My Life Story, Alcoholism and Others

Hello !

I was just writing about capitals i live- Sofia and Ankara- at this topic.

https://www.steamgifts.com/discussion/kqWE8/do-you-like-your-capital-citytrain-inside-sgtools-lv3

I somehow ended writing my life story. Instead, i decided to create a topic. Usually i don`t like to tell about myself, or talk at all. But i let my fingers, more importantly my mind flow. No goal is intended. As a sideeffect, i will be glad if someone get inspiration who suffers similar things i did.

My countrys capital is Ankara which i and my family live in. Generally i dont like my country because of people and religion. I used to hate Ankara too since i traveled couple of times to Istanbul. Damn i love my city now. I have never seen such a chaotic city before- i have traveled a lot of countries-. I was kinda a little upset about not being in Istanbul before until i was there.

I have double nationality, Turkish and Bulgarian. I have been studying medicine in Bulgaria until last year, particularly in Sofia which is also a capital. I had to stop my education and turn back to Turkey because of health reasons(cuz of drugs-stimulants, i am also a diagnosed alcoholic from 7 years). Now i rehabilitated(ing) in Turkey-Ankara-. I will continue to studying from September. Damn i want to go back to Sofia as much as i cant explain. Of course not because of drugs, i just want to see people relaxed, kind, not muslim( no offense is intended, as long as muslims are always trying to leave their country imigrate to Europe, no man can blame someone who doesnt want to live among them). I have 2 more years to graduate if everything goes right... After that i probably won`t come back to Turkey-Ankara-.

I came to this topic just to write about my capital town(s). But i am just full of shit inside that i cannot stop write/tell. This moments of mine come rarely.

I am now pretty useless, you can tell it by checking my SG profile. I know this is not the right place to tell something that i might be usefull at, but as i told this is moment i feel careing to tell something.

Fellas, be carefull with drugs, especially with stimulants. I am 26 years old now. I am a diagnosed alcoholic from 7 years. However, I have continued to study my education for 5 years. Even i was the one of the best students, people came to me begging for cheats, clues at exams etc. Everything was going fluent as much it could at that times. That i met with stimulants- i won`t mention what they are-. This was the time i lost control. Everyone can tell that one who is alcoholic is weak, doesnt possess the control upon himself is right. Alcoholism has driven me to loneliness (number 1 clue that you might be clinicaly alcoholic is drinking alone, to want to dring alone always) long long ago. I had friends, very best friends who care about me even now on. But i was the one who stopped contacting them, just to be alone and drink alone. This evoluated to not going to school, exams, led my GF to break up with me. Last point was being sick, one tick below the cirrhosis, alcoholic hepatitis. I started to puke blood that finally led me to admit that i urgently need medical attention. Not because of pukeing blood, this is the time i finally stopped denying that i was alcoholic since i already knew something wrong with my liver led me pukeing blood. This was the first step i moved forward, the time that i already failed my education 2 years consecutively.

I have stopped drinking alcohol, eaten carefully, exercised, took medications especially for alcohol and its withdrawal. I have done pretty much everything i could to heal my liver and myself. After 6 7 months i managed to physically heal myself. I was at the point that i hate alcohol more than everything.

While i was trying not to die, i was excluded from university- one cant fail particular year 2 times consecutively, i failed 4th year-, excluded from the dorm. But i had pretty much money that my family didnt know about- while i was suffering from alcoholism, i was also gambling which is one of the rare things i didnt suffer from. Even i have abused some casinos little by little.- I rented a kinda luxury apartment, bought a new car, i had money to live myself for at least 4 years. But it was less than living with joy, more of a living with burden of the things i have done to myself and my future, colletarely to my family which they didnt have a clue. I have tried to bribe Dean to continue to my school, i failed.

I decided to live on, lie about my university to my family, and keep it going for 2 years- if everything goes right, i would graduate 2years after 4th year which i failed-. I decided to not worry about what to do after 2 years. You know, i was healthy, got rid of alcohol. I felt superior to anything since i knew the things that i overcame are pretty big and hard- alcohol is the 2nd hardest substance to leave if you are addicted, if you are alcoholic. I naturally classified as Type 2 Alcoholic which is the hardest, nearly impossible to take down. This is because onset is 19-20 ages, genetic factor is the main reason. It is nearly sure that at one time at individual`s lifetime, they will suffer again and harder. Hardest substance to overcome is Heroine-.

