Let's get one thing straight, folks. Based on the criteria that I just created in my head, I am better than every single one of you. No, I will not be sharing the criteria. I will fight anybody who asks for it.

Now that I have established my dominance, we may continue with this giveaway. Here's a short list of things the lucky winner will receive.

1. Bastion, an action role-playing video game produced by independent developer Supergiant Games and published by Warner Bros. Interactive Entertainment.

2. A 34 minute Skype conference with me. I will be eating cereal during the entire duration of the call. This cannot be declined.

3. A high resolution picture of my thighs.

I wish you all luck.