Hilarious Jokes

I played "The Graveyard" for 48 hours in one weeks time.

Why won't you find aspirin in the jungle?

A jungle is not a financially viable area to position a pharmaceutical store.

Heres a drum, now beat it. (This is a joke, not an insult)

my face was like -_- until the elephant grape joke, then i went xD

These made me laugh

Why did the little girl cross the playground? ... to get to the other SLIDE!

1 Sperm Cell has 37.5 MB DNA Data with compression.

So that means, every ejaculation is about 1.5 TB in 3 seconds.

That's actually true...

Can someone explain the first joke to me..

What do you get when you cross an Elephant and a Rhino? Elephino! (Hell If I Know)
Why do people like camping so much? It is inTENTS!

Puns!

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles.
The sales girl notice him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle.

A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.
She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?"
He answers, "You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause 'it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.'...

So, I figure if I have to roll my own ............ so does she."

I'll just say it because I know SOMEONE will.

Woman's rights.

HAHAHAHA...K we are done here.

Invisible hilarious jokes.

When should I start laughing? Just Give me a signal!

I don't get it...

... I regret nothing.

A rather confident man walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment. The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?" "No," he replies, "I just bought this state-of-the-art watch and I was just testing it." The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?" "It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me," he explains. "What's it telling you now?" she asked. "Well, it says you're not wearing any panties." he said. The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken then because I am wearing panties!" The man explains, "Damn thing must be an hour fast."

Why did God invent yeast infections?

I'll let you google for the hilarious answer because it'd probably get me banned

A man walks into a bar and pulls out a small piano and a 1 foot tall person and sets them on the bar. The bartender asks 'where did you get those?' 'I found this old lamp and rubbed and out popped this genie and granted me 3 wishes'

So the man next to him says 'can i have a wish?' so the first man says 'yea sure'. So the 2nd man says 'I wish for loads of money' and puff theres a large pile of jars of honey on the bar... So the 2nd man says 'I didnt ask for that!' to which the first man replies ' Do you really think I asked for a 12 inch pianist?!'

An Alsatian went to a telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote, “Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof.”

The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog: “There are only nine words here. You could send another ‘Woof’ for the same price.”

“But,” the dog replied, “that would make no sense at all.”

A panda walks into a bar, orders a packet of crisps and eats them. He then pulls out a gun and shoots everyone in the pub dead and leaves. When the police finally catch up with him they ask him 'Why? Why'd you do that?' the panda replies 'I'm a panda. Look me up in the dictionary'

So the police do and they find the entry... Panda: Eats shoots and leaves.

I'm calling it neither hilarious nor humorous

Two men are going hunting for deer when, all of a sudden, one yelps out in pain, clutches his chest and drops to the ground. The second man runs over to him, but doesn't know what to do. Quickly he takes out his cell phone and calls 911.
The operator picks up: "911 emergency."
The man explains the situation. "I think he's dead," he finishes, "What do I do?"
The 911 operator, keeping a calm head like she was trained, responds, "Ok, stay calm. The first thing you want to do is make sure he is dead. Can you do that, sir?"
There is silence on the other end of the phone for a few seconds followed by a gun shot. "Ok, now what?"

4chan , CoD , Origin <- NOW LAUGH.