Should i hang in there with Bowy?
On 1 hand I think you started with it so deal with it, but am sure the kitten feels it's not very wanted or at least a huge burden, at least if you decide to get rid of the kitten, make sure it gets a good owner (maybe that neighbor indeed) since if you have so much stress/burden from it, it's not good for either of you!
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It's definitely wanted (the heart part), and i tried this for over 5 weeks, and in the beginning she was shy, and it took adjusting for us both, but i just can't give it the love it deserves i think, nor the space, i would like cats to go outside which is impossible living on the first floor, or give her more then just a living room. Catpole, cat tunnel, i can imagine you also get eventually bored of that.
And in most normal living situations you'd also have a couch, sit on it to watch tv, then the cat comes crawling up your lap, but it's waiting on a cabinet for the tv, with a thight budget isn't going to be soon and i only got 1 tv and i usually only watch tv when going to bed so it's in my bedroom.
I thought about letting her have the whole balcony (i don't have furniture there to sit myself) but it needs protection which i can't place myself, but then if i would open the door i would get many bugs inside.
I definitely would want to get a good owner for her, i wish it would just be easy, and i can also totally understand that person saying no i want my cat, and i can't handle another cat for now, then again it might be what she needs. But who is to say the missing status is not going to happen again?
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no you stick with her she will come good trust me i have raised many kittens and cats from many places and they just need love to give love back and also you can't be bothered what the cost of your furniture is when you have animals as they do scratch some times and they will want laps and to be with you and you have to tell them when they can and can't be with you and keep them in another closed room when you can't/don't want them
i have a kitten and while she tries to get upstairs i always get her down and she is only allowed in the front room or kitchen when someone is in their with her
She is also a house cat atm because she escaped out of my garage door and some how managed to get back in our garden (even though she is a stray and only had her a few weeks) so can't risk her running off again
i of course don't know since you said 1st floor then your in a flat? then keeping it in some rooms and out of others will not be so simple as i can but it does get easier the more you show them what they can do and can't do around you and the home
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Yeah, but i bet you don't have germphobia and feel the need to shower after every cleaning of the litterbox nor dismiss sitting on your lap unlike me.
She doesn't really listen to me, and they are cats, not dogs who are more obedient, if i tell her to stay out of the hall (for now) she still goes in anyway, and when i drag back her in the living room, she just tries again.
I live in a small flat yes, with just 1 bedroom and a living room, some were lucky to get 2, and then i could have made her a cat room, but alas.
Since for several reasons she can't go in my bedroom, the living room/kitchen is the only place she can go and the washing machine room (can't expect that much fun) when the fly stuff is gone.
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You can get a sifting tray for your litter box to make it much easier to clean. Easy Clean. Some people put the sifting tray inside so they just pull it out along with the litter once a day. It does get dirtier faster when the wet litter sticks to it. The method in the video is slightly more work, but you won't have to clean the sifting tray that often.
I place my litter boxes in the balcony (more sunlight and better ventilation) and also place a thin layer of baking soda below the cat litter. It helps keep the litter dry and less odorous. No problem with flies once I did that. Don't place the baking soda on top as it will float everywhere if it's in a windy area. I also give my cats' feet and bum a clean with a wet wipe everyday but you can skip that for your kitten
Keep looking around for help to fence up the balcony. It would definitely help keep your rooms clean once you place the litter box(es) there and your kitten would love to be able to have some, if limited, access to the outdoors
Edit: I'm sure you can find a similar looking cheap tray or basket in the mall so you don't have to spend money for a purpose built litter sifting tray
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You might wan to check pine pellets instead of clay for the litter box. It's very similar to what Janediel recommends and combined with other tricks (baking soda in the lower tray) it definitely makes it more clean and hygienic than clay.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w8AoWtJNfvU
Regarding training, there's a lot of videos around about it. Basically, when cats are kittens you have to play A LOT with them, until they are exhausted (boil, simmer, repeat). A tired kitty is a happy kitty. You will want to avoid associating playing with your human parts. Always use toys that focus on the play away from you. Kittens must learn that you hands are not toys and that your legs are not scratch posts designed to climb. If a kitten uses you as a toy, say "NO" to him in a firm voice or, even better, make a sound like he just hurt you and you're in agony (which is usually true). That's how kittens learn to play and where the limits are, they usually "fight" with their brothers but if they go too far and hurt them, they know they went over the limit if the other kitten shows he's been hurt.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M7w8pDCo30M
Also, you want your kitten to learn things before he grows up, once a bad habit has sunk in, it's very difficult to change it. Punishing, yelling, directly scaring your cat when they're doing something wrong is not ideal (and totally useless if you caught them after the fact because they won't understand what they did wrong). With cats, you want to go the positive reinforcement way (with a few negative "traps" that are totally unrelated to you and which your cat won't associate to your figure).
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W50bQopoQic
It's not easy, it takes time, you must be persistent but it usually works, especially with kittens that are still learning.
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She's super cute :) It sounds like it may be 10x more work for you than an average petowner experiences with the need to wash clothes/bedding/showering because she sat on something or you changed her litterbox! I don't experience germphobia so I can't say at all how hard it is to work through, but I think going on that journey would be really good for you and any pets you want to have in your life!
Maybe you could put a towel/blanket just for her on your bed & on the chair when you leave the room, and then wash them just once a day after she's done and your bed will feel clean for when you use it! Cats usually prefer to sit/sleep high up in cat towers so that may persuade her away from jumping up on these places cause she probably just wants to simply be on the same level as you and close with you! You could also consider getting an older cat or a cat with a different personality who just loves to sleep, relax and probably can't be bothered to jump on your chair and bed! You could also wait until she's older as kittens calm down and don't need to explore things they've already seen if you express (gently) that it bothers you!
I'm not sure if you've ever gone or can easily go to therapy for it but they may be able to really help you work through it so you can feel more relaxed in life and enjoy your kitty!
If the situation is too hard though and you can't give the right home to your cat, she may be better off with someone else! Just make sure any shelter knows it's nothing she's doing wrong because sometimes they can put cats to sleep for that if they don't have enough room and think this cat is a problem!
I wish you luck and happiness with whatever feels best for you and the kitten :)
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She definitely is. :) And yes it's definitely more work for someone with germphobia (and draining especially when you are already low on energy in general).
The thing is as is everything, even washing is expensive here, like 1-2 euro? for having 1 load washed and dried, and i already been on a row of washing 11 days which i am really trying to diminish.
