WL recruitment: share a funny joke you've heard recently.

What do you call someone with no body and a nose?

Nobody knows :3

I'd share a coke with my soulmate, but his wife keeps getting pissed about me showing up at their house. "Stop breaking into the house!", "He's been dead for years", "No, you can't eat his ashes!"

So unreasonable!

Why didn't the ghost go to the Halloween Ball?

He had no body to dance with.

why is 6 afraid of 7?

whats did the apple say to an Orange?

i'll wait for your answer before posting the end of the joke

Have you heard the one about the magic tractor?

It went down a lane and turned into a field!

Several variations out there on this one, so you can change it around to better suit the situation..

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A man walks into a bar and orders a whiskey.

When the barman serves it up, he takes it out to the bench in front of the bar to drink it.

As he’s enjoying his drink, a nun walks by, and glares at him sourly. “How can you pollute your soul with the Devil’s drink like that?” she asks.

The man shrugs. “It’s not the Devil, it’s just whiskey.”

“But it’s sinful and wicked!”
“How do you know it’s so bad, then? Have you ever tasted whiskey?”

“Of course not! My sisters and mother superior told me how evil drink is.”

“But how do they know? Have they ever had a drink?”

They go back and forth like this for a while, before at last, the nun relents. “Well, I suppose that if I were to try a sip of whiskey, I would better understand how it corrupts the soul. But it wouldn’t do for any of my sisters to come by here and see me drinking. Could you order me one in a teacup?”

The man agrees this is fair, and walks inside to the barman.

“Two whiskeys, but put one in a teacup, please.”

The barman slams his hand down on the bar and shouts, “Is that darn nun here again!?”

Anyone want to buy a broken barometer? No pressure.

Charlie Brown, Lucy, and Schroeder have a class assignment to do a report on a country. The countries for the report are blindly picked out of a hat. Lucy picks first and exclaims that she got Botswana. Next Schroeder picks one, he states that he got Germany. Finally Charlie Brown sticks his hand in the hat and withdraws his country. Charlie Brown looks at his pick and murmurs "I got Iraq".

A bear walks into a bar and says, “Give me a whiskey… and a cola.”

“Why the big pause?” asks the bartender. The bear shrugged. “I’m not sure. I was born with them.”

You know the normal body temperature of a Tauntaun?

...

...

...

Luke warm.

View attached image.

lol
how do you kill ten fly's with one swing?
hit an Ethiopian kid in the face with a frying pan.
so wrong yet its so hard not to laugh

“Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.”
― Mark Twain

NSFW

my dick was in the guiness book of world records, until the librarian asked me to remove it

Did you hear about the Mathematician who's afraid of negative numbers?
He'll stop at nothing to avoid them.

"We could have another son," said his wife.
The husband replied:“yes, I don't like the son we have either.“

Say what you want about deaf people.

What happens when you eat aluminum foil?

You sheet metal.

You want to hear a pizza joke?

Nah, not going to tell it. Its just too cheesy.

What’s the best thing about Switzerland?
I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.

I searched a list of ten puns to find one that made me laugh....

No pun in ten did

A man tells his doctor, “Doc, help me. I’m addicted to Twitter!”
The doctor replies, “Sorry, I don’t follow you …”

Not really a new one, I've been saying it since I was in middle school, but it's still my favorite:

How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb?
Two: One to assure the public that they are doing everything they possibly can do to remedy the situation, while the second screws the light bulb into the water faucet.

I’m currently in a love triangle.
I like this girl, this girl likes nobody, and nobody likes me.