was not helpfull to accept that i make, mostly, the household part^^). I am dominant and have the pants on... that i clean the flat/house, cook or whatever don't change anything on such things. A female respects a male that don't have much (money) too if he earn it with other things (like his behavior to her).
As a sitenote... you get all with good food and poem :o) (be a gentleman and you can be later Conan the bedbarian :DDD giggling)
I wrote now a much longer text then planned... but i hope you will be able to adopt anything for you and your life.
Best wishes
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Don't give up! I'm 24 too. I get the second stage of my higher education and feel same I think. I feel my degree is mostly empty. And now, when I'm close to end "full" high degree and employers find me less interesting than I was on start... (my last job was shit with very low salary). Well... time-to-time I'm trying learn programming language to get job to avoid "finish-mode"... I think about creating my own family, but it's not impossible for close 10 years... It's all problems but...
Just trying show u are not alone, comrade
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Before I write anything, let me say that I'm drunk right now and I'm really a shy person that rearly speaks to anyone(ENG is my ESL). I've become a huge disappointment to myself and my parents, but gettinng drunk eases the frustration and making giveaway makes me happy (temporary). I guess I need some attention from someone (anyone). Please, enter my giveaways. Again I'm really sorry that I'm wasting your time, I just need to say it to anyone......
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