Think I'll buy one once my hundreds of millions of dollars from the U.N. comes through... I wasn't even aware that I was the benefactor of some diplomat I have never heard of from South Africa...

I think I will bring with me the throngs of moms in my neighborhood that wish to have intercourse with me... shhhh... they don't want you to tell!

Sometimes I wonder why I even maintain a personal email account... I don't even remember the last time someone actually sent a real 'letter' to me through it... such a necessary evil it is.