Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"

Why didn't the lifeguard save the hippie?

Because he was too far out!

Thanks for the giveaway. )
My punniest jokes are too long to post here. P

Q. Why did the rubber fly across the room?
A. Because he was pissed off.

Thanks ^^

What instrument do fish like to play?
A bass guitar

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"Whiteboards are ramarkabele."

I love what you started, thx! :)

A Canadian assassin was hired to take out a politician in USA, the assassin smoothly broke into the target's residence and when he was about to give him a mortal blow the politician turns around, quickly studies the situation and then tell the assassin:

• Do you know WHO I AM!? You CAN'T kill me!
• I'm Canadian and I CAN kill ya!
• CAN WHAT!?
• CANADIAN!

...OK, it was terrible, you may blacklist me now. '-'

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I don't know many puns but I do love some Punography

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What does a miner do after death?
He takes his three days off and then goes again under the ground.

Mommy, what were you doing bouncing on Daddy's stomach last night?" "I have to do that, or Daddy's belly gets very fat. Bouncing keeps him skinny." "That's not going to work." "Why not?" "Because the babysitter keeps blowing him back up again."

DAAAAAMN

I did a theatrical performance about puns. Really it was just a play on words.

What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals?

Philippe Philoppe

Why did the fish say during its first experience with a shiny metal object?
I have no clue but it was definitely hooked for life.

Why did the elephants get kicked out of the public pool?

They kept dropping their trunks.

I want to make a pun about carrot but seems no one carrot all

Mozendo just told me this one:

Did you hear what happened to the Italian Chef?
He pasta way.

i don't know any puns. but thanks

I am not playing this Donald Trump simulator!

oh well :3

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Here's a good one:
My father's bakery burned down last night. Now his business is toast. Ba Dum, Tss! :)

Why the heck is Alexander Graham Bell not remembered as "the Lord of the Rings"?

:D
Yeah, I partly stole it because I am not genuinely punny without contextual situations where it's absolutely inappropriate. :-(