I don't feel it's right to "trade in" one cat for another, she is definitely a cutie just seeking love and some attention, i feel if do give her up, i shouldn't take any other cat or pet (i mean it doesn't make the washing/showering etc disappear).
And i actually think when she gets older she just wants to explore more and climb in more things, like i keep the living room door open slightly, but when she gets older she definitely is going to pry that door open and possible scratch my bedroom door at 6:00 in the morning.
I am under a psychologist and experimenting with medication, but i am highly resistent i feel, i could take a test to investigate that, but it's not covered by basic healthcare so it would cost me several hundreds of euros. I don't really feel the believe in therapy, as i thought just going through it would be as far as one could go.
I don't think they are putting animals to sleep here fortunately, they even make it not easy to adopt one and look if you are suited and a match for the cat, like a job/adoption interview.
Thank youl. :)
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I really understand that feeling low on energy! Not only physical but mental exhaustion makes it even harder to get things done! Maybe at a certain point your lack of energy will end up helping the germphobia as you may find yourself just not bothered with cleaning things so often! It could also be detrimental though if that need doesn't go away and you're exhausted trying to keep up with it!
I think therapy is the most important way to work through things! It doesn't have to be with someone official or trained, you could join a subreddit/discord group for it, talk with people close to you, other people on the internet, and find some articles or videos with lots of good tips/inspiration! All of that can help you rationalize your thoughts, find new ways to do things to lessen the work/stress, new ways to think about it, learn how to manage your feelings and feel nice knowing you're actively working on healing what's bothering you!
Things take time and nothing will work like magic, but if you really wish to enjoy a more relaxing, fun time with your kitty and yourself now and in the future you can do anything with determination and patience :)
I have anxiety and depression and I know people try to make it sound easy to get through, what may make no sense to them or be little worries in their mind can be a mountain of worries in yours! Finding some way of thinking differently/positively or doing things that help to work through what troubles and stops you is definitely very important to try to live your life the way you want!
You sound like you really love this kitty, so maybe you may want to try some new things first before letting go of her! It can also be hard to find cats a new home, depending where you're from, and sadly how old the cat is, kittens should get adopted pretty fast though so I don't think that's a worry! As someone said below, a cat will probably not fix your underlying problems, exposure therapy is just one step/way of doing it, and a kitty may not be good to try that on!
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Yeah the rationalize part is where i struggle, i am not a talker, so talking with a professional, isn't really my thing i think, but i would even go so far to rationalize things "in my favour" that certain things are actually disgusting, and many people take their cleanlyness for granted (like simply not washing their hands after been to the toilet).
I am under treatment of a shrink, but it's all med based, not really talking.
Absolutely true, if you got something like this or what you have, it might totally seems normal to you but absolutely abnormal to others, i know that all too well, and when you tell it to some people and they look at you crosseyed.
I absolutely love the kitty, perhaps not in a ahw you fuzzy little furball thing, but yeah i care for her, but this morning i let her on my lap, my desk (and the clothes go on the laundry pile) but like yesterday all she does is laying all day.
And that's a whole new, ever since a person yesterday visited talking about my doubts about the cat, like she heared and understood me, and became depressed or something.
But this for sure ain't no life for a cat, but i tried my hardest this morning, but if that isn't helping, perhaps we are passed a point.
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Something like a reddit or discord group might be perfect since you can observe and don't have to participate! I think you're pretty good at talking though, you respond to almost everyone here and create discussions with others to receive help for things you deal with! You're looking here for advice from others and that's basically what a therapist does, they've spent lots of time learning very useful ways to help others and most of them (I should hope) really care! Sometimes you can even look for a therapist who deals with/has dealed with the same thing!
Animals very much understand and pick up on our emotions, the tone of our voice and the way we act, she can probably tell you're unsure and maybe exhausted/anxious around her at times, she may feel like she could be bothering you so may not be in the mood? Being able to play and spend time with her in a relaxing way is important to repair/prevent those feelings if that's why she's acting different...! (Hopefully she didn't eat something weird or anything) If the kitty feels like a burden/chore or expectation more than a loving friend to share joy and comfort with (keeping in mind that nothing is "perfect" and almost everything in life unfortunately will naturally contain some struggles and require patience to some degree), then I think it really could be best for both of you to find a new home for her! If that's how you feel, then someday you may be much better for it if you keep working on it like it seems you're really trying to and want to! Small steps are always more useful than big ones
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Only you can really answer this question, but if you want your germphobia to get better you should probably try to actively do something about it, maybe in steps (and have patience because it may take time), like instead of having a shower each time you clean the litter box, even if you really want it, try to avoid it half of the times, and only wash your hands and arms very well, then you will reduce it even more with time; or you could also try to change and wear specific clothes that you use only for this task when you clean it and then change your clothes after, or wear an apron, for example. Also when you get home immediately change your good clothes and wear something you don't mind getting scratched, I wear shorts in summer so I know it hurts when cats land with their claws on the skin, but you'll get used to that, well maybe... 😆 or you could try to trim her claws (you should be able to find some instructional videos online, but keep in mind you only need to cut the point of the claw and never touch the white part near the finger, or you'll hurt her) if she's now more comfortable with you, which it seems by the cute photo. Most of all try to relax and reduce anxiety, maybe do something that you know helps you to relax, or try yoga, or try getting some herbs based relaxing tablets, to reduce stress and help you cope with the anxiety generated by the phobia itself, that is also probably the reason why you can't seem to enjoy Bowy's company that much. Try to be more positive and open up to her, she seems to love you already by how she looks at you in the photo! And cuddle her as much as possibile, to build a better bond. If all of this fails and it's too much to handle for you while living on your own for the first time, in a new home that still needs adjustments, which would be totally undestandable by the way, and no one can help you, then you could always think about finding a new home for her, but at least try all your best before getting there.
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Ehrm, i am doing the litterbox without any clothes, and i would still feel need the need to shower because i touched things, even when it's with a scoop, and yes you are right the best way going is to try to lessen it or change ways, but it sounds easier in theory then practical. It really takes a matter of guts, energy, and what not. And i don't think i have it in me, germphobia is a weird not so fun thing to have. I see it like having a fear of snakes or spiders and you should tackle it by just facing it, but the way i am doing it now by actually showering isn't helping, and draining, perhaps you are right skipping steps, but it's also just not very easy.
I don't mind wearing something that could get scratched, it's more they don't exactly wipe that's the whole thing, not really fond of letting them on me or things near my pc (where i am most of my days).
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Yes, I know it's hard.
