Medal of Honor 2010

Two Mormons walk into a bar. Then they left because neither of them drink.

Funny story, i actually played this on origin ;)

So my wife and I had a big fight last night and she threw a lettuce at me. And that's only the tip of the iceberg.

A funny episode like a anecdote? Okay.

True story, about 3 years ago in my sophomore year in high school, I lost my wallet. I was broke back then so I didn't carry a lot of money with me, only my lunch money for the week. Because I lost it around the middle of the week, I only had $5 left in it. Well, I thought it was lost and I thought had to buy a new ID and everything but a week later, one of the narcs walked into my Trig class and asked for me. He handed me back my wallet and said "I took a finders fee." He took my $5!

=.=...dipshit....

I already have the game on Steam, so don't pick me.

Going on the Mormon thread from that guy up there:

"Hello, would you like to hear about Jesus Christ?"

"Ummm, okay."

"..."

"Well?"

"That's funny. I've never gotten this far before."

What's the metter son? - says mom
Aw, gee, they're all wet! - says her son
What do you mean? -asked mom
I mean, below c-level.

I just tried to change my password to penis, but it said it was too short.

Penis Jokes?
My friend: you know my dick is longer than 18cm when its not even erect you jelly? (says jokingly to me)
My friend's enemy: don't lie Your dick is probably as small as a tic tac.
My friend: No wonder your moms mouth is so fresh.
All my other friends: OOOOHHHHHH!!
btw I don't have moh ty

I was in a public toilet and had just sat down, when I heard a voice from the next cubicle, he said “Hi!, how are you?”

Embarrassed, I said, “I’m doing fine”.

The voice said “So what are you up to?”.

I said, “Just doing the same as you, sitting here!”.

From next door, “Can I come over?”. Annoyed, I said, "rather busy right now”.

The voice said, “Listen, I will have to call you back, there’s an idiot next door answering all my questions"

PS: not my own experience.

Yet the funniest joke to me was from the guy who asked not to pick him :) C'mon guys, whip your humour horse. Less bedroom jokes, more fun and creativity.

Sorry but when you said "Origin" you actually won... i can't think of a better joke :(

Two balloons are floating across the desert.

One balloon says to the other:

"Look out for the cactussssssssssss!"

The insane asylum was at full capacity, so they tried to let some of the less crazy ones out, identifying them with small tests.

Doctor: What's 2+2?

Patient #1: A thousand!

Doctor: Nope, you're crazy. Let's see, you, what's 2+2?

Patient #2: Tuesday!

Doctor: Man, he's even crazier. Ok, number 3, what's 2+2?

Patient #3: four.

Doctor: Impressive! How did you know?

Patient #3: Easy, a thousand times Tuesday.

(Don't pick me, I don't want it. Not that you were gonna, but still.)

What did the kid with no hands got for this birthday?

A pair of gloves.

Oh, im sorry, that was rude and inappropriate, but in all honesty, i have no clue what he received. He still did not open his present.

Okay, this one is really, really evil, so only read it if your adult and can handle it!

Mfpppffpp mpmppf ffmppffmf pmppppppffpp ffmppffmfpff fmmmfffmmfmpmpppff mfpmmmfmm mfpmpppff ppmmpppppfmmfmppfffmfmmmfmpmffppfppp?
Mpmmmmmpmmpmffm mpmmffmmfpmp fmpmmmfmmfmpmppfmm pmfmffpmpmpp mmppmfppfppfmpm.

Decode with: Kenny Translator

What kind of murderer has moral fiber? – A cereal killer.

In kindergarten. We had nap time; the teacher would bring this fat TV and some would sleep and some would watch. We would bring blankets and pillows and sleep on the ground. Well one day I shit in my pants and whenever I moved around my shit would move in my butt cheeks and it would feel really weird. So I slowly pulled my pants and my undies down and rubbed it on the floor. The whole day the floor smelled like shit and eventually one kid found out that there was shit on the floor; but no one found out it was me.

My big brother in 2nd grade used to pick his boogers and stick on his chair; and no one knew except the girl sitting next to him.