Happy Cake Day Kyle :)
I'm not very good at writing much, so I'll just wish You luck..
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Happy cakeday Kyle
I hope the job interview will go great for you and all i can say is to try and stay positive in life easier said than done i know. If ever bored and want some social banter i noticed you are in the y-utopia group u should drop by the chat sometime we occasionally play multiplayer toghther and just have a friendly chat as well if thats your thing and if multiplayer isnt your thing u could still have a drop by the chat and who knows u might even like it there ;p
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Thank you <3
I should probably socialise with the group more, so I'll try to whenever I get the time. :)
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Happy Cake Day!
I don't know much about your condition, but i do hope that you get better in every possible way.
Take care.
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;-; The tears are real. After reading about who you are - your story-, I immediately thought of my best friend. He was diagnosed with clinical depression around a year ago and has tried to commit suicide recently. I can't express how much I'm glad that he's alive. We're both significantly younger than you, but in comparison to you there are so many things that I take for granted. It's funny though, in a wry sorta way. 2-3 weeks ago I was visiting London, and a week before my trip was when he went through his most difficult moment in life. Like I said earlier, I'm glad that he's still alive. I can't help but wondering if he was/ still is afraid of losing his friends. Sometimes I question my existence, or whether I'm depressed or not. Sometimes I feel a lack of emotions, while other times I can't distinguish between them. Maybe I just lack motivation. I keep telling myself that I can't be contemplating suicide, or that I'm not depressed. I'm too determined to not be here, in this world. My best friend is the real person in my life that's having a bad time. I have to be there for him, there's no way out of this.
-edit-
Oh, I forgot that today is your cake day while ranting. Please, Have a merry cake day. TwT
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I'm sorry to cause you to cry. <3
In my own personal opinion and experience, it's crucial to let someone who is depressed know exactly what they mean to you and the world. Their depression will try to blind them from that, and you might have to be persistent, but to someone who's depressed to have some sense of belonging can make an incredible amount of difference. It's not a cure, or a fix, but it's an incredible aid. Just keep being there for your friend, always remind him how much he means to you, and focus on the future you want to have with him. :)
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That's a really moving but at the same encouraging story you shared with us. Thank you for it, and of course for your generous party :)
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First of all, happy cake day... thx for everything and never stop pursuing your dreams.. I am glad to hear that you have been working towards them.
Regarding the friends matter, worry not. If they are truly your friends they will come back, eventually. I should not, but let me tell you a brief story about a friend of mine:
When I went to University I made a friend on the first semester. It was a great friendship since we both had to keep our grades up and we had a similar way of studying. Across the years our friendship grew stronger and even though nothing romantic ever happened between us, it certainly looked like we had something going on. By the end of University we took advantage of an exchange program and went abroad to finish our studies. We thought it was going to be perfect. Without going into details, I will just say that things went downhill and we got to a point where we stopped talking to each other. Things were left like that but a couple years later we began talking again and today we are friends again. It was as if we never fought at all.
My point with this story is that even if your friends leave at some point, you can and should work to get them back eventually.
Sorry for the long read... oh, and thx for the chances :)
GL with your studies and your friends =D
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Happy cake giveaday and thank you for the ways! :D
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I may not be able to get that far if I were in your shoes, so good job mate, you are doing pretty well :)
And of course, happy cake day.
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Just relax and stay cool and things with your friends should be alright. Getting panicky and depressed is going to push them away. Also if they refuse to talk, perhaps it's not because they have a grudge against you, but because they're going through some shit as well, perhaps they even get depressed and so they don't feel like talking during that time. You have to keep in mind that just as you go through a lot of things, sometimes very negative ones, other people do too and that will impact their behavior. Just as you keep your negative and depressed side from most people they are likely keeping their own from you and everyone else as well.
And even if the friendship does fall apart, while it does suck losing friends, especially those you feel close to, there are a lot of people in this world and among them are a lot of those who'd make for great friends. People say that friends and loved ones are irreplaceable, but honestly that's not true. They're just much harder to replace than everything else.
Now about those suicide attempts. If someone fails to kill himself, and not just once but three times, then that person is either incredibly stupid and incompetent or doesn't really want to die. While I don't know you, just after reading your post I can say with certainty that you're definitely the second case. So please, just stop wasting your time on stupid things such as thinking about death, or "attempting suicide" and use that time for something else. If you're too depressed to do something productive then do something fun to improve your mood. Play games, listen to music, watch movies/shows/anime. That's what I do. Other options would be to get high or get laid (get a hooker if your disability kills your game), or heck do both.
Anyway, happy cake-day and good luck with your interview and with life in general.
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For me, the situation improved when I stopped to overthink about everything, because overthinking leads to close/fold and to take the blame for everything that happens. Friends in life are few: one, two, at most three. Others are good acquaintances (to share some interests), not bad people, just not friends. Above all: friends are the ones that you can hear even a few times a year but they never run away when you really need them. Hold those who want to stay and let the others go, is the advice I can give you. It's hard to change attitudes, start worrying less of the negative things and enjoy more positive ones, focusing on targets and be proud of those reached... it's damn hard! I know! But doing it day by day... it slowly becomes a habit :)
Just a last word about your friends: With one of my friends we didn't talk for almost ten years and now we're friends again. Sometimes it just takes time. Each of us has his demons and his problems.