I don't know if I can fully understand you on the germ thing, my parents would say I'm germophobic (which I probably am by their standards ;) ), but I'm not really, I simply wash my hands a lot and it bothers me a bit when I'm not home and can't wash my hands maybe for hours... But even if cleaning the litter box never really gave me huge problems (maybe at the beginning I would wash my hands two or three times in a row after, to do it really well, and it would still bother me a bit, but still manageable) with time it got better (it doesn't bother me anymore, as I learned to not listen to that sensation of discomfort as it's irrational, useless, and I've got too many better things to do to stop and let it have and impact on me), so there's hope for you too!
Even if I don't really have germphobia though or at least not as much as you, I was very shy and had a pretty bad social phobia and I managed to get much better about that as well with time. Even if it seems hard and impossible because those feelings and worrying thoughts dominate you, you should try to focus on the practical aspect of it as a distraction, or try thinking about your goal, or maybe you could think about something else entirely to relax and distract yourself from the phobic sensations and thoughts... Again finding something that would help you relax (herbs tablets were really helpful to me when I had some anxiety problems in the past, but you could also try hobbies, or yoga, or anything you want) could really help you to calm and see things from a different perspective and maybe feel less bothered, or stop caring about it so much.
And you need to be patient because it may take months, if not years to really improve
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True and i can decide to eventually skip showering and also accept just washing my hands, heck i got dettol clothes, mouth wash (killing 99% germs) but cats simply don't wipe and that's where my issue remains, and thus letting them on my lap or on my desk etc.
And i can perhaps learn that too, i don't know, it takes effort, energy, strength and willingness, and i don't know if i have that in me now.
What herb tablets are you meaning?
I wish i knew something that could actually make me relax, yoga is not my thing, and i got meds prescribed that help me a little but that's just that a little, and a short time, i am still under an experiment, i tried clonazepam but that did nothing at all (aside the feeling i am immune to many things), and i got my biggest hobby, playing games but that can also not distract me from things.
Oh i know, it's a long run thing, but ever since yesterday despite my best effort to let it on my lap, my desk this morning (and yes those clothes go in the laundry) it's just laying ever since, that's not a life for a cat or human.
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If it's hot, it's probably normal for her to lay somewhere, my cats are always spread somewhere on the floor when it's hot, or maybe she's been scared by your friend and now she's a bit shy again; what worries me is the blood trails you mentioned in another answer, if she got wounded somehow (maybe tearing a claw apart playing or stepping on something sharp...) then she needs the wound to be cleaned and disinfected (in this case germs can be a real threat!). Try to watch closely at her paws to see if you can find the source, and keep her under observation for a few days (because if she continues to be too low on energy even if it's not hot, or she stops eating, she might have an infection). Also get her used to manipulation, like touching her paws often and gently picking her fingers to extend the claws, so she'll get used to it and accept more easily to have her nails trimmed (also remember to cut only the very end of it not the whole claw, as that would be extremely painful otherwise), also making it easier for you (or a vet eventually) to check her when needed, as learning these things as a kitten would be much more effective.
Regarding the tablets, they are made with herbs with relaxing properties (there's a ton of different types), but if you already take meds with little effect, I don't know if they would be useful for you...
Regarding clothes you could try to use a towel on your lap or maybe wear an apron when you are home so you are not cought unprepared if she wants to sit on your lap and you don't have the towel readily available. You could have a few to change and put in the laudry at the end of the day, and then with time you could use them for a couple of days each, then a week, etc... so as to take small steps of improvement.
Then it's a matter of mindset, you need to relax, and slowly change your perspective, the way you think about germs or dirt, in a more neutral, rational and calm way, and that could take time, but if you already see a therapist he/she might help you with the process, I guess. Honestly I had to go through a pretty bad crisis (I was so anxious I could not sleep and eat anymore) to make a change, and even though it was the shake I needed to find motivation, I hope you can manage to find the energy and willingness you need without having to go through such a thing (even though it helped me realize how unimportant my previous fears were in comparison).
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Trying to rid of the cat forever in situation like this sounds to me like avoiding to touch brocken hand instead of healing it.
I wonder if there is any 3-rd options like puting a cat in to kennels till the moment the specialist will help you to cure from germophobia. AFAIK it's possible option.
I think main point of situations like this: the stuff like germophobia limits your quality of life experience, which could conflict your identity. The cat is rather casual example of such limitation. Germophobia can prevent you from traveling/going downshift/getting personal life/kids etc in future. If you're planning things like this in future, it could be wise to deal with germophobia.
All abovesaid is just my personal opinion, based on personal experience and way of I'm trying to live my life. Sorry if some of this letters could sound harsh. They don't supposed to create such an impression)))
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I don't really think they got this kennel option here, and who knows if ever i can really find treatment for this germphobia when it's been a part of my life for over 20 years? Med wise i am already busy about 2 years.
But there is just no pill to magically make the germphobia disappear, it does take some of your own doing as well.
Kids, diapers, school that's definitely a thing that i feel i can't seem to handle either now, if i can't handle this cat issue, but what other best way is there then to have tried tackling it face on by taking one and with all the things around it like the litterbox? I think you can't go further beside perhaps therapy but i just don't believe in that.
Offcourse i definitely want to get over this, and things, but trust me when you have it, it really isn't as easy as it might sound.
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-But there is just no pill to magically make the germphobia disappear, it does take some of your own doing as well
100%
-I don't really think they got this kennel option here
There could be such an options like friends/relatives/nice neighbours, willing to take an animal for the time
-who knows if ever i can really find treatment for this germphobia when it's been a part of my life for over 20 years
No one knows before trying. I've used to have a lot of stuff close to acrophobia, claustrophobia and others. Some of them were part of my childhood. I've done with them when they were trying to deminish my QoL. Your wprds about "and to help me get over my germphobia a bit" are making me think, you want to change the situation.
-I think you can't go further beside perhaps therapy but i just don't believe in that
That's ok for the moden world when you can't deal some situations by yourself and asking the professionals to help. So, it's up to you and your attitude. I see the bunch of examples around me, when the personal therapy helped. Somtimes it reqired to change several professionals. Some of this professionals made rather rude misstakes. Also I know it's not allways possible to help
-trust me when you have it, it really isn't as easy as it might sound
I'm sure it's compleately not easy. I can still remember my own the unpleasant feeling because of closing any door. And I wish you power to fix it in the best manner you want))
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But i am lacking friends, family there ain't much left, and neighbours, well as i said below, most are living secluded here.
