Hello!

How many South Americans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A Brazillion

PS: I am brazilian.

Bump and meow.

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Old Facebook ads had some interesting posts

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Homophobia is stupid, like bruh how the hell are you scared of houses.

English is not my nature unfortunatelly, how can i decide what is funny for u?

Three guys stranded on a desert island find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says: "I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here."

What do you get when you cross a bunny and a Rottweiler?

Just the rottweiler.

Turkish story and sorry for my mistakes in english

Temel and dursun went to cinema together
They started to watch the movie but dursun couldnt see the movie because there was a big guy in front of him
Dursun said to temel ''i put 50$ to you cant slap on his nape" Temel said "i can" Dursun said "you can't"
Finally temel slapped on big guys neck and the big guy turn around and sai "what the fuc..." Temel said Kemal brother its you"
The big guy said "im not the man you are talking about" and continue watching movie. Dursun lost 50$ and still he couldnt see the movie and Dursun said "i put 100$ you cant slap on his neck again" Temel smiled and said "i can" Temel slapped on The big guys neck and said "Kemal brother its you its you i know" God know what happened to Temel :)

Yesterday i saw a girl with twelve nipples. It's kinda interesting, dozen tit?

So, the other day I was in a bar, when this pirate comes walking in.
There was something sticking out of his fly (the zipper in his trousers). As he came closer, I saw it was a squirrel.
But, what was most interesting, was that the squirrel was hopding a little steering wheel.
So, naturally, I had to ask the pirate what was up with the squirrel.
To which he replied: "Arrr, me squirrel is driving me nuts!"

On a party: ,,Judas, go sell something (or someone) and buy us more food and wine...''

Now get this. I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I had to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered nicely saying, "Hello?"

I politely said, "This is Patrick Hanifin and could I please speak to Robin Carter?" Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me! I couldn't believe that anyone could be that rude.

I tracked down Robin's correct number and called her. She had transposed the last two digits.

After I hung up with Robin, I spotted the wrong number still lying there on my desk. I decided to call it again. When the same person once more answered, I yelled, "You're a jerk!" and hung up.

Next to his phone number I wrote the word "Jerk," and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills, or had a really bad day, I'd call him up. He'd answer, and then I'd yell, "You're a jerk!" It would always cheer me up.

Later in the year the phone company introduced caller ID. This was a real disappointment for me, I would have to stop calling the jerk. Then one day I had an idea. I dailed his number, then heard his voice, "Hello?"

I made up a name. "Hi. This is Herman with the telephone company and I'm just calling to see if you're familiar with our caller ID program?"

He went, "No!" and slammed the phone down. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're a jerk!"

And the reason I took the time to tell you this story, is to show you how if there's ever anything really bothering you, you can do something about it. Just dial 722-****.

But wait--the story continues! I was at the mall and this old lady at the mall really took her time pulling out of the parking space. I didn't think she was ever going to leave. Finally her car began to move and she started to very slowly back out of the stall. I backed up a little more to give her plenty of room to pull out. Great, I thought, she's finally leaving!

All of a sudden this black Camaro comes flying up the parking isle in the wrong direction and pulls into her space. I started honking my horn and yelling, "You can't just do that, Buddy. I was here first!" The guy climbed out of his Camaro completely ignoring me. He walked toward the mall as if he didn't even hear me.

I thought to myself, this guy's a jerk, there's sure a lot of jerks in this world. I noticed he had a For Sale sign in the back window of his car. I wrote down the number. Then I hunted for another place to park.

A couple of days later, I'm at home sitting at my desk. I had just gotten off the phone after calling 722-**** and yelling, "You're a jerk!" (It's really easy to call him now since I have his number on speed dial). I noticed the phone number of the guy with the black Camaro lying on my desk and thought I'd better call this guy, too.

After a couple rings someone answered the phone and said, "Hello."

I said, "Is this the man with the black Camaro for sale?"

"Yes it is."

"Can you tell me where I can see it?"

"Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th street. It's a yellow house and the car's parked right out front."

I said, "What's your name?"

"My name is Don Hansen."

"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"

"I'm home in the evenings."

"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"

"Yes."

"Don, you're a jerk!" And I slammed the phone down. After I hung up I added Don Hansen's number to my speed dialer.

For a while things seemed to be going better for me. Now when I had a problem I had two jerks to call. Then after several months of calling the jerks and hanging up on them, the whole thing started to seem like an obligation. It just wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be.

I gave the problem some serious thought and came up with a solution. First, I had my phone dial Jerk #1. A man answered nicely saying, "Hello."

I yelled, "You're a jerk!" But I didn't hang up.

The jerk said, "Are you still there?"

I said, "Yeah."

He said, "Stop calling me."

I said, "No."

He said, "What's your name, Pal?"

I said, "Don Hansen."

"Where do you live?"

"1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house and my black Camaro's parked out front."

"I'm coming over right now, Don. You'd better start saying your prayers."

"Yeah, like I'm really scared, Jerk!" and I hung up.

Then I called Jerk #2.

He answered, "Hello."

I said, "Hello, Jerk!"

He said, "If I ever find out who you are..."

"You'll what?"

"I'll kick your...."

"Well, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now, Jerk!" and I hung up.

Then I picked up the phone and called the police. I told them a big gang fight was going down at 1802 West 34th Street. After that I climbed into my car and headed over to 34th Street to watch the whole thing.

I turned onto 34th Street and parked my car under the shade of a tree half a block from Jerk #2's house. There were two guys fighting out front. Suddenly there were about 12 police cars and a helicopter. The police wrestled the two men to the ground and took them away

A couple of months go by and I get a call for jury duty. I was picked to be on a trial of two guys charged with disorderly conduct. As luck would have it, it happened to be the same two guys. I might have influenced the jury, because when they announced the verdict, they said, "We the jury find the defendants to be guilty--and a couple of jerks."

What is the pirates favorite TV-show?
The X-Factor

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How many mother-in-laws does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Don't worry about me. I'll just sit here in the dark. By myself. Don't trouble yourself with my problems.

Thank you and:

A husband and wife have four sons. The oldest three are tall with red hair and light skin while the youngest son is short with black hair and dark eyes.

The father was on his deathbed when he turned to his wife and said, "Honey, before I die, be totally honest with me: Is our youngest son my child?"

The wife replied, "I swear on everything that's holy that he is your son."

With that, the husband passed away. The wife muttered, "Thank God he didn't ask about the other three."

What is Brown and looks like a Stick? A Stick!

I have the same problem with my mother-in-law
I can't get rid of her

Thanks for the key

Game received. Thank you!