Hmm OK. I translated this from a german comedian, hope you like it (original work of Jürgen von der Lippe can be found here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WG8IhfxFWEg )

Priest:
I often get asked… reverent – what happens to our souls after death? And then I say: „The soul goes on a long journey and eventually it gets to a big waiting room where many other souls sit at those colorful desks with old magazines… Eventually every soul gets called to god and then the Lord pays one first, because living… (laughter (for whatever reason at this place)… - yes the message is bright… because living was work. Everybody gets the same wage – 7,50€, the minimum wage.
Then you have a big pile of money and the Lord takes the book of sins and you get to pay back for every sin you commited: A lie – 10€. Laughed to loud – 20€. Stealing – 50€. Bodily harm – 20.000€. Stashing black money in Liechtenstein – negotiable… masturbation – 50 cents. Well that doesnt sound much, but it really stacks up!
If the money is enough you‘ll go to heaven. If not you‘ll be reborn: just like going to work after holidays – poof.
And this is my nightmare: I died, stand in front of god, we made the deduction and I just lack 50cents.