If train A leaves the station going 60 miles per hour and train B leaves one hour later going 85 miles per hour, Why does my cat hate me?
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Cats are haters and not worthy of your affection. Throw cat under train A and get a dog.
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i found your mom https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FpCudm1PT6k
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If you don't believe in ghosts, and you come back as one when you die, does that mean you don't believe in yourself?
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jokes on you, I already don't believe in myself :p
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Can you identify a genital wart?
Just curious, its for a friend. ;)
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Well now that you know what they look like, do you think you than tell my "buddy" (guy) if that's what he has?
No one else "he" know is willing to look at it.
:(
It hurts.
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Haha you have invasive in-laws too?
Yeah I can't use Dingbat's suggestion because that would also mean convincing my woman that she's not a terrible person for wanting some space from her mother but hey if I manage to get myself enrolled into the Witness Protection Program, then she won't have a choice, will she? :P
I guess I'm going to have to look for a job in an Italian or Chinese restaurant. It can't be that long until I witness something incriminating for some criminal outfit, right?
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Heh she's following us on every social media available (even those we don't have public profiles for, she's persistent), and my lady just feels guilty not taking her mother's calls so that would require some CIA grade new identity but actually I am getting a great idea out of this.
I just have to figure out how the Witness Protection Program works...
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Yep. We are done with that part. She lives 2000 km away in another country. Unfortunately that doesn't stop her.
If your mother decides to follow, tell the new country's immigration officials that she plans to go on welfare.
ROTFL Europe doesn't care but that got me a good and much needed laugh. Thanks
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She has a son who lives near her and a grandkid of 4 so it's not as if she was lacking people to bug.
I think she resent her daughter moving to another country (and me for taking her away lol) and she was already controlling before, and now that we're working on having kids, it's hard for her not to be within reach to control everything.
I still think Witness Protection Program is the way to go.
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Truly, she doesn't bug me as much as the way she makes my beloved feel like she's a bad person. And trust me, it takes all the willpower I have not to tell her off sometimes.
Family can be hard and some of us have our crosses to bear in that department lol but hey I got a beautiful lady who loves me. If the price to pay for that is the monster-in-law, bring it on!
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Serious answer from someone who have a controlling and guilt tripping mother.
This is basically called abuse and unfortunately on your own side you can only be supportive in what your partner will do. Do NOT try to interfere in their relationship as in trying to cut it, telling her mother off or anything as the control she seems to have is still really deep. Not only the mother will use that against you to have you look like a terrible person and may manage to get back her daughter on her side and eventually move back to her (you see what I mean).
At some point, with support and reminder that she's not a terrible person, that her mother doesn't own her because she gave her birth, your partner will eventually have a click and tell her off. Be ready for the after care, it will take a long time, she may return to her mother, apologize, see the problem again, try to get away once more, etc.
Don't forget that controlling / abusive parents aren't the same as controlling / abusive partners, your partner spent all her youth being "shaped" by her mother's attitude and words so it may take long and the war won't be won in one time, expect battle loss and recovery.
What you can actually do, is to be there after each phone call, ask if her mother is doing well (this can potentially launch a good talk, because of course mother isn't doing well because daughter is off limit), offer her to speak about what they talked about if she wants, don't forget to bring tea or hot cocoa. If she doesn't want to talk about it, tell her that it's okay, that she can whenever, but never stop offering. Of course, listen to her, don't try to offer solutions unless she asks (that would mean putting yourself against the mother), remind her that she's a good person, that you love her for who she is and soothe her as best as you can.
That sounds super simplistic, but it's a good way to become a trust anchor away from the family. What is really encouraging is she accepted to move far away, this is actually the very first step you can take in case of serious abuse as you get out of reach of most of the control.
The control and abuse, when being off limit as you are right now will slowly wear off, just don't expect it to come over the next months, she may as well try again to get close using the fact she will become a grand mother, that you're a man and don't know shit about kid, that grandma suffer as not seeing her grand kid as much as she would like.
Finally, I encourage you to play "Another lost phone: Laura's story", you may notice patterns that appear in their relationship, it may help you to understand what is happening and how it's continuing. Of course, Laura's story is with a partner and the pattern is the focus of the story so you cannot miss it, in real life it's more complicated. For the French version there is a whole booklet coming with the game, I'm unsure it's the case with the other versions, but if it is, you may as well read it.
