I'll start:
Your name badge reads "Cap Sizeman" as it swings from the rear view mirror of your spacecraft. You feel a bit woozy, and a trickle of something red has streaked the inside of your helmet. You look up, and gaze through the cracked spacewindshield and see...
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many bizarre creatures, staring directly at you. They resemble insects, but much bigger, with all the features of any normal humanoid. It appears you've crashed. One of the creatures opens it's mouth and says....
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Many stars bursting in flames, creating small nova's around the ship. Each time the nova's are uniting they start to create wierd lifeforms around the shuttle, strange looking monsters, creatures off unknown nature, objects twisted in unimaginable forms. Life, life starts around you, while u gaze in to the dark void, but then the creation your taking part of is fading away while dizziness is taking control of your head, you start to luck around you, frightened, when you start to notice that your body is taking another form, more beautiful then you could possibly imagine. Your skin is gone, u seem ethereal, like a specter but still raw. While gazing upon your evolved self the ship is further away from you, no longer apart of it you drift away into the darkened void, no need of air, support or feelings, you let yourself go and be guided by the force you encountered. After flying for several moments you stop, you stop in front of this shining light, not white but very colorful, yet dark and grim from place to place. You try to speak, but words cannot be heard, you try to think and then it happens....
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a big red mosquito flying right through a crack on your ship's hull. "Get the spray!" you shout while remembering that the soldier right beside you is...
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...dying of suffocation, as there is a crack in the hull of your spaceship.
You run for the emergency space helmet cabinet, but you are having trouble getting there because the air is being rapidly sucked out of the room, making large objects fly toward you at high speeds. You get the wind knocked out of you as you are hit in the stomach by a...
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Erotic version:
Your name badge reads "Cap Sizeman" as it swings from the rear view mirror of your spacecraft. You feel a bit woozy, and a trickle of something red has streaked the inside of your helmet. You look up, and gaze through the cracked spacewindshield and see...
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a giant dong. You jump back in shock to realize it's your partner, Shaft Longman. "Hello Sizeman" he says. You look at him awkwardly and go back to driving the ship with some idle chitchat. You continue through the galaxy when all of a sudden...
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Your instruments pick up an old earth signal, being rebroadcast by a source withing the America Fuck Yeah system. The screen pops up, as you see the title "Jersey shore". You close your eyes, trying to warn your partner, Shaft Longman of the danger. You are too late as he screams in pain. You quickly turn off the monitor. "My god, sensors show everyone in this system is brain dead"
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nipples. I guess I need some special help from you, can you lead me to the medical quarters?" After hearing that, you decide...
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that that is a bad idea, since you recently learned the entire crew was brain dead. You worry about Shaft's nipples, you've only had basic medical training. You then...
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start taking off Shaft's uniform and notice his nipples are rocks hard. Shaft stares at you with longing look in his eyes and says "Cap'n will you please relieve me of this pain?" You then...
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...that your will to live is draining away. Without a second thought, you make your decision. Blood fills your...
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Suddenly, out of the shadows, appears the ghost of steamgifts past! He warns the young AliSama of what will happen if he posts that comment. AliSama says...
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Moments too late, it suddenly dawned on AliSama that begging on Steamgifts could only end one way. From out of nowhere, the legendary Banhammer hoved into view..
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Aw... You missed my wink, brother!
Another nugget of Atomic "comedy" falls flat, with a collapsed lung, heavy bruising and multiple internal organ failure...
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You, and the few friends of yours still alive finally break out of those woods. Everyone is dead now, nothing's been the same since Z-day. You see a farm not too far away, probably some supplies left. After a bit of a walk, you arrive at the farm. You then hear...
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...those malevolent sounds which have all but eradicated humanity. From the skies, a twisted melody issues, dripping with pure evil, and draining away your last vestiges of hope. If you can't find shelter from this sonic torture, you will become like all the others. It has been 3 weeks since the Bieberpocalypse began, and for the first time, you are struck by the enormity of the destruction. How could everything that is good in the world have been so utterly and irrevocably subverted by one fresh-faced teenager? This is not the time for idle musings, however. You...