About the "thank you" thing... Yes, I have a similar problem. Sometimes I write long messages and then delete them, because I feel uncomfortable, or I'm afraid to explain bad, or simply because I don't want to bore anyone (overthinking again :P )
Happy cake day!!!! ♥
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Happy cake day and thank you for the giveaways,Kyle :-)
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Happy cakeday Kyle :)
That's quite the story so far., ldr (long, did read)
Best of luck on the repeat year, glad you are sticking with your dream :)
It's our dreams that give us direction and purpose.
Have fun in the Philippines, be careful drunk driving that wheelchair ;)
Thanks for the giveaways. :)
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Happy cake day! I wish you luck on your studies! :) Also, I hope you have fun when you go to our country! (I live in PH, hehe :D) This may not mean much coming from a stranger, but I do hope things get a lot better for you soon! <3
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Thank you for taking the time to read, it means more than you think! <3
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Hey there folks,
So I'm pretty sure most of you won't know who I am, and that's okay. For those of you who have noticed me around SteamGifts though - probably most likely through the giveaways I do each month - I reached my first "Cake Day" today. So I thought I might take some time to reflect on what has happened over the past year for me, both in terms of my time here on SteamGifts and in the much larger scheme of things, as well as where I hope to be by this time again next year.
For those of you who intend to read on, prepare for a long read. As it is my "Cake Day", I'll break my usual habit of making a big batch of giveaways each month and instead make a few short GAs for the occasion, which will be linked as follows:
Feel free to share the links around for celebration purposes. :)
Wait, who even are you?
Good question. My name's Kyle, I'm a male second-year undergraduate student at University College London studying Ancient History and Egyptology. I'm disabled, afflicted with Cerebal Palsy, which leaves me without the ability to walk and thus I have to use a wheelchair. I love video games (obviously, that's why I'm here), but I also enjoy reading, writing, debating and bonding with others over a variety of topics.
I'm a soft soul, and I have no shame in admitting that and letting that be who I am. It's why I'm so charitable - even though one could easily argue I have much better things I could spend my money on - and I enjoy bringing something nice to other people. So that's why I'm here.
If you want to know more about me, just ask away. I'll try and answer any and all questions as best I can. :)
SteamGifts, the Past Year and I: A Reflection
The easiest thing to do to start, I think, is look at the statistics. So, since joining over a year ago, I've given out over 350+ games, winning back just shy of the same amount. I'm currently Level 8 (8.52 to be exact), and I've been added to 336 whitelists as opposed to 10 blacklists. I've been added to many groups as well as removed from a few over time.
While I haven't talked and socialised very much with a lot of the people I've met, I've come to respect a lot of people just by reading what they say and seeing what they do. There are many wonderful people on this site, and I'm glad I've been able to meet just some of them. For those who've blacklisted me and / or removed me from their groups, I can respect that. I don't hold any grudges. I do enter a lot of giveaways without saying much, and when I do win I usually just keep it to a "Thank You <3" unless I feel I have something to say. I know some people don't like that, and I respect that. I do.
But it doesn't mean my thanks and gratitude are not sincere, and most of the time I don't say things because I don't feel like I have anything to say, and I feel it would be an insult if I was to say something that was half-assed or not sincere.
Still, I'm grateful for all the opportunities and successes I've had, both here on SteamGifts and in my real life.
In the past year I've made so many friends, some of them very close. I've learnt so many new things both inside and outside of my degree studies, and I've achieved many things. I recently got elected the President of my Model United Nations Society. This coming Friday I have an interview to potentially join the British Museum Friends Advisory Council, which takes me a step closer to my dream of one day being the Director, a dream which I've held since the age of ten. From the friends I've made I'll finally be escaping Europe this summer, going to the Philippines for a week in July just to enjoy the sun, get drunk off my ass and have fun times.
Warning: This is where things might get a bit deep
Things haven't been all that great though. As a result of my disability I've got a deteriorating body condition. This year I've been diagnosed with dilated cardiomyopathy, as well as clinical depression, after three suicide attempts across November 2015 - January 2016. Those close friends? I'm scared I'm losing them. Even now some of them are refusing to talk to me, and while our mutual friends insist to me that they will be back and won't leave, I'm still incredibly consumed by the fear. I've always struggled to make friends because of who (or perhaps what) I am, and these people are some of the closest people I've ever been to. I know that things change in life, and that we do lose some people along the way, but I don't want to lose these people. I can't bare the thought.
Why am I telling you guys all of this? Maybe it's because I don't really know any of you, so I'm not afraid of the reaction you guys will have. Most of my family - and still a good chunk of my friends - don't know that I've been through all of this. I still don't know how to tell them. I will have to tell them eventually, obviously, but I have to find a way.
So, where to go from here?
I still plan to do giveaways on SteamGifts, at least for the time being. I may have to step away from it one day, but I'll keep on giving for as much as I can. Don't worry about my finances: I always keep an eye on it, and I wouldn't be doing this if I couldn't afford the expense. So let the gifts keep on coming!
As for me, due to my illness I'll be repeating my second year again this coming year. I don't mind that, as it's the most sensible option if I want to get the grades I actually deserve. My department has been incredibly loving and supportive, and I'm grateful to them for that. I don't know what will happen between me and my friends. I'm hopeful things will even out and we'll start talking again soon, If we do, I'm trying to use my worries right now to drive me to do the right thing. I'll want us to focus on all the things that we could do and would like to do together, instead of all the things we shouldn't be doing. I want us to have hope for the potential we have, not despair over our faults, because at the end of the day we're only human.
We shouldn't hate ourselves for that.
Now, enough talking! Enjoy the giveaways, enjoy the cake, just sit back and have fun! Here's to the next year of gifting and fun times. <3
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