Have you been diagnosed by a professional with a mental illness? (Sorry if that's not the PC term, I interchange disorder and illness frequently)
I've been diagnosed, yeah. The doctor gave me some antidepressants but I didn't think it helped much. He says he thinks it would be better if I see a psychologist for therapy, but I never went because they're expensive and not covered by our health plans. What helped was that a week after my consultation, I got accepted at a new non-soul-crushing job. Hahaha
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Yeah good things in life tend to help depression. The best thing for my depression is blowing tons of money on gadgets/electronics/games.
If you have to go back to the psychologist I recommend looking around there are MANY free clinics and even more clinics that are based on the sliding scale so that it's easier to pay for (better job = you pay more).
Also, there are MANY antidepressants, if one doesn't work that doesn't mean another one wont. So if you need to just contact your doctor and ask to switch it up!
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Okay then, might as well do it. Got some kind of talkative mood on so here goes.
This.
Apparently it's an "INTP thing".
Been on antipsychotic medication, but it didn't help, only had side effects, and I disagree with my doctor about it anyway, she seems to think I'm more "crazy" than I really am. Generally psychotic kind of STPD patients get given those, but just "uncomfortable" kind (which I consider myself to be) will get antideprressants, which have been mostly positive experience to me.
This thing is like an all-embracing disorder, high comorbidity and lots of common traits with many other disorders/illnesses, so in addition to the typical state of depression/anxiety that I always have anyway, I'm quite able to relate to things like Asperger's (I'm awkward like them, but usually aware of it), OCD (and other OC-spectrum illnesses, like BDD quite badly, since very young, too, and hypochondria, but the latter is under control for now, used to have it bad), avoidant PD, borderline PD, paranoid PD, schizoid PD, dependent PD. It really feels like just a mix of this all.
And how is my daily life... Zero friends, just sitting with my computers, wasting time. Getting misunderstood and ignored. People thinking I'm psychopath because I joke about insensitive stuff as a coping mechanism (I fucking love humor). I think I'm a fairly reasonable person though, I've definitely seen many "healthy" people who act worse than I ever could. Also, I'm an admin of a little STPD support group, guess what, I've been there for 3 years or so, and there has been absolutely no reason to boot anyone, because we're all just so friendly and nice, even though misunderstood. I guess we just don't want to judge and misunderstand others, like we're getting judged and misunderstood by "normal" people.
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:) It wasn't necessary but I thank you for your contribution!
So that seems rough, is it okay to ask questions to fill in the gaps so I can understand you better? Regardless of your answers I swear I wont judge you.
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I know, my contribution is never necessary. Kind of used to it. But I kind of wanted. Whatever. Sorry.
Yes, it's okay to ask.
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Always so negative, it was very appreciated. I just didn't think you'd partake from our previous encounters.
1) What is the thing you struggle with the most with this disorder? My answer for Schizoaffective kind of changes, depression phases it's that, otherwise it's hallucinations.
2) Zero friends by choice? Because you feel misunderstood and make the encounter awkward? Or, people avoid you for those same reasons? I have zero friends because I don't trust anyone but my girlfriend.
3) Have you thought about switching Psychs? I mean if you've been with her for a really really long time then that's one thing, but most people don't realize how easy it is to switch doctor's when you disagree with one's methods or opinions.
We'll leave it at that for now :)
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- I don't have hallucinations, but I do have stuff I mentioned like not being able to connect with people, and one I didn't mention I think, which is general lack of motivation to do anything useful. I know I have (had?) potential to be good at multiple things, I could be something really nice by now if I only had the will to put effort in it.
- Yes/No. Let's say friendship as a transaction... there are some things I may want from them, and some things they may want from me, but I haven't found anyone to "click" with. I would prefer having friends, but it just doesn't compute. Probably something to do with apathy. Starting a friendship at my age probably requires lots of effort from both sides, it's not like "we're in the same class, let's hang out". I don't think I'm much awkward in communication, unless I strongly like the person. I don't trust easily, but then again, for basic levels of friendship, you don't really need trust at first. Just don't give your passwords to your new friend. Hm. Probably just a matter of what people are looking for in other people. I don't have any of that charisma that people with lots of friends do. I'm not "fun at parties". So it's quite understandable that many people don't see me as friend material. And because I share my blunt opinions often, I think most people just see me as some kind of bitchy narcissist. I don't know. That doesn't make much sense probably but I don't quite understand it either.
- I've not had her for a long time. I've had about 5 different ones, maybe more, they always change and I don't even remember, I guess there were a couple of more of them that I visited just once or so. She's been my doc for only 5 last years, of 15 I've been visiting. Their methods are quite similar anyway, and she's probably just prescribing me what's "standard" by the papers she has about me. But the thing is, I can always refuse and ask for something else. She prescribes me even stuff she really doesn't want, if I ask for it. Like when I asked for Xanax. She was like... "oh my... maybe something else... NOT that!" But I was like, "yes, that. It's the fastest and I really need when I start to panic." and she was like "oh, okay then". And she's done good job at my disability evaluation, where she has to be involved too. I'm almost sure if I dumped her for someone else, it'd go only worse.
