Tell me a Joke

I don't have any jokes, so I'm totally not gonna steal one I received when I did my whitelist thread. I'm instead gonna steal one from NickN5 from a later thread.

In fact, what do you call a blind stag?

No eye deer.

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A joke about Potassium? K. :3

A dyslexic walks into a bra...

Original one: What do Yoko Ono, Jim Belushi and Aileen Wuornos have in common?

They make their living from dead johns.

I'll tell you a joke:

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A Priest, a Rabbi and a Minister area walking down the street. The Priest and the Rabbi walk into a bar...the Minister ducks.

Mom's making cookies and the cat knocks the son's BBs into the mix without Mom noticing. Her first kid comes running down the steps and says "Mommy! I was peeing and a BB came out!" Mom realizes what happened and says it's ok honey and tell him what happened. A bit later another kid comes running down the steps and says "Mommy! I was peeing and a BB came out!" Mom says it's ok honey and tell him what happened too. A bit later still another kid comes running down the steps and says "Mommy!" And Mom says "I know, you were peeing and a BB came out." And he says "No, I was jackin' off and I shot the cat!"

And since you are a fellow Deadpool...a Deadpool joke!

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What happens when an Asian man robs your house?
Your home work is done, your computer and phones are upgraded and 2 hours later the Asian man is stil pulling out of the drive way

My Girlfriend wanted me to treat her like a princess for her birthday. So I took her out, got her drunk, and crashed the car.

asdasd

A guy was walking to a bar and on his way he found a girl tied up to the railroad tracks. He untied her and they had sex. Guy gets to the bar, friends ask why he's so late, tells them about the girl he found and all the different positions they fucked in. Friends give him props and ask if he got head, guy replies "I couldn't find it."

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I have a joke. It's so funny that I cry everytime
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.
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I have a girlfriend.

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I saw this the other day: (very short read + short video)
http://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-34374121

then a quick search, and I find this:
http://www.bbc.com/news/uk-wales-south-east-wales-28676322
and this:
http://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-london-24479558
http://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-london-24489322
aaand it goes on
http://www.bbc.co.uk/newsbeat/article/11148933/spider-hunt-ends-in-bathroom-explosion
"Petrol-sniffing spiders"
http://www.bbc.com/news/technology-26921734

and those are the news of the day

Also on the news, we have:
Edible spiders...
http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/food/2011/02/tarantula-kebab-anyone.shtml
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/6533189.stm
"a love affair with spiders", "They fire up my passion", some people take the fire literally ROFL
http://news.bbc.co.uk/local/norfolk/hi/people_and_places/nature/newsid_7910000/7910942.stm

Why can not I learn chemistry:
http://imgur.com/YlX94V7

They all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian.
Well they're not laughing now!

I told my doctor I broke my arm in two places.
He said "Well stop going to those places!"

I didn't know my Dad was a construction site thief.
But when I got home all the signs were there.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ObpcGNCU944

Why did the girl fall off the swing?
Cos she had no arms

psy

may I enter twice?
I just found this somewhere :D

"How many ghouls does it take to change a lighbulb?"

None, they just hang around a glowing one!

Justin Bieber - Musician.

I'm going to create a TV series about puberty and acne. It'll be the world's first Zitcom.

A blind rabbit was hopping through the woods, tripping over logs and crashing into trees. At the same time, a blind snake was slithering through the same forest, with identical results. They chanced to collide head-on in a clearing.

"Please excuse me, sir, I'm blind and I bumped into you accidentally," apologized the rabbit.

"That's quite all right," replied the snake, "I have the same problem."

"All my life I've been wondering what I am," said the rabbit, "Do you think you could help me find out?"

"I'll try," said the snake. He gently coiled himself around the rabbit. "Well, you're covered with soft fur, you have a little fluffy tail and long ears. You're... hmm... you're probably a bunny rabbit."

"Great!" said the rabbit. "Thanks, I really owe you one."

"Well," replied the snake, "I don't know what I am, either. Do you suppose you could try and tell me?"

The rabbit ran his paws all over the snake. "Well, you're low, cold and slimey..." And, as he ran one paw underneath the snake, "and you have no balls. You're definitely a lawyer."

My life.

I would tell you a joke about Czech post but i dont know if you get it.

I'm gonna close this. c: