Should i hang in there with Bowy?
I had a pet I really loved, but it was very moody and had his own mind. I bought it a little old apparently, and it was behaving very good behind the glass. In the apartment it was a moving disaster. I could not bare to give it away though. After almost 7 years I had to give it away as I moved to a small apartment that had not enough space for it. Once it was gone, it was a different life for me and for it. The new owner had a backyard where it would go and play, it was less aggressive and I was less stressed.
While indeed your life may be better with the cat there, if you have to bath 4 times a day from a potty change, I can only find this as overwhelming.
And that is only one of the issues you mentioned. I hope the best for you, but if the smol cat will have a better life and you will have less worries, jut give her to the good neighbor (if she wants it). Better for her, and for you. You may be able to see her as well.
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Wow 7 years, you really stuck with it, good for you.
Indeed that's exactly the dilemma, maybe the whole showering thing is a part one could overcome even (and yes 4x a day can be tiresome, and draining) but it's still a matter of having her on your lap, when you are practically on your pc the whole day, a pc chair/desk isn't a perfect combination, and if your germphobia lets you have a kitten on your lap.
But i also live in a small apartment, i meant it's just 1 living room and 1 bedroom, i wish i had more rooms (also for possible children) but that's also part of the decision that i feel it's too cramped in here for Bowy if you don't allow it (or can't even) in your bedroom.
I just also thought about my niece, who also got a cat from my mom, and i would even back her up financially if needed for the time being, but i know she doesn't have issues with sleeping with cats, and would have a proper home.
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My initial conclusion is that I think you should stick with the cat. Pets are a blessing, and it sounds like you could benefit a lot from a great pet.
Cats are meticulous cleaners if that helps with the germaphobia at all but I can see why that would be a tough combination since having an animal means you are sharing the same spaces. As for the chair... There's not much you can do about that. You can get a scratching post, and the cat will use that MORE than the chair but it's hard to really get them to stop entirely. There's a few tricks with tin foil to keep them off counters, or furniture but I never really saw the need. Me; personally never cared about furniture. It's just stuff. We can't take it with us. Nothing it permanent. My cat likes to perch behind me, and watch me play games. It will dig it's claws in before laying down on it. I'd rather have my cat chilling behind me than to have a perfectly preserved chair headrest that I never use. Life is too short. I could be gone tomorrow, and that chair would end up in the dump anyway. Litter boxes come in all shapes, and sizes. There's automated cleaning ones where it brushes the cats droppings into a pan that is separate. There's even a service that sends replaceable litter boxes where they do their business. You box it up, and throw it away. Set the new one down, and rinse and repeat. Although 4 times a day is a bit much. You shouldn't have to clean it that much. Most people clean litter boxes once a day at most. Some people recommended pellets, and I think that might be a good idea. Horse pine pellets are an inexpensive, and amazing alternative to clay litter. I highly recommend it. Bugs! There's these really good catchers that use glue sticky pads on the inside, and a fan to pull them into it. They work REALLY well, and you can find some inexpensive ones. Cats actually help with pests. Your cat will catch, and kill bugs.
However... Most cats will "Make biscuits" by pawing against you in circles, and will even lick your skin (Sometimes for a solid minute...) to get your scent for them to lick onto their fur later (Cats mark themselves as having a human). With your germaphobia... If that's an issue then it might be a better idea to hand the cat off to someone else before it reaches that level of bonding.
I wish you luck with this situation! Keep us updated please.
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Well blankets or covers surely helps, atleast for my couch, i just never thought about my gaming chair, and actually just noticed 1 week ago (when i have Bowy for 6 weeks) i used to be very thight about my stuff (also many computers) keeping them as original as possible, and perhaps i could also just find and use a cover/sheet whatever to use on my chair.
Yes behind you, but the thing is Bowy is actually trying to climb up to seek it's (deserved) attention and then try to get on my lap/desk etc and then the germphobia thing kicks in, i don't care about the chair itself either, indeed it's just stuff when you could just die tommorow.
I even have some steps that's currently next to me, and Bowy could sit on it (which she did for a few days) and watch me play but that's not her thing.
Maybe 4 times a day is part germphobia but also because of the whole fly thing that go on things that are anything edible or filthy (like the litterbox) i have to clean it, i don't have a choice there right now. And i wish the cat would do it as little as possible and yesterday she barely ate but did it a record time of 3x (then again looking at myself i also barely eat (properly) and don't know why i still have to go so much) like you don't know where it's coming from....
I discussed the cat several times and some where against similiar or the same "self cleaning" litter boxes because apparently the cat sits in it's pee or something, and we don't have such a service you mention of those boxes (and sounds expensive).
I use grid litter.
Yeah Bowy sure tries to help catch bugs, but she is little, just a baby and still learning, but offcourse she can't reach stuff when your room is 250 in height, heck even i can't and i am 193cm.
Thank you.
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I agree with @amusedmonkey because I know it's hard to overcome phobias. Though you might use her as a conduit to overcome yours, of course not without consulting a psychologist prior. If you both agree on it's worth to try, keep her. Cats change many things with their naughtiness (both positively and negatively). On the other hand, if you both agree this is not the way to overcome a phobia, then it's better to find her a new home in my opinion.
Good luck on the both cases.
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Lugum, I'm very sorry this is causing you such distress/anxiety. I've been following your adventure in getting a cat from the beginning, although I've only commented once before on it. Can I ask a couple of questions? I'm going to either way, but you don't have to answer. But first, I think it's commendable that you're trying to work on the mental health challenges you live with, and that you're doing so in a way that gives a home to sweet girl like Snowy.
Also, before anything else, I'll say this - I've dealt with mental health concerns myself for more than twenty years, specifically severe depression and anxiety. I can't know what you're dealing with regarding your germaphobia, but I know that it's a hard, exhausting and often demoralizing experience to be able to picture what you want your life to be like while your brain is working overtime to keep you from getting there.
Are you cleaning the litterbox 4 times a day because you clean it every time Snowy uses it, due to your germaphobia? If so, do you think there's a possibility of being able to work towards doing so only, for instance, twice a day? I've had cats all of my life. I also do a fair amount of pet-sitting, and one family I work for has three cats. I clean their litter boxes once a day, as soon as I get up in the morning, before I take my daily shower. Is that something you can see yourself working towards, perhaps over an extended period of time (several more weeks or months)? Also, do you have a specific spot or bed set up for her, that's just hers? A basket or store-bought cat bed, maybe with a blanket or pillow and some soft cat toys that she can curl up with? If you don't, perhaps having her own special place would help a bit with her constant desire to climb up on you and the furniture. Even just a nice thick pile of small (washable) blankets in a place that's close to where you spend most of your time might make a difference. I'll also echo the suggestion of getting her a scratching post/pad. Might help to redirect with any scratching clawing behaviour.
Snowy is still very young. You're probably both still getting to know each other's needs and boundaries. Because she's so young, it might take a while for her to really get accustomed to what you're like. Also, just like people, cats have wide range of personalities. The family with three cats that I mentioned above? One of those cats is very anxious. She's terrified of new or different people, and any changes to her routine in general. Every time I go to take care of them all, she spends the first day or two hiding in the basement. She doesn't come out to eat or use the litterbox unless I'm asleep or out of the house. But eventually, once she gets used to my presence in the house, she comes out to eat and play and ask me to pet her. Snowy may just need some more time, and more patient and loving direction, to get used to your particular needs and expectations.
All that said, if you don't feel you will be able to get to the point where your home will be comfortable and welcoming for both of you, or if this is seriously harming your mental health (or financial health) instead of helping it, then you should certainly give some thought to finding a more suitable and caring home for her, whether with your neighbour or elsewhere. I will point out (from experience) that getting a handle on mental health struggles often means pushing yourself outside your comfort zone and doing things that you really don't want to do. It's very seldom going to be a walk in the park. It's very hard work. But at the end of the day, there's another living creature involved here. If you really aren't ready for this (and there's nothing wrong with admitting that if it's the truth), it's better that you both live comfortably apart than miserably together.
Having a pet is not easy, especially if you have your own issues to deal with. Figuring out the best way to make this situation work is not something to be taken lightly, so it's fantastic that you're asking for advice. No matter what you choose to do, as you long as you have the best interests of both yourself and Snowy in mind, you'll be doing the right thing. I wish you the best of luck in all of this.
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Bowy*, a brother/sister (haven't been to a vet yet, my mom wanted to wait 6 months to sterilize her all in one time, and i feel it's too private to look under her tail) of Snowy who died because she got grabbed by a predator bird and another hit by a lawnmower machine, Snowy who if not for a broken airco in the car would have been here instead, and while i didn't even get to know her, really grieved about it.
Indeed it's hard, exhausting and often demoralizing just the same as i think maybe any mental issue is and often even misunderstood by other people when you are "not normal", why my friendship zone isn't exactly great, which also doesn't help with so many things, like discussing Bowy, the feeling of loneliness, i am going into a buddy system but the one who made it goes on holiday first, then they will start.
I tried to clean the box once a day, yes the germphobia does play part as she might walk into the litterbox more and "spreading it over the floor", but the last week i have this little flies infestation where i felt it was better to keep as much food/filth away and keep things clean on purpose because of it.
In the beginning Bowy was shy, but after 2-3 days she climbed up my sweatpants (which hurt) and tried to go on my desk each time, but she played on her own, she didn't spend the day just laying around all day, this morning she had the chance on my desk, my lap but it's either laying around or again now just wanting on my desk again, i know they want attention but i can't be the only source, it has to do more by itself and not just lay around, and yes that's probably due to the visit, then it would also be 2 days.
I have made the living room cat proof, so most junk and the bed drawers still aren't put in so it's a hazard for Bowy to go in my bedroom now, and yes then the germphobia kicks in, i can't have it on my bed.
But i would want it to go outside but being on the first floor that's not possible, and yes the bedoom, but not possible, also that, that it only has the living room i feel like it's too little, as i said in other responses, a cat pole, a ball, a cat tunnel could only be fun that much and then you could replace what she is missing by having her more but yeah mentally that might be (afterwards) asking a bit too much (right now).
She has her own round bed, a soft one but she never cared for that, she liked to sleep in this "bed" on the climbing pole, and then my mother bought one (same style and concept but much lower to the ground) and for the life of me i don't know as the new one is not even that high, but she refuses to go in them if i play the follow the fish pole game. When i did and i saw her fall of a crate she also refused to climb on it again, so something must have happend, yet on some steps i have here she also fell and that she has no problems going back.
She even slept on the couch for awhile, and i got them all covered up with sheets, to protect it, i am not using it right now since i am behind my desk the whole day.
Financially i knew first hand offcourse what i would get myself into, it's not that i got much, and offcourse every bit helps me if Bowy would be away.
I am experimenting with medication all the time, and i was under clonazepam when Bowy came, thinking it doesn't do me anything, except make me very sleeping around 0:00 falling asleep, wake up at 2:00 and continue to sleep but maybe that could have been the reason, i dunno, but there is so much going on like fly infestation, the ventilation system, first my bathroom turned into a sauna (things got moldy, the light switch wet every time, now it won't even dry the floor anymore where the company i hire the flat from says we send a mail, and i am not getting contact from the ventilation system company and i called them today but they say to wait to friday..
She is still young and feels like a handful and if they get bigger they could care less about you, people joked in the other threads about her being the princess, becoming the boss, and biggers cats do tend to not even respect your boundaries at all.
Getting out of the comfort zone is definitely not a walk in the park, and yes it's often what you chose in a situation of germphobia, but combined with this decision it's double that stress, offcourse in your heart you care for the critter, but when your mind tells you hey i think you can get a better home elsewhere where you can find someone that can give you the love it deserves. It also doesn't help you can't just simply ask them hey how you doing, do you still like it here?
Thank you.
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You're the only one who can make a decision about what is best for you and your cat. With that said, I empathize with your ongoing struggles, but I also feel the need to remind you about a few things.
Cats are messy and can be destructive. Cleaning the litter box multiple time a day, trimming nails, brushing their fur and their teeth as needed, playing with them adequately to run off their excess energy and keep them healthy and happy, as well as dealing with their health issues over time. If you're struggling with the litterbox, I fear what you'll go through when Bowy spits up a hairball or develops a medical issue later on in life.
Living in a small space is fine so long as you meet the animals physical needs properly. This includes a lot of play and more than you think. The affection is another aspect and likely the biggest hurdle you seem to struggle with. Not wanting the cat on certain things is fine and redirecting their attention to other pursuits is a great way to start teaching them that. But you're also not allowing Bowy on your bed, and you're using a stuffed animal as company for the cat? I'm not sure if I am understanding that correctly. If so, that's simply not good enough. Your furball needs and deserves more than that to lead a healthy, happy life.
As much as I believe in taking advice from internet strangers with a large grain of salt. I don't think the situation is working out for you or Bowy. I'm actually quite worried for the both of you in so many regards right now. If you do end up sticking it out please make sure your cat is getting all its needs met. If you decide it's not something sustainable, please vet whoever you choose to adopt Bowy, thoroughly.
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My mom has two cats who stayed indoor for the first 16 months or so and they never produced hairballs, that could be if they are not outdoor cats. I fully know how destructive they can be, in my parents house there are many wooden things like the doors and around it, and they used it many times as something to scratch on, which i feel really even diminished the house's value.
It's probably not more then i think, but more play then i expected, but i am like she loves to follow the fish pole stick, but that's like 2 minutes and we are done and i don't know what other things to do seriously, i thought oh i would shop to buy some "multiplayer" games, but there isn't much on that market.
No, the stuffed animals always been (until the cat) been my company silly as that might sound, but i always saw them as maintenance free pets, if Bowy especially just went on the litterbox (like it matters if it's been 1 hour or 8) normally my desk is full of them but because of the fly thing they are in my bedroom right now but i bring in 2 of my favorites on my desk to have something, Bowy now started to learn to crawl on my chair and desk, and ran over the stuffed animals where due the germphobia thing i felt the need to wash them and in the dryer etc which let me to it being 4:00 last night. and i agree Bowy deserves the best she can have.
"Normal" people also sit on the couch to watch tv, then the cat goes on your lap etc, but on a desk when you are on your pc pretty much the whole day, it doesn't fit a cat on your lap (if you can even allow yourself to it) and perhaps i just need to have my indoor "cat" clothes and seperate bed clothes which atleast i was used to be the same.
My couch is against the wall currently, and it's waiting for finances on a tv cabinet, but i only have 1 tv (in my bedroom) and usually only watch some tv before going to bed, thus i don't really am using the couch, and the bed being a place where i already made the decision Bowy can't be on.
I wish i had the perfect person in mind that would be absolutely perfect for Bowy, but alas right now i wouldn't.
I wish i was the perfect person.
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Hairballs are more common in long hair breeds but any cat can suffer from them. It's the fur and shedding at work, indoor or out doesn't matter. That's why grooming is so important for cats. 15 minutes of brushing a few times a week can help reduce the issues. Scratching will always be an issue with cats too. If you can swing $20 you can likely find a decent scratching post. Always redirect such behavior toward the post. It takes a lot of effort and repetition but cats are able to learn what we like and do not like. As for play, in my experience it's variety and frequency. My cats love long strings with nothing on them and the $6 red dot laser pointer I picked up from Amazon, but I also play with them multiple times a day which can range from 5-15 minutes for any given session.
It is a fairly common misconception that cats are fully independent. Many do show more independent behavior than most other domestic animals but not all and not hands free by any means. Cuddling, kneading, play, following you around constantly, wanting to share the space with their humans, etc. These are all things that many domestic cats are fond of and something you're going to need to learn to adapt to if you wish to keep Bowy for the long term. Single cat households actually require more human effort than having a companion animal for them. But with a small space like you have, a companion animal probably isn't a good idea as you'd also require more litterboxes, more food, changing water more frequently, more toys, more grooming, etc.
Unfortunately, cats crawl over everything. It's a cat thing and even moreso for indoor cats. You can train them to recognize which surfaces they are allowed on and which they aren't, but that is going to require a lot of hands on effort on your part. With your condition it's probably a bigger headache than you'd like but it is something you have to deal with for your dependent. Which brings us full circle to your upcoming choice. Being a perfect person is not a requirement to having a furry friend. Keeping them happy, healthy, and otherwise content is the only criteria. Which from the sounds of your post is the hurdle you're facing right now.
To be perfectly blunt. You are in charge of a life right now. You're either going to have to overcome your condition, quickly, or find a forever home for Bowy. Only you can decide which of these options is the correct one for you and is within your capabilities, but it is your responsibility so put some decent thought into it. As for the rehoming issue, avoid personal ads and social media if you can. Horrifying numbers of animals given through these methods end up victims of neglect, abuse, or even dead. If you do decide it's time to rehome her, call your local vets and ask if any clients are looking for a new addition to their household. Reach out to your local animal shelters as well. They may have leads as well to finding a good home. It's going to be easier to rehome when she is young though. Most older animals are not adopted if they even make it to a shelter and aren't abandoned instead.
I wish you well no matter which choice you end up making, but please give her the best either way. As people who adopt animals, it's our responsibility to provide and care for them to the best of our abilities from the minute they enter our lives. No half measures.
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Thank you.
Some people in previous threads recommended against a laser, and there was this neighbour kid at my parents place who used a laser and how my dad said it could damage your eyes, so i still don't know what to make of it, how do you play then?
I actually wanted 2 cats in the beginning, Bowy's sister who died by a predator bird, afterwards i think i am glad it didn't happen because of all the extra things you mentioned and i could even handle less.
You can't simply just get quickly over a thing with germphobia, alas i wish it was.
Despite my decision of wanting to let it go or not, i still have my feelings and care for the critter and offcourse i want it to have a good home, i wouldn't even want to let it go unless i know it would go to someone that could provide it.
My neighbour next door is working at an animal shelter (haven't spoken to her much except once) but i know our shelters here take things seriously you can't just go and say hey i want a cat or dog, no it's like a job interview, and sometimes you even have to talk to a doctor
I also just really thought today about my niece who also got a cat from my mom, and she would be perfect, and then both cats got companion.
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As with anything, it's about how you use it. You need to take precautions and understand your cats behavior as well as how they play. For laser pointers specifically, don't overwork your cat. If they're a bit lazy then start slow and give them frequent breaks. You're going to be turning their hunting instincts into overdrive so respond accordingly. Don't point the laser at their eyes. Similarly, don't point the laser up high on a wall or over furniture that could lead to injury. I'll have to read up on why some folks are recommending against it but I've never had a single vet whether mobile, clinic, or emergency, nor any pet owner that I know, ever raise concerns over the device.
While I realize you can't "get over" your condition easily, you will have to make strides in control. Showering after every litter scoop and having separate clothes, cordoned spaces, etc. Is not a long term solution nor does it sound healthy lifestyle. It's a burden on you and in turn that makes it a burden for Bowy. If that's not possible, well. That's why you made this post is it not?
I'm glad to hear you're looking into your options. Being able to make a calm, informed decision one way or the other is what we're aiming for.
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When I see small "fruit" flies in the house, I usually check the sinks and drains. Especially ones rarely used. Put a jar over the drains to see if it catches flies. If it does, 1 cup of white vinegar into that drain. Vinegar is a larva killer (and a good floor cleaner).
Also small moths can look like flies and will eat wool apparel.
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I think that would go for older houses and definitely not so much brand new build flats, they were delivered in march with a heat pump system and sophisticated ventilation.
No, when i just look at the balcony door, day or night and what i see sitting on the outside doors i can always count 5-6 on the doors alone, let alone just having the door open for 15 minutes. I think the trees across are an issue and cause, and they let grass grow on the ground here with plants that look basically just like weeds.
We have a bad wasp season also apparently because of winter conditions but i seen one mega almost mutated wasp so big still.
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If a house has a P trap on drains, they can have fly/larva issues. Sounds like you dont.
We have a major mosquito problem every year. Theyre insects like flys.
I end up using Deet spray on the screen door and all 4 corners of the doors. I dont see any insects at the door when I do that. Abit concerned about our cat walkig thru the area we sprayed, wished we put down a blanket first.
Cat tearing up furniture... We so far had no issues the last couple decades.... So far...
We have a cat scratch tower that they need to climb several times a day to get treats.
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I'm still not totally sure if I should write and if I do, if I can say everything I want to say. Bc... in the end it's your choice. I might never want to give up a cat and yes, I maybe judged a couple in the past very hard bc they just gave up... at the same time, I get how it can just be too much. How it can overwhelm, frustrate, make you unhappy - even tho the happyness tries to balance it. I get it. I've been there.
See I actually have two cats. But I only live with one. The otherone - Ameno - I got first. And he was a super demanding kitty. He was pushy, annoying, demanding, harrassing, aggrassice, bitchy, the whole lot and more. He made me cry and feel my depression harder than before. So we got the second one - Tizio. He's everything Ameno isn't. But mostly he took the pressure of me entertaining the cat to a degree I just couldn't. So that ended well - only he hates living in my small flat, so... me here, he at my parents D:
But yeah. Having a kitten means commitment. It means, they'll make you clean up after them - sometimes even wash their butts -, they'll scratch your favourite chair, make you entertain them, stop doing everything to love them, make you break your rules, bc kitten wants things differently. They'll drive you crazy... but they give you so much back. They'll love you unconditionally. They'll start adopting to your live, taking up behaviors they'll have only with you. You'll be their most important human in the whole world. When they get older they might even start behaving. Or not. Who knows. Something you can always rely on: cat's are unpredictable - in the most part. Some other things you'll figure out over time.
I personally think you shouldn't give up so soon. You didn't have her that long yet. And she seems to adapt very well to you - omg, i'm so envious, Tizio is still unhappy about sleeping on my lap ;( - and maybe... hopefully she might help you overcome your germphobia. I can't even imagine how rough that must be with a cat O.O
The fly problem... will vanish over time. They probably live in the soil of plants - I bet some other ppl already gave you plenty advise on that front.
And the outdoor world... might not even be that interesting to her, if she never really learns about it. Maybe she currently misses it, but she won't mind it.
And yes, I feel like I forgot half of what I wanted to say. I just hope you'll give her and yourself a chance to learn how to live together. It is a lot at first, but you'll get used to how things work. You'll realize that having cat-hair on your clothes is a fashion statement. And that living with her gives you more comfort than being on your own.
It helps me at least. To know I have a cat here who will always be there, if I'm happy or sad. Who'll let me pet him, if he likes, who cuddles with me, who annoys me and makes me laugh. I'd never want to live without a cat, even if I sometimes wish I could just travel all over the world, but... I'm having a cat. And I'd never swap that.
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I feel everyone should always be very open and entitled to any opinion, so i am open it, don't worry about sharing your opinion.
Depression, germphobia, maybe not the same but they are both mental issues, and i am glad you found a cat that could help you with it. But that's also my point and reasoning, if my own flat isn't too small, it's also my best intention for the cat.
I saw family guy on tv and quagmire said to wipe her princess cat butt and thought it was a joke but seemingly people actually do, and yeah that would definitely be something unknown so far and a step too far for me.
And cats or dogs under a shower/bath well yeah usually that don't go well either.
The very word you say is maybe the behaving in the future, but i think the opposite even, they are going to control you, they decide what they want and do.
It's very rough, you want to be there for her and in certain ways you can't, like you love a girl who you can't be with, but i also feel like failed if i can't handle this with a cat, what about my other fears (school going kid, diapers etc)? Maybe i can't either.
I think it are the trees that are causing the insects and they planted grass but also plants that look like weeds, instead of just pretty normal flowers (but costs) offcourse they will be gone around winter, they don't live forever, and the building across will be demolished, and i hope they take those trees with them.
The hair isn't even so much of a problem, unfortunately it's yeah the not wiping part that makes me have issues having her on my lap. I am glad you atleast could have find luck and enjoyment in a cat, and yeah like kids they are tiebinders.
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Oh, I never thought of that. Like... yeah, I get it, sometimes I'm also a bit grossed out, bc I start thinking about him going to toilet and after that coming to bed and stuff hides But I wouldn't clean him. Cats normally are pretty clean animals themself already. Not in germ free clean obv, but... compared to dogs for example xD
Does it work if you put a blanket on your lap maybe?
My heart is bleeding a bit, that both of you can't enjoy this. I wish I had an idea to help.
It just seems like an imposible idea to me, to give them up. I even suffer if I'm visiting ppl for like two weeks and am without him for that time. But that's me.
You wrote about your neighbour. Can you talk with her and see how she feels about Bowy? Maybe she really can help out. Although... I always would suggest trying one day at a time. Maybe you can share her? Like you have her a while and if it gets too much she goes to your neighbour?
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Well this morning Bowy didn't even greet me, she then went to the litterbox and poured a lot of the grid out so i called her to stop it.
Then she went back twice more to repeat it, now half the box grid is beside it.
But ever since that visit here she seems to be shook up (and so am i) she just really stares outside and now plays with some small stuff thingie but she doesn't even go in her cat pole anymore where in the beginning she was every day.
I am open to all sorts of things, but i don't want to give someone a cat and have someone feeling they get me with it you know, i don't know this person except have a telephone number, and i am also like maybe she is not ready yet and this sharing doesn't feel good for the cat.
My direct neighbour i did spoke to shortly twice works at an animal shelter and has cats herself, i have one neighbour below also with a cat (yeah it's a cat place) that i talked to a bunch of times when she was always sitting outside, but ever since the holidays she doesn't do that much anymore.
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Playing in the toilet... yeah... That happens too with some cats. Mine goes regularly nuts when he has fresh litter and he can roll in it -.-
Not going up her cat pole doesn't have to be a bad thing tho. It could just mean, she feels mor comfortable. Just try to be with her the way you were before and she'll go back to normal :3
Say, are there good things you take out of having her?
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unfortunately it's yeah the not wiping part that makes me have issues having her on my lap
https://www.amazon.nl/-/en/GXW75-44986-Glandex-Wipes-75/dp/B01MQ3GRGK/ might or might not help you be more at ease with the whole thing. Of course, if you haven't yet acquired the bravery to check your pet's gender, this requires closer contact than that (and is easier with for two people than one).
Cats generally keep that area clean.
(Oh, and wiping the cat isn't something you should be doing four times a day.)
Maybe something easier to help you would be placing a blanket / pillow / spare jeans between the cat and you? So that the cat can be on your lap without actually getting all the hair onto you? I'm sure it is easy for you to track which is the 'cat side' and the 'pants side' of it. Then your hands will (more or less) be all you'd need to wash.
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Hair is absolutely not the problem in germphobia, it's the not wiping part..
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This is very disappointing to read.
Get some sticky fly traps that hang to get rid of the fruit flies.
You called her "it" which isn't very nice. There are so many unwanted cats and kittens and you are considering getting rid of her now?
I just don't know anymore. You are being a giant child and it is upsetting. I was hoping to read something nice about your cat when I clicked the topic but instead its just you whining and being selfish.
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Yeah, it's disappointing.
They aren't fruit flies, but reproduce like them though, i don't know what kind they are.
Someone else mentioned that, but i simply and honestly just don't know what it is since my mom wanted to wait for a vet to do all the things at once after 6 months and i find it too private to look under it's tail, so it can be a he or she, i have to call it something then, don't i before making judgements?
Sure whatever your opinion. Am i selfish when i think i actually can't give a cat what it needs and maybe seek advice on what's best for it? That i am not seeing as maybe i can't provide a home it needs? Careful with the judgement.
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Dude... Lugum struggles with mental health issues, that's hardly his fault. Adopting a cat was probably not the best decision, and now he's trying to analyze the situation and find the best course of actions both for him and for the kitten; I don't think that qualifies as immature. You, on the other hand, are being unreasonably harsh and downright rude.
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Thank you, yeah i admit it was definitely not the best of decision, but due people i perhaps also felt forced into it, did i think things would turn out differently? Offcourse, i actually really hoped on it. It would actually be selfish and immature to keep it despite everything, and we did work out in the beginning, but if it's especially now just laying around for 2-3 days and do nothing else, it's not a good life for anyone or anything, it's so damn heartbreaking, really.
People make mistakes, i do, makes me human. Some mistakes just turn out worse then others. And so many people thinking mental issues are just some thing to "get over it" but you simply can't.
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That is what cats do. They lay around. This is very common behavior. Your cat likely has a better life right now than 80% of cats in the world right now. So many are suffering homeless and die on the streets or end up euthanized. Some also just have abusive homes or don't get cared for well.
If you get rid of her and someone else has to take care of the cat then it will be taking a spot from some other unwanted cat that will end up euthanized or dead on the streets.
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With my mom having 2 cats that are 2 years, i know from "the outside" how cats are, how much they can sleep, she also had 1 cat that could just basically sleep like almost the whole day for 1 day but that was it and would eventually go back to it's old self. but simply just not the whole day right for 3 days in a row, isn't that abnormal behavior?
Eventually they started to do atleast something, unlike Bowy currently.
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If you say so. I like Lugum. I've talked with him on occasion throughout the years on steam. I know he has issues just like a lot of other people have issues. I don't feel like I was being unreasonably harsh or rude.
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You are being a giant child and it is upsetting
Considering that you're talking to a 40+ year old man who was living with his mom until a while ago, you're not that far off.
But +1 on what you said, reading this made my blood boil. Just an incredible amount of self-absorption and narcissism to a disturbing level. I just feel sorry for that cat, honestly
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And a big fuck you to you too, who ever made you mod seriously? Jezus go away with your constant badgering against me, talk about professionalism modding much? And my mother also had a stroke with only me to take care of, or do you know the housing situation in our country where you have to wait 12-14 years on even getting a rental place? No, so again what a big biased judgement, you shouldn't be adressing so publically as a mod. I would say i feel sorry for you, but i could care less about you nor your opinions.
Do you even have blood to boil and a heart? Honestly let the hell go of me and your constant snipe remarks, you seriously should fucking shame on you. Did you ever mentioned your loser life or does it just make you feel better bashing me or others?
I could report you (again) but staff protects eachother don't they? Don't bother, we know the answer.
You added nothing.
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Did you took her to a vet?
I found a cat with fly infestation and he was seriously sick.
Vet said it is a miracle he survived that long.
Unfortunatelly cats tend to cut their nails on things I prefer not to.
Once it is older this will happen less.
And while it is yonger you should teach what is allowed what is not.
I have a 10 years old angel at home.
And we brought a 4 months old almost 8 months ago.
New one is a bully and a monster.
And even she understands many things.
Cats and dogs ae two different spicies and I saw many people getting frustrate just because they don't understand nature of cats.
Why do you clean litter box 4 times a day and why do you need to take a shower afterwards? Is it because of your germ fobia?
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No, and it's really just full with bugs here outside like i said if i open the balcony door i could have 20 insects inside just by doing so.
My downstairs neighbour has the same issue (but also has a cat) without some proper zapper i wouldn't even want to sit there either.
When i lived with my parents, I have seen a hedgehog with flies around it (and called the animal ambulance) i can recognize a sick animal.
I know dogs can understand commands, they listen, cats are more like they are the boss and not you.
Because of the flies that dig on food and dirt, i feel i need to clean the box each time, but yes also the germphobia with the showers, what if she did something and steps into something (that's in my mind), i can work on diminishing that, but it doesn't solve the sitting on the lap thing, etc.
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Cats can listen to commands too.
They are just different.
Dogs can be commanded with food and they need to be part of a pack and they are looking for a leader.
And if they don't feel like you are a leader they will not listen to you.
Cats are different in so many levels.
They are pretador and prey at the same time. That is why they sleep one eye open. Or they like to hide under stuff.
If a cat sits or lay down next to you turning their back it means I trust you.
And that is why they are terrotorial. Which means if you change their enviroment they will go crazy. While dogs don't care. They want you to give attention and food :D
Most of them doesn't have food drive like dogs. So you can leave food in their plate. They will eat when they are hungry.
Which also means only way for you to teach it something using food is either treats or wet food.
Cats remind me of humans. If they don't want to do something they will just say I don't want to.
If they want something they will come and ask for it.
That is why people consider them bossy because dogs just wants to be commanded.
What I write probbaly get some negative reaction.
English is not my nature language so I couldn't find some words.
Though I believe I give some basic idea.
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Hey man. That's a downer. Sorry to hear that.
From my experience you should making steps against your phobia. But as I told you before. Small steps. If I made too big steps it worked backwards for me.
It hasn't been that long since you had the kitty. I believe you can still do it. At least give it a longer chance.
Of course it is your responsibility. But if you are a 100% sure it is too much you, you will know. Then just find a good home for it.
I wouldn't give up just yet.
Good luck! :)
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Thank you.
Ever since people came over it's shaken up (and so am i, i think) it doesn't climb in it's pole anymore, not run in the cat tunnel, i tried for 6 weeks and i think that's actually long, and maybe it is short i dunno. But if i see it's behaviour since (and mine) just staring outside, it's not a happy situation for both of us i think, and that's beside my whole germphobia thing, if it acts this way.
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A cat needs affection and physical contact, he needs to cuddle and might even want to lick those he loves. I'm afraid you will feel dirty all the time and won't interact properly with him, and not nearly enough. You probably know that a cat has scent glands on his paws, cheeks and flanks and he will rub on everything, including your skin and clothes, as he needs to put his scent on its family members and on his favorite places in each room to mark his territory. It's very important for his well-being otherwise the cat will struggle to adapt to his home, in particular a kitten.
You must understand that your cat NEEDS you to keep his scent wherever he puts it, as much as possible, it's very important for him. Do not clean his favorite spots! Do not change clothes when he touches you! You won't smell it, as human cannot smell such faint odors, but the cat will. Cleaning everything 10 times a day is highly detrimental to your cat, you are basically telling him that he is not welcome when you remove his marks, telling him that this is not his territory and he doesn't belong there. You will drive him crazy, he will be nervous and sad. He will develop problems, guaranteed. He also needs to be free to sleep in the best spots he chooses, those where he will feel safe. They are not necessarily the places you would pick. Cats leave A LOT of hair everywhere, and they need regular brushing. You will find hair everywhere, it can be very messy and you will probably think it's dirty. They may even puke from time to time when they have hairballs.
Cats are very clean animals, they lick themselves all the time for grooming. Cat saliva contains several proteins and enzymes that function as natural antibacterial agents, but I'm afraid you will think it's dirty and disgusting. Are you comfortable with touching fur full of dried saliva? How do you feel when you snuggle your nose in your cat's fur, does it bother you? I guess you never put your nose in his soft fur and never hold him against your face and listen to his purring. More important: can you tolerate having a cat dropping hair (yes that also means dried saliva) everywhere in your house for the next 15-20 years? I highly doubt it. Therefore it looks like your phobia is completely incompatible with a cat's natural behaviour regarding his hygiene, his spreading of pheromones and his social interactions with loved ones (cuddling, rubbing, licking, etc).
I don't want to be rude, but I'm shocked when people forget that pets are alive and need to be allowed to act like the animals they are. Humans need to adapt and to be very tolerant and understanding when they set the rules for their pets.
I don’t know anything about the type of mental disease you have, but I know a lot about cats. Clearly you need to work on your phobia for quite some time before you can live with an animal, unfortunately. Maybe an aquarium would be a more realistic first step? Keeping this cat would not make any sense for you and even less for the poor cat who just wants to be a cat and put his scent all over your home to mark his territory and have some affection. I strongly recommend you find him another home where he will be allowed to be himself.
P.S.: if you decide to keep it, know that cleaning the litter once a day is more than enough. You can even skip a day here and there (unless the box is small, in which case I recommend a bigger box). 4 times a day is way too much! You have enough work already: spend this time brushing him once a day and play with him 10 times a day instead.
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I can tolerate hair no problem.
And no i don't think i should be taking in any other pets at the moment if the cat has to go, and for 5 1/2 weeks it was fine, just ever since the people that came to visit she is shaken up, i am, it just stares outside and doesn't go in her catpole anymore (used to be a favorite place), barely to not play anymore, offcourse i feel this is not right for the cat, i am seeking someone that can give the proper attention, contact etc that it needs. Like really she heared and understood this female visitor talking about me wondering if i should get rid of Bowy or not.
Of that first period i was on meds (clonazepam) i thought didn't do anything about my anxiety, except make me sleepy in the evening, but perhaps it did more then i thought, i don't know.
I know 4 times is too much but it's when the germphobia does kick in (and i wanted to tackle that) that it might step into something previously, but i had this fly infestation that go on dirt and anything edible so i had to keep everything as clean as possible, it seems to be over luckily, finally (except for 1 bugger).
I love to play with it, but i think we ended in some sort of relationship where he/she feels like you already ended it, so just get me out here, it feels bored, not wanted, i dunno.
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If you like the cat, stick with her for some more. There is a game I used to play with my late cat that may work with yours. I used to roll a piece of paper into a little ball and throw it on the floor across the room. He'd go chase it and it was a lot of fun for him and me.
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I do like the cat, but i think we are both past a point.
I have this stick with a ball on it's end, and he/she loves to chase it too, but it's only fun for a few minutes, you can't do that for 30 minutes, nor really keep throwing a paper or aluminium ball like that either for so long.
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Still feel that time will solve the problem.⏳
Cats are bored?
However, boredom can be exacerbated if the owner gives them too much attention.
It might be a cat that wants to be bothered.
You can also pretend for a moment that you are not paying attention to the cat.
It is also a good idea to bother the cat when it approaches you and runs away or brings a toy near you.
It may not yet be aware that it is a toy in the first place. (It is a small child, so its understanding is limited.)
😨 🐁🐈<My Toy!
It is fate that when you live with cats, the furniture in your house becomes horrible....
Given that the cat is a kitten, I feel that the answer is that it is not used to its environment and does not feel like playing.
You may be a little worried, but you may want to "try acting out the way the cat would play with a cat toy in the cat's presence".
Of course, explain the reason to the rest of humanity before you do this.
It is troublesome if they think you are a cat.😹🙀
Either way, I hope you and your Bowy get along and have a good time.
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Thank you, it has been used to this enivornment for over 5 weeks and played absolutely fine, now for 2 days ever because someone came over, she just keeps laying around.
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Cats like to be cats. They can occasionally destroy things just because they feel like doing it. It's not that they want to upset you or anything, it's just that they are very curious beings and like exploring every inch of their territory. Also, each pet has its own personality and way of reacting to its environment and various things around it. Chances are you need more than 5-6 weeks to form a bond and find a common ground. I'd say give it a bit more time and if you feel it's too much for you to handle, don't just offer it to the first person you find, spend some time to find it a good home.
Good luck!
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Actually i had that bond, but because of this visit, he/she became "depressed" ever since and just keeps laying around, even on my desk again today, and i let it, but had to get away outside to my mom and it was there the whole time. Just laying, that's not a life for a cat.
It doesn't go anymore on it's favorite catpole, jump in the cat tunnel, play with a ball, things changed really hard since, and it tries to seek attention more then ever, and i tried giving it several times, but then she just lays on the desk, again just laying.
And offcourse everything would feel better letting it go if you knew someone that would the perfect person, but that's hard to find, but maybe and i really hope my niece can take her then she got a buddy, and her cat she already has can have a buddy too, and like she doesn't mind having them in bed and such. I am just waiting on some answer from my mom.
Thank you.
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he/she became "depressed" ever since and just keeps laying around
Maybe it's just a heat/climate issue.
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Nothing has changed drastically except it going from 30c to about 20-25c and later maybe we get 20c. With the visit she crawled under the couch and stayed there, despite the female person liking cats, she even would have wanted to check under the tail to see what itt was but she couldn't reach it. Then after 1 hour she/he came out, but because cats being cats the vacuum drove them away again, and then it snowballed into staying away, that event is what changed everything.
I have this heatpump system (which isn't working properly, even with 30c i was wearing sweaters and using sheets in bed, i mean i am glad cause i can't really stand temperatures at 28c+ so it was some blessing) but it felt also like if it's cool now, how about the winter?
Turned out some faulty printing mechanism and still having construction filters is part of what's going around, but waiting long on someone that can just come around and fix it.
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Maybe the climate is affecting its behavior. Try turning the climate system off for a day or so and change the environment temperature a bit and see if you can spot any behavioral changes. Everyone reacts differently to the changes in temperature, animals included. I'd say it's a good start and easy to check as well.
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It's not working properly, i am really waiting for over 2 weeks on anyone to just contact me about a mechanic coming over. so there is no control over it.
And it hasn't drastically became hotter or colder, i can see with my own eyes the cat changed since that visit.
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I love the expression on ur cats face U/master
It wasn't me lol, look i'm over here
very familiar unfortunately 🧡👍
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Thanks, and yeah it remains a cutie, handsome as well.
How do you mean familiar? I am curious offcourse, that just maybe i am not the only one been in a similar situation.
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Cats get up to mischief while you're not looking, then play sweet n innocent
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Frankly, I don't think there's any sense in continuing to torture yourself. Maybe it's time to accept that it's just not for you, some people have allergies, you have mental health issues, there's nothing to be ashamed of. From what I've read, it looks like right now you are making two beings unhappy: you suffer, and the little one doesn't get love and attention she needs. Maybe it would be wiser to find a new family for her.
Also, have you given a thought to something easier - like a tiny rodent, a hamster, for instance? It's limited to its cage unless you take it out to play, it's funny and cute, it pees in a corner of a cage (you only need to clean that corner once a day - you also have to wash the cage, of course, but only once a week), and it's still a nice exercise to fight your fobia. If you decide to get a hamster, I'd recommend a male golden hamster (females are a bit smelly during estrus).
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It went alright till this visit, and ever since she just been laying around, the thought of letting go of her yes it crossed my mind that she be better off because of the small space i can provide but she always been a cat still, sat and climbed on her pole, used the cat tunnel, but now she just lays around even when she climbs on my chair, it's on the desk, laying.
It's just very heartbreaking and motivation even more she just doesn't seem happy here anymore.
If only that finding a new family would find an easy fit, but it's not easy, but i had a thought about my niece but it's all waiting on answers..
I think if the cat has to go, i am (and eventual pets) are just better off without both us at the moment.
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I would find Bowy a new home since you keep calling her an "it."
If it's been 5 weeks and you don't have an emotional attachment to her by now, well, that's not something you should try to force.
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Because i don't know if it's a he or she...what do i call it then? It's not because i see it as a thing, by far.
There is some sort of emotional attachment, but if it turned to a just laying around mode just because someone visited, that's partly out of my hands.
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How do you not know their gender after more than a month... If you're serious, maybe get some pet insurance and take them to a vet? It would be good to microchip them and get a general health update.
Alternatively, you might just not be ready for something like this. I've fostered a bunch of dogs and I don't click with all of them, you both might not be right for each other. There was one dog I really liked but she was too active for me, and now she has a big family that hikes and goes outdoors a lot up in Washington.
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Because my mom wants to take care of the vet part, but instead of 2 visits (which are stressful to them) make it 1 when sterilization comes after about 6 months? It's an indoor cat so not likely she would get anything or get lost.
Also my mom who had a stroke, for her everything is an undertaking. And yes some people don't mind just up their tail and look, but i just feel it's their private thing.
My mom said the same you should get another cat, but i think right now and being honest perhaps it's better to not taking anything else at all for the time being, perhaps as some said, you got baby steps and this is just too much of a big step, and indeed i am not ready.
I mean Bowy is cute, loveable, etc but like 2 days ago with the visitors i just don't recognize her anymore, with just laying around, that's not a life for a cat (or human) and only makes it more logical she perhaps just doesn't feel right here anymore and better off elsewhere or it's just a cat thing and tommorow she's up and running again, i don't know.
She totally changed in those 2 days, and i not pondered at all about giving her away the first 5 weeks, except for the fact that my living room might just be too cramped alone for a cat and i found that sad, for her, and that's just honesty, but ever now she turned around and just laying around, staring outside, it just enforces things.
If she would be just the joyful cat it was, on her cat pole, cat tunnel, play ball etc there would have been less issues about it.
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If you know who the vet is, just call and ask. If you don't know, ask your mom.
I've never had a cat, but i'm pretty sure the males start marking their "territory" at 4 or 5 months(?) so that's something to be informed of.
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She hasn't gone to a vet until she is 6 months old, to do the whole castration/sterilization, chipping etc at once, so there is nothing to ask because both also don't know.
And yes, others here already told me females will have their periods.
It's a calico cat as you can see in the pictures, and many said often it would be a female, but you can always have a male version.
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I'm worried that your kitten may be ill and the lethargy after the visit was just a coincidence. Is she eating? Is she still tracking blood on the floor? (That is actually alarming I would want to know where that came from) It's important to know that cats often become quiet if they are in pain. Kittens should be taken to the vet by 8 weeks old for first shots/vaccinations and a checkup for worms, parasites and general health. Especially true for those born in compromised environments - like barn cats.
I understand now why you sometimes refer to her as "it". But really it's not a big deal to just take a look and I don't think she is going to be offended.
Good luck. I hope you are able to resolve this soon.
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I did not even think about that, but it would be a big coincidence.
He/She is eating, at first not this morning (while usually offcourse when you even try to get a bag of food they come purring next to you) but after awhile she even ate a whole bag which normally she would take several hours to do so, but also did not greet me.
The blood part is very minor, and like once every few days that there might be a very small (scratch) mark or spot, she doesn't show pain atleast like a human would show a face, it really looks it are from her nails, she doesn't appear atleast look remotely sick.
Since the visit (who likes cats and tried to lure he/she out) she went under the bank and stayed there for like 1 hour, she came out of it until i started to vacuum the cat litter out the box, and went back under, and then she just became quiet. and not playful anymore, not use her catpole, not play etc.
The cat was bought through my mom, even a little pushed through my mom, paid by my mom, it was her idea that she could do the whole vet thing at once after 6 months when sterilization or castration (with her paying) comes in place to save her one trip but also save the cat 1 trip of stress and that the cat was for sure staying inside anyway thus lower the risk of getting anything. But yes it is a barn cat.
I dunno i am definitely by far a prude, like i had waste bags on my balcony doors to covers things until someone could help with having curtains hanged, but because of the whole fly thing i removed them, made sure as many flies were gone, cleaned the windows, and being the germphobe i clean the litterbox without clothes but i was applauding Bowy who done good with the litterbox after 3 days not, but she ran away, i chased her and then noticed the office space people looking at me from across.. I am really like don't like it? Don't watch (it was akward though) and yes perhaps even too much info. :p
And i know a cat probably doesn't care either, but still i dunno somehow just feel that goes a bit far.
Thank you.
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Yeah, I don't get why so many people are telling you to keep the cat and tough it out. There are plenty of people who would love a cat and would take good care of it, so finding them a new home isn't an impossible feat. And as for you, frankly speaking, cats and animals in general are kind of gross. They don't have the same concept of hygiene that humans do, so I don't think someone with germophobia would ever pair well with an animal, except for maybe something like a fish that is contained in one enclosure permanently. Animals are always going to be dirty relative to someone with even basic hygiene practices, so there's no shame in accepting that being a pet owner probably isn't in the cards for you. Also, it has only been 5 weeks, the longer you delay, the more attached the cat will become to you. Now would be a good time to give them to someone who can handle them better, both for your sake and the cat's sake.
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I've owned a fish for almost 10 years and lemme tell you, it's somehow way easier, for me at least, taking care of a dog.
Water changes, tank cleaning, temperature control, PH testing, and that's not including trying to work out the ecosystem if you have more than 1 fish and add plants. Saltwater is worse.
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I had fishes when i was younger, with my dad cleaning the aquarium and i had some diseases twice that killed all my fishes eventually, then there were two goldfishes left until my dad said i don't want to clean it anymore, and they went into the outside neighbours pond, until the whole thing got robbed. I don't know how easy (and how/why) these diseases happened.
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Ugh, disease. Honestly the tank could get it from anywhere so don't be hard on yourself if you are. Stress, water quality, poor diet, overcrowding, other fish, etc...
I didn't have a ton of issues with disease in the take aside from a scare once, but I added a single molly fish to the tank and then she gave birth to like 30 kids, and I had to donate them back to a family owned pet store, and then she did it AGAIN, so I just donated her and all her fry but it messed up my tank balance for months afterward. They ate and pooped like you wouldn't believe.
All I learned from that experience is that I'm not cut out for fishkeeping.
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And i think by experience made i am not cut out to be having a pet, but i am afraid that makes me really struggle thinking i am not even being able to being cut out for a human life (diapers, etc) although that might be different
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Thank you, i feel so too, although it's not easy to "find the right person" because of course you care for it and want the absolute best which isn't easy, although i got the idea of my niece, which is the air right now.
But what if you thought that was a baby step to get over more of your germphobia? Like possible kids with my highschool phobia and diapers f.e (which isn't exactly cleaner either, probably worse then a cat). Although with any human relationship you can atleast get verbal feedback, the cat can't say i don't want to be with you anymore, i don't feel well etc, or give you intimacy that might make some stuff more worth it to overlook.
Yeah, i know but i am really trying to seek the best solution and not just dump it so easily in an asylum (even though we got good ones here), i am trying my niece, she got a cat from my mom too, and perhaps they could be best buddies, i don't even mind paying a while for Bowy's food you know.
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I think there are probably easier, more controlled ways to get over germophobia. I believe exposure therapy is the generally accepted strategy, so you could try seeking out a therapist. If that's out of the question, there are probably online resources that could help you conduct your own exposure therapy in a less formal way.
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When i was 15 and my school phobia started (and the whole mess that created) my parents made me see a shrink, but that was a fiasco, that was talking and med based but did not work at all, now i am seeking a shrink but that's mosltly medicine based and for now not really therapy or talking, but i am also not a talker by nature, so that makes it really hard (or a believer in it), i believe more in pills but like i said there is just no magic pill that makes this go away unfortunately, also i am very resistent like i was on 12 mg of clonazepam while some would already struggle with 2mg (and the max being 20mg) and i could quit cold turkey without withdraw effects (besides sleeping worse) even though after i quit it the disaster of Bowy retracting started but also combined with that visit of 2 people.
Perhaps the clonazepam did make me handle more then i would acknowledge but that still doesn't explain the cats sudden lethargy.
There is a gentest to see how you react to medicine, but it's not covered by our healthcare so it cost me several hundred of euros.
I would have no idea about online resources, not thought about it, never looked.
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You have to look at things from the perspective of what's best for the cat as well and not just "well you decided to get a cat now it's your responsibility forever".
If you're gonna be overwhelmed by the situation it becomes likely you won't be able to provide a good environment for a living creature. And being stressed by additional obligations isn't good for you either (if you feel it's too hard to cope).
You could try talking to the girl you mentioned and if she takes Bowy you could agree that she'd let you visit him regularly.
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I am looking at the cats perspective more then my own, 4 weeks it went fine, then this person helping me said i see the toll it's taking on you, and i said and felt Bowy only has my living room and that wouldn't be a live for a cat, but she came here with someone else and said to the other person well harold might want to get rid of the cat so cat proofing the balcony might not even be happening.
I was like i never went that far already, but since that Bowy just sleeps and lays, and that definitely is not what i want for her, and cats shouldn't understand human language but it really feels here like she just could and did just overhear all of it.
1 of my moms cats also had his alone periods but that always passed, and certainly not last 3 days, i did not go into this all blindly i understood the ways of a cat, i just didn't had the resposibilities that went with it, but just the good parts. one liked to pet my head with it's paw, and the other enjoyed my sock massages, and Bowy did even both. And the whole germphobia thing aside when a cat just wants to lay and nothing else, it's so heartbreaking, it's really like she heared oh i am not wanted anymore, then just get me out of here.
Actually i wanted a notice board for us to write or put down a note, the people from who are renting out this place came and asked me where i wanted it, and they removed the missing cat ad with the telephone number and at that moment i didn't thought about it, so now i can't even call her anymore.
I thought about my niece, who also got a cat from my mom, and her cat could have a buddy, and Bowy can have this buddy together and she is not afraid of them in bed, i don't mind supplying food for a certain time, it's just waiting on replies...
I don't want someone like a neighbour to feel attachted to me by getting a cat, she would get a cat, not me with it, it wouldn't be fair to Bowy either i think.
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I said that more in response to the comments "you have to live with your initial decision forever now", I understand that you're thinking about what would be best for Bowy.
As for her laying around, cats like active play - that's you moving around a feather or throwing a toy, because they get bored of static toys rather quickly. But you should talk about it to a veterinarian, especially if she has lost appetite (I think I saw someone suggest that already).
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I am on wellfare, and i had all sorts of "extra's" so money came in and go,and only got a clearer picture now of what's a bit steady.
My mom with a pension decided to take the vet costs, but also to save Bowy 1 time of stress we waiting on a vet until it's 6 months so she hasn't been to one yet.
I have this stick with something attached to it and it likes to chase that, but that's only good for a very few minutes (and myself), some mentioned throwing a ball i can add that but then what else? I really think there is this market open for having multiplayer games for cats and their bosses.
But vets here are all taken in by this big companies, and thus even become more expensive as heck, like with everything these days, when i had to get something against fleas for her cats, it costed 80 euro's, my mom was like heck no return it.
And i only got a bike, i don't feel safe with her on the back, i am worried it might fall, and i only got my sister left with a car, and well her life (having a daycare) always take priority first.
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Usually cats don't need a lot more than a few minutes of intense play time at a time.
But you should have fresh water (maybe get a cat fountain if possible) and clean bowls (flatter are better, since a lot of the bowls are pretty narrow and annoy cat's whiskers).
As for vet, you could try calling and getting a first opinion.
Drops or collars against fleas you should check zoo-stores for that. It definitely won't cost 80 euros.
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Normal cats yeah, but my cat isn't "normal" anymore since that visit, it is just laying around, staring outside, and my desk became an obsession no matter how much i tried to block it, she tries to climb on it, especially being away (thus thinking not for my attention), to lay on that.
Now i let her again on my desk but again it's just laying (or as i am typing licking my chesthair and neck), i know well it wants and needs attention, but i can't be her attention 24/7, and it can't just keep laying around or be my focus the whole day, either, both are not healthy, it needs to go back on it's own pole, cat tunnel, her ball, it needs to do her things, go on her things.
I refresh the water once a day.
Yeah we got cheap collars in the end for my moms cats but the drugs from the vet costed 80 euro's, i mean let alone what consults would cost (i have no clue) and those fleas lasted some weeks which was fun with wearing shorts in the summer and having the constant feeling of being touched.
And okay now it's weirdy licking/biting my ear and hair with claws dug into me on my chair, all very weird and new behaviour.
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I really hope you and Bowy make it. My cat saved my life, even though I am fairly certain I am allergic to him and have difficulty breathing when I'm really close to him, like holding him when I'm laying down and letting him rest his head on one arm.
His name is Rocky, and this is the picture that made me fall in love with him. I got him from a local animal shelter the next day. Here he is again as a kitten, doing what cats do better than any other animal on Earth, which is sleeping/"taking 'er easy for all us sinners".
Now here's the thing about me, I have a long history of respiratory problems and illnesses. I got Rocky --- here all grown up and not sitting still for a picture because he is a jerk --- in November of 2016, and in September of 2016 I had a case of pneumonia with pleurisy that almost killed me. I lived one block from the hospital but still had to be taken in by ambulance. Here is the 2,000 ml of fluid they had to remove from my left chest cavity. That's 2,000 milliliters, which is 2 liters of fluid. I had a freaking 2 liter in my chest and my left lung was submerged in it, basically feeling like being stabbed with a knife every time I breathed in. Here's me laying down with a freaking tube running INTO MY FREAKING CHEST, the tube, and here's me with an insane look on my face after I had sneaked into the parking garage of the hospital to smoke a cigarette.
Basically, I could have died, and I would have without medical treatment. I've had pneumonia since although nothing like what I had in 2016. And like an idiot I'm still smoking and might not quit anytime soon.
The thing is, I figure if I am willing to say, screw my health and do something as dumb as continue to smoke, with the love Rocky gives to me, and with how he gives me a sense of purpose and makes my home feel like a home, even if he has a negative impact on my respiratory health, he's worth it. I'll admit, lately he has really gotten super needy, he was never like that before this past year, and I have had the briefest of thoughts of life without him and without nagging and neediness. But how can I think something like that and not once think about cutting out the smoking if I really care so much about my health. Cigarettes want me dead and do not love me. Rocky loves me. When I start thinking about how Rocky needs to go and then light up, I deserve to be smacked.
That's just me Rocky and our story. He's gotten me through a lot of very miserable times. He's been there for me more times than any human has been throughout my life. And I've thought about ending our time together, I don't think either of us would ever get over it and I need to snap out of it. If your situation with Bowy is as meaningful, I hope you see it for what it is and don't make a rash decision you'll both come to regret. Cats and dogs, I think so anyway, have an emotional intelligence every bit as advanced as ours. If I lost Rocky in my life my heart would be broken and I really think that his would break if he lost me in his life.
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Holy shit, what a great story I just read. And yes! you're an idiot and should quit smoking for Rocky.
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Thank you :)
Second hand smoke actually bothers him. He goes away until I'm finished with my cigarette every time he comes up to me while I'm smoking. And I would hate if my second hand smoke in anyway contributed to Rocky having a shorter life. I guess in the same way it wouldn't be fair to him if it played a part in cutting short how long of a life I have to share with him. If I did end up quitting it would be for him. Thank you for the advice and I'm gonna give it some thought, no seriously I really am, but man is it gonna suck when I actually go through with it.
PS- My grandmother lived into her 80's and she said she quit in her 40's and the way she quit was one day she woke up and just decided she wasn't gonna smoke that day. And she ended up never smoking on any other day ever again. Cold turkey. That's how she did it. No gum or patches or pills or lozenges. They didn't even have a lot of that stuff at the time. I think that's the way to do it, and the morning sounds like the best time of day too, not even putting any nicotine in my system at all that day and not giving the addiction anything with which to fuel itself.
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I really like Rocky. He seems like a great cat. I'm glad he means so much to you. I really hope you quit smoking as soon as possible.
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Thank you.
Bless you and Rocky for having found (love) in eachother, i started to become overwhelmed with loneliness ever since my moving out.
And you seek refuge in cigarettes, i do in alcohol with a heart conditition and bad liver values, so in ways i am totally like you, i was sober for almost a year actually until i moved in.
I thought Bowy would also take away some of that loneliness but even though i do absolutely love her, she couldn't, and that's not her fault, perhaps it was selfish to try but i mean for most like you it does work, so why not me? I don't know.
I do on your hand wish you could find a way out of the cigarettes, like me with the alcohol, and i gonna make another effort, on my birthday, next friday. My mom is in her mid 70's and also smokes and keeps saying she stops smoking whenever a package gets near 10 euro (it will be next year), but my dad smoked also and his lungs were surprisingly clean like a non smoker, in a check.
And i always say take the rolling stones, what they have all taken and how they are still rocking, and a friend always says when it's your time, it's your time, i mean you can have a very healthy lifestyle and still get something or run over by a car.
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I've been down that same route with the booze. I actually voluntarily spent 5 months in a live in sober house back in 2009. I had just gotten my third DUI and no one was forcing me to do it, the courts didn't make me go, but I was already in and out of Alcoholics Anonymous at the time and it felt like the right thing to do. I ended up getting baptized by a bishop, I applied to grad school and got rejected, I moved to different towns multiple times in a short time span in a short time period. I also got started up with other much more horrible addictions that I was sadly introduced to by the people I met in AA. I made some great lifelong friends and had a series of great years, but also spent time around people I would have been better off having never met and hit new all-time lows. So I know all about what you're going through. And while I wish I could say I'm fighting the good fight with the addiction and staying clean, I'm still at least keeping things together enough to still have a home for Rocky, and he still eats his ridiculously pricey cat food (Sheba brand, which has almost doubled in price in the last 2 years because of the inflation here). And I'm staying busy with work that is back breaking but keeps me busy and fed and pays my rent and internet.
If I didn't have Rocky to say hello and goodbye to, and if he wasn't here for me, I'd be spiraling out of control and I would be much, much worse off.
PS - Don't beat yourself up about falling off the wagon. If you want sobriety again you get achieve it again, you know what to do you've done it before.
PPS- I'm paying 5 bucks a pack here but I smoke the cheapest brands I can find. The premium brands are almost 10 bucks here and there is just no way I could ever afford that. I think with all of the struggles people have financially these days, the amount of taxes on cigarettes is exploitative and just adds more hardship and I think that's really unfair. Even if I do end up quitting, I really think something needs to be done to rollback that tax burden people put onto people.
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Uff, that is a tough situation you find yourself in. It's easy to see that you're already attached to Bowy, and want to try and make the best of it. On the other hand, you also struggle having her around because of your own issues and the resulting added stress, and because you feel like maybe you can't give her the home she truly deserves, because of it.
I personally voted that you should rehome it. A lot of people will tell you, you chose to get a pet, now you stick with it. A pet is not something you just throw around. And while they're not necessarily wrong, there's always exceptions to a rule. You're not getting rid of it because you don't like it anymore. Or because you're tired of taking care of it. Because your interests have changed or some other nonsense. You have a complete legit reason to NOT have her stay with you, however difficult that might be. You are NOT just thinking about yourself here. In rehoming a pet you can't take care of for valid reasons, very much shows you taking responsibility for said pet, instead of being selfish. You're doing what's best for both you and your cat.
That being said though, I don't know how easy or how much you personally can train a cat to do and not do things. With your fear of germs it seems like there is or could be a long list of things that this pet will not be allowed to do. It sounds like it could be very specific things, that might or might not be so easy to teach her. I don't know though, and you know that better then me.
It's a tough decision. I'd love to know what you end up with. What ever you do, you'll have learned a lot from the experience. And if you do end up rehoming it, maybe you can look into getting a different kind of pet. Something more confined to a cage, perhaps?
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Thank you.
Yes it's tough, even (the only) female friend i have left and is very close to me (that's a whole difficult, messed up situation on it's own) said you chosen it so you should stick with it, while i thought she would understand my best intentions for Bowy, like you see.
Especially not just the whole thing it's doing to me, but also because i seen her change since the visit, and just laying around all day isn't a good life, not to mention i can only let it allow a confined living room, they either need room or much attention, i can't seem to give.
Then again now today there might be some change i don't know yet, she either lays around on some steps, staring at the window, but my desk became an obsession to get on, and not for my attention because she often tried in moments i stepped away, but then she just lays there, today she is atleast more active, but i can't be the only source of attention, she needs to do her own things too.
Ever since i moved out an overwhelming feeling of loneliness kicked in which is a feeling not wished upon anyone, i hoped with Bowy that i could tackle the germphobia thing and get rid of some of that loneliness but both didn't, and perhaps that was selfish although i somewhat felt forced into it by certain people, but it also just didn't all go exactly as planned, that i could get over the germphobia this way, i really tried.
Yes with such conditions those lists can be long, and i hoped to get rid of it as time passed, but as some said start small, start with fish (if Bowy has to go, i am not taking anything right now, it's not fair nor good i think). And cats, cats don't listen, many told me when getting Bowy, she would be the princess, and cats are their own boss, they listen to a certain point when it's convenient. Like she loves to bite, even in my expensive shoes from my dad, and if i tell her no she just keeps doing it unless i drag her away.
I thought about my niece who also got a cat from my mom, then her cat would have a buddy, Bowy would have a buddy and could give the better attention it needs, and it stays in the family and i know would have a good place, and i even discussed it through other people, but there isn't like really anyone saying hey let's reallly take action here and help me and Bowy.
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Fortunately, or unfortunately depending on how you look at it, the world isn't as black as white as that when it comes to pets. Your friend would have had a point if you'd chosen to adopt a child for instance. And even though I despise people that look as pets as just a random item to discard when they get bored, pets are not children. Pets CAN be rehomed. Of course you should strive to make it work, but if you can't, then so be it.
As you've already pointed out, you're not just thinking about yourself. You ARE thinking about the wellbeing of this cat. At the end of the day, it's your decision to figure out what's best for the two of you. Your friends and family can disagree with you, but if they love you, they'll support you through it no matter what.
I don't know how much you know about cats. I don't know a lot about cats. But maybe there's experts in your area which you could go to to get some help and tips on training her. There's so many stories out there about miserable pets turned happy and cuddly when certain things in their environment shifted slightly.
No matter what, it won't be an easy decision to get rid of it. It might stick with you for a while. My wife moved from her country to mine 4-5 years ago, leaving behind a tortoise. It still haunts her that she had to do it.
I like the idea about your niece. How old is she? I think if you want to give it to her, then sit her down and take a serious discussion with her. Let her know that you'd like her to take a week or two or whatever to really think about it. And if she decides she wants the cat, great. If not, then you'll make other arrangements. But I think it's important for you to first figure out what you want to do, and then move forward with it.
Out of curiosity, how long have you had her at this point?
And lastly, loneliness is not for the light hearted. I think a lot of us has battled it at times, and it is tough and depressing. Is this the first time living on your own? I do think the idea of getting a pet is great. Something to keep you company. Someone to greet you when you get home. Someone who's dependent on you. It gives you a sense of purpose. Maybe a cat just wasn't the best choice for you. Both cats and dogs (Especially dogs) are higher maintenance then a lot of other pets. If you decide to rehome the cat, I do however think it's a good idea for you to take a breather, learn from this experience, and make a better educated guess at your next pet.
I know it sounds like I REALLY think you should get rid of it. But I honestly hope you can make it work of course :)
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I cant really make the difference between a pet or child, why people say a child would be different while they are both just living beings? Simply because they are human, there is a different attachment?
6 weeks and it went alright, but i had clonazepam as medicine which i thought didn't work and so i quit cold turkey on a high dosage of 12 mg while some would struggle with 2mg. I don't know if that helped me get over things more then expected.
But it's also Bowy changing after a house visit (the first in 6 weeks) she just keeps laying and stopped being playful, using her cat pole, cat tunnel, ball etc while i already had in my mind that only being able to offer her a living room isn't much to give.
I have my experience with my moms 2 cats from the outside, and someone here said they love to spread their scent, but what with me being a germphobe and cleaning the floor with wipes etc are in collision with eachother?
Unfortunately according to my mom the niece isn't going to be an option, the number of that neighbour is gone, and i have noone like really lets help harold and bowy here.
Yes, it's my first time of being alone, and well most people atleast have friends, family, or coworkers, i don't even have that.
And if i would get rid of Bowy, i definitely would not get another pet especially not for the time being, i just feel if this failed, then I also fear other things will fail i hoped would get over it by taking on a cat, that i could also overcome other things, but then that could also prove difficult.
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I might have not been clear when I mentioned children. I purely meant that it's not something you can just rehome. If you choose to get children, there's no return to sender. I'm fully aware and agree that the attachment can be quite the same :)
It sounds like you know more about cats then I do. But yes, they certainly like to spread their smell. I'm not sure if the fact that you clean the places she spreads her smell to, is necessarily a problem. We have a cat that visits us sometimes, and he usually walks around to a few specific spots every time to spread his smell. He doesn't live here of course, so I don't know if there could be something to it. Maybe she doesn't feel at home if she can't smell whatever she leaves behind? I mean, there's a reason they do it. Maybe it means a lot for them to feel safe. Maybe that's why she's hiding so much or not as relaxed? I honestly wouldn't know.
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I had my reservations that just giving her a (tiny) living room might now be a life for anyone (except me). This person that visited said i see the toll what it takes on me, and she said i might not need cat balcony proof because i would get rid of the cat anyway (i never did go that far saying it out loud) cats shouldnt be understanding us but it's like she overheared and understood and been shaken up since which is aside (and making it extra hard) the whole germphobia thing.
I really wish i knew either, or a proper solution would come, it is just so stressing, demanding and i don't know for the both of us.
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I thought Bowy my new cat would add some joy to my life, some less loneliness, and to help me get over my germphobia a bit, but it doesn't all go as i hoped, because it didn't give me those results (perhaps a bit selfish). I am also not having the feeling of ahhw you're a sweet cuddly furball (she is).
I don't really have an issue with the litterbox even when she made some accidents, it's more like she is wanting on my lap and often tried to climb in my 200 euro leather chair (which is ripped by catnails) to sit with me, but i do have to shower each time after each litterbox cleaning, and when it's 4 times a day it gets exhausting, especially now with my current state of mind.
But i also got a mini fly infestation (like barely a cm) for a week now, they reproduce like fruitflies, which is also very draining and maybe the last bit i can handle, every day you hope well you got the last one and you see new ones again. I can't even open my balcony door because i have 20 new bugs.
In the beginning she would just climb up my sweatpants (that hurt) and then i let her on a towel before my keyboard as to set some boundaries, as i got stuffed animals on the left side of my desk as some sort of feeling of company but then she started to not do that anymore.
When i go outside i have my jeans and shirt, and indoors i got my "good goods" and since it's basically clean i also sleep with it, and monday it started to crawl on my lap for the first time when i just went outside and did groceries while making a call, and took me by surprise but on my good goods i always still struggled with it, the same as i don't ever want it on my bed (same with my moms cats and if they did went on my bed,things went straight in the washing machine).
Yesterday i had someone coming over and she sees the burden side of it, and what it cost me, and said maybe it's better if you get rid of it, while Bowy was hiding under the couch, almost like she heared it and understood because she barely eaten since and doesn't even play anymore and just really sleeps on a carton box,.another friend says you made this commitment you are stuck with it.
But i would like her to go outside (which on the first floor is impossible), have more rooms to be in, plenty of people that have an apartment and a cat, but because of the fly infestation i want to keep the living room closed as much as possible for now, not to spread them further, so basically all she got is a living room, with her cat tunnel, her cat pole but i can imagine you eventually get bored quickly of it.
Meanwhile while typing this now she got on my good clothes and crawled on my desk and my lap, and offcourse that will then go straight on the laundry pile. There is this girl in my apartment that is missing her cat for over a month now (which makes the odds low) sometimes i pondered like calling her saying sorry cant help you with your missing cat but i could offer you this very sweet cute kitten or just make an announcement to anyone on the hall board, that could provide her more love.
My heart says no, and that it would be painful, but my mind says it's better off for both her and me. But it would also influence other parts of my life in the future, also thinking with enough time and going through it thinking the germphobia parts will lessen, but if it doesn't with the cat, why would it be with my other things then?
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