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1) So in number 2 you make it sound like you can connect with people but general apathy gets in the way which is presented as some kind of bitchiness. So it's not that you're not ABLE to connect with people right? You just don't care enough to, which kind of goes with the second part of part one, lack of motivation? That correct? Or is it truly unable to connect with people too?
2) I have a problem even holding steam friends because I do not say hi or communicate with them. When they say hello to me I talk for a while, but my girlfriend tells me that's a one way friendship because they're always initiating it and eventually they're just not going to put fourth the effort any more. So I understand the transaction and things not clicking thing a little bit. Not so much the feeling ostracized or outcast that it seems like you're describing. I mean, you did seem bitchy on our first encounters and I felt like it was unprovoked. I called you on your lol bullshit without slinging insults, and here we are. I'm glad you're talking to me!
3) I too experienced quite the trouble getting on Ativan/Xanax, it was rough. Anyway, if you have control of your appointments then maybe it's for the best to just kind of hang with her for a while longer. Have you done extensive research on websites/forums to see what other medication combinations other people are taking? Just being able to talk them out with your doctor and say hey I was researching this, this had less side effects. If not I suggest you google crazymeds it's a forum about medications and a blog where people can talk about their problems. That's where I usually talk about my issues.
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- It's both. It's just that sometimes it's more the one, and sometimes more the other, so it never really works.
- I almost never initiate conversations either. When it's someone who's not that much into me, I'd only be bothering them, but if it's someone who's a lot into me, I don't wanna give them any wrong idea. Also, I wasn't bitchy, I was just speaking my mind and if you think I'm a bitch for having these opinions/experiences... well, step in line.
- I don't really care what they're taking, there aren't many options anyway, and I know what they are, because as I said, I'm adminning a STPD group, they talk about meds often. Also, there's Wiki. It's not even the side effects, I suspect it's the main effect of it that I dislike. It just makes everything so dull. It's a lobotomy in a box, so to speak. It's a permanent thing anyway, so I'm not really concerned with finding "cure", I realize there's none. So I'm just trying to do my thing and ignore it.
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1) I understand that
2) Never initiate except online? I see you chat a lot on here. I didn't call you a bitch mind you, at the very least I would say it's a difference in attitude. But I would probably call it bitchy. But hey, I'm like the number one asshole, the nice guy thing is just a façade. So it's okay to be bitchy from time to time, just try to be nice too okay? Might actually win you over some of those friends you want even if they are just arms length friends (you've done a WONDERFUL job second time around!)
3) I'm in a little bit different boat here, I realize that I will probably never be perfect again but I'd like to be normal enough so that I can go to school join the workforce and support a family. I would do basically anything including taking dangerous drugs like Clozapine. There may be no cure but there may be a better. If you can honestly live with it more power to you though!
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There's no "offline" for me, all the conversations I mention are online, by default. I do post a lot here, because it gives me at least some kind of sense of interacting with other people, without it becoming too personal or awkward. And I'm nice anyway, you only think I'm bitchy because you disagree with my opinions or views. In reality, I don't think I've said anything else than shared what I've noticed about life, without any bitchy intent, but then some people take it so personally.... whatever. You don't have to like my opinions, but you shouldn't judge my personality based on them. For example, I just know that even Christians and Atheists can be best friends if they don't give a shit about other's opinions on the matter, but focus on the stuff that actually matters. But most people always focus on my opinions rather than myself, which probably is easier because knowing someone as a person takes time and effort, while judging over an opinion is fast and easy.
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https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christian_atheism
Christians and Athiests get along even when talking about their beliefs, they just hash it out until they compromise and come to agreements about certain things.
And again I didn't say you were a bitch for crying out loud, all I really know about you is in the beginning of my thread you were using negative generalizations which in tern were putting gamers into a stereotypical group, and I believe that we should all fight stereotypes even if some are true for certain people. There are black guys that like fried chicken, there are gamers that use video games to escape their world. That doesn't mean we should say All black guys or all gamers... That's ridiculous, anyway gotten off the tracks here a bit...
I didn't say you were a bitch, I didn't think you were a bitch, however this you seems like a completely different person compared to the person I talked to earlier today? Yesterday? I don't know I've had like 4 hours of sleep in 3 days.
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I still think big part of gamers are part of that stereotype, what are you gonna do about it?
Stereotypes exist for a reason, and I don't like to close my eyes for what's going on for the sake of political correctness or whatever. Why would we fight something that's sometimes true? If I say "all" that's probably joking anyway and shouldn't be taken that seriously and definitely no reason to get butthurt over it. I like to joke about the fried chicken thing, like I like to joke about gamers being social outcasts, and using artistic exaggeration is just something I do, so would you kindly drop that now.
I'm a "different person" every time you talk to me, because you made hasty judgement about me, which is kind of ironic considering what you're advocating in the middle part of the post I'm replying to.
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Well judgement is harsh, otherwise we wouldn't be talking now no? I just tend to take what I'm given, I mean all things considered I wasn't even really agitated. I'm not against freedom of speech and all that my only problem with it being in this thread was that if there were people that wanted to open up and they saw comments like that they could've gotten the wrong idea, and clam up. This thread has been much more challenging to maintain than my insomnia thread for obvious reasons. Though speaking of, look at the polls we were both wrong as of right now!