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enter the old farmstead quickly, but quietly, of course. You don't know, there may be zed lurking around, or worse, survivors. You always wondered why they called those hit by the beibray Zed, but you didn't care. In the endtimes, all that matters is survival. Once you're inside, and safe from any sonic brain washing, you notice...
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..a dusty Johnny Cash record, sitting forlorn, atop a rusty old gramophone. For so long now, an unrelenting tsunami of despair has been steadily advancing across your consciousness, numbing every part of your being. A slow erosion of the soul. Now, as you begin to understand the power of what lies before you, a new sea of hope surges towards this black tide.
With renewed optimism, you rush towards the LP; the Man in Black's legendary live recording at Fulsom Prison. Perhaps humanity is saved? You hold up the record to the light, and carefully brush off a layer of dust, with all the care of a seasoned archeologist, uncovering a newly unearthed holy relic. As humanity sowed the seeds for its own destruction, so it set aside the means for its redemption.
Suddenly you hear a shout from behind you...
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Zed. One of em's found us. The horrible creature leaps onto your friend, Jack, ripping out his throat. You pull out your old gun, and take aim for the head. You miss. Zed is coming for you know, but before he gets to you, old Dan shoots it. You're safe now, but not for long, gunshots attract Zed, you've gotta move. You quickly...
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The lights flicker on in the wrecked cockpit of your ship. Steel and scrap is scattered around on the floor and a harpoon of steel is joining your former second in command and his seat. You stagger away from the nose of the wrecked ship and put your helmet back on, grabbing your gear. Stuck behind enemy lines, you...
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about the experimental personal cloaking device that your ship was carrying. The hull had been ripped open, much of the equipment it once contained had escaped the cargo bay. Still, it was worth a shot. Digging through the piles of debris, you suddenly see something in the corner of your eye...
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You look directly at it. Nothing there. You blink your eyes a few times, wondering what you saw, or if you even saw anything to begin with. You quickly forget about it. You need to find the cloaking device. You finally find a big button marked 'CLOAKING DEVICE - EXPERIMENTAL'. You're sweating, but it's your only hope. You punch the button and then...
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The device explodes, and destroys what is left in your cargo bay, the back of the ship, and the gravestone for Shaft Longman, who is also disintegrated by the blast. Which is good, because he was a zombie, and was creeping up on you. You wake up in the cockpit again, because you got thrown into the cockpit because of your armor which makes you really hard to kill for some reason. Then...
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You remember all the time you had spent with Shaft Longman and the various adventures you had been on that now must come to an end. Wiping away the tears and memories, you begin to move towards...
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The Cloaking Device, you push the big button. Nothing happens for 3, no, 4 minutes. Suddenly it explodes into a flaming pile of scrap metal and debris. You sink to your knees. It was your last hope. Something moves from the corner of your eye...
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Hey now,
I'm working a fair bit now, and don't have as much time to devote to y'all as I used to. Everyone teases me about how my Adventure Puzzles tend to be laborious and long-winded. I don't have time to write one right now, so in the mean time...
If you, the forums, can write a half decent "puzzle intro" story based on a fast paced 2D platformer focused on intense action and exploration, in which you--as a intrepid space traveler, whose ship has crash landed on a mysterious alien planet--must navigate through the perilous environment and fight off blood-thirsty creatures to save your crewmates and escape with your lives... I will reward your collective efforts with a private link to some sort of related game.
Continue the story from the person above you. Handle this however you want, you can go line by line or write large chunk on your own. The only rule is: no editing, if you're too slow and your contribution seems out of place, we'll call it "stylish" instead of "poorly timed."
If you're disinterested in such a thing, no biggie. I'll find time to write a proper narrative sometime next month. Either way, see you when I see you :)
Update: Thanks for playing along. To everyone who participated, enjoy: http://www.steamgifts.com/giveaway/fWx81/capsized
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