I'm not sure if I have anger management problems or if I'm just the average person. My Brother frequently taunts me, more than just 'brotherly love', and I respond to it with violence every now and again.

Based on that sentence I would say I have anger issues. But, my whole life he has taunted me by calling me a f*ggot (I'm bi, that word comes solely from a place of hate) and he assualts me frequently. He'll slap me in the face or on the back, hard, or punch me in the leg, and my Mother just watches. She only reacts when I fight back. "Holy ****, learn to control yourself, dude!" she says, directed at me.

I can't tell if I have anger issues for this, or if I'm just a regular person who responds to relentless taunts and abuse in a way that every person would.

My Father, who isn't around for me, you'll probably hear more posts from me on him, said once to him when I was only a wee lad, that if he keeps taunting me he was gonna get what was coming to him. My Father isn't exactly suits and taxes, he's more ghetto, you could say.

I'm not sure if I should listen to my Father, who can be violent at times, or my Mother who says I need to control myself.

It's not like I resort to violence immediately, there was a point in my life, around when I was fifteen, that when he bullied me I would leave the room, leave the house, leave the town if I needed to, but he would always FOLLOW ME until he got a reaction. He would follow me out of the town.

I believe that I'm just the average guy, but despite saying this whole thing above to my Mother and my Brother, she still claims I have anger issues, and so does he but I think that's because he is a [insert curse word here]

What do you think? Do I have a victim complex like everyone on Tumblr, or am I just the average Joe?

Sincerely,
-Poep

8 years ago

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Those who say that violence is never the answer have clearly never beaten up anybody. Kick his ass.

8 years ago*
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You need to leave your brother and your mother who seems to be a victim herself or just a piece of shit. She'd rather see you bullied for the rest of your life then do something about it. Your brother is an asshole who one day will get what he deserves. The question is, do you want to throw away the rest of your life and be that that person or do something better with it?
Leave them, move far away, start a new life or end up in jail for manslaughter.

8 years ago
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8 years ago
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Yeah let it escalate (maybe to an extreme), they call the police. Good idea.
He should get the hell out of there.

8 years ago
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He should make a point, that's all. I am not saying he should escalate any further than that.
Deleted my comment because of the personal background it contained

8 years ago
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No but when one gets angry you sometimes get into a flash of rage, even that brother might get even more violent then usual, one wrong push, one wrong hit and it might just end up him dieing or going to jail.

His living situation is unhealthy and needs to get out of it.

8 years ago
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That's pretty extreme though, isn't it? As if eating one piece of chocolate would result in binge eating until you vomit.
Of course I don't know peopstinktvies and can't say how much he's able to control himself, but saying it would result in murder? Relax.
I agree with the last bit.

8 years ago
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Don't agree that it is extreme, I am not saying anyone is set to murder (on purpose) but one wrong push one wrong hit is easily made in a rage when you don't know what you are doing (maybe i am watching too much soaps) but you can't say it doesn't happen, it becoming manslaughter.

There is a whole history of violence in the situation of the op, if op pushes back on a violent person such as his brother (we don't know how violent it really goes on there nor how violent the brother can get).
If someone feels taunted for his entire life, someone is even more likely to snap at one point (why all those school schootings happen because all the shooters at one point were bullied, felt victimized).

Suggesting someone to even take a chance to fight back in a violent situation, just doesn't seem smart to me, that's all.

8 years ago*
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You might be right about this, but just from personal experience I think that you should release aggresion, rather than swallowing it. I do think that catharsis is a vital philosophy to keep yourself balanced or else the anger will devour you inevitably.
Noone really knows how exactly those mass shootings came to be, but I think if the bullied would have fought back, instead of enduring the pain, it wouldn't have gotten to this extreme end of the spectrum. They say when you ignore them, they'll stop, but it only renders you helpless and it will keep going.
I don't say violence is the mean to an end, but I do believe that if you are being harmed, you shouldn't just turn the other cheek. Eye for an eye.

8 years ago*
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This. With zero tolerance, and avoidance tactics, we are raising generations of victims. When I was growing up, bullying was considered a fairly normal part of childhood. You learned a lot from your bully, really, Im not being facetious. You learned, not everyone is a good person. You learned, not everyone liked you. Ideally, you learned how to defend yourself eventually as well. I had a bully, I was a bully. Im not proud of that, Im just being honest. It goes back to what I said below about we are just animals when you strip away all the societal crap. Theres a pecking order, its in human nature to create one if it doesnt already exist.

We need to go back to teaching our children to stand up for themselves, not go run to a teacher every time Johnny Jerkoff spits on your shoes. Again I teach my boys to avoid violence wherever they can, but they also know, if the school punishes them for defending themselves, I wont be mad at them, I wont punish them, and I will fight the school every step, because they are wrong. You and you alone, are responsible for your personal well being, both mentally and physically. You are responsible for protecting that well being. With zero tolerance, we take that opportunity to learn this ability away from them.

8 years ago
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It seems to me like it's your brother and mother that have issues, not you. Of course you get angry if people are aggresive towards you, nothing strange there.

8 years ago
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to get angry after getting punched isn't exactly what I would call 'anger issues'...