And what am I going to do about it? I'm going to take off my shiny white armor, jump down from my high horse, put on a boot and kick you right in the shin!
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Ok, I get it, you mistook my intention. I was just telling what I've noticed, without meaning anything negative with it. Maybe it's the other people they are negative, because they see everything neutral I say as negative. It's pretty much like the same people saying "it's okay to be mentally ill" but when you tell someone "you're mentally ill", they go all "what the fuck did you say, shitlord!" like... make up your mind, if it's okay to be mentally ill or is it an insult. I guess it really depends on the intentions, but those can't be clear when it's someone else, especially someone you don't know, online. People often think my replies are emotionally loaded when they aren't, and that they aren't when they are.
Good luck with kicking me, I'll be in my power armor.
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Girls don't play video games
I have to shower, gotta go 450 miles to see the doctor. I'll pick up here later.
IN case that wasn't blatantly obvious, I was being facetious
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When you're spewing off negative stereotypes, showing proper Bender.gifs. You just leave the impression you're there to cause chaos, on the flip side I can definitely agree no one was really inviting after that but I can't really blame them. I've actually gotten a few comments of being glad that I stood up to you, but it wasn't even about that. I want the best for you and if you're going to be chaos I just want out outta my damn thread! lmao
That's why it's nice to have a safe haven every once in a while, everyone has a home base. Where you know what peoples intentions are. I had a hallucination in front of my physical therapist a week or two ago. He hasn't looked at me the same, like I'm deathly ill. Or like I'm about to attack him, from a guy for the last 4 weeks has just been friendly as can be. I used to see him for a full hour every visit, now I only see him for 10min... So trust me I know what you mean, the stigma doesn't just carry to the internet it's all over the world. Little places of solace like this are going to break it step by step and raise awareness!
I'd say maybe you should work on the replies being emotionally loaded or not thing, but you'd have to get over the apathy of it first. I mean all in all you wouldn't be changing yourself that's not what I'm asking, so Mr White Knight below doesn't freak the fuck out. I'm saying it's always possible to express yourself better, like I'm a smart guy. If I were to take an grammar and composition class I could write better and express myself better. Same concept.
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The proper Bender gif was a proper reply to someone who's being an ass without reason. I don't think I'm guilty in anything that big that someone should have some justified personal issue with me, therefore haters. And it was a funny gif anyway.
I really don't feel like giving an effort to please people who are looking to get offended over everything. I mean if they wanna be offended, fine, they can be offended, and I can provide them that, everyone happy.
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No I liked the gif, everything else though...
Not offended here well take an honest moment here and try to put yourself in my shoes. You're handsome, crazy, AWESOME at video games... Anyway... You make this thread to bring people together and you instead find a comment about everyone being a you read this "the kid who's likely to shoot up the school" in their class. This thread is sad enough talking about depression, losing jobs, suicide atttempts. The last thing we need is stuff like that, it would've been different if it was directed inward. "I was the kid who was likely to shoot up the school in their class" I don't know maybe I'm crazy here, maybe you're stubborn... Obviously we don't click perfectly and that's fine, I feel like I've gotten to know you a bit better though, and I believe you did not have any bad intentions about anything you've sad. So I'm sorry if I came off harse too!
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So here we have a girl who was at first uneasy to talk about her problems but now she finally managed to muster courage to do so and then you tell her that her contribution to the thread you made for people to discuss their mental conditions was unnecessary?
That is beyond rude, I can only imagine how she felt when she read your comment. Even I would get very offended by it.
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It wasn't necessary for her to break out of her shell when she was so uncomfortable initially. I don't want to push boundaries or triggers here. This is only for people that are comfortable talking about it. I'm sorry if that came off as rude or misunderstood.
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Sorry m'dear people will come out of the woodworks if you want to delete your posts you can. I'd understand lol
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He was telling her she didn't have to post, but it was appreciated.
Not entirely sure what wasn't clear about that.
It was also pretty clear she wasn't offended by it, since they continued the discussion long after.
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I know, my contribution is never necessary. Kind of used to it. But I kind of wanted. Whatever. Sorry.
Yeah I can just see how fine she was with his reply judging by her comment. She was delighted!
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:) It wasn't necessary but I thank you for your contribution!
As in, it wasn't necessary for her to share after saying she didn't feel like doing so earlier in the thread, and then thanked her for sharing. You're reading way too much into it.
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I am well aware of her previous comments. She may be many things but she's not stupid and she was well aware that she didn't NEED to post about her problems, but in the end she did. And then she gets a reply saying it wasn't necessary, which was rude. I'm not "reading way too much into it", I'm just saying how things are.
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at restaurant
customer: this was the best dinner i had in a long time *gives a tip*
waiter: thanks, sir, but that wasn't necessary
customer: OMG WHAT THE HELL DID YOU JUST TELL ME???
yes, overreacting.
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You can't compare the two. If a waiter told me my tip wasn't necessary I'd reply with: "Oh okay, no more tips for you then". After that I'd smile and tell him I'm just kidding.
