Alien Trap [puzzle question] - Giveway Inside (puzzle not required)

[Mandatory Giveaway][]()(http://www.steamgifts.com/giveaway/V9wA3/dear-esther)

Depends how big the hole is?

Since you're imagining this, you can do a couple things:
1) Stop imagining
2) Imagine that you're on Earth. Then imagine the aliens will die shortly after due to overexposure to Earth's oxygenated atmosphere, something they are not used to.

Tie the chicken to the end of the rope, light it on fire and use it a a grappling hook, once out of the hole kill the alien with the spoon

tie the chicken with the rope and throw it at the guard, the chicken is dumb so it will circle the guard and jump back to the hole, then while the guard is confused you pull the rope so he falls inside and kill him with the spoon. now throw the chicken out again, but set the rope on fire so it'll burn up to the chicken which will then proceed to run around burning, quacking or whatever and getting all the attention and you, in the mean time, dig yourself out of the hole with a bloody spoon. leave the guard inside, let them know what they are dealing with.

Hold chicken upside down. Chickens naturally become confused and quiet when help upside down. Use this opportunity to tie a rope around the chicken's feet, but not its wings. Using a single match from the matchbox, heat up the spoon, then throw it at the guard, severely burning him. Wrapping the spoon in duct tape and putting it under a sink would also be good. (please tell me someone gets this reference) After stunning the guard, throw the chicken into the air, and allow it to flutter above the hole. Climb out using the rope.

Are there matches in the box? Is the chicken alive and what kind? What kind of rope? Also, would dressing up like this be effective on the alien guard?

Throw the chicken at the guard. The guard might attack the chicken. Then either
A) an army of unkillable chickens will come and attack the guards
B) the guard will get some bounty and get arrested

Slow (VERY SLOW) Roast the chicken with the a match and the matchbox, use it as food during the time it takes to finally construct a working grapple hook with the spoon and rope... Maybe dig a tunnel at the bottom of the hole.

First, let us assume a spherical chicken...