Of course, I'm speaking without knowing much of the details, so what I say can be off, if you want to discuss more about this, give me your discord ID in private (I hate steam chat) so we can chat more about the matter.
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This is basically called abuse and unfortunately on your own side you can only be supportive in what your partner will do. Do NOT try to interfere in their relationship as in trying to cut it, telling her mother off or anything as the control she seems to have is still really deep.
Oh I am very aware of that, trust me. It's sometimes extremely hard not to get in the middle of things but at the same time, she thinks the sun rises and sets on her mother and I feel like I would hurt her if I even tried to make her realize how abusive that relationship is. So I have kept my mouth shut. It's been years.
Don't forget that controlling / abusive parents aren't the same as controlling / abusive partners, your partner spent all her youth being "shaped" by her mother's attitude and words
Indeed she has. She managed to make her feel like she was just too weird to be loved by anyone but her, and to make her believe that she was only telling her that for her own good. You can imagine how badly she took the news that she had someone in her life and that she was moving away with me...
That sounds super simplistic, but it's a good way to become a trust anchor away from the family.
It's not simplistic, you are absolutely right, and it's the basis of any good relationship, no matter what the issue is. You have no idea how many times I even tried to rationalize her mother's irrational behavior to her. My sister told me "look, be supportive but don't defend the woman when she's being that irrational!".
What is really encouraging is she accepted to move far away, this is actually the very first step you can take in case of serious abuse as you get out of reach of most of the control.
It took a lot of convincing and she goes back home every month for a week. She can work from there, unfortunately, so that's something that's been hard to curb but we're trying to have kids so I think that might change the way she does things as well.
Leaving home for a week every month because your Mom needs the oil in her car checked (I wish I was kidding) or to take care of bills (her Mom is just over 60 and has a job so she's perfectly able to take care of her own bills but she still convinced her she needs her to do it), it's one thing. But when you have kids, you can't uproot them every month to go take a trip back.
The control and abuse, when being off limit as you are right now will slowly wear off, just don't expect it to come over the next months, she may as well try again to get close using the fact she will become a grand mother
She already screwed her son's couple after he became a dad so yeah I don't expect her to be less controlling after we get pregnant.
Of course, I'm speaking without knowing much of the details, so what I say can be off, if you want to discuss more about this, give me your discord ID in private (I hate steam chat) so we can chat more about the matter.
I appreciate the advice (and I'm sorry you seem to have some personal experience with this). I'll send you my discord ID.
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Dear dingbat,
I find myself in a vicious cycle of procrastinating on doing my chores so that they pile up and haunt me. I want to play games, but I seem to have no time to actually do so. And I hurt my thumb last week, and every time I think it's healed enough for me to play guitar again I wake up the next day to find it in much more pain than the day before. How can I stop procrastinating to get all my necessary chores done, while also finding time to play games, and heal my thumb so I can play guitar again?
Thank you,
Timobkg
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And I like your suggestion. I could masturbate while drinking a chocolate stout and thus get all three benefits at the same time!
I was going to say "that would make quite the viral Youtube video" but I don't want you to think I'm coming on to you or anything.
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What about all the erotically charged emoji you're sending my way? Is that because you're coming on to me? Don't try to pretend you're just a huge fan of eggplant.
And I would think that would violate Youtube's terms of service in some way. And if not, it damn well should!
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I have no idea what you mean by that.
🍆 Eggplants and bananas are some of Nature's best creations, that's all.🍌
And so are hot-dogs 🌭, weirdly looking chili peppers 🌶 and that random fruit emoji that kinda looks like an ass for some reason 🍑
And I would think that would violate Youtube's terms of service in some way. And if not, it damn well should!
Yeah I know a guy who got his account deleted for attempting a multi-tasking video. Shame.
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I used to play grand strategy turn-based games (like Dominions) with a friend, so I could do a shit I need while waiting on his turn...
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Turn it into a game? Set a timer and see how much you can get done in 5 minutes. 1, you'll rush so you'll get a surprising amount done and 2, it's only 5 minutes so it won't feel like a huge thing.
Do these 5 minute bursts here and there til everything is done, then you will probably only need 1 or 2 bursts a day to maintain it.
