Maybe the people you look up to are making decisions that feel good in the short term, but actually aren't good decisions in the long term. And maybe deep down you know that, which is why you aren't able to do what they are doing. I understand the anxiety. I'm no expert, but without friendships with good people who can reassure you that you're not as bad as you fear you are, it will be harder. The good news is that you're not the only one who feels the way you do.

Forget it. If you are not a party animal you just are not. Trying to be makes you feel even more f... up. (Been there, done that).
The biggest cliché is true! In time you grow over it, and even look down on people that stood still in their growth at superficial, cheap and unforfilling entertainment. Ok I must admit it'll take some time but you will get there.
I'm sure you think you don't know me, you don't understand how I feel. But let me tell you, "you are not alone".

I am not sure if you should be punishing yourself so hard for this. If you like something is because one way or another you enjoy those things. You should not do something just because someone else is doing it, since most likely you will not be glad with the results. Sooner or later you will realize this. I know it is hard. Sometimes I wish I could be more "relaxed" about the whole relationship stuff, but that simply is not who I am and it has always felt awkward.

I have always been kind of a lone wolf, especially growing up. But, you just need to find something you really like to do (e.g. gaming, walking, playing music) and enjoy those moments....

Your life sounds like mine. And even though I have a gf, getting a child and a house together, I can't say I feel happy or anything, probably never will. Such is life :/

I want to experience all the fun the people I look up to do.

This is your problem, right there. You should embrace the fact that you are you. And you are unique! I have seen your threads, the negative and the positive and they always have a sad undertone. You shouldn't be like that, be proud of yourself, of who you are and what you're achieving. You got a whole life ahead of you, don't let it be spoiled by wanting things other people seem to have.

Don't be fooled neither, who are these people you talk about and how do you know they really do all those things you said before (sex, drugs,...) And more importantly have you ever asked them if they where really happy with that? I have known many people who did/ still do drugs and I think only a minimal percentage is "happy" about doing it, also to be clear and I would never lie about such things, some of my friends have died along the years also. Not only overdoses but suicides to. Drugs can be very fun but can destroy a person just as fast. Most would have never touched it if they could relive their lives. When talking about sex, again how do you know the people you look up to have sex all the time? Exaggerating on the number of times people tend to have sex on weekly base or such is common. You will get a relationship, I'm sure. Maybe not now or tomorrow but you'll stumble upon someone and it's the biggest cliche of all but it will work and love will take over. Again don't try to take a relationship as a 100/100 score. Every relationship is different and when you do find your perfect match you'll know what it is and all other relationships will look not as good as yours ;)

Furthermore on the topics of drinking and drugs, do consider the consequences they potentially have. Not saying it will happen but it could and you get addicted. I've literally seen hundreds of people at my job who did horrible things because of an addiction.
The text you wrote is basicaly screaming "I want to lose control of my life" while you should try taking control over it again. I'm pretty sure you'll do alright TreeB, but take life in your own hands. Do what you like doing, not what others do and looks cool. Focus on the things you like and your life will become much more pleasant.

Who am I to write this down? I could just be that guy who pushed you in the right direction and you getting there is the only thing that matters!

I'm pretty straight edge and I like who I am. I could (and probably should) be more social, but I have a small group of people I care about and I allocate time to them and my own hobbies.

Worrying about other people is self-defeating ... the world is big, and there are ALWAYS people out there who are better at things than you could ever be. I am who I am, and I try to be the best me that I can be.

wow! i won the game, thanks.