The only neighbour here i ever had frequent contact with (also having a cat) is the neighbour below, but many i not even seen yet, it's not like the balconies this summer were full of people, many didn't go out even once.
Offcourse i want to change the situation, while some here are saying baby steps, i was seeing this as a baby step towards my biggest wish in life, a kid. And with my school phobia and a school going kid (or the diapers..) with my age the chances will be high i would meet someone that already has a kid, probably with a high school life. I could technically have been a grandfather the age i am.
Noone would ask for germphobia. ;) It's a hell to live things through and to try to attack it (and yes avoiding things are always the easier part), i mean if i have to go to town, it's very doable and much much shorter going through a tunnel here, but it involves passing a school. What do i do? I bike around 15 minutes more.
The thing about psychologists or shrinks, i am not a talker, and i know in my head things aren't always connecting either, like in a grocery store with my school phobia i know well that cashiers or stockers are high school kids, or that i have my high school diploma right next to my knee in my desk. But yeah ask me to ride pass a school? Not a chance. And i did and could in the past, public transport is another thing (because many students use it) i used to use it too, but aside them, i also saw a program on tv, about cleaners in a train, and well let's just say people can be disgusting. :p But yeah things came and go in waves in my life, but offcourse it's so much much easier to avoid things, stick your head in the sand, and go around it then heading it face on (which i thought with taking a cat was trying to that).
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Sad to hear that your issues are too big to enjoy the company of the cat. I would not dare to give you any advice, since I don't feel the same things as you, I don't have germphobia, etc. You need to make this decision yourself. Hope you will figure out what is best for both of you.
In the beginning she would just climb up my sweatpants (that hurt)
A little advice in that regard - trim her claws. If you unsure how to do it - for the first time take her to the vet and learn how to do it correctly. You need just to cut 1-2 mm off each claw, just to make them a little more dull. It's better to start doing this while she's young, so that she got used to it.
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Thanks.
Vets are way over expensive (taken over by bigger companies thus they charge more) here.
And there are sometimes blood stripes on my floor, i believe it's nail/claw related, i also don't think it's easy? I mean you have them to show up their nails in the first place, and then not let them get scared away.
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The blood from their claws is when you cut too low "If you look at your cat's claws, you'll see a darker section inside the mostly clear, hard exterior. This is called the quick. It's where nerves and blood vessels are found. Never cut to the quick, or your cat may bleed and become uncomfortable."
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How hard it is depends on a cat. If cat is not afraid and trust you - it can be very easy. My late cat Rufus allowed me to trim his claws without problems, he just laid and patiently wait till I finish.From current cats - Nero don't mind trimming claws on front legs, but when it comes to the hind ones - he is very cautious, so I usually just trim one nail at a time, and then let him some time to rest - it can take a couple of days to trim them all. Emy don't trust me much, so I have to force her, so it also takes a few sessions. Thankfully she don't fight back too much, so I end up without scars.
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Vets may be expensive, but vital. A Cat that's listless and just lays around, especially a younger Cat or Kitten, is a bad sign. Streaks of blood on the floor is also a bad sign. It is instinctive for Cats to not show weakness so when they are ill or injured they will almost always hide, or if they are somewhere they feel safe they will just mope about.
Inspect her paws to see if that is really where the blood is coming from, if it is you should see evidence of it on her fur. If not, examine her rear end and see if there is evidence of blood there. Even if you don't find anything and that behavior continues, especially if you continue to see blood, she absolutely needs to see a vet.
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Shoot, it really sound complicated. After few years of struggling to find my way, I actually am trying to start working with animals right now (I always dreamed of it and now I finally do first steps). Right now I mainly have contact with dogs and their behavior but for my whole life I had at least one cat.
Cats are complicated creatures :D They are really independent but at the same time, if treated well, they really need and love their owners attention (i know from experience). Right now Bowy is literally a child so she need this attention more than ever because, in some way, you are her momma/pappa :D First few months to maybe a year of having pretty much most of the pets, is in my opinion hardest, simply because you have a child who don't understand anything. This process of learning takes some time but eventually it pays of.
On the other side, as I said, cats are very independent. This has it's pros and cons. At one hand, it means that most of the day, many adult cats don't really care what is happening in house and they mind their own business. On the other hand, because of their personality, it is harder to teach them some "rules" when they are already adult. They have their own routine, favourite spots to play, sleep and sometimes even eat.
I think the best you can do (if you keep her) is to try to actively train her, either with the help of some tutorials or maybe even someone who can help you personally (either behaviorist or even someone who had cats). When it comes to scratching I thing the best option would be to buy and try to inroduce to Bowy some kind of scratching post and at the same time train her to not scratch on the furniture (cats simply need to scratch because of lots of reasons). When it comes to sleeping near you, on you etc. it is simply kitten affection. She wants to be near you cuz she feels safe around you. I remember having my cat (sadly she is not with us anymore...) who always was somewhere around me. Either she was sleeping on my bed, besides my desk, or even on this desk, right beside my arm. After I went to college, she stayed with my parents, but after about 2 years I droped out of it, got depressed and pandemy started at the same time. At this time, even if it was only like 2-3 months with them, she was always with me (like really). It is my best memory of this time because it felt like she was sensing that I was in a really bad shape, so she was always around. I was laying on my bed pretty much 24/7 and she was with me. Not even wanting any attention, just laying close to my. Every time I got up to get something or simply I got to go to the toilet, she also got up to eat (and she could not eat for hours and hours just because I was not even able to move around the house). I tear up when I think about it, because I felt loved by this creature who many times pissed me so much, but at that time of my life she acted as some sort of guardian. Sadly when I went back to my place, someone poisoned her and many of neighborhood cats (she was a free roaming cat). So this is basically my last memory of her...
So as I tried to show you, having a cat is at the same time difficult, time and money consuming but also really fun and sometimes rewarding. It is only up to you if you want to challange yourself so much. If you say no, that is okay. There are many people that can also be her "parents" and remember, you did not do anything wrong. If you say that you simply can't handle it, maybe even this will be a better option. Maybe you still need to work some things out in your life, before getting in such a commitment. Or maybe not and you will get through life with this little creature, teaching her many stufff and at the same time, learning a lot.
I hope I helped, even slightly. I love animals so I felt kinda obligated to say something. In my opinion, whatever decision you make, you can get better and eventually happy.
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Thank you, it's definitely complicated.
She got a cat pole with ropes she could scratch on, and scratching is not really my biggest issue, yeah a scratched 200 euro chair isn't fun, but there are worse things.
