Long time no see guys, it's time for the story of my life and to make some things right.

Firstly let's talk about me and steamgifts. Many of you could see that i was on and off most of the times, sometimes disappearing for over a week, sometimes even longer. As my whitelist might now, i had some pretty serious mental issues as well as suicide attempts. Here i want to say sorry for all the people that i've let down here on steamgifts. I truly love this community, tbh if it weren't for you and the achievement hunter guys i would be probably dead by now. I want to be a better member of all the groups i'm in, as well as the community itself. Back in the days i was quite well know i suppose, now i don't think that's the case. No more slacking and no more putting sg aside due to the stuff that happens in my real life. I have a year of messages backlog, over 1k that i will try to answer in upcoming days. I was reading them as they came, sometime answering, sometimes not depending on the mood. I was at a really low place back then, here you can see one description of the giveaway i made a year ago for my whitelist, you can see it was bad.

I've been thinking a lot recently, unironically the song that describes my feelings the most accurate way is this (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ho1LgF8ys-c). Every day makes me hate the world even more, i don't understand the values that motivate people, don't understand people in general. Every person i get close to either betrays me or simply says i'm fucked up. Guess i am, never been an ordinary person. Have no real friends, people i trusted left me, don't think i will ever be able to trust anyone. Since i remember i've been struggling with social anxiety and depression. I don't understand why someone decided that i have to live, if God exists i hate them for that. Tho i don't believe, just can't. Believe in nothing, have no feelings at all, all i can feel is pain. A pain that i'm inflicting myself to know that i'm still stuck in this shit life. Don't get me wrong, many people would want to have a life i have, but not me. I simply no longer want to live. Even games don't make me happy like they used to. Nothing does. Lost my sense of purpose and sense of life in general. The two things that come to my mind when someone ask me such a question: "What is the thing you most want from life?", simple
• to be loved
• to die
both simultaneously pop into my head. Tho the first one will never happen. I'm stuck with unrequited love, which makes my life even more miserable. Do i fear death? No, i really want it and hope it comes soon. Yet i'm too lazy to kill myself, even tho i think about it every night. I'm a failure, even don't have balls to kill myself. What for do we live? Dunno and that's my biggest problem. I don't know what for should i live. Been having thoughts like this for like 9 years already what can i do. Don't really want any words of wisdom or any help, that won't do much, since first i would need to find peace with myself and that just won't happen ever, just had to spit it out somewhere.

Tho nowadays i'm doing better, i think i finally have beaten my demons, at least most of them. I actually kinda want to live :D Only sometimes i get the "bad thoughts", but they definitely aren't as bad as they were back in the days. I know some of you suggested going to a professional, i actually did that, but it didn't help at all. Guess it was me who had to deal with all this shit alone, it actually worked out. I'm at 3rd year of my IT studies at Lodz University of Technology, probably going to get a job as a programmer soon, i love coding and having fun with various IT things. Did a site in Vue.js recently that i was proud of :D Also i think that the vacations that happened were really the best possible ones. I found a person that finally understood me and helped me getting straight. A person that's not quite so different from me, also has social anxiety (so she understands me, when it comes to that stuff, tho we get panic attacks at totally different situations which is kinda funny, at least to me XD). Later that person become my girlfriend and for once in my life i finally feel understood and happy. In two days we will have our 3 months anniversary as a couple :D I feel like she's the one, but we will see. Anyway coming back to the topic of steamgifts:

1. I'm going to try to contact all the previous winners of my giveaways that for some reason haven't received their gift, that's the first thing on my "new year's (well not quite yet, but shhh) resolutions

2. The second one is to play the games i've won here, going to try to 100% every single one of them, starting from the ones i won the earliest :D will be a fun challenge

Another thing i wanna talk about is the charity event i did last year.

Huge thank you for anyone that participated, you really made a difference. For those of you that don't know what i'm talking about, click this link and read the description. As for the part that we did at our faculty, we've managed to collect food, cleaning products and various other stuff. The atmosphere was amazing, i was really happy to be a part of it.

Watch this movie if you wanna embrace it :D

When it comes to the online fundraising that i was talking about, the money we've gotten was spent on the furniture for the little girls. WE MANAGED TO DECORATE A WHOLE ROOM :D That was truly amazing, words cannot say how thankful i am that this community helped and that you people are amazing. Real heroes <3 WE DID MAKE A DIFFERENCE <3

Be sure to check out the pictures attached at the end!

You will see that we really made a difference, something to be proud of <3 And you get to see me driving a bus with a shark ROFL XD (also sorry for the quality of the pics, but can't seem to find anything better at the moment) Also last picutre shows the statistics of all previous events, you can see that gamers did their part in 2019 :D

This year we're also doing the same event (like we did for 3 years already), it's really important to help those in need especially during this magical period of Christmas :D

This year we're helping out another family, if you want to get more information

visit my steam profile https://steamcommunity.com/id/bron99 and check out the link (it already ended, thank you all <3) ❤️

It would mean the world to me if you could read and share the information among your friends! Let's make a difference together yet again ^^

Remeber that i love you all, i really have found my path in life and i see the future on the bright side :D

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