My only gripe would be that he said "thanks, sir" instead of "thank you, sir".
Anyway, this thread was made for people to share their problems regarding mental issues they have. So to then tell someone that his/her post wasn't necessary is kinda rude and insensitive.
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I understand your frustration, and I agree about this thread and the "idea" behind it. The whole reason I went and acted juvenile where you are concerned is because I feel like that's the way you were acting by continuing this whole ordeal. Now that it's seemingly over I'll try to explain my side, and if you want to be civil we can have a discussion about it. The first two posts were more than enough to cover this whole top. You let your feelings known that you thought it was rude, and I tried to express that my intentions were nothing but the purest. Had Dianatrix requested an apology I'd of freely gave it, instead she requested to be understood so I furthered my conversation with her. I am not really sure that it was your place to say that it was rude because we were clearly talking and it's not like I was being mean or alpha and backing her into a corner. It was very free and fluid. However, I appreciate it at the same time, people need to stand up for people that can't do it themselves, with Dianatrix's I am sure she can do it herself though.
Anyway, I hope we can get this misunderstanding behind us and I'm sorry for the wall of text, I'm a bit long winded for things I'm passionate about.
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I'm not mad or anything and I don't need an apology either, it's just that it very much resembled what I hate most, which is rejection/neglect whatever you like to call it, it's the #1 thing that has potential to make me sad, but that's mostly with people who are close to me so not you. Also, it happens so often everywhere that I'm kind of used to it. I don't really feel entitled to anything better than that, but I sure notice how people treat me, and make sure to adjust my opinion of them accordingly.
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I'd say by how long our conversation lasted I haven't rejected/neglected you? And when I get back when can continue a conversation about nothing if you'd like. It'll be about 8 to 12 hours depending on how long it takes.
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at the support group
person: *talks about his/her experiences*
psych: thank you for your contribution, but that wasn't necessary
or
at work
employee: *talks about the project they've been working on*
employer: thank you for your contribution, but that wasn't necessary
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Several professionally diagnosed, some that are self diagnosed (mostly speculative) through extensive research and study.
As for talking about it, I think it would be improbable to go over any amount of it in as much detail as needed to make an accurate display of my life and how I've personally experienced it. A person could describe how they perceive an individual event, or a number of events during their lives, but it isn't likely that anyone else could possibly understand the effect it has on someone other than themselves. They cannot be made to understand how something effects another person, as they themselves are not effected in the same way. If someone treats them unfairly, or calls them names, or attempts to subjugate them, they may perceive these occurences differently from another person. The unfortunate part of this is that many people refuse to accept that another person can't "get over it" as simply as they can, and believe that their perception of a situation is the only way to see, hear, or feel something.
It would take many weeks of constant continuous effort and patience, as well as the inherent comprehension of specific behaviors (which most people lack, as it is difficult to find another person who can relate to your very specific experiences that match your (also very specific) mental and emotional states), to attempt to make another person fully understand how one has lived with, and been developed by, any kind of mental illness/disorder. As evidenced in "like-minded" individuals, even here in this thread, you can witness the disparity between people's opinions and feelings of these issues, even though that person can be very similar. You have to take into account a plethora of tiny details, each one being very personal and singularly specific to each person, before you could attempt such a thing. The main obstacle being that not one person is exactly like another, precisely for the same exact reasons listed that are required for something such as this to be possible.
TL;DR: I think it would be impossible for me to speak about myself or my life at any length and expect anyone to understand, or even distantly relate to, anything I would have to say. (I voted "Yes" by the way.)
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I can totally understand and relate to this. I used to go to NAMI for group therapy, and when I finally explained how I felt about something or tried to get in detail about something complex that I was sure no one truly understood but I at least wanted them to try to grasp the concept. At least 50% of the room erupted in, "We've all been there" , "Everyone goes through that all time time". It was just pointless...
This isn't really about that, I don't expect to connect with anyone here as far as mental illnesses go. I might be able to make friends by talking about and doing a quick research of their symptoms, but anything long winded it would probably surpass many people here sadly.
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Don't misunderstand. I make no assumptions as to your intentions here. I am merely stating why I personally see no true point in discussing such things. My understanding of these facts leads me to believe the true worth of such discussions, much like that of religious or political debates, to be minscule at best.
I find that it is more valuable to reach out to someone and attempt to gain true insight as to what kind of person they are, who they are. I feel that anything regarding someone's belief system, political ideals, philosophical approaches, or mental/physical (in)abilities, isn't a true representation of who they are as a person. What you believe, how you feel, isn't entirely the same thing as how you think or perceive something, or how you would react to any given situation.
My interest in another person's involvement in my life, either simple idle conversation or long-term participation, is how an individual thinks, how they rationalize, how something (regardless of magnitude) effects them and in what way. I'm very meticulous about, and very observant of, every specific detail surrounding a person. The slightest shift in body language, the way they speak (spoken or written/typed), the paths they choose to take to overcome various kinds of situations.
This in no way means I am uninterested in speaking with people or getting to know them. On the contrary, I feel it is very important to communicate with others. I just think that the most important way to effectively understand someone, to truly get to know them, comes from a different standpoint than speaking about what they, or other people, think is wrong (or "abnormal") with them.