And i know she wants to be in my bedroom, on my bed, on my desk but what if your germphobia "won't allow" it? That makes it's really hard, and when you got a mind/heart struggle it's never easy (even when it comes to love). Your heart says yes i love this creature and you want to keep going, but your mind says it might be better for you and me if you find some other place where you can have everything you need.
Sorry to hear what happened to your cat, here we got the same issues, with some really cat hating people, like using poison, or glass or just even throw them in a pond. There are just disgusting people in this world.
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Yeah, your germphobia really makes this even more complicated. But as I said, even if you decide to give her away, it won't be bad decision. Maybe you need to challenge this issue with smaller steps or start to deal with it with other methods. I actually don't know, cuz I don't know anyone who got the same issue...
Whether you decide to live with Bowy or not, I think you'll make good decision. Every step you take towards dealing with this phobia is a step forward. It could be by having a cat or not and doing something else will also be okay.
I hope you and Bowy will be good and happy. Have a nice day/week/month/life (I don't know if we ever communicate again so I will play safe :D)
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Germphobia, does take courage, willingness to change things, but also energy (i am always lacking), it's a whole damned mixed bag, you wouldn't want to wish on someone.
I let Bowy on my lap, my desk, this morning (even if my clothes go on the laundry pile), hoping she would perk up, but she been laying (again) just the whole day, so i tried my hardest there, but it's like since yesterday she heared and understood the visitor i had about the possibility of removing her, because she just been laying around and just not doing anything else, and that's also a struggle to see, and no life for a cat or human.
Thank you, happy life to you too (that's always safe).
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I think the neighbor is a good choice, if she'll have her. This way, you'll get to visit and see her occasionally if you want. If your issue is not treated, it will be hard for both of you and the last thing you want is to start resenting the cat which can lead to neglect. The kitten deserves better, and you deserve a safer environment to deal with your issue slowly.
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Of course not. It was my mistaken assumption that you were the type of neighbors who visit each other. Nevertheless, I believe finding a well-vetted owner is best for both of your well-being.
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No, i only been living here since may, and many people seclude themselves, even myself, like the only frequent contact i had was with a neighbour below (also with a cat) that even helped me install my lights. But there are so many that never even been on their balcony. I would not even know or ever seen this neighbour that's missing her cat.
True, and i want her to have a good home, but it's not easy to find, and why sometimes asylums struggle.
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Hard to tell...
Id usually say stick with her- ive met like 5 cat haters that were utterly converted to unabashed cat lovers, heck i lived with one (my step dad). I came to the conclusion its likely near impossible for humans to not be won over
BUT...
Theres the germphobia thing wich is a whole other beast and idk what would win in the end.
The years i had cats in an apartment i hated the litterbox thing but its like diapers for babies- no one likes changing then, but few would throw the baby out to avoid it. I know many people who say they dont want children with that sort of mindset (avoid all the trouble, diapers being a fraction of it) but even those generally change once they have a kid and the starting harder years go by. Cats are a bit like babies in that sense, given what ive seen from people who disliked to utterly hated then once they had one.
But germphobia adds another layer idk what to make of it. Heck even if i knew its the kind of subjective thing anyway- how strong it is, how each person deals with it or its intensity i bet varies from person to person.
Maybe try to give it more time, but if the amount of mixed and bad feelings dont go away let her go is doable too.
One thing im SURE of: if these issues make you start avoiding her then let her go. Cats care a lot about getting some attention or at least being close to their owners (as much as they care about hunting and running free). That attention, love and closeness are good substitutes enougth for house cats to barely miss hunting in the wild... but not getting that (or enougth of that) nor the free roaming will suck for her
I sleep with 2-3 cats every night. I have 2 on my bed righ now, close to my computer desk. As i type i can notice at least 2 furs close to my keyboard thanks to some petting earlier- and dark clothes oh my yeah one lap visit shows, i just shake most of it off and dont mind while at home and i just avoid getting too close to then when im ready to get out.
So all ive said in the past about cats was assuming that was a given, just a minor thing people usually dont bother with. But if it really get under your skin... idk, only you can tell. Would be easy to say to let go of that mindset but i know how conditions are, if it were as simple as not thinking about it you wouldnt have germphobia.
But on that- treatments around facing the issues for phobias wich exist and i know can be effective i bet involve some mindset, willingness and effort. Im no psych professional but ive been to many and one thing i could realize is the point about ones willingness or comitment to it. You must want to change kind of thing, and willingness to go over that barrier (wich isnt so easy, otherwise wouldnt be a barrier).
Maybe give it some more time- but if you give it more time without trying to change how you frame things or 'think' about germs (rather NOT think about then is what you should try) then it wont matter. A month or 10 years- if you dont try to reframe your thinking/behaviour towards that subject it wont change by itself as if it were magic.
I felt an urge to say a thing or two about germs and some details (im a nerd about weird trivia and when younger i was fascinated about how much more complex and crazier the world is then what we can see) but im afraid it may be too triggering or worsening things for you. But dancing around the details- doesnt matter. Ive been this close to cats my whole life and im healthy (besides my smoking). Just yesterday ive seen my cousins kid filling his mouth with toys and stones that were on the floor...
...and the whole 'cleaness' we think of is more psychological and looks then anything.
Youd have to actually try NOT THINKING about it, not bothering with it. Actually try to shrugg it off, think of something else instead. Maybe pick some 2-3 toughts youre confortable munching over as your go to 'think about that instead' whenever the idea of it comes to mind.
Or try to reframe it whole, like 'oh its like air'. The scientists looked closely to the air and dust around us and detailed what they found- boohoo whatever, its just air and dust. Try to reframe what 'germs' mean to you- not from what explanation you found out but from a practical view and heck how humanity have treated it for most of its history
Anyway, i feel like it will only make sense if youre really willing to go the extra mile around that condition. A cat alone wont make it for you- the companionship deffinetly, absolutely... at most they can be a encouragement, like a reward (enjoying your cat without worrying), but they cant get in your head removing a tought.
Ps: i had a serious issue with negative toughts for many YEARS... Depression and such, wich i still technically have- but comparing before vs after how i deal with it is like apples and oranges, from a crippling horrible condition to a nuisance minor issue now. I put my mind set to shake of the negative toughts and i managed it eventually. Toughts can be put away. The brain retrains itself naturally overtime. You do that enough the associations and triggers in the brain start changing- but until it becomes natural you need to make the active mental move of shoving a tought aside. I know it can be done and im so glad i achieved it...
