Antijokes.

A dyslexic man walks into a bar.

• Why did Mary fall off the swing? She had no arms.
• Knock Knock, Who's there? Not Mary

When you mentioned panda... I thought of this

I read that as Ant Jokes.

Why did the man walk in to a bar?

He is an alcoholic and is destroying his family.

Why can't the T-Rex clap?

Because he died out.

-__-

Where did Susie go during the bombing? Everywhere

A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says 'why the long face'. The horse doesn't understand English and is confused, takes a shit on the floor and leaves.

A panda walks into a bar, orders a meal, eats it then shoots everyone and walks out. When the police catch him, they ask why he did that and he replies 'I'm a panda. Look me up in the dictionary'. So they did and the entry read: 'Eats shoots and leaves.'

Why did Fred drop his ice-cream? He was hit by a bus

How do you stop a baby crying? Hit it with a brick

you are the one asking me to sleep with you!

A blind man walks into a bar...
...and a chair, and a table.

On the edge of being a joke but I'd say it leans more on the antijoke side.

How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall? Dead babies can't paint and you, sir, have a sick mind

Why did the monkey fall off the tree?

It died.

What did the farmer say when he couldn't find his tractor?

Where's my tractor?

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Chickens don't have the cognitive capacity to reason, therefore it was random.

I'd tell a Holocaust joke, but they are out of Mein Kampfort zone. Anne Frankly I don't find them funny.

• What is worse than 3 babies in a container?

• One baby in 3 containers.

How to pizza? kill all humans!

Knock, Knock.

Who's there?

Dave.

Dave who?

Dave proceeds to break into tears as his grandmother's Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she can no longer remember him.

How many people does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One.

Once upon a time there was this guy, and he was having trouble finding a job because he had no arms. Every day he'd look through the paper hoping to find someone who would take him, but he had no luck, so he decided to go for a walk and see if anyone was hiring. He happened upon a church with a sign out front that said "Help Wanted: Someone to ring church bell", and he went inside to see about the job. The priest was very kind to the man, but as the man had no arms, refused to hire him. However, the man was persistent and begged for an opportunity to prove that he had the ability to ring the church bell. The priest felt bad turning the man down, so he decided to give him a chance. The priest took the man up and up the church tower to the belfry where a giant bell was hanging with a rope for ringing it. The priest said "Well, here's the bell, but I don't know how you can ring it with no arms to pull the rope" but as he turned to face the man, he saw that the man had walked all the way to the edge of the tower. Thinking the man was about to jump, the priest shouted "No, sir, you mustn't! Surely someone will hire you! Please have hope!", but the man gave a smile and started running towards the bell and ran smack into it with his forehead. The bell let out a loud gonnngggggg and the priest stood with a look of shock on his face. The man turned to the priest and said "There! I have rung the bell. Please would you hire me?" The priest, no longer having any reason not to, hired him there on the spot. Every Sunday afterwards, the man would go to the church and climb up and up to the top of the church tower, walk to the very edge, and then run as fast as he could toward the bell and smack it with his forehead. The job may not have been anything to brag about, but the man was happy to have a job and feel needed. Then one day, like any other day, he climbed up and up to the top of the church tower, walked back to the very edge, and took off running towards the bell, but right before he got to the bell, he tripped on a loose stone and went rolling past the bell, out the other side of the tower, and fell all the way down to the sidewalk below to his death. A crowd had gathered and young fellow who had been walking by stooped to cradle the poor man's body and a woman in the crowd yelled out "Who is it? Who is it that has fallen from the church tower?". The young fellow looked the man over turned to the lady and said "I don't know, but his face looks awful familiar!"

What?

A snake is riding a bike. Suddenly, it remembers it doesn't have any legs so it fell down. (the stupidest joke/antijoke of my childhood)