A rabbit walks into a butchers shop, goes up to the counter and says to the butcher "have you got any cabbage ?". The butcher looks at him and says - "look mate this is a butchers - we only have meat". The rabbit turns round and walks out.
Next day - in walks the rabbit - goes up to the counter and says to the butcher "have you got any cabbage ?". The butcher looks at him and says "Look chum, I told you yesterday - we only have meat" and the rabbit walks out.
This carries on for the next two days and then on Friday the rabbit walks in and asks for cabbage again. Finaly the butchers temper snaps - "I've told you many times this week, we only have meat in this shop. If you come in again I'll take some nails and nail your ears to the counter" - the rabbit leaves.
Next day - in walks the rabbit, goes up to the counter and says "Have you got any nails" - the butcher goes "of course I don't have any nails, this isn't a hardware shop".
"OK", said the rabbit - I'll have some cabbage then.
Guy comes walking into a bar. He goes up to the bartender and orders 8 shots of whisky. 'What's the occasion,' asks the bartender. 'My first blowjob,' the guy replies.
The bartender says: 'congratulations, I'll give you a 9th whisky on the house.'
'Don't bother,' replies the guy, 'if 8 can't help me get rid of the taste, nothing will.'
Medieval joke: The Abbot of Septimo, a very fat and corpulent man, on his way to Florence one evening, enquired of a peasant he met, “Do you think I shall be able to enter the gate?” Of course, he thus meant to ask whether he was likely to reach the city before the closing of the gates. But the country-man, rallying his stoutness, replied, “To be sure, you will; a cartload of hay gets through, why should not you?”
The CIA, the FBI, and the Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD) are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.
The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later dragging a badly beaten bear. The bear is screaming, "Okay, okay! I'm a RABBIT!! I'm a RABBIT!!"
A pirate with a wooden leg walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his pants and a parrot on his shoulder.
The bartender says: "Hey, you've got a steering wheel on your pants."
The pirate says: "Arrrrrrr! I know, it's driving me nuts."
Your momma is a bot!
Edit: Looking at your username, she is a royale bot!
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thanks you ,,,, I want be a king ,,,like Elvis )))
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Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like banana.
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Why do programmers always wear glasses?
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function checkJoke(joke){
if (joke==good)
document.write("You deserve a cookie !");}
checkJoke(noSim);
You deserve a cookie !
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A rabbit walks into a butchers shop, goes up to the counter and says to the butcher "have you got any cabbage ?". The butcher looks at him and says - "look mate this is a butchers - we only have meat". The rabbit turns round and walks out.
Next day - in walks the rabbit - goes up to the counter and says to the butcher "have you got any cabbage ?". The butcher looks at him and says "Look chum, I told you yesterday - we only have meat" and the rabbit walks out.
This carries on for the next two days and then on Friday the rabbit walks in and asks for cabbage again. Finaly the butchers temper snaps - "I've told you many times this week, we only have meat in this shop. If you come in again I'll take some nails and nail your ears to the counter" - the rabbit leaves.
Next day - in walks the rabbit, goes up to the counter and says "Have you got any nails" - the butcher goes "of course I don't have any nails, this isn't a hardware shop".
"OK", said the rabbit - I'll have some cabbage then.
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Old but gold xD
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Not a joke, even better ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
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my enlish is not good enough to translate jocks so that they would be funny :(
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I wanted to see the new Star Wars movie today, but every showing was sold out.
Rogue one, me zero.
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What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
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Guy comes walking into a bar. He goes up to the bartender and orders 8 shots of whisky. 'What's the occasion,' asks the bartender. 'My first blowjob,' the guy replies.
The bartender says: 'congratulations, I'll give you a 9th whisky on the house.'
'Don't bother,' replies the guy, 'if 8 can't help me get rid of the taste, nothing will.'
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This was really nasty xD
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lol
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Jokes? I don't know. My brain's not with it right now.
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My programming does not include jokes. Why do you hate us so?
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A concerned girl asked the priest, "Father, is it a sin to have sex before receiving communion?
He replied, "Only if you block the aisle."
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When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
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Oh man you expect me to make a joke? I'll try to think of a good one and come back to you when I've found one Yeah not really, I'm joking :-P
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Thanks :3
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This comment was deleted 4 years ago.
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Thx for the giveaway)
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Medieval joke: The Abbot of Septimo, a very fat and corpulent man, on his way to Florence one evening, enquired of a peasant he met, “Do you think I shall be able to enter the gate?” Of course, he thus meant to ask whether he was likely to reach the city before the closing of the gates. But the country-man, rallying his stoutness, replied, “To be sure, you will; a cartload of hay gets through, why should not you?”
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I'm a programmer so I'll give you some of my favorite IT jokes:
There are 10 types of people in this world. Those that can count in binary, and those that cannot.
There's no place like 127.0.0.1
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indeed, 127.0.0.1 is the best place in the world :)
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Did you know that "Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side." is a suicide joke? The more you know.
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The CIA, the FBI, and the Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD) are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.
The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later dragging a badly beaten bear. The bear is screaming, "Okay, okay! I'm a RABBIT!! I'm a RABBIT!!"
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what would the NSA do ? xD
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Don't know any jokes, sorry :/
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No joke so just some funny gifs ;)
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A pirate with a wooden leg walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his pants and a parrot on his shoulder.
The bartender says: "Hey, you've got a steering wheel on your pants."
The pirate says: "Arrrrrrr! I know, it's driving me nuts."
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