I mean no offense, nor do I intend to assault your chosen topic. I am simply attempting to further clarify my views of this particular social gathering. Reading through some of the other comments in the thread, where much of the negativity is under the guise of positivity, further proves my point as to how ineffective certain topics are for gathering information about people. Some are being attacked, and others being defended when it is obviously unecessary, for their personal feelings or opinions.
You can become friends with someone, or even enter into a lifelong commited relationship, if your emotions or personal beliefs don't match. You simply have to be able to relate to each other in some way. These things, when known, often hinder the development of such a connection, or can even break one. I have a few friendships where we constantly disagree with one another, sometimes heatedly so. But in knowing how the other person thinks, rather than rely on how they feel or what they believe, we are able to overcome such negativity and return to common ground.
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I see, this is an entirely different approach than your first post but still follows the same guidelines. It seems like an interesting but challenging way to make and maintain friendships. Even acquaintances that never fully blossom into friendships. Thank you for posting and for the bump. Take care!
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Schizoid (Seems to outsiders also like Asperger), Social anxiety, General anxiety, some Borderline
resulting from that: Depression (and social isolation)
and both physically & psychally: Migraine / stress intolerance
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Schizoid is usually referred to as SPD for those that are in the know. The personality disorder tag at the end of Schizoid and Borderline (BPD) are pretty crucial to get your point across to most people. Not trying to be a grammar nazi, you're just going to run into stupid people that have no idea what you're talking about.
So it's interesting that you note the depression results from your anxiety and personality disorders, are you completely sure of this? If so that's quite the observation I must say so myself.
Sorry about the Migraine/Stress intolerance. That alone sounds like it could potentially be more crippling than anything above, then combined with everything above you have a very volatile mixture.
Thanks for posting and the bump
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Don't really feel like talking about it a lot, but I've got SAD like you. The depression variety. It sucks.
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I promise you you wouldn't want the bipolar type either. Dinner for two at the woe is us pity party. :(
Willing to do me a favor because of something I'm struggling with? Talk about your antipsychotic and how it's working/not working/side effects.
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Olanzapine. I guess it's working okay. Only side effect for me is weight gain/desire to eat.
Those I used before had much worse side effects, don't remember their names tho.
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Hmm, had to do a bit of research on that one. It's basically a much weaker cousin to Clozapine, without the heavy sedation, but probably without the effect I need. Right now I have one more medication to try before my doctor has ran out of ideas and he's putting me back on Clozapine, so bloodwork every week for another 6 months... Yay...
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Have you tried the buddy system? Find someone you love, fiance/mom/sister/brother/dad/whoever. Or even just a neighbor but you'd have to explain the situation and go to the grocery store, the entire time you are out focus on this person and talk to them. You may forget what you were out for, and if you get stressed tell that person to take you somewhere less crowded. Then just keep talking keep focused... I RARELY leave the house by myself, literately only in times that I absolutely have to.
There are long term drugs like Xanax and Ativans that you MIGHT be beneficial of, that way you don't get a 2 hour burst you get a 6-8 hour session like say while you're potentially working? Might want to talk to your boss about it, there's an earlier thread where I talked about me losing my last job due to anxiety as well... I can link it if you'd like to read it.
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http://www.steamgifts.com/go/comment/skwAzXV
Good luck with the panic attack meds, I have to leave in about 5min so I may not respond until later tonight but if you write I will respond
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My first panic attack was in elementary school, so I totally understand the feeling of "dying" I had no idea what was going on. They sent me to the nurse, nurse just told me to calm down, I'm gasping for air can't talk and bawling my eyes out. After 5-10 minutes she calls my mom and my mom just tells me, "Well dear you've had your first panic attack." No going to the doctor to find out possible causes, no trying to make it better, just a simple explanation. Eventually being in the secluded nurses office the feeling passed and I went back to class.
When I was hospitalized, there was one asshole nurse that took it to the other extreme. See I have different types of panic attacks, they would ask anixety level and I would say an 8 (I did just try to kill myself) but my appearance to them was like a 2. So he called me on it. You realize a 10 is full blown panic attack, and I've seen people that have those it's like they're dying, you don't look like you're dying. I had no comment. Anyway, being a relatively experienced person with my panic attacks when I have one come on and start to feel the pain in my lungs as they expand like they are collapsing, and my breaths get shorter and shorter. If I am very quick I can change the thoughts/situation I am in and stay in this mild state to where I am not in a fully panicked state if that makes sense. It's really bad when I'm driving though, I have to have someone with me so they can hold the wheel so I can just close my eyes and try to shift my thoughts so I don't just flip out. Anyway I've rambled enough...
CBT is something I really wanted to try initially when I first learned about it, but my therapist basically said I need to work my way up to that. In other words try not to hatch all of my eggs at once. He wants me to stay focused and try working through my rage/depression/sadness with lack of true emotion to hopefully help overcome my PTSD so we can move to the next step, he basically said I'm going to be in therapy for a long long time :(
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:) Thanks for the well wishes
I have a LOT going on, and it may not be possible to overcome quite honestly, but I'm --never-- PROBABLY (never is too definite) going to keep moving forward like I have a chip on my shoulder.
