I'm so sorry to read that. I'm sending virtual hugs! And hope their cancer can be treated and you can fight this terrible disease together.
My friend (who had cancer himself 20 years ago and has 100% disappeared from his body now) recently lost his wife to cancer after about 2 years of fighting it. He told me that there is a normal grief after someone dies, but with terminal illness it is a kind of weird place where it is almost like you are grieving while the person is still alive. Memories of the good times, sadness about future plans that will not be realized. Thankful that you still have them around for now, but anger that they will be gone sooner than you expected.
He also said he would cherish those "normal" moments, when she was feeling well enough to get out of bed and leave the house. Just going for a drive around the city, sitting in the park and watching the birds, simply spending time together, holding her hand or hugging her.
My mom used to be a nurse. She says the experience of suffering a serious disease is very personal and different for everyone. But she said one of the most important things is communication with your spouse. Let them know they can tell you how they feel, no matter what it is. A lot of patients feel obligated to have a positive attitude, optimistic, cheerful, fighting spirit. They don't want to be a burden on their family. Or men especially want to be strong and don't want to complain about pain. But truly they may be feeling afraid, helpless, guilty, depressed, angry. And as the family you'll also have a lot of these same feelings yourself and won't want to tell your spouse, because you don't want to add any more stress or guilt to what they are already experiencing. But if you can reach a comfortable place where you can trust and be honest with each other, and truly know that you are fighting this battle together, then you can use your energy to focus on everything else.
Likewise if you have family, friends, or religious community who you can lean on for support (whether that is emotional or spiritual support, logistical support like driving to the hospital for an appointment, bringing food, raising money) that can also make a difference. My mom said that when friends and family visited the patients it would really seem to brighten their spirits. Everyone wants to know that they are loved and cared for.
I wish you both strength, good luck and a happiness 💙
That's some really good advice and it really hit the nail on the head about how I feel (the grieving while alive part) about the situation. I've been with my husband for 21 years now (this will be our 22nd, come November) & I've literally spent more than half my life with him, so I can't imagine life without him. When the news hit us, we were in the process of preparing for a holiday to Korea. The next thing I knew I was at the airport with his CT scan results asking Singapore Airlines if they could cancel and refund our tickets (which they very kindly did). Thanks for your very kind and insightful words. I hope I'll find that strength you mention.
That's awful and I can't imagine how I would deal with that news.
Sorry you have to go through that, I wish you all the best <3
Comment has been collapsed.
Thanks
Comment has been collapsed.
I'm so sorry to read that. I'm sending virtual hugs! And hope their cancer can be treated and you can fight this terrible disease together.
My friend (who had cancer himself 20 years ago and has 100% disappeared from his body now) recently lost his wife to cancer after about 2 years of fighting it. He told me that there is a normal grief after someone dies, but with terminal illness it is a kind of weird place where it is almost like you are grieving while the person is still alive. Memories of the good times, sadness about future plans that will not be realized. Thankful that you still have them around for now, but anger that they will be gone sooner than you expected.
He also said he would cherish those "normal" moments, when she was feeling well enough to get out of bed and leave the house. Just going for a drive around the city, sitting in the park and watching the birds, simply spending time together, holding her hand or hugging her.
My mom used to be a nurse. She says the experience of suffering a serious disease is very personal and different for everyone. But she said one of the most important things is communication with your spouse. Let them know they can tell you how they feel, no matter what it is. A lot of patients feel obligated to have a positive attitude, optimistic, cheerful, fighting spirit. They don't want to be a burden on their family. Or men especially want to be strong and don't want to complain about pain. But truly they may be feeling afraid, helpless, guilty, depressed, angry. And as the family you'll also have a lot of these same feelings yourself and won't want to tell your spouse, because you don't want to add any more stress or guilt to what they are already experiencing. But if you can reach a comfortable place where you can trust and be honest with each other, and truly know that you are fighting this battle together, then you can use your energy to focus on everything else.
Likewise if you have family, friends, or religious community who you can lean on for support (whether that is emotional or spiritual support, logistical support like driving to the hospital for an appointment, bringing food, raising money) that can also make a difference. My mom said that when friends and family visited the patients it would really seem to brighten their spirits. Everyone wants to know that they are loved and cared for.
I wish you both strength, good luck and a happiness 💙
Comment has been collapsed.
That's some really good advice and it really hit the nail on the head about how I feel (the grieving while alive part) about the situation. I've been with my husband for 21 years now (this will be our 22nd, come November) & I've literally spent more than half my life with him, so I can't imagine life without him. When the news hit us, we were in the process of preparing for a holiday to Korea. The next thing I knew I was at the airport with his CT scan results asking Singapore Airlines if they could cancel and refund our tickets (which they very kindly did). Thanks for your very kind and insightful words. I hope I'll find that strength you mention.
Comment has been collapsed.