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Depends. Are your friends losers that drag you down to their level? Then yes, absolutely. Don't stay alone. Find better friends. Better friends are friends that make you better. Who your friends are will largely determine where your life goes.
If your friends are great, then keep them. But since you're asking, I'm guessing not.
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As someone who did exactly that, I'd recommend thinking about it a couple of times.
I moved to a new city, dropped my Facebook and changed my phone number without telling anyone but my family.
Thought it would drive my negative thoughts away to get a new life, but after 2 years I'm just alone with my negative thoughts...
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all the girls are two faced and hypocite? i am confused i mean is there a way we can know that which ones really loves.
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dude i am not broken everytime a girls tells me that she loves me i think its a lie and i just ignore her.i got trust issues once a beautiful girl tricked me and after that i dont want to trust anyone that does not mean that i am broken.
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You are missing the point. It is human nature to assume that other people are like ourselves. If we have a shortcoming, we rationalize it by convincing ourselves that everyone else has the same flaw. A liar expects others to lie. A self-centered person expects others to be self-centered. And a person who cannot be trusted will never truly trust others.
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What is the point of asking an advice if you only believe that the problem come from everybody else but you ?
You cannot fix other people or make them be as you want them to be, you can only better yourself. Instead of asking an advice then going off to others like you're a perfect person, sit down and think of what can be the problem within yourself and where you can find the solution.
If your problem is self esteem and lack of trust, then do you think you'll find the answer in a forum dedicated to game giveaways ? Look where the answers are, there is a whole internet and google can help you to look in the right direction if you're willing to do the firsts steps.
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you think i am rude xdd than what about this life :) life is rude too buddy grow up and i dont care how many people blacklist me because i am not here for free games i am here for fun i earn decent amount of money i can buy whatever i want.
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sorry to say but i have a standard i am not like u bro prostitutes really :) and i gave up girls long time a ago but somehow they kept coming back to me and saying that all girls are not same.
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Actually, I am not. Going only by what you have written in this thread, it would seem that you have proven my point. It also seems, however, that you are not yet ready to take an honest look at yourself, and therefore far from being ready to make the adjustments necessary to escape your predicament.
It is very common for people to remain "stuck," desiring things to be different while unwilling or unable to do what it takes to make them different. No matter how painful or self-destructive a habitual behavior may be to us, we often choose to continue with our suffering because we know it. Change and its unknown future is just too scary for us to risk it. Do not think I am simply reciting from a book, here. I am a living example (and survivor) of the phenomenon.
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maybe you are right i am stuck in the past and i cant let it go i am just running.
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When you are ready, you will "unstick" yourself and move on to something better. Until then, remember that our emotions are not rational. We may "know better," intellectually, but sometimes it takes a while to convince our emotions. We must therefore deal with them the best we can. Fortunately, just as emotions affect our actions, they are also affected by our actions. "Fake it 'til you make it" is therefore a useful technique.
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well said bro :) thanks for the advice its really useful
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I created a Tinder account almost 4 years ago, but deleted it about a month ago, since I never matched with anyone. I tried a few other dating apps, but deleted them much sooner for the same reason.
And when I go out, there is either no single woman present or I simply don't find the courage to talk to any stranger, especially women.
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fair enough. if you can go out with friends it should be easier to meet also girls and maybe someone from your group will make the first move? again if this is not an option, then try to find local hobbies or possibilities to meet new people. If you really want to find a relationship you might have to change and go out of your confort zone
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practice. Go somewhere public and just approach someone, anyone, and try to start a conversation.
but not in a creepy way. If need be, small talk while waiting in line at a store is socially acceptable and a good starting point
Be ready for rejection. But keep trying. The more you try, the easier it becomes.
Once you get the hang of it, start talking to women you find somewhat interesting, and finish by asking for their number. every single time. Even if you don't have the guts to actually call them.
Basically, you need to force yourself to try, knowing you're gonna fail, until it becomes natural, at which point you'll succeed.
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Not having courage to talk to a woman, ie not talking to women, is a major obstacle if you want any kind of relationship with women.
I don't think you can project an interést in you to somebody without having a simple normal conversation.
My advice is to appoint to some hobby where the presence of women is sure, such as a gym, or yoga or pilates.
Develop a normal conversation habit without having a long term relationship target.