For example, I am a very athletic person and I saw my surgeon today that did my hip surgery today. He basically crushed some of my dreams by telling me I'm never going to jog/run again, I can never do weight bearing squats again (with my own weight even), and that unless I am EXTREMELY careful because of how bad the damage was initially I'm going to have severe troubles in the future.
I am a VERY negative thinker, but for the first time today in my life I thought positive naturally (pretty breakthrough moment for me). How many paraplegic were told they would never walk again but do? How many people with terminal cancer are told they have just weeks to live end up living 20 years? I may not be able to do all of this stuff, but I am going to do everything in my power to prove this doctor wrong.
I have high blood pressure so I'm like a walking furnace anyway, but everything else I totally experienced. The "best" job I've honestly had not because it was glamorous or good paying or anything But the Walmart freezer was awesome, just the independence, the 0 degree temperature, the social interaction when I chose it if things got bad I could just rush off to my freezer and no one ever came in there because it was super cold. Became my safe haven, ended up doing more work than most of the people there too just because I was comfortable.
If you would, friend me, track me down, however you want but in a few months time I'd like to know how CBT is going for you, and keep me updated. I know of the techniques as I've researched it quite thoroughly (as above I said I'm a very negative thinker, I'd like to condition myself to think positive or neutral at least 20% or more of the time). I've just never truly met someone before and after just before throughout my times in group therapy and at the hospital. It would be greatly appreciated!
Thanks for your time and posting, It's been a pleasure speaking with you!
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I don't know if it's mental illness but i REALLY hate when someone eat food that make "crunch" sound (i.e. raw carrot, but also chips, toasts...). It drives me crazy and my aggression rise to very dangerous level (when normally i'm pretty calm guy).
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I think that would be more of a pet peeve so don't think it classifies. Unless you physically destroy the person every time.
I hate people eating in vent/ts/mumble/voice chat. I get it you're on the computer for 16 hours, I don't need to hear the first bag of chips you eat right in my freaking ear. Use a push to talk button or mute your freaking mic!
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I'm not diagnosed with anything but when I was maybe 14 or 15 I had to take a few trips to a psychologist and she suspected I have undiagnosed PDD. I was always kind of out of touch about what was going on around me and didn't pay much attention what was socially acceptable considering showing my emotions cause I've never really had any. So when I was younger people kind of pointed their fingers at me when I wasn't clearly sad or about things that happened and made everyone else cry or just sad, Death never bothered me for example and never really been sad when someone close to me has died etc. Never was much into socializing too. But I didn't like the idea that I would have to visit doctors and who knows what specialists all the time or take medication, cause for me there wasn't nothing wrong with me. So I adapted a more acceptable personality so to speak so that people wouldn't pry all the time what's wrong with me etc. Started going out more often and made some cool friends, but I'll rather just be by myself or with someone who has simliar view on life then I have. This is just a quick summary and would be TL;DR thing if I'd go any deeper. But the funny thing is. I actually started working at a psychiatric clinic when I was 18 and been doing so for 12 years now. Trust me. I've seen some shit. And it has only further numbed me emotionally I guess. This one doctor there has told me that I just show a little bit of signs of sociopathy, but am in control on how it affects my overall quality of life.
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That is rough, I've been the bullied, and the bully, I've seen both sides and both to me felt horribly wrong. Sadly where I grew up it was kind of a be alpha or die kind of thing, thankfully I learned to turn it into sports and became a super nice jock instead of this mean bully. I thought PDD had like a super early onset? Even possible for infants to get it for example, since it's a development disorder. (Actually knew about this and didn't even have to google)
I do NOT mind TL;DRs and would promise to read every word if you cared to share it, you've seen my long winded posts by now that I'm sure annoy the crap out of many people. Least I show I actually take an interest in the thread and you guys as people, it may not be extremely detailed but I get to know how each of you are coping with your life. Speaking of, how are you coping with your life now. You mentioned adapting to a more acceptable personality, but then you also mention how you'd rather just be by yourself or with someone who has similar views on life that you have. Kind of conflicting, reading it it almost sounds like different stages of your life, and if that's the case I want to know how you're coping now (even if what I assumed isn't the case)
I think the main thing that you said that is important, " in control of how it affects my overall quality of life" Which is amazing.
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I've been neither tested for nor diagnosed with any mental illness. So as it stands I'm just a chronically miserable, asocial, reclusive, lonely asshole with a strong distrust of people I don't know.
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Whenever you're ready to make a change... Well in America you either need lots of money, no money or hope you live somewhere else.
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Change is always expensive, and I don't mean financially.
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From my own experience I would change expensive to time consuming.
Even if you remained chronically miserable, asocial, reclusive with a strong distrust of people you don't know... But you removed the lonely asshole part, would it be worth it to you?