For me the progress felt like pushing a tought aside, then under the carpet, then in a box i avoided opening until 'suddenly' i rarely remenbered of then or a box anymore. Manner of speaking. Tought came 'nope, not now'(focus something else) or 'nah, dont really matter, stop peckering me bain'(then pushing aside). Do that enough and the frequency, how long each 'push' lasts gets longer and longer...
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Thank you. for an eleborate answer.
The germphobia feelings can be strong, heck my phobia for school goes on for 2 decades, and that i will never get over it, i think.
And i have had things that came and go, i thought this was another thing that would come and go.
And yes, some kids of my own some day i still hope are in the stars for me, it's my biggest wish in life, but yes the diapers are also going to be a major thing, i even joke about it let my mom raise them the first 2 years, aside even from the germphobia my smell is also very sensitive, and a litterbox sometimes doesn't even compare to a diaper probably.
The problem might indeed be i think too much, even if i would need to fart, i would go to the toilet, or if it happened in my bed, i would feel the need to wash it. I don't know how else you could tackle things if you tried things head on (with the cat) and it didn't work.
And yes, changing your mindset, but if only it were that easy, offcourse it's not.
Maybe i have to learn that, maybe i even need help with that, but offcourse i can say in mind it's not dirty, i can even go there, but then it quickly turns to yeah it's dirty, and yeah if you think too much a whole lot of things about us human beings (take our tongue) are practically all very filthy.
Not to mention somehow the cat has become very still, and just laying around isn't good for a cat or human, it's not a proper life.
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Can't help with the big decision.
In regards to the fly problem; some plants have fly repelling properties and might make the issue a bit more manageable. Some plants are varying degrees of toxic to cats, so it's important to research before adding any to areas the cat can access. However there are plants that are safe and repel flies. Basil and Rosemary are two cat safe options.
I've not looked at them myself and they definetly aren't cheap, but self cleaning litter boxes might help you.
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Thank you.
There are even litter boxes worth 200 euro, but i read in another topic i made, that it would make cats stand in their own pee or something, i dunno but it had it's drawbacks.
Also it doesn't help with not being able to allow it on your lap, give it the affection it wants, and i did let it on my lap and even desk, but since whatever yesterday she is just laying, and that's not a life, human or cat.
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If they don't decide to keep the cat, then mint is a great choice.
Otherwise I'd recommend some caution, as it's not cat safe. If a cat were to digest some it could cause vomiting, diarrhea or in worst cases liver damage/failure.
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If the cat wants to sit/sleep in your lap, she unlikely shares the ambiguous part of your feelings. Compare that to how she behaved in the presence of the scary visitor.
As far as I know "exposure therapy" is considered to be the best treatment for phobias (if not the only one), so you dealing with the litter box and occasional accidents seems to be a very good thing, and you already experienced that you don't immediately get sick and die every single time, but maybe you have to make this recognition more conscious, as you write "i tried this for over 5 weeks". A daily activity for 5+ weeks is "doing", and the cat still wants to sit onto your lap.
The actual way how you get many infections involves something on your face, like your mouth, nostrils, or the eyes - so keeping your face and hands clean is rational, and then you can extend this to your upper body, just to be sure. But maybe there's a way you could stop there and tolerate to remain being "catted" below the waistline for a longer time - if you have some expert help, you could ask if it's a realistic idea. Washing and drying your upper half only would be far less taxing than taking full showers all the time, and it can possibly improve your own willingness to play with her because you would remember that it doesn't lead to a 20-minute shower break, but only to a 10-minute washup.
Otherwise yes, the cat is a living being, and as such she will always have her "things". Like if she decides that a piece of furniture is her scratch post, that remains being her scratch post. And a thing you're probably yet to experience is that cats have summer and winter coat, which means increased shedding two times a year.
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I let it on my desk, on my lap this morning (and yes the clothes go in the laundry pile), thinking maybe it will cheer up, then i had to do some groceries (forgot my bank card so had to go back again). The whole time and even writing now, she is just laying, first on some steps, and now in a carton box (which she used to love to mess around with), is that a live you or a cat would want to have?
She isn't used to people coming over as practically noone has visited me since she been here, and even when i got her, i had to go to my moms house to pick her up because she was so shy and she or my sister could catch her she was that fast, and the first 2 days here she was also shy, then she started to crawl up my leg (in sweatpants) and yeah even around the crotch area, and not painless.
Normally at my moms place a shower wouldn't even been enough and i always would have needed a bubble bath, but i was forced with moving out, to just take a shower and deal with that, i don't take or need 10 minute showers, a "quick wash" of 2 minutes is enough.
I do use chlorine too and that's perhaps also not good as it would probably soak into your skin and then what else.
I also use dettol, mouth wash (killing 99% germs) etc etc.
I do not mind at all wanting to play with her, and i am surprised there aren't actually that many cat games, toys that you can do together, and she loved the tunnel, sit in her special bed (i think she fell out or something as she is now afraid of it) i use a fishing pole thing, but that's only fun for 5 minutes or so.
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If you want a game where you may be the one getting bored first: take a piece of aluminium foil and roll it up into a small ball, around the size of your thumb. Then just flick it around on the floor. If it's carpet, the cat will like the somewhat unpredictable directions it bounces. If it's a hard floor, she will like the noise it makes while sliding-rolling.
It may take a few tries until she will dash after it, but be considerate all the time: when she does run after the ball, she won't think at all, so flick the ball into/towards safe places where she won't hit herself. And think for yourself too: while she is "hunting" you have to be careful when taking back the ball, and flicking the ball into some tight place and then getting it back is annoying.
Of course it's a cat-suggestion, that may not go well with the phobia, like if you're uncomfortable with crawling around on the floor.
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No it doesn't go that far, i am already on my knees with wiping clothes to clean my floors (i got an automatic sweeper but still haven't read upon how to actually use it) but like having her chasing it with a fishing pole, that might sound fun for like a few minutes. There are not things cats/humans could do for like 30 minutes (except having them on your lap).
I have a wooden floor.
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Are you regularly washing the floors with bleach and spraying dettol everywhere? Because that ends up getting on the cat's paws/fur and they ingest it when they wash themselves which is basically slowly poisoning them and would explain the lethargy.
At an absolute minimum the cat needs to be kept outside those rooms until the floors/surfaces are dry. There are also specialist cleaning sprays you can get for cleaning the litter tray, floor etc. but you still want to be keeping them away from those areas until they're dry.