Ask them questions, request their opinion on your or their matters, ask for help in simple things (can you please hang my backpack while I pay?), I think it is the simplest way to make anybody have a 1st interést in you.
When you have that habit, it will be easier to cope with the emotions when a woman you really care of appears.
I don't believe in social networks and mobile apps for that, I prefer the old method, but who knows, maybe it is really how many people look for a 1st contact. Anyway I'd propose a thematic social network, such as a music blog or blabla car.
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When I was younger I used to use dating sites because I was shy. After a few months I figured out it's actually easier to do it in real life. In internet I had to be really clever and creative because girls received dozens of messages daily. In real life a simple "hi" was very often impressing, because it rarely happens (at least where I come from).
Also dingbat is right – all it takes is practice and patience. It was hard for me at the beginning to start a conversation with anybody. But it's like going to gym – when your muscles hurt, they grow. Mental exercises are no different.
Also what andeadandrea said was very good piece of advice. For me a life changer were improv classes. Students are encouraged to be more open towards each other, even hug and have physical contact (in non-sexual way of course) which builds self confidence. We were also encouraged to share more intimate stories with each other which was also freeing and helped with self esteem. It turns out we all have the same problems, you'd be surprised – even people you'd never suspect of not beliving in themselves (handsome guys and beautiful girls) suffer form this problem.
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I support andreadandrea's suggestions. Get out in the world and meet people in situations where talking to strangers is expected and not in danger of seeming weird. Another idea: donate some of your time to a charitable institution or group where interaction with others is normal and expected, which has the added benefit of enabling you to feel good about yourself (which helps with confidence) and places you within a pool of people who are more likely to be giving and nonjudgmental.
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Step 1: Stop spending time on Giveaway sites like steamgifts.
Step 2: Start spending time in the real world.
Observation 1: You realize the world is filled with either morons (unlike you) or backstabbing liars (again unlike you).
Observation 2: Even women/girls are no different.
Result 1: You come back home and start browsing the internet for keywords like happiness, peace, boredom, loneliness.
Result 2: You end up visiting sites like steamgifts. Hey look the cat says, "you won a giveaway."
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... do you know why almost everything i used is dying at the same time?
-Smartphone has a malfunction that i can only use it as long the display is on ... otherwise it reboots to unlock
-Graphics Card ... im uncertain what this is ... i think it could be two things ... memory or thermals ... had to open the card to change the thermalpaste
-Headset ... it literally splitted itself in a gaming session ... then after that i used it as a mic and broke the strap to get it more compact ... it got replaced with a new mic and a headphone from a friend ... well it will need some work because my right side doesn't work properly ... but hey atleast it cost nothing
-HDD ... after 18k h my hdd desided to shoot itself and missed ... well i think it destroyed important sectors so it hard freezes everytime you try to open something ... luckily i could back up my files in time
-USB Cable ... well atleast that one is my fault ... had my controller on a second chair and when my cat jumps on it it spun and knocked my controller into my old tv
-Mouse ... well i got that one for free ... but it has some issues ... doubleclicking ... its laser doesnt like mousepads ... it works better on my rough deskplate
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You should contact with Xavier Institute. You have to learn some control over your mutant powers!
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Or you should become hardware tester
Let them figure that shit out why everything breaks
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Possible solution: If fruit is in your fridge, eat it. If it's on your fridge don't eat it. It's a magnet. Hope this helps (grin). Have a great week.
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I dont know why but my brain "corrected" lancer to cancer but thanks for this advice ... might just need the anti static band from the verge ... also have a great week
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To be honest I have seen that stress affects your other life choices without you noticing. Eating habits for example. So maybe you havent noticed but being stressed out has changed some other things as well ;)
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How can you face your problems if your face is your problem ?
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Sounds like a fun idea. :)
Ok let's try this... How do I deal with:
Chronic Depression;
Low Self-Esteem;
Paranoia and distrust towards others;
Complete lack of hope for humanity as a species;
Crippling fear of the few people I think might be close to me (mostly family) dying or being injured.
Also a feeling of pointlessness and a complete lack of motivation to start new things (of particular concern to my parents being- a job) as a result of the above.
Well, that got dark. O_o
Ummm... Here's a kitten hugging a plush toy!