8 years ago
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Every action brings reaction. Someone hits you, the normal answer to this (I'm not saying that the best, but well) is to hit this person back. That's not an anger issue, that's an instinct.

Focus on leaving these people. As soon as possible. Let them rot without you.
I don't know where you live but I'm pretty sure you can get a help as a victim of domestic violence.

8 years ago
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I can relate to the fact how one sibling gets away with anything and the other one gets all the blame when he reacts/fights back. It's a horrible feeling, makes you want to punch everyone in the face.
Actually...how old are you? If You're an adult, leave and don't look back. If you're not old enough to leave, beat him up and make him afraid of you, so he wouldn't dare to touch you again. It's just my opinion :P

8 years ago
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I'm not sure how old you are, but with me this kind of stuff was more of an issue when my brother was in his puberty, with me being 4 years younger. My whole time in puberty was pretty lousy too with me being kinda nerdy and guys with hormones flying around. I personally found that never using violence is a good option though... beating them back hardly ever works, and could get you in even more trouble. If it is puberty stuff, you should be fine when everyone around you grows up a little more.

8 years ago
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Well it depends, is your anger contained to that situation or is it showing up in other places.Like if someone bumps into you do you lash out even though it was probably an accident no big deal. If that's the case then yes you probably have anger issues. That doesn't mean that you don't have a right to be angry or the reason you're angry isn't justified but we as a society do not believe in using our fists to solve problems, we're more evolved than that. Or so we say. As for your brother and mother. Simplest solution cut them out of your lives the moment you can.

That being said. I have two younger siblings, and they can get annoying as fuck at times. My mom always said to ignore them because then they'll get bored. So he calls you a faggot, pretend that it doesn't bother you. It's a word, and yes it may come from a place of hatred but in the end it's a word. It only has power if you let it have power. So ignore him, he'll get bored and leave you alone.

8 years ago
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I think you overlooked the part where he actually assaults him.
It seems to start with him calling him a faggot and then goes to assault. This brother knows no boundaries apparently. I wouldn't be surprised if he ends up dead in the near future because he thought he could get away with this kind of behaviour with everybody.
Then again, people like that sometimes seem to live forever, ruining other peoples lives.

8 years ago
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Well without more info, it's hard to really give advise. Because as far as this story goes, it doesn't quite seem like a full punch maybe more like poking a bear type situation. Could be wrong though.

8 years ago
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He'll slap me in the face or on the back, hard, or punch me in the leg,

If I get slapped in the face, I take that as an invitation to fight.

It's not like I resort to violence immediately, there was a point in my life, around when I was fifteen,

Yeah I dunno, at this point it implies that he does resort to violence immediately now?

8 years ago
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That's not surprising, is it? You can only prod a dog so often till it bites back.
Edit: OP seems to be offline now. We'll have to wait and see if he replies.

8 years ago
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That would depend on your and your brothers age, size and how violent you are towards him. If you are, for example 17, and he is 10, twice his size and you punch him multiple times when he taunts you I'd say you have anger management issues. If you are the same age, same built and you treat him the same way he treats you, you are just an average guy. I do believe that a lot of times there are better ways than violence to solve an issue, but that doesn't mean that most of people are able to do it. Ignoring the insults would be best, but it can be hard at times. Can you, instead of beating him back, immobilize him when he attacks you? As other suggested, as soon as you can move away and cut all ties, at least for now.

8 years ago
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+1 You took the words right out of my mouth.

8 years ago
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You'll never know until you move out and live your life without them for a bit. Sounds like a trite response I know but it's true.

8 years ago
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Your mother is the problem, leave, that's not healthy for you, it wears you out.

8 years ago
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I would do the same in your situation, but that doesn't mean it's the best response.

Is there any way that you can record this happening? If you're in school you can record and show it to a teacher (not sure which country you're in).
I agree with the other posters. Move out, cut contact. Keep the recordings or a journal to remember how they treated you, so when they come crawling back you remain strong.

8 years ago
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Seems like the problem runs deep in your household. Not you particularly. I think you should go try to talk to your mother and explain your situation.

8 years ago
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"Violence, naked force, has settled more issues in history than has any other factor, and the contrary opinion is wishful thinking at its worst."
--Robert Heinlein

Responding to violence with violence is not an anger issue, put some serious fucking hurt on your brother. Make him think twice before doing it to you again.

8 years ago
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As an aside to this, and I am not a normal parent by american standards, when my boys fight, I only punish the one who started it. And I never ever stop the fight (I would if it were a safety concern) for a couple of reasons. Its usually the older one that starts it, but my younger one usually finishes it. I need my older son to learn, that younger, and or smaller, does not mean weaker, or incapable of defending ones self. I also want my boys to learn ways to settle their differences without fighting, but my experience is that until such time as you are sick of getting your ass kicked, you dont look for that alternative.

(Before some libtard loses their mind on me, I dont encourage them to fight, I have always taught them to try to avoid violence whenever possible, when its not possible though, to hit hard, hit first and make them regret ever trying to hurt you)

8 years ago
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That's one way of short term solving of a situation.
However, long term the problem will still remain. Furthermore, you have to be aware that when you go down that route you run in danger of becoming the assaulter, the perpetrator. And if push come to shove I suspect the mother will stand by the brother if law enforcement becomes involved.

