ummm, funniest quote by dec 29th gets a free copy of a game. . . In liken to thier quote.

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

When shooting a mime, don't use a silencer or his friends will hear you

this is my fav
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."

• Albert Einstein (1879-1955)

'Wherever I go, people are waving at me. Maybe if I do a good job, they'll use all their fingers.'

• Frank King, Winter Olympic Games organizing committee chairman.

I like this one the most

If you watch Jaws backwards, its about a shark who throws up so many people, they have to open a beach.

"Listen. You listen to me. You see that city over there? THAT'S where I'm supposed to be! Not down here with the dogs and the garbage and the fuckin' last months newspaper blowing back and forth. I've had it with them, I've had it with you, I've had it with all this! I want ROOM SERVICE! I want the club sandwich. I want the cold Mexican beer. I want a ten-thousand dollar-a-night hooker!! I want my shirts laundered like they do at the Imperial Hotel in Tokyo."

-Johnny Mnemonic

Two dyslexic men walk into a bra.

Can someone get behind me and buff me as much as possible?

"I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives."

I'm so sick of seeing this thread

"here's your objective. blah blah blah blah secret base, blah blah blah nuclear missle blah, blah blah blah counting on you. Good Luck!"

True story from 3 days ago.

(ex)girlfriend: "Does it look like I have gained weight since we started going out?"

Me: "It depends"

(ex)girlfriend: "On what?"

Me: "Whether I am looking at you or not"

Mmm, cake! --everyone

you N'wah!

Edward Cole: Here's something to remember when you're older Thomas - never pass up a bathroom, never waste a hard-on, and never trust a fart.
Thomas: I'll remember that when I start "decrepitating" sir.
(the bucket list)

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

"To make a cake from scratch, you must first invent the universe."

"Reality is a hallucination caused by a lack of alcohol" :>

One day Little Johnny went to his father, and asked him if he could buy him a $200 bicycle for his birthday. Little Johnny's father said, "Johnny, we have a $80,000 mortgage on the house, and you want me to buy you a bicycle??? Wait until Christmas!"
Christmas came around, and Little Johnny asked again. The father said, "Well, the mortgage is still extremely high, sorry kiddo. Ask me again some other time."
Well, about 2 days later, the boy was seen walking out of the house with all his belongings in a suitcase. The father felt sorry for him, and asked him why he was leaving.
Little Johnny said, "Yesterday I was walking past your room, and I heard you say that you were 'pulling out,' and mommy said that 'you should wait because she was coming, too....'
"And I'll be DAMNED if I'm gonna stuck with your $80,000 mortgage!"

Suckers.

"Difficult puzzles are usually just misconceptions within a misconception" ~Me

If someone is naked and needs to go to an event that requires attendees to be naked, are they dressed for the occasion or not?

"I was an Adventurer like you once, until I took an arrow to the knee."

Skyrim for me?

I didn't read all, but i bet none has this one^^:

"Indeed" ~ Teal'c, Stargate series

• "I really like her Mane"

• "Eyupp"

• "Were you reading a bedtime story to... an apple tree?"

• "And as you can see, we have all of the finest comforts. Like horse-drawn carriages! ...
  And those there are horse-drawn, horse-drawn carriages."

• "And here's where we have out wild west dances!
  And here's where we have out mild west dances!"