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It depends. Time is only one of the costs. The mental energy requirements are generally higher than I feel able to muster. Removing any part may need first a large investment of energy to overcome the initial hurdles, but also a commitment to higher base level of continuous effort to maintain the new state and avoid coasting back into negativity. Even if I might be capable of investing the initial push, the prospect of having to keep peddling indefinitely, at an as yet unknown pace, makes me feel tired just thinking about it. Would the result be worth it? Maybe. Or maybe it would cause me to crash back all the harder.
I'm more or less content to keep coasting for now. I am at my core, quite lazy. Sometimes I might lose momentum, but mostly I can just keep going without too much hassle or effort. Maybe the ride will get smoother later and change will seem less onerous then.
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One thing I can promise is that as long as you're not a danger to yourself or others, and your personality isn't completely erratic (seem to be able to form a coherent argument), they will not just lock you up and throw away the key. Which means they'll help you, or at least try, so crashing harder is going to be rough unless you give up on yourself. I would say the hardest part is finding a Psychologist and Psychiatrist you mesh well with honestly (and you may only need a Psychologist I have no idea). From there almost everything goes at your pace, you have to wait to see if medications (assuming that's an option) are working for you because sometimes that takes 2 to 6 months to get them at their peak. Which sounds bad right? But it takes little to no effort, check in with Psychiatrist once every 1-6 months depending on necessity. Check in with the Psychologist anywhere from once a week to once a month, THIS is the most flexible part, YOU control it. If he says I want to see you 7 days a week you can laugh in his face and say no (though that's highly disrespectful)
Anyway, my point of writing everything above isn't really meant to convince or pressure you so to speak, I just hope it kind of gives you the idea that it's not as bad as you might think. Especially if you happen to find good doctors like I have (I had to do some searching too, and I got lucky with a referral from another doctor). Again from my own experience since I can't really talk for other people, I had to hit rock bottom before I sought help. Eventuallly I just couldn't cost anymore.
If you can coast, and IF you care truly content with that, more power to you. There is nothing wrong with that (except for the lonely part, get a cat...) Thank you for the bumps and posting in my thread it's been a pleasure speaking with you!
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not sure what exact bullshit term it has right now(and what countries classify it as what), but i have aspergers and all the weird side effects it comes with. It might also be partially responsible for my insomnia.
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It's still aspergers yk. Professionals now just refer to it and other wide range of disorders as autism spectrum disorder. Officially, aspergers is not cosidered a diagnosis any more. Well, not in my country.
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Actually have a friend who suffers from it, well had a friend we no longer talk because I'm a recluse. But I got to know him pretty well, and I met a few people through a few MMOs and I think 1 person on here, "Officially" everyone I've talked to still calls it aspergers lol. I however didn't know it could be the cause for insomnia until today. Had to look that one up. I hope your symptoms ease up with time and thanks for posting!
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If anyone wants to know about high functioning autism ask away. I'm high functioning autistic:)
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Begs to ask the first and most obvious question, which type of autism?
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High functioning? Idk that's what I was told when I got tested profusely for 3 hours. I have social anxiety it's going away though. I communicate pretty well. I see things people don't notice. I have adhd also. I take medication for depression and adhd . Latuda for the depression and , adaral for adhd with tenex. I've been ok now more calm and I can concentrate more. It's awesome.. but I'm very passive , I got scammed the other day by a impersonator for my 20$ I was trying to get a copy of killing floor 2. As of killing floor is my favorite game. I haven't been to steam gifts in 2 years and it's all basically new to me again so I wasn't aware of the impersonators as they are new to me.
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https://www.asws.org/WhatisAutism.aspx
There's 3 different types, all 3 can technically be "high-functioning" as with most things.
Though it sounds like you have something else going on here, Latuda is an antipsychotic/mood stabilizer. Generally the only time it's used to treat depression as far as I know is Bipolar. Unless of course you've been on an ASTONISHING amount of antidepressants prior to taking Latuda. Seeing things people don't notice is generally a sign of psychosis (something I know all too much about).
Yeah getting scammed sucks, check their steam level if it's 0 don't trade, And there's a site that most Steamgift people use now-a-days that is something .tk that is basically an auto key for cash takes out the middle man so no scamming according to most people. I haven't used it personally hence not knowing the site name.
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Yes. I suffer from anxiety and take antidepressants for it.
I also go to a psychologist every week or so to adjust my perspective and see the world better.
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Thanks for sharing! Sounds like you're on the right track already at least.
Just three simple questions not so much for me but since we're starting to get further into the thread people aren't going to read every post but I'd also like to know your opinion. Is going to your psychologist helping your situation (including anxiety)? Are you mainly engaging in talk therapy? This one might be a little too personal so you can skip if you'd like just say pass or whatever, what are your long term goals in therapy?
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- Yes. I feel much better now.
- Yes. It's all talk therapy.
- Change my lifestyle and how my brain thinks.
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Random Key Drop as a bump Lost Moon - 74KJQ-8IJ7N-?X2Y? ? = MMVI - 20 (to simplify remove the numbers don't actually subtract twenty).
More Giveaways Added, let's try to keep this thread alive and well until the giveaways end on 4/11 if possible!
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Anyone claim the game? If not I'll go drop it in the key drop thread...
I really did add giveaways even though it was April Fool's Day, seems only 2-3 people took me seriously...