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I would assume the other things I mentioned combined are probably the main cause. At least that's the best explanation I can give... none of the "professionals" I went to gave me any concrete answers. (One of the psychiatrists told me I have "depression", supposedly referring to chronic depression, after I insisted he give me a real answer instead of just prescribing me more random medicine but then the next one immediately said that, according to him, I don't have depression... so yeah. :/ )
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Finding a good therapist is like trying to find the perfect pair of shoes. You cannot expect to find it within 5mn, maybe you'll need to go in several shops, maybe you'll have to look farther than you expected in the first place, maybe you'll have to lower your expectations and maybe you'll have to give a try to a few pair before finding the right one. What is certain is that you cannot know when in the shop if the shoes only look good from the outside or if they are made for you, you need to try them and you need to walk with them a certain time to be sure that you made the right choice.
I would advice you to write down when you have dark thoughts like those you described above, you may find a common denominator over time that would then help you both to do some personal research and to explain better what causes those beliefs. Once you think you're ready to try shopping for a new therapist, try to see what is their specialty.
My pair of shoes practices EMDR which is what I need for my own problems and sits well with me as I could research about it and know more about the technique which wasn't only about speaking. This may not be your pair of shoes but if you don't believe in just "speaking", that may be a shop to try.
PS : Good luck ♥
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I dunno... after 6 psychologists and 3 psychiatrists (ok, I actually never met the third one but the fact that she managed to lose all my trust before we even met speaks for itself) I've seriously lost any hope that they might be able to do anything about it. I don't even know what I expect them to do anymore... I mean, what can they do?! When the last psychologist I went to (it was about 1-2 months ago) asked me questions like (rough translation) "What do you think the problem is?", "How do you think I can help you?" and "What do you expect to gain from this meeting?" my answer was just "I don't know.". Because I don't. :/ (I don't even know what the heck possessed me to post about it here. I'm just unnecessarily bothering people like this... Probably wasn't thinking straight at the time.)
I guess I can try writing stuff down... No promises though, I've never been much of a diary person.
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That's a promise you have to do to yourself. The goal is eventually putting your finger on what is wrong so you can solve it. That's not something a therapist can do. Weirdly enough their job is more about helping you to find the problem to then give you tools to find the solution. 6 psychologists and 2 psychiatrists aren't this much, it's not like asking pills to a doctor, it's a relationship that is professional but at the same time you tell them things you would never say to anybody else, sometimes even to your partner. You wouldn't mind having multiple relationship before finding someone you click to live with, same with friends and so is with therapist.
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"Crippling fear of the few people I think might be close to me (mostly family) dying or being injured" - I had it when I was a kid for a long period of time, but nothing happens in that time so it just disappeared...
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Okay, I came up with a two things that might help - do religion or math (but not both)...
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I've been into programming (so math and logic) for so long that I'm not even sure how long it has been. At least 14 years.
It is fun... until I actually tried it as a job and it turned out that the stuff I was interested in (programming competition problems) had fuck all practical application and "real" programming was digging into manuals and the Internet in order to try and figure out how the dozens of frameworks, formats and other "tools" the company has decided to use are supposed to work. Heh, funny part is that I figured out how some of those stuff work by just looking at their existing code but they still insisted I read the entire boring hard-to-follow manual instead of just explaining stuff to me if I got stuck. I'm really bad at learning things by reading. If that's expected of me then I'll never be as good as someone who can do it and I'll always just be a liability to others!
I mean, deep down I know that company was just not for me... But it still left me kinda shaken over the whole thing.
Ugh, went into a rant again. Sorry, ignore that.
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I mean pure math (I don't mean job, I mean it as self improvement), so you'll get to think using logical constructs that mean you can logically get answers why anything happens why do you react as you do and how you can change it. You can event try to build a schemes or something like this how to do thinking or how to react on stuffs.
Alternatively, you can do religion, but I suggest it only if you can't or don't want to understand those stuffs after you get in math.
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Ask away, whatever concerns you have, and I'll do my best to give advice on whatever topic you may ask
Four rules:
1 - can't guarantee my advice will be any good
2 - can't even guarantee it'll be serious, but if it's a serious question, it'll probably get a serious response
3 - can't even guarantee I'll give an actual answer, might just post an image
4 - can't even guarantee I'll be the one to answer - someone else might beat me to it but please be respectful at all times
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