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Doesn't sound like a good fit. Try to find a good owner for the cat and maybe go smaller. Try a hamster/gerbal/etc. Then after you handle/feed/clean them, just wash your hands instead of taking a full shower. Then watch the movie "What About Bob" and remember, 'baby steps', lol.
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Has Bill Murray and Richard Dreyfess. Back when comedies were actually funny.
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thats really unfortunate
maybe try a few changes and see if it helps before getting it a new owner
about the toilett.... you dont need to clean it 4 times a day. try 2 times or even just once. (ours dont have a problem with once a day.) this would reduce some or that burden... no?
about your cloths... have another set of cloths for sleeping, like pyjamas. thats how i do it... have cloths for going out, cloths for at home , and pyjamas for sleeping.
as for the bed itself... do you have a door to your bedroom? close it, dont let it inside. we used to leave them outside as well. it was sometimes a pain to keep them outside, because they are naturelly curious about places they cant get into, but it was manageable. with only one cat it might be easier. if you dont have a door i would suggest getting a bedspread / Day blanket that you put on your bed. it'll at least lessens the amount of hair.
for the flys... try ichneumon flys. they prey on the small flys larvae and there wont be more. after the small flys are gone, they die as well for lack of food.
im sure there might be others things you might want to try out before saying good bye for good.
hope you can come to a conclusion you can live with, weather its with or without a cat
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I have a fly infestation for over a week that dig on anything food or dirt (they aren't fruit flies) so currently i feel i have to clean the litterbox each time, when every day you hope you got the last one and then wake up and see one again, when they are totally gone, i can work on that part again.
That's what i have outside clothes and indoor clothes, i guess i can make another seperate pile of indoor cat clothes and indoor sleep clothes.
I have a door to my bedroom and can close it , i even let the door of the living room ajar, it could technically open it and scratch my bedroom door or tear my shoes (it enjoys biting in things), but it doesn't even try.
But is a confined space of just a living room fair to a cat? I mean if i would be a cat, i would think a catpole, cat tunnel, a ball would be fun only that much. And for some reason the cat seems to just be laying around all day ever since yesterday, while i did let her on my lap (and yes those clothes go on a washing pile) and on my desk, so i really tried this morning, but she doesnt seem to cheer up.
If she became depressed, i can't do much to change that.
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https://www.preventivevet.com/cats/7-reasons-not-to-toilet-train-your-cat
In short, bad idea.
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Tough situation.
You chose to get a cat, and she does things cats tend to do like scratching and climbing on your lap.
The climbing on your lap means she loves you and wants to be with you, usually a good sign if you have/want a cat.
The litterbox, scooping it out once a day is enough.
Personally I'm sceptical this is going to work out: It seems like you can't stand the thought of touching her and she's like meow, I like you, I want to sit on you or her doing other cat things.
Also, what's with the it thing? It kinda feels like you're trying to keep your distance and see her as a thing, personally rubbing me the wrong way.
Do you have any professional help for your germophobia and other issues? What do they think about your cat?
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Because of a small fly infestation it seems better to scoop it every turn right now.
It doesn't go that far, i do pet her, i do let her on my desk, it's not the petting, hair or even having a cat or whatever being around, it's the not wiping part like we humans would.
Because i don't know if it's a he or she as it has not been to a vet yet (my mom wanted to wait 6 months) and i feel it's too private to just pick their tail and look under it, i just don't know the gender, that's all.
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Because i don't know if it's a he or she as it has not been to a vet yet (my mom wanted to wait 6 months) and i feel it's too private to just pick their tail and look under it, i just don't know the gender, that's all.
You don't need to invade her privacy. being a calico cat (tri-color) means that she's most likely female (only about 1 in 3,000 calico cats are male). It's like orange cats most likely being male (80% of them are).
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Cats do wipe themselves if they need it, it's either with their tongue or the carpet though.
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The ones saying "stick with it regardless of anything", don't know what the hell they're talking about. That is a living being with feelings.
I would place the cat in a home that makes him/her happy. Otherwise it will live with a constant feeling of rejection. These are very social beings, and should not be a coping experiment for the human host.
Focus on your own living mate. Get that sorted first. Once you can handle your own situation - doors will open for social aspects. And maybe don't get a pet that require you to dig through pee and poop if you are a germophobe?
Find a suitable home for this cat quick. 👍
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Thank you for some sound advice.
Maybe i hoped i would get over it by simply tackling things head on? Like touching a snake or spider if you fear that, and that would be that baby step to eventually conquer more of the fears? Perhaps it's been selfish, i don't know.
Also yeah i kinda feel pressured by a friend and my mom to go ahead with it.
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Np, I believe it's the good thing to do. Relocation.
Perhaps it's been selfish, i don't know.
Yeah it's a little selfish. But it's one of those "non evil" yet naive moments in life, where you are trying to be someone you are not. We've all been there. Many times. Not everyone has everything figured out. And forcing yourself to be a pet-owner because you had "an idea" once, or because friends and family are having a brain-fart session is not the way to go. For you or the Cat.
Besides.. if you've only been together for 6 weeks, the separation will go fine.
I might touch a venom-drained half-sedated spider in the Zoo. But I would not begin my exposure therapy by buying a Tarantula and let it roam free in my apartment and climb on me in my sleep 😣
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As you've already had the cat for 5 weeks it is unlikely for the things you are experiencing to go away, and I would look at a relocation.
If you truly want a cat in your life, or a pet in general, try checking out a local animal shelter, or somewhere with lots of cats. They'll usually let you hang out and give the animals love, as well as answer questions you might have. They want the cats to go to a good home, too, so they're usually pretty honest.
As bad as it sounds, a lot of us cat owners just.. kind of get used to it? Like the mess and the chaos, the attitude many cats have, but most (if not all) of us aren't in your situation and aren't experiencing your personal difficulties. Pets are messy. Absolutely amazing to have, but they aren't clean. Even indoor cats. Showering 4 times a day is excessive, and I totally understand not wanting to do that.
When my cat was still around, I'd allow her to sleep in my bed next to me, head on my pillow and all. Eat off of my plate if it is safe, or have some licks of ice cream or popsicles. She licks herself clean with the same tongue I shared food with, but I could not have loved her more. <3
If you do relocate her, but still want her in your life, try to see if a friend wants her, or a family member. Ask for photos and for visits. Sometimes a person does not need a pet in the home to still love and care for one (and you get far less mess!)
