"Hello Jared."
"Hi Santa."
"Might I ask what it is you're doing?"
"You might"
"Would I like the answer?"
"Maybe?"
"Maybe... Please go back down and I'll come."
"I can't. You're not upset are you Santa?"
"I'm somewhat tired and slightly amused actually. Why can't you?"
"The flue is closed and I can't open it back up."
"Then come on up."
"I can't do that either. The chimney narrows at the top."
"Ho ho ho."
"Please don't..."
"Ho Ho Ho HO."
"Please! It's cold down here!"
"Ho HO HO HO HO!"
A piece of coal hit Jared on the head.
"Very funny Santa."
"See you next year Jared."
"SantaaaaaH! Ouch."
Jared looked up at the flue that had opened up and dumped him down into the fireplace. "Santa..." He crawled out of the firepace and was tacked by a brand new puppy.

"Everything is on the fritz, my teleprompter is dead, and the earth is not under attack by alien forces. Good evening, this is the 6 o'clock news."
"Tonight's top story is my teleprompter. It died a sudden and quick death when a super-ball smashed through the glass that reflects the words I am supposed to read to you. Thankfully my director knows sign-language. Unfortunately I do not. I thought I did, but I was wrong. Oh, I know that one! F-eeeeeeeeeep"
"We are currently experiencing technical difficulties."

Milton heard it now, the sound of thousands of chitinous feet clattering up from the depths, and he was filled with maddening delight. He giggled as he pulled his bastard sword from it's sheath on his back. His laughter rose.
"You're laughing? He's laughing!" Aaron was going to start complaining again. "We've failed and he's laughing." Wizards always complain. "We're all going to die."
The tapping was growing louder. The hellspawn was coming. Milton swung his sword as he roared with laughter.
"Shut up wizard," growled Carim.
"Tell that to him you sneak thief. " The tapping was a roar. They were doomed. Milton's laughter slowed. "The world is doomed. The gate is open and we failed." Aaron threw his stupid stick on the ground.
Milton readied himself. "...Haw haw haaaw." Milton breathed in. Milton breathed out. Their deaths were going to be glorious. He beheaded the first creature to crawl out of the hole. It was followed by millions.

She always knew a Gemini would be her ruin. It was foretold to her throughout her life. Her mother's kooky fortune teller told her every time the visited. She had three fortune cookies that mentioned Gemini, twins, and duplicates bringing bad luck. "Avoid Gemini", "Bad Twin", and "Evil Doppelganger" had appeared in captchas this month alone. She refused to befriend or date anyone until she found out their birthday. If she found out someone was a twin, she cut them from her life. And then her friends decided she needed to be cured. Why did she let them talk her into getting on to this stupid roller coaster? She wondered that as her car jumped the tracks. If she survived this, she was going to sue Cedar Point so hard. She would make Gemini their ruin.

Phil had been there, and then he wasn't. Erin started to spin looking for him. She looked up. She looked down. She looked left. Why is it Beft always go to the... No! Focus! If Phil was gone, then he had made it out of this virtual hell. Finally. She sat down and started to weep. If he had gotten out, then she was going to as well. He'd tell them that she was trapped too, and they'd come and disconnect her from the machine. How long had it been? Three... four days? She'd finally be out of this stupid simulation that wouldn't end. She just had to stay put in this safe zone and wait.

She didn't even consider that Phil might have died, unaware of his hunger and thirst as the simulation blocked signals to his brain.

How to Train Your Dragon is actually on the TV behind me as I type this. :)

Jeneveb clapped her hands to her mouth and muffled a scream of ecstasy as she felt the huge wing muscles tense under her. "eeeeeee." She was strapped to a giant eagle's back as it soared through the sky. This was amazing! Flying! Her imagination hadn't come close. Her smile overtook her entire face as she threw her arms up and screamed unmuffled. "Eeeeeeeeeeeah ha ha ha ha!"
The eagle screamed back in response. Jeneveb leaned forward and hugged its neck. "I'm going to call you Fanchone!"
Fanchone screamed, tucked her wings in, and dove through the clouds. Jeneveb screamed in delight as her Freedom carried her away.