Life was going pretty casual and normal for 1 year. i was spending much of my time watching movies, playing games(mostly pirated, i didnt know about Steam that much, wasnt eager to learn about it because i was not into online-multiplayer games and still am.-, traveling to neighbour countries since i couldn`t be away from reach for long time, it might get suspicious for my family.

It was going well more than it could, i didn`t even care about my university. I was thinking life goes on as it should.

Until..

Until i met that girl. It is like pretty much stupid romantic-comedy movie. I was jogging at park, decided to take a breath, sit at the bench, watching people, trees, resting. A jogging girl ran past me, stopped, came back to me, asked to drink from my water. We met couple of times. Than i met with the drugs, particularly stimulants, cuz of her. She was abusing, trying to quit at the time we met, but didnt tell me. One day she came with athing`, told me she took from her friends to try. I was excited since i have tried mdma 3 different times at my alcoholic times. It was something different though.

We tried, she seemed suspicius, she knew all the ritual, but didnt care. Time passed like this with increased intervals of doing something. It was amazing- i dont want to tempt anyone but dont be sosensitiveplease, people are doing drugs cuz they are amazing in their unique way, my story is a big dont do it as a result-.

5-6 months passed with her. We were carefull about what we were doing. Then we broke up cuz of irrelevant things to this topic. I was alone again, with a different sort of problem. I wasn`t seeing it as a problem, i was a grown man, an adult, an ex-medicine student- i still think Amsterdam is the model which should be worldwide-. Being alone again kicked back somethings that i cared not to do. I slowly started to drink alcohol when i was stoned, gradually increasing in both alcohol and substances. It took 5-6 months to next paragraph.

Approx. 1 year ago i have lost control, abusing all the substances i could find. I was aware of what i was doing, i knew i was abusing. Sometimes i just wanted to die. My primary substance was cocaine, occasionaly using other relative ones, time-to-time mdma cuz of music appreciation. The money i mentioned about started to deplete. I started to use amph. I binged like i am already a dead-man.

Fellas, it just took 2 months to have a transient stroke, i have felt it, tried to prevent it, used a medication to lower BP immediately, which caused a heart attack, at the age of 25 which means death- it takes more than 25 years to develop extra hearth vessels-. I also felt it happening, damn you cant imagine thetrue` fear of death, knowing that you sure are dying. I have never experienced such an intense emotion before in any kind of, and i will never.

How am i writing this ?

I took a cab to hospital, when i felt life-threatining signs of very high pressure. I took the medication to lower my BP on my way, which was a huge mistake- sudden drops and increases are more dangerous than low-or BP-. I started to feel i was having heart attack when we were nearly at the hospital. I don`t believe in any kind of god but, i hope something bless the cab driver. He helped me entering the hospital, explained the situation- i was trying to explain to him while-. I had cardiac arrest. I was very very lucky i cannot even explain it. It was totally against the all odds. I guess it has something to do with my gambling luck too :)

My friends who i wasn`t talk for a long time called my family- i still cannot forgive myself cuz of the shock and tears i gave to them-. They came to Sofia.

I told them everything. I turned back to Ankara to my family-father, mother, younger sister, a dog, 2 cats- which is awesome. It was impossible to think to live with my family, being not able to do anything i want. It took ages and a final shot to grow me up.

I am totally clean now from 1 year, rehabilitaded. But it is mainly because i felt true love which my familiy gave to me. I am now just happy walking kuki-dog- 3 times a day. The emotions i have for a while are the true emotions. I learned it in hard way.

I will going to turn back to Sofia, to continue my education in September. I will start from 4th year. I can`t explain the excitement that i have to study. My family did the hardest thing, they gave me 2nd chance. I will not disappoint them. I am lucky even for being alive, i cannot want from life much more, still i have a chance to fix the damage i have done to myself, to my family. I have experienced so many good things and bad things. But as i said, i know now what really matters.

As a conclusion, i am not the advice giving guy. Even there doesnt have to be conclusion. I just told my story i dont know why. I just kept writing.

Wish me luck guys( probably i won`t need :) )

Just to fulfill tradition, i wish i had more keys.
https://www.steamgifts.com/giveaway/MAkKx/risen