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Are you smarter than a 5th grader store page has Psychological Horror tag.
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So my last discussion/poll turned out really well.
http://www.steamgifts.com/discussion/w5Ywx/do-you-suffer-from-insomnia
I got a lot of support, and a lot of information about people. That's sort of the thing I'm hoping for here, if you're comfortable with your situation leave feedback. I'll start with my own issues which I've sparingly shared across the web here and there. Mainly at a community website where other people suffer from similar illnesses. I'm suffering from physical stuff, hip surgery, obese, bad cholesterol (so hard to maintain on antipsychotics) though overall my cholesterol is good. Let's just try to keep this focused on mental health. Some people it helps to talk about it, sometimes you make friends in the most unlikely of places. Anyway, here goes nothing.
Schizoaffective Disorder: Relating to, characterized by, or exhibiting symptoms of both schizophrenia and bipolar disorder.
Insomnia: Prolonged and usually abnormal inability to obtain adequate sleep. (Note inability)
Anxiety: An abnormal and overwhelming sense of apprehension and fear often marked by physiological signs (as sweating, tension, and increased pulse), by doubt concerning the reality and nature of the threat, and by self-doubt about one's capacity to cope with it. (Probably one of my most crippling issues.)
Personality Disorder (Not otherwise specified): A psychopathological condition or group of conditions in which an individual's entire life pattern is considered deviant or nonadaptive although the individual shows neither neurotic symptoms nor psychotic disorganization. (This is just the most basic sense of everything, my doctor once told me the not otherwise specified isn't because he can't fit me into a category, it's because he can fit me into many categories.)
PTSD: A psychological reaction that occurs after experiencing a highly stressing event (as wartime combat, physical violence, or a natural disaster) outside the range of normal human experience and that is usually characterized by depression, anxiety, flashbacks, recurrent nightmares, and avoidance of reminders of the event.
Hypothyroidism: deficient activity of the thyroid gland; also : a resultant bodily condition characterized by lowered metabolic rate and general loss of vigor. (Weird that I put this in a mental health thing right? I'll explain below if you stick around and read the whole thing lol)
So, prior to being diagnosed with Schizoaffective Disorder, I was diagnosed with Bipolar 1. The difference being, that I had to have hallucinations when I was experiencing neither a manic nor depressive episode. As soon as I got my depression under control with lithium and a slew of other anti-depressants and stimulants I was still having the hallucinations so I was “upgraded”. Either way, I had all the symptoms of both the entire time, paranoia, reclusiveness, suicidal idealization (thankfully only 1 attempt on my life). The works and if you don't know about bipolar 1 it's the worst type the one where people actually off themselves frequently. So thankfully I got medicated and met a good Psychiatrist and Psychologist that actually cares about me. Covered enough about Insomnia in the other post, though again I'd like to highlight “inability” being tired and not wanting to sleep or choosing to stay up doesn't count. Laying in bed tossing and turning for 8 hours. That's where the issues arise. Anxiety, pretty self explanatory and anyone that has it severely knows what I mean about how crippling it is. It's kept me from getting jobs and other jobs it made me quit because I couldn't take it. Personality Disorder, not sure what to comment here. PTSD, this is a tough one... I think we all have memories from the past that haunt us because unless you have lived the perfect life. You've had a pet die or a friend move away, and growing up you didn't know how to handle it and no one really taunt you this is the proper way. My life was probably more traumatic than most, I'd go into it but this isn't a sob story or a torch and pitchfork mob to lynch my parents. Point is PTSD comes from not knowing how to handle those situations, my sadness turned to anger, from anger to depression, from there it was taken out on myself. I have no idea how to reverse the damage.. Thyroid problems, see this is a catch 22. I need lithium to keep my mood and suicide idealization stabilized. Lithium is literately destroying my thyroid. I'm taking Thyroid hormones but we have to guess how far it's going to shut down in a 3 to 6 month window. Problems with an under-active thyroid include depression, fatigue (severely so when your numbers drop like mine do) Cholesterol freakin problems, weight gain (can't work out because of hip surgery as mentioned above, so right now my ONLY way to lose weight is diet with no exercise... Extremely tough)
Anyway, that's enough about me, we can talk about me IF YOU want to, but I've said a lot about me. I want to hear about you. What's your story...
PS. Gibs
http://www.sgtools.info/giveaways/14e805da-f55b-11e5-8d20-04019cc0dc01
http://www.sgtools.info/giveaways/ed0879a4-f55a-11e5-8d20-04019cc0dc01
NEW GAs, Let's keep the conversation alive until the GAs end (bundle leftovers sorry they're not amazing...)
http://www.sgtools.info/giveaways/90797972-f7ba-11e5-8d20-04019cc0dc01
http://www.sgtools.info/giveaways/e62b5f2e-f7ba-11e5-8d20-04019cc0dc01
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http://www.sgtools.info/giveaways/04ff3bf8-f7c3-11e5-8d20-04019cc0dc01
EDIT: GAs were added before all the sgtools drama, to be honest I still support sgtools but next time I'll just do one sgtools link and train them together like most people. I apologize for any inconvenience, and there are no serious requirements like having an insane ratio or anything.
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