are you able to leave? it sounds like that would benefit you.
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Whenever I try to leave he guilts me saying he will quit his job and become homeless then he will die without me etc. It's like he wants to keep me for some reason but then he doesn't want to talk to me or show me any affection.
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that's not good. i was in a relationship with someone who used similar abusive tactics; it was difficult to leave.
i need to sleep now but if you like i could try to find some resources for you that might help.
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Get some rest. I hope you sleep well. If you have any advice or resources next time you are on yes I would appreciate it. Thank you very much.
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LEAVE.
Guilt tripping you is no good for anybody. Not for you, not for him
I am usually surprised when on the internet always say to leave the relationship. But if he is using this argument, then it's clearly a toxic enviroment for both of you.
Go back to a member of your family, parents, better. and try to start over.
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I have known this man since I was a child so it just makes it so much harder to leave because what if his words end up coming true and I will forever blame myself. I can not handle that burden.
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Time heals everything. I don't know and can't know the exact circumstances. But we have to be responsible for ourselves (and our children/family). If the situation is bad for both of you, unless the both of you are proactive to solve it, it's not solving by itself. And apparently if he is threatening you with kiling himself, then it's time you leave inmediately. It sounds like psychological violence.
I also left my wife of ten years when the situation was too toxic. Best decision ever. She is currently dating again.
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Thats pretty bad, he is trying to manipulate you and of course thats will not help you in any way, manipulation is a form of violence, psychological violence, i don't know the context but trying to make someone feel guilty is somenthing i saw a lot in family courts here.
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I only know what you've mentioned so it's impossible to know the whole situation. That sounds like a situation that's extremely unhealthy for both of you so you really need to get out of it. He's mentally and emotionally abusing you when he says things to you like that.
You state in the OP that "he refuses to let you leave" and then above you mentioned he guilts you. Does he physically prevent you from trying to leave?
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He doesn't physically prevent me from leaving but he knowingly had us move 2 hours from my family so that I had no options. If I ask him to take me to my moms when I want to leave he will not do it or if I ask my dad to come get me he will contact my dad saying I am just messing around and there is no need to come get me. We only have one vehicle and it is in his name. I may wait until he is at work one day and see if I can get someone to help me get stuff out. The hardest thing is getting myself to go through with it. I worry too much. I shouldn't but I have known him for 13 years.
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So you have asked you father to come get you. When he told your father that why didn't you tell father you weren't messing around? Then he would have come and gotten you.
Does he get physical with you?
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"I may wait until he is at work one day and see if I can get someone to help me get stuff out." If you have to escape like a prisoner, it means the situation is bad for your mental health. For whatever reason, it's bad for both of you. I really feel you should leave inmediately.
You would be doing both a favor, really. Call your father. Organize with him. And leave when he is out, if you feel better.
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You don't have to sacrifice your mental health and happiness for his threatened fate.
Get him some help and leave. There are lots of options for you to contact. If his family isn't good enough, try whatever public service is most suitable in your country.
But by all means: Leave. This can't result in a happy ending.
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That's emotional blackmail aka psychological abuse. Horrible people use the "I'll harm myself" move to beat people down and keep them in their lives. It's actually a pretty common abusive tactic. He doesn't love you, you're just convenient. And he separated you from the people who DO love you. You need to get out. He will never quit his job and go homeless over you. You have to believe that. In fact, I would have some reason to be a little afraid of this behaviour escalating into physical violence.
Can you get some help from family? When he is in work, you need to co-ordinate something so that you can pack up and get out while he is gone. That might be the only way that you can get away without some big drama of him manipulating you into staying. But you NEED to do it. This is for you and your mental well being.
Trust me, if you left tomorrow, this man will still be alive next week.
I am worried about you after reading this thread. I hope you will find the strength to do what you need to do for you.
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I'm sorry to read that, i was in a very bad place when i was 16(family member passing away), it took me months to recover, you have to know that you are never alone, maybe you think you are but there is always people who cares about you, it took me a while to understand that(the asperger didn't help with that). Anyways,i'm 29,i went to law school and became a lawyer in my country, it was hard and many times i thought i was wrong studying that career but things are going well now.
In my experience there is a lot of things that could influence in how you feel and people who are near you are on of the most important thing to take note, the right people will make you start moving again, look for new things to do, new projects or maybe changes that will help you in the long road.
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I am sorry for what you went through. I don't know you but from what you have said I am very proud of your accomplishments! Good job.
I try to drown myself in games, books, movies, music, etc. It temporarily helps but it doesn't fix things. I will try meeting new people. It has just been hard the last couple years.
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Thats ok, you are you, people cope with things in different ways and take them different time to feel better or make things right, take your time, think about your present life, it's the way you think it will be? if not you have to know that you can make things right, step by step, little by little, you don't have to rush.
People in this site are nice if you need to talk more than one will hear you.
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depression is no laughing matter for sure. i deal with it all the time since i was a kid. how I deal with it is through prayer. God is there and will never leave us. I don't know how spiritual you are so that is up to you. you can distract yourself with your interests, like gaming, maybe anime? watch comedy movie/series that will make your funny bone hurt. get some sunshine for the vitamin D. go for walks with your dog. get active, keep moving. get physical and burn away the blues.
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I did many many years of therapy as my depression started at a very young age but nothing really ever helped me. I did have a really good patch for awhile and slowly the last few weeks it has been fading away.
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Sorry for what you are going through :( and yeah that man is guilt tripping you. I can't say I know what's the best possible course of action, but it's best to talk with someone close to you. As much as we can accomplish, we can't do everything alone :(
Also sorry I can't help much with depression, I'm going through it myself for a few years already ^^" But take small steps. Distracting yourself helps, but honestly it's like a painkiller rather than a cure. Go outside, talk with people, family, friends, try new things, these will help you a little to gather a bit of strength. Don't be afraid to ask for help too, there are still people that care about you. Well the only person that made me a bit better was a therapist, before I had to quit due to reasons ^^"
It's a difficult path, but the road is still there for us to follow. I wish you the best 🧡
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My advice, get out of that apartment as soon as possible, remove everything dont contribute to your life, if you must go back to your family, do it, if you are with a person with whom you do not share anything and you have no emotional bond, break with that and start again, recover old friendships and return to the place where you were happy, there is nothing more unhappy than living with someone who does not make you happy, you are too young to live an adult life, you are young and I do not think it is healthy or right to be tied to a person for whom you feel nothing, the longer you continue in a situation in which you are not happy, you will only be more discouraged and without goals or motivations, if you work, try to find something to do in your spare time, study something or recover a hobby that you had or look for something that you would like to do and spend that time occupying it and leaving home and meeting new people, it will open your mind and you will be able to get out of that negative routine in which you find yourself, the sooner you start , the faster you will r recover your emotional stability, your happiness and above all get out of depression. good vibes 🙌💖
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I have closed this thread but for anyone who has came back to check it thank you all for your advice. I am working on it. I love you all.
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