8 years ago
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My personal experience with this (grew up with 2 old brothers, spent years being a punching bag) is when you finally snap, and fuck them up real good. They dont tell mom or dad it was you. They dont want to admit that they lost to their kickaround. (It doesnt hurt to throw in a 'you tell mom and i'll beat you worse next time') But, we all are raised differently, like I think its completely normal for boys to try and fight their fathers as they enter their teenage years. Its about establishing your manhood, your place in the pack if you will. People like to pretend we are not animals, we are. We may be self aware, and pretend to have morals and ethics, but boil it right down, strip away all the niceties and underneath it all, we are just feral animals.

8 years ago*
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Well, we never had that situation, thank god. Which doesn't mean there wasn't the occasional fight ;)

8 years ago
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I rarely agree with what you say on the forums, but this right here is wisdom worth being shared.

8 years ago
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Thanks I guess, lol, I didnt realize I was generally controversial.

8 years ago
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Talk to a professional.

8 years ago
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Sounds to me like you're an average guy who gets pushed past the limit on a regular basis.
Unless you switch from non-violent to excessive violence immediately. That indicates you leg the anger build up to uncontrollable rage, which isn't a good thing.
Not that I like violence in any way, but maybe you need to go blow-for-blow with your brother; he slaps you once, you slap back once etc.

8 years ago
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I didn't read all the posts, but at first sight it looks like you are facing a violent situation. Violence made with words is still violence, when it comes to denying / criticizing your personality. Sexual orientation is not a choice, and even if it was, that would not give your brother the right to taunt you for your choices. In my opinion you are perfectly entitled to respond to violence with violence (I'm not saying it's the best way to deal with that, but that's another discussion). In particular when it comes to subjects where most offenders simply see the world as strong / weak antagonism (them thinking they belong to the first category, of course).

8 years ago
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To me, it sounds like you're an average guy, who happens to have a dick brother and a mother who adores your little brother.

8 years ago
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I had and slightly still have a very similar situation myself, my brother always was very rude to me and always insult me and after he does it for like the 10th time in a day (every single day) I would hit him because I had enough.....which made him and my mother angry at me like I am somehow the bad guy for trying to teach my brother to be less of a dick and he is an innocent angel because even though he insults me constantly he was not violent.

Unfortunately my brother barely grew out of this and it went on for around 10 years and still a little bit now.

As an adult now I can say quite clearly that I do not have anger issues and it is just that my brother is a dick....I am not angry towards other people in my life in a extreme way (although my father does anger me a lot too, but I never hit him even though I should).

8 years ago
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Anger issue is something that has been invented by politics to control people.

I can say you have "anger issues" for absolutely anything:

I burned you car? Why do you get angry? You have anger issues.

I fucked your wife? Why do you get angry? You have anger issues.

I killed your child? Why do you get angry? You have anger issues.

Anger is a matter of perspective not neurosis, weak minded people will find excuses for unexcusable aggression, be them intellectual or moral aggression, while other generally smarter people see taunts, provocations or ideas for the danger and gravity they hold, thus getting rightfully angry.

So never let anyone tell you you have anger issues, it doesn't exist, however it's a matter of perspective and solution: it is not always WORTH getting angry, and it does not always provide a solution or a better situation, but it's natural.

8 years ago
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Agree on the perspective thing. What always struck me as something "funny" is how when someone gets usually mad at something kinda silly (like some situation in a football match etc.) and I think "well, it isn't something worth to be mad or angry about"; but when I do get angry for something this other person who gets usually mad at stupid things comes near saying "oh, this isn't worth to be angry; I didn't knew you could react like this, you aren't like this" and I'm like wtf, people buttons are different!

What snaps me maybe doesn't snaps you, or at least the time of an angry reaction takes a different time to arise.

Some time ago in the news appeared a story about a guy who attacked with an axe a car parked in his garage exit (it is prohibited to park in front of the garage of house which isn't your own). All the people in the internet where commenting: "ohh what a madman", "totally overreacting, bla bla bla", blaming always on the guy that snapped, but that, especially in our society is something so hypocrite. People gets mad for everything, there is road rage, bus drivers attacking blind people (no joke) so wtf. Suddenly couch-thinkers are all peace and zen tranquility for everyone...
Maybe other people have parked in his garage exit a lot of times, and this last one was the drop that overflowed the glass.

And other thing, there is something so primal about people (even if I sometimes try not to acknowledge it) that even if they know that because of some stupid discussion someone can hurt them they still react, aggression is always there.

At times when I see videos on the internet about US police brutality I think to myself "wow, I think I wouldn't do something stupid around those guys, without a warning the may shoot you or arrest you for nothing" but the next video I see is of people doing donuts, and speeding or doing illegal races or making police mad as entertainment and wtf, they don't measure the dangers?

8 years ago
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8 years ago*
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i think he needs a nice punch in the nose, so he understand he shouldn't mess with you. based on personal experience
i don't like violence but i hate being bullied and pushed all the time.

8 years ago
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