[Benjamin Franklin]
I'm big Ben Franklin and this shan't be pretty
Let me instruct you how we battle in the city of Philly
You couldn't sell Rick James a bag of crack, you're out of practice
My victory more certain than death or taxes
Fact is you're a hack, wack QVC joke
You peddle soap that cleans bird shit from my windows
I'll craft a lyrical coffin and then spit the nails in
Call me Arthur Miller son, cause it's death of a salesman

[Billy Mays]
Hi Billy Mays here with a special TV offer
Watch me crush this bald fat foppish founding father
I'll take my awesome auger and sow your quaker oats
I'll shoot your rhymes down like a regiment of red coats
I'm lord of the pitch and leader in home sales
You're just a lumpy pumpkin who invented the mail
Benny's got kite'n key but you're in for a shock
When I strike you with bolts from my lightning rod cock

[Benjamin Franklin]
Stop I protest these intolerable raps
It takes just one easy payment for me to whoop your ass
Cause I'm mint I'm money I'm an educated gentleman
So join or die Bill cause it's all about the Benjamin

[Billy Mays]
But wait there's more!

[Announcer]
Is there anyone out there who can finish this battle?
Anyone...?
Anyone...?

[Vince Offer: The ShamWow Guy]
I can
You following me camera guy? Cause it's about to get furious
You're gonna love my nuts until you're bi-focal-curious
Your boy George chopped down trees; you couldn't break a piece of balsa
Slap chop your face, make a double chin salsa
Your style's so broke they call you Poor Richard
It's bad enough I got to see you every time I tip a stripper
Vince against a founding father is just too bad
Cause after this America is gonna lose a Dad

WHO WON?
WHO'S NEXT?
YOU DECIDE!