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Eh.....pets (especially Cats) are really not for germaphobes and the issues you are experiencing now will only get worse as she gets older. If it's hard to deal with now try to imagine what it will be like when she is fully grown and 2-3x as big as she is now, laying all over your clean clothes, your bed, your pillow, climbing on the kitchen counter, and tracking litter everywhere. It probably is better if you find her a new home now while she is still young and will have an easier time adapting.
And honestly it may be better for you if you don't have a pet at all. Even with something as "hands off" as Fish you will have to deal wtih things like sticking your arm in the tank to scrub algae off the sides and clean the gravel. Funnily enough Insects and Arachnids are the cleanest pets but they are also common triggers for germaphobes.
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there's a whole lot of advice posted above and i'd love to read through it all, but i think i'll leave that to you. i'm curious.. how long have you had bowy? if you got her to try to improve a problem and it only made things worse, perhaps you should look for a different solution, assuming you've given it ample time. if you think it has been long enough then i think you already found an answer by letting your neighbor take her in. since her cat has been gone for over a month i think it may be enough time for her to accept a new cat, especially under these circumstances. plus, you could still occasionally see bowy if you wanted.
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6 weeks, has that been long enough? And if she would allow me to see bowy, i can understand if someone wouldn't, unless she makes it an outside pet, but i do also fear if her old one disappeared, Bowy might too. I mean we live in an industrial area, hospital next to it, so lots of traffic.
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6 weeks is a good amount of time. have things improved at all since you've gotten her? if you aren't able to see bowy at all, even bumping into your neighbor and asking how the cat is doing would be nice. knowing that she's happy and healthy would bring a smile to my face.
i hadn't considered the problem that if her current cat is missing, then maybe bowy could go missing too. i would hope that people aren't letting their cats run around outside in a busy area like that. it could be something simple like she accidentally got out through an open window or the front door was left open and she ran out.
i don't think it'd would be a bad idea to at least open that dialogue with your neighbor to see if she'd be interested in the first place. "hey, i know your cat is missing and (explain your situation). if things don't improve soon, would you be happy to give her a good home?". something like that. don't ask if she immediately wants the cat, but instead give her time to think about it. also, show her a picture, that cat is so adorable she won't be able to say no.
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Do you have OCD or is it just the germaphobia? I always thought germaphobia was connected to OCD but from what I read they say "the key difference is that people with germaphobia clean in an effort to reduce germs, while people with OCD clean (aka engage in the ritual behavior) to reduce their anxiety".
One of your comments you said you didn't believe in therapy. That's not a wise choice because it's reported that exposure therapy and cognitive behaviorial therapy are the most successful treatments for phobias.
If you wore gloves and like a raincoat would you still feel the need to shower after touching the litterbox? Are you afraid to pet your cat also? If you have such an extreme condition you probably shouldn't own a pet. It's going to be a constant source of stress and anxiety. Not good for you or your cat. You got to help yourself first.
As for the bug situation I bought one of those magnetic screen curtains (like this) for my back door. Very convenient and easy to install. No more flies or mosquitos.
Sorry to know you're suffering. I hope you get better.
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There is no easy answer to that dilemma. I feel your pain. I think you have a lot of people giving you good advice. I just want to give you an additional information to help you reach a conclusion.
New habits, new situations needs at least 2-3 months to adapt to. My advice is to at least get to that point before deciding. I feel that you will have tried your best in that period of time and it might be easier to decide then.
Good luck and be well
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I would find that kitty a new home asap. She has got a much better chance now while she is still a kitten, than if you wait any longer. The fact that you frequently refer to her as "it" tells me you have already distanced yourself from her and she feels it. Maybe ask your neighbor for help with trimming her claws. Then you can feel her out about taking the cat.
Honestly, I think you would have been so much better off with a puppy. They poop outdoors, they can be taught to sleep in their crate. and to stay off your bed and your desk and anything else you don't want to them to do. Just takes love and patience. Sure you have to walk them but that's a good thing for you, healthy, you get outside, meet people etc.
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I thought Bowy my new cat would add some joy to my life, some less loneliness, and to help me get over my germphobia a bit, but it doesn't all go as i hoped, because it didn't give me those results (perhaps a bit selfish). I am also not having the feeling of ahhw you're a sweet cuddly furball (she is).
I don't really have an issue with the litterbox even when she made some accidents, it's more like she is wanting on my lap and often tried to climb in my 200 euro leather chair (which is ripped by catnails) to sit with me, but i do have to shower each time after each litterbox cleaning, and when it's 4 times a day it gets exhausting, especially now with my current state of mind.
But i also got a mini fly infestation (like barely a cm) for a week now, they reproduce like fruitflies, which is also very draining and maybe the last bit i can handle, every day you hope well you got the last one and you see new ones again. I can't even open my balcony door because i have 20 new bugs.
In the beginning she would just climb up my sweatpants (that hurt) and then i let her on a towel before my keyboard as to set some boundaries, as i got stuffed animals on the left side of my desk as some sort of feeling of company but then she started to not do that anymore.
When i go outside i have my jeans and shirt, and indoors i got my "good goods" and since it's basically clean i also sleep with it, and monday it started to crawl on my lap for the first time when i just went outside and did groceries while making a call, and took me by surprise but on my good goods i always still struggled with it, the same as i don't ever want it on my bed (same with my moms cats and if they did went on my bed,things went straight in the washing machine).
Yesterday i had someone coming over and she sees the burden side of it, and what it cost me, and said maybe it's better if you get rid of it, while Bowy was hiding under the couch, almost like she heared it and understood because she barely eaten since and doesn't even play anymore and just really sleeps on a carton box,.another friend says you made this commitment you are stuck with it.
But i would like her to go outside (which on the first floor is impossible), have more rooms to be in, plenty of people that have an apartment and a cat, but because of the fly infestation i want to keep the living room closed as much as possible for now, not to spread them further, so basically all she got is a living room, with her cat tunnel, her cat pole but i can imagine you eventually get bored quickly of it.
Meanwhile while typing this now she got on my good clothes and crawled on my desk and my lap, and offcourse that will then go straight on the laundry pile. There is this girl in my apartment that is missing her cat for over a month now (which makes the odds low) sometimes i pondered like calling her saying sorry cant help you with your missing cat but i could offer you this very sweet cute kitten or just make an announcement to anyone on the hall board, that could provide her more love.
My heart says no, and that it would be painful, but my mind says it's better off for both her and me. But it would also influence other parts of my life in the future, also thinking with enough time and going through it thinking the germphobia parts will lessen, but if it doesn't with the cat, why would it be with my other things then?
https://www.steamgifts.com/giveaway